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David Corn

Monday, Jul 7, 1997 7:00 PM UTC1997-07-07T19:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

There's gold in them thar aliens!

Jack Boulware reports from the 50th anniversary of the UFO crash landing, or whatever it was, in Roswell, N.M.

WASHINGTON – Republican Sen. Fred Thompson’s hearings into the campaign money messes of President Clinton et al. were supposed to be a really big show. Fireworks, subpoenas, star witnesses, even “high level indictments” were promised, if not by Thompson himself, then by excited Republican colleagues, like Arizona Sen. John McCain.

The Senate hearings, which began Tuesday, are now beginning to look like a political box-office loser, with some smoke, no fire and a vague plot. And, most important of all, no stars. “These guys working for Thompson are not longtime Hill staffers,” says a White House official. “They are a bunch of lawyers and do not know how to put on a hearing.”

Two things guarantee successful hearings, say congressional experts. You must have a coherent story, and you must have key players in the tale telling it. But unless a last minute deal can be worked out, there seems little chance the most important figures — such as discredited Democratic fund-raisers Charles Trie and John Huang — will appear before the committee.

BY JACK BOULWARE

ROSWELL, N.M. – New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson stands outside the Roswell Convention Center on Sunday, wearing a blue work shirt, jeans and an alien-head pendant around his neck. News cameras weasel in for the sound bites, to be blasted across the nation:

“I visited the museum, and it was unbelievable,” says the governor enthusiastically. “An amazing story. It was all there, except for a few facts.” He then puts his arms around two little girls clad in alien costumes, complete with almond-shaped eyes and spindly fingers, and strolls into the building, chased by chubby cameramen.

This is one of the saner incidents that I witnessed during the week-long Roswell UFO Encounter ’97.

Over the Fourth of July weekend, Roswell has doubled in size to 100,000. In front of the Convention Center, next to the Tilt-A-Whirl and other carnival rides, floats a 20-foot inflatable alien, tethered to a truck parked on the lawn. Competing radio stations blast Pink Floyd and that silly hippie song “White Bird.” A big tent provides shade for reporters to deliver live updates for MSNBC, and in the middle it all, painted green and sporting fuzzy emerald antennae, a lowly burro offers children’s rides. What began three days ago as a sober congregation of legitimate UFO aficionados has turned into a county fair, minus the 4-H goat judging.

The seminars and speakers continue, some of them attracting sell-out audiences, but most of Roswell couldn’t care less about inductively coupled plasma testing of space minerals or abductee confessionals. They’re here for the junk. There is no burning need for anyone to own a genuine, homemade “Indian Alien Napkin Holder.” God did not create rocks so that one day someone in New Mexico could spray paint them gold and dab in a pair of alien eyes. Society does not cry out for Alien Artificial Insemination Kits (a package of Palmolive dishwashing soap, a sponge and an eyedropper). These products do have one thing going for them, however: Unlike Roswell’s excessively discussed extraterrestrial visitors, they actually exist.

The main expo room of the Convention Center has been choked all week with white-trash stomachs and butts competing for space in the aisles with noisy baby strollers and the occasional human time bomb, the greasy-haired individual wearing a “Take Me to Your Dealer” T-shirt and pointing a camcorder at everything. Merchants dazzle the shuffling sheep with cutesy signs and displays, determined to unload the booty and line their own pockets with fool’s gold. No other nation can trivialize an issue faster or better than America. For a moment, looking over this sea of alien-head commerce, one almost gets misty-eyed with pride.

The makers of some lopsided pottery exhort consumers to sign their guest book in order to “be spared from grueling torture and slavery when we conquer this pathetic planet.” A package of “alien” earrings bears the soothing message “The Alien family is a motley collection of interplanetary characters whose primary goal is to bring humor and good will to a serious society of earthlings.” A booth pitching “The Book of Urantia,” purportedly written by 23 aliens, features a slinky young girl in a black form-fitting catsuit with sunglasses, coyly asking passersby: “Are you fully developed?” Two little boys in enormous cowboy hats sit behind a table of antique pocketknives, most notably “The Roswell Incident Knife,” a gleaming pig-sticker emblazoned with an alien face. The boys say the knife is the brainchild of a friend of their grandpa’s: “He designed the alien head, and they made it in Germany.” Pamela Stonebrooke, aka the Intergalactic Diva, has been abducted and impregnated by extraterrestrials four times, and her cassette tape includes songs about her alien-sex experiences.

It’s really a great country we live in, when you think about it.

Not all locals are alien-friendly. Throughout the week, a steady grumbling can be heard from the bowels of the city as citizens watch their innocent hamlet become a Fellini film. “I’m sick of it,” says a high school girl pouring coffee at the Alien Caffeine booth. An on-site masseuse named Katy scowls: “This is so commercial it makes me sick to my stomach.” Another local, attending a banquet for the legendary UFO writer Whitley Streiber, adds: “The only little green men in Roswell are the faces of the dead presidents on fives, tens and twenties.”

In search of a little informed perspective, I track down James Moseley, who publishes a witty insider magazine devoted to the latest in flying saucer discoveries, laced with skeptical, irreverent coverage of the names and faces jostling for space in the field. All the major players read it. The most recent incarnation of his magazine is called Saucer Smear. Its slogan — “Shockingly Close to the Truth” — is also the title of his upcoming autobiography. (Its occasional subtitle, “A boil on the ass of ufology,” was contributed by an enraged reader.) Over a couple of stiff Seagram’s in the Pecos Pub lounge of the Roswell Inn Hotel, Moseley talks about the weirdness of Roswell and the UFO field in general. “The Roswell thing is one of the most fascinating phenomena within the UFO field that I can possibly imagine,” he says. “I am delighted to be here because I’ve never before gone to a festival honoring the 50th anniversary of nothing.”

According to Moseley, the country was primed for Roswell because it had already been driven into a state of minor hysteria by the so-called Arnold Sighting in 1947, which made national headlines. “Had it not been for all the background of all the newspaper stories following the Arnold report, they would have realized this is basically garbage the guy found on his farm.” He stops himself, realizing how damning the statement is. “I mean, that is sacrilege. That is heavy sacrilege. In the ’50s, when I was first interested in saucers, and I incidentally had a chance to talk to some very important people, I never asked them about Roswell or MJ-12 [government documents about UFOs], because these had not been invented yet. It was not part of our culture. In all those early years, Roswell was never mentioned. It was never mentioned in the early UFO books. It just wasn’t a big deal until it was made a big deal by professional writers who had obvious motives.”

What does he think of the claims of a massive government cover-up? “The government is so incompetent, in general and specifically, that it is insane to believe that they are capable of holding a conspiracy together for 50 years, or even five years or five months, because somebody’s gonna spill it,” he says. “They are not just one monolithic force against us, the people. They are a bunch of nuts just like we are, and they make mistakes. People talk about former military people who supposedly won’t tell the truth about Roswell because they’re afraid of losing their pensions. Now think about it. If you had an artifact from another planet, or proof that there were a landing here or anywhere else, do you think you would worry about losing your pension? You’d get a million dollars from the National Enquirer right off the top, and you’d go on making money for the rest of your life. I love paranoia, I get that way myself sometimes, but you can really overdo it.”

How has the UFO field changed over the years? “The basic format, the kind of people, the kind of minds that are attracted to it, are not different at all. The aliens are getting weirder. But the fun thing is, they don’t kill people, and when people are abducted, they always come back.”
July 7, 1997

Jack Boulware is a columnist for S.F. Weekly. His book, “Sex American Style: An Illustrated Romp Through the Golden Age of Hetero,” will be published by Feral House this fall.

The Roswell Diaries: Day 1
The Roswell Diaries: Day 2

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Thursday, Apr 1, 2004 1:06 AM UTC2004-04-01T01:06:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Condi’s conundrum

When Condoleezza Rice appears before the 9/11 commission, here's what she should be asked.

Condi's conundrum

After battling the 9/11 commission, the Bush White House has capitulated. For months, it claimed that National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice could not testify publicly and under oath before the commission because that would discourage future presidential advisors from providing no-holds-barred advice to the commander in chief. But in the wake of former counterterrorism chief Richard Clarke’s dramatic appearance before the commission, the Bush administration has suddenly dropped its opposition and announced Rice will testify. The White House had a tough time defending its stand after Rice appeared on various television shows discussing internal administration deliberations as part of the get-Clarke crusade. President Bush, who initially opposed the creation of the commission, also conceded that he would testify privately before the entire panel. The White House had previously insisted he would grant an audience only to the chairman and vice chairman of the 10-member commission.

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Thursday, Jul 24, 2003 10:38 PM UTC2003-07-24T22:38:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Bush’s biggest whopper

The president's 16-word stretcher about African uranium was nothing compared to his lie about the links between Osama and Saddam.

Bush's biggest whopper

The White House is correct. The fuss over a 16-word sentence in the president’s State of the Union speech has been overblown. Bush did maintain that Saddam Hussein was shopping for uranium in Africa — a charge partly or entirely based on wrong or unproven intelligence — to bolster the case for war. But this was a small slice of Bush’s argument. Troops did not invade Iraq shouting, “Remember the yellowcake.” It’s a safe bet that when Bush read that one line, he believed it to be true and assumed it was based on reasonable evidence. That’s what staff is for. This doesn’t mean he ought to escape criticism. Bush condoned, established or ignored an atmosphere in which administration officials felt quite comfortable placing their thumb on the scale when presenting evidence against Iraq. The latest revelation is that deputy national security advisor Stephen Hadley ignored a CIA warning about the uranium-in-Africa charge sent to him and national security advisor Condoleeza Rice. But fixating on Nigergate is sweating the small stuff. There are other instances when Bush told bigger and more substantial untruths for which he has much less of an excuse.

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Monday, Apr 10, 2000 9:01 AM UTC2000-04-10T09:01:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

All Hillary, all day

A conservative Washington think tank spends a day focused on Hillary Rodham Clinton.

What is it about Hillary Rodham Clinton that inspires such loathing? There is a flood of get-Hillary books. The latest, a screed by former Reagan/Bush speechwriter Peggy Noonan, hit the bestseller list. New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, her opponent in the Senate race and a moderate-to-liberal Republican, has raised millions of dollars in contributions by teaming up with right-wing direct-mail king Richard Viguerie to send out hysterically pitched we-must-stop-Hillary letters to conservatives. To many, she is all that is wrong with American politics, all that is wrong with … well, with whatever that is wrong with America. Why do the Hillary-haters detest her so much? In search of an answer to the age-old question, I dropped by the American Enterprise Institute on Friday for a one-day conference titled “The Legacy and Future of Hillary Rodham Clinton.”

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Monday, Mar 20, 2000 9:54 AM UTC2000-03-20T09:54:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Colin Powell the untouchable

He always tops the GOP vice-president list and is "defined by the word 'trust.'" So when will he face questions about his honesty?

With the Republican primary campaign essentially completed, the politerati have started obsessing about the next best thing: running mates. George W. Bush’s selection will be important in defining his own candidacy. Of all the GOP names tossed about these days, none stirs such enthusiasm among Republicans as that of Colin Powell, the former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Columnist George Will hailed Powell as Bush’s best choice. Bush has said Powell would be a wonderful ticket-mate. Powell, though, maintains he has no interest in the post.

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Friday, Mar 10, 2000 5:00 PM UTC2000-03-10T17:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Bush's Faustian bargain

Why was George W. allied with a man who called his father, the former president, a tool of Satan?

George W. Bush is still standing, but not as tall as before. His victory over John McCain was ugly. But from the moment it became apparent he would be the winner, he began reviving his “I’m a uniter not a divider” routine. The day before the seminational primary, Bush spoke at the Simon Wiesenthal Center in Los Angeles and called for teaching tolerance. He even recently said, finally, that he is willing to meet with gay Republicans.

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