By IAN SHOALES
Not to get too self-conscious or post-modern, but I believe my virtual appearance here in SALON marks the first time I've been published without once touching paper.
I have mixed feelings about this.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no Luddite. (Though I might sign up if I knew a little more about Luddism; do Luddites have a Web site?) And I'm no stranger to the world of cyberzines.
I was once published in MONDO 2000, which always had the best letters to the editor in the world. My favorite was from some entity describing itself as a "hive sentient," or, more precisely, "a strategic sentient process within a micro-cell, serving something beyond what you amusingly term a 'gigacorp'." The New Republic doesn't get letters like this. MONDO 2000 is still the only publication, to my knowledge, to take a good hard look at the effects of LSD on e-mail.
My editor there was Empress Mu of Lemuria (something like that); while I don't think she understood that my essay was intended to be humorous, I was thrilled to see my piece appear in its pages anyway, even if it was buried under hallucinogenic art direction (in the modern manner), and I never got paid.
I also met with the editor of WIRED, sort of. My contact at the magazine and I wandered around the teeming cubes of the WIRED hive for an hour or so, trying to find him, and finally gave up. He may have been fictitious for all I know, existing only in cyberspace as a strategic sentient process. I did get some free back issues of MAC WORLD and the 'zine BOING BOING out of the deal, so I can't complain.
Well okay, I can. It seems to me that cyberworld is just like Hollywood, only there's no money in it unless you're in software development. As a matter of fact, even to suggest that you might want to earn a living in cyberspace is considered rude. Just keep upgrading, pal, and shut up. The Brave New World's a comin'. Everything will be free, and it'll be great.
I enjoy being put on hold by Tech Support for two hours as much as the next guy, but don't even the 'nyms of cyberworld make you a little suspicious? The Net? Sounds like a trap to me.
Next page: Feral peeves go wild
