Frequent flier guru Randy Peterson shares his secrets and strategies
Randy Peterson says he’s not a junkie. Even though he has accumulated more than 8 million frequent flier miles, has become a member of 70 mileage programs worldwide and has gone to great lengths to get miles — including taking up new addresses in other countries that would normally exclude him because of his North American residency. The rest of the world would call this addiction, but not Randy. He just says he’s the frequent flier industry’s biggest fan.
The editor and founder of InsideFlyer, a monthly magazine that gives the official word on frequent flier programs around the world, Peterson knows almost every trick in the book on how to earn miles and points. He should. He’s been following the industry since the early ’80s, when frequent flier programs were almost footnotes in airline brochures — a far cry from today’s market, which has grown to include one out of every 10 people in the United States. In the past year alone, according to Peterson, the airlines gave away more than 10 million free tickets.
Salon spoke with Peterson by telephone from his office in Colorado Springs, Colo., about the best ways to earn frequent flier miles, what to do when miles are about to expire and the inside secrets the airlines don’t want their passengers to find out.
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What do you recommend for getting the most out of frequent flier programs?
One of the major mistakes people make is to assume that all frequent flier programs are the same. Oftentimes people find out too late that the program they chose at random isn’t right for them. For instance, I know some people who wanted to go to Hawaii for free, so they signed up with USAir’s program — only to later find out that USAir doesn’t have a free Hawaii award. If they had picked the program based on what they wanted to get out of it, they would never have joined USAirways. But they didn’t learn this until they were 17,000 or 18,000 miles into the program — a little late to start all over again because they were close to their first award.
The first thing people have to do is decide what they want out of their frequent flier program. It can bring you free travel, but is that what you want, to fly somewhere for free? And if so, where do you want to go for free? If you want to go to Africa, then choose a Delta program because not every airline flies to Africa. If you want to choose an award just for the domestic United States, TWA and AmericaWest start their domestic awards at 20,000 miles, whereas American, Delta and United start at 25,000 miles. That’s a pretty big difference, which could take you three, four or five months to earn.
I think the half hour or hour you spend before joining programs will return hundreds of thousands of miles and hours of free benefits.
What are the biggest misconceptions about frequent flier miles?
That they’re God-given. The major problem with frequent flier programs is that there are a lot of new people joining who aren’t heavy-duty fliers. They’ve flown once or twice, filled out an application because the stewardess has given it to them, gotten an award and then they think that their miles are like money. Well, they’re not. Just because you’ve got enough miles for a free award doesn’t mean that you can always go wherever you want to go, when you want to.
How long do you recommend booking in advance?
There are two bits of advice: Book early or book late. Domestically, it’s three months in advance and internationally, it’s six months. This “book early” philosophy is still sound but the newest advice to pop up is to book late. It always befuddled me how airlines could fly a plane at 33,000 feet without wires hanging from the sky, but yet didn’t know how many people they had on the plane. Today things have changed somewhat: Airlines have invested a lot of money in new technology, and within the last week before a flight, they know how that flight is selling and they’ll actually make more free seats available. It’s common to call three months in advance to go to Europe, be told there are no free seats available and then try four or five days before that date and find out there are seats available. People do change their minds a lot and if you really want to get an award, you have to be pretty persistent and call every couple of days. Through technological advances, they can now e-mail that information to you, whereas before it was difficult to send you a letter or even phone you — they didn’t have the manpower.
Is earning frequent flier miles without even traveling a big trend?
Could you conceivably earn lots of miles without ever taking a trip?
One of the fastest growing segment of today’s frequent flier programs is
not frequent fliers but infrequent fliers, who travel, at the most, one time a year. Those are people who are
learning that by getting a credit card or switching to MCI or dining at
their favorite restaurant, they can earn miles. The message is that you
can earn free travel without ever really leaving your desktop or changing
your personal lifestyle. Statistically, 42 percent of all miles earned in frequent
flier programs come from these non-travel miles — dining at restaurants,
credit cards, telephones, car rentals, hotel stays. Seven years ago, it was
only 3 or 4 percent.
If you can’t take a trip, what are some other things you can do with your miles?
With frequent flier miles you can get free car rentals, hotel
stays, exercise equipment and stereos. Two of the other growing trends of
the industry are auctions and lifestyle awards where you can bid your miles
or cash in your miles to go to the Super Bowl or go to the MTV Music Awards.
Airlines seem to be setting tighter and tighter windows — if you don’t
use them, you’ll lose them. Is this a trend we’ll see continuing through
1998?
The big trend toward expiring miles happened back in 1988 and since
then, there have been no additional airlines really jumping at that. There
are three major programs that have expiring miles: American, United and
Northwest airlines. Those three airlines expire their miles three years
after the year in which you started earning them. I often suggest, if you
are not really a frequent flier, and you don’t spend $10,000 a month on a
credit card and you don’t talk $500 worth of long distance calls a month,
you may want to consider programs like USAir, TWA, Continental or Delta.
With these programs, it can take you as long as you want to earn that free
award because you don’t have to worry about what I call the “treadmill of
expiring miles,” and that is, as soon as you get close to that award, the
miles you earned three years ago start to expire and now you’re caught in
the middle.
Is there anything you can do if you’re in a situation where you’re so
close to getting an award and your miles are about to expire?
The first thing you can do is learn about the program you belong to.
For example, in Continental’s program they allow you to purchase up to 20
percent of the miles necessary for an award. So if an award you want is
25,000 and you have almost 20,000 but it just seems like you’re never going
to get to 25,000, you can buy the other 5,000 miles if you want to. Also, I
think you want to remember that there are a lot of great offers out there;
check your e-mail or your mailbox, you’re going to be inundated with
offers. For instance, if I were to call MCI today and transfer any of my
personal phone bills to MCI, they would give me 5,000 frequent flier miles
with almost any airline I chose. That’s a big chunk of miles. Also, with
certain credit cards, you can get a 2,500 mile bonus.
One of the problems of the industry is that people don’t read all the
mail that the airlines send them. There are some great offers in there
where you can bite off big chunks of miles — 2,500 miles here, 5,000 miles
there just for making a decision. And remember that these programs were
designed to change your behavior. That is, if you are an AT&T guy, they
want to make you go to MCI; if you’re an American guy, they want to make
you think about flying Continental; if you’re a Holiday Inn guy, make you
think about staying at Best Western.
If you can’t use your miles, is it possible to give them to a friend?
That’s actually easy. In the early days of frequent flier programs,
transferring awards to anybody was strictly taboo, but for the last six or seven
years now all major programs allow you to give your miles to anyone you choose
– to charity, to relatives, to business associates, anybody you want. You
can do anything you want with your miles except for pooling them, i.e.,
combining one person’s 8,000 miles with another person’s 18,000 miles to
get a free award. You can’t pool miles except in a couple of programs:
British Airways has a family program where spouses and kids can combine
their miles for redemption. In most major programs, you cannot add miles
from one person’s account to another’s.
Basically, three things are illegal: You can’t sell your award, buy
somebody else’s award and you can’t barter (for example, exchanging a free
award for dental repair). The airlines have their own mileage police and
every day hundreds of people get busted at airports on what are called
“brokered miles.”
Have all these passengers flying for free created any hostility with
the passengers who actually pay for their seats?
There’s a growing uneasiness about the number of free seats available, and the haves and the have nots among the miles. It’s kind of an unofficial caste system. A typical scenario is two guys sitting next to each other: One guy has paid $278 for a coach ticket and gotten an upgrade, and there’s some other
individual in first class who paid $2,000 to be up front. And it’s like,
“What are you doing here, this is first class, you’re really not a
first-class passenger.” And that’s really the pinnacle of the uneasiness
between the two crowds — it’s the uneasiness of how certain people get to
certain places in a plane.
The hostility may also arise when someone calls up to get a free award.
The airlines will say there’re no free tickets available and then they’ll go on
to say, “however, we’ve got a lot of seats available that you can buy for
$800 or $900.” And the little frequent flier guy is looking at that
situation and thinking: You tell me there’s no seats, but you’re
willing to sell me one, how can that be?
Tell me something about frequent flier programs that the airlines don’t
want us to know.
The chairman of American Airlines was quoted years ago as saying the
success of frequent flier miles is that people can only aspire to
travel for free. What he said is true — in reality they can’t all travel
for free. That’s why I often advise people to become more educated: If you
do know blackout dates and know that airlines’ inventories change, you can get
what you want out of these programs.
So in a way it’s still too good to be true?
Yes. However, I still rank it as one of the ultimate ways to get
something for nothing because when I use an affinity credit card to buy
something at a gas station or a supermarket, I’m not paying more because of the type of credit card I’m using, yet I’m earning miles. When I
buy an airlines ticket and earn frequent flier miles, the airlines don’t say
to me, “Gee, if you want to earn miles it’s $414 dollars; if you don’t want
miles, it’s $350.”
What’s the most outrageous thing you’ve heard about someone trying to
accumulate frequent flier miles?
A man once rented a car seven times in the same day in order to earn the
car rental bonus. The car rental company had a weekend special for
$19. So he rented a car, drove it around the circumference of the airport,
returned it, rented another one, returned it, seven times in one day just
to get the various mileage bonuses. At the time, the car rental company
was giving a 2,000-mile bonus for each car rental and the guy figured it
out: It was a lot more than if he ever flew those distances.
The things I carry
All those gadgets, chargers, adapters and cords are supposed to make my life easier. I'm not so sure
(Credit: Patrick Smith)
The scourges of modern-day air travel.
I can think of a few: TSA, delayed flights, garbage in your seat pocket. Screaming kids and misdirected luggage. “CNN Airport News.”
Or, how about the blizzard of cardboard placards that hotel chains insist on littering their rooms with? I spend a quarter of my life in hotel rooms, and I resent having to spend the first five minutes of every stay gathering up an armful of this diabolical detritus and heaving it into a corner where it belongs. Attention, innkeepers: This is fundamentally bad business. One’s first moments in a hotel room should be relaxing. The room itself should impart a sense of welcome. It shouldn’t put you to work.
And here’s another one: the ever-expanding collection of electronic cords, adapters, chargers and gadgets I’m obliged to haul around with me. You know what I’m talking about. Anybody who travels regularly knows what I’m talking about. All of this, supposedly, to keep us “connected.” To make our lives easier and more productive.
Does it?
Don’t get me wrong. Riding the subway out to Logan, I love being able to pop in my earbuds and catch a few cuts from the Wedding Present, the Jazz Butcher or the Velvet Underground. And my MacBook Air is as essential for travel as a change of socks. But there is, or was, something to be said for that unplugged, disconnected age of not so long ago. If nothing else, our carry-ons were lighter, with more room for clothes.
The photo above shows the assortment of electronic gadget and gizmos I take with me pretty much every time I hit the road, be it for work or pleasure. As recently as a decade ago I owned none of this. I didn’t even have a cellphone until 2006.
Clockwise-ish, from upper left:
– That black case contains the camera that I used to take this picture. I currently use a Panasonic DMC-LX3. It’s a decent point-and-shoot with a Leica lens and super-long battery life. (The more recent pictures in my Flickr archives were taken with this camera.) I bring it with me on most, though not all, of my layovers and holidays.
– Earbuds. I recently upgraded to a pair of Klipsch and retired this Apple set.
– 32GB flash drive. For my backup files, and for transferring to and from my “master” computer at home.
– USB connector for camera (optional).
– Ethernet cord. Useful in those (too many) hotels where Wi-Fi is weak and a wired connection runs more robustly. Hotel-supplied Ethernet cords are often broken.
– Power adapter for laptop.
– AC adapter set. Essential when traveling overseas. One problem is, if I’m assigned to reserve status I often don’t know if I’ll be heading overseas until the last minute, so I’ve always got this with me.
– iPhone 4. Product unplug: Am I the only person who despises — and I mean really despises — the iPhone’s messaging keypad? Because the special function keys — caps, space bar, backspace and return — are so close to the normal character keys, I’m constantly capitalizing, spacing and backspacing when I don’t mean to. This happens in either the vertical or horizontal layout, and it’s especially annoying for those of us with fat fingers. It takes me five attempts to complete the simplest sentence.
– USB charger for iPhone.
– USB-to-AC connector thing for iPhone (optional, but a good thing to have).
– USB-to-Ethernet adapter (see Ethernet cord above).
And, in the middle of it all, my beloved MacBook Air.
All together, we’re looking at roughly five pounds of technology that, for all intents and purposes, is mandatory carry-on. Sometimes it’s slightly less, other times slightly more. Not shown, for instance, is my Flip video camera, which I bring on longer trips. ( Flip brought you this, among other works of directorial art.)
Thus the real must-have gadget is a decent case or container in which to consolidate all of this crap. For me, most of the more wiry components above fit nicely into an old business class amenities kit, which keeps them out of the way and avoids tangles. (How frustrating is it, meanwhile, that so many electronic devices require their own proprietary charging cord or adapter? Imagine if every lamp took a different kind of light bulb.)
The amenities case, together with the laptop, camera and phone, fit snugly into either of my larger carry-ons. Now that my flight case has been retired — a milestone previously detailed here — I typically go to work with two pieces of luggage:
The first is a custom crew roll-aboard from Luggage Works. At the moment I use the 26-inch LW with the plastic frame, which is much lighter than the more popular metal frame version. To make it even lighter, I’ve retrofitted the stainless steel retractable handle with an aluminum one.
I don’t know what “custom crew” means. I just thought it sounded cool. Over 95 percent of LW users are airline crew members, but anybody can order one.
A number of my colleagues use Travelpro bags (I’ve owned a couple of Travelpros over the years), but on the whole that brand is more popular with flight attendants than with pilots.
For a long time pilots resisted using roll-aboards at all. The thinking was that rolling your belongings was, like, too effeminate for the macho pilot (take me, for example). And so pilots would hand-haul their 40-odd pounds of personal luggage and pilot gear through the airport, toning their tough-guy biceps and making many a chiropractor happy.
By the way, have you ever heard somebody refer to roll-aboard bags as “roller board” bags? I was on a plane a few weeks ago and the flight attendant made an announcement reminding people to stow their “roller boards” handle-first into the bins.
My smaller bag, hung from my roller board using a hook that I designed myself, is a $300 Tumi briefcase that I bought about six months ago and quickly learned to hate, with its useless, miniature exterior pockets that I can barely squeeze my fingers into.
I’m something of a pro when it comes to short-notice, multi-climate packing. Here’s a tip: Go with lightweight clothing. What a concept, I know, but I’m amazed by how many people travel with heavy cotton jeans — even to hot climates. I own a lot of fast-dry synthetics. They’re not stylish, but when have I ever been? On the other hand I can launder a pair of pants in the hotel room bathtub and they’re dry before morning.
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GO-AROUNDS
Re: The Funniest Thing Ever Written
Several readers emailed demanding that I immediately scan and post copies of the 1988 “Guide to Harvard University Dining Services” booklet that I wrote about last week. A great idea, but the thing is 38 double-sided pages long. Tell you what: I’ll do it, but not for free. My price is $5, sent to my PayPal account. I figure if 20 people are interested, that’s $100, which makes it worth my trouble. Once I hit a hundred bucks I’ll send scans of every page to anybody who wants to see them, or else I’ll post them somewhere on my home site. If I don’t hit the $100 mark within the next 10 days I’ll refund your donations. (I really don’t expect to bring in much beyond that, as people will be waiting for the early birds to cover the cost.)
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Curious fliers want to know
What happens when air conditioning fails, engines won't start, planes get too heavy, and more
(Credit: Salon)
An old-timey, classic Q&A:
I routinely fly from Los Angeles to Beijing on United. It’s an all-daylight flight over Alaska and Russia. How can I find the approximate route the Air China flight takes on the same route? I’m flying that airline later in the month and would like to know what I’ll be seeing below.
Routings aren’t commonly airline-specific. The determining factors tend to be air traffic control constraints and weather (winds, storms, etc.). Routings tend to be somewhat consistent, but it can vary day to day, even for flights between the same two cities.
Another factor is the aircraft type. Two-engine planes are subject to what we call ETOPS (extended twin-engine operations) restrictions, which might result in a different, less direct routing than a plane with four engines can accept. ETOPS rules require planes to remain within particular flying distances (three hours, most commonly) of an acceptable diversion airport. (The diversion airports themselves will vary, subject to weather.) Across the North Atlantic it makes little difference; two engines or four there are always adequate diversion options relatively close by. Over the Pacific, though, it’s a little different, and there might be considerable differences between a route operated by, say, a two-engine 777, and the same route operated by a four-engine 747.
We were flying from San Juan, Puerto Rico, to New York on a 757. While taxiing out, the plane’s air conditioning malfunctioned and the cabin temperature became very hot. After several minutes of troubleshooting, the problem could not be fixed and we taxied back to the gate. The captain explained that although it was permissible to continue on with the broken AC, a whole new flight plan was required, including an altered routing that would add over 45 minutes’ flying time — in turn requiring us to take on more fuel. We departed more than an hour late. I’m baffled. Why on earth would a broken air conditioner mandate a whole new flight plan and a longer routing?
For better or worse, crews are often reluctant to to explain the technical nitty-gritty of mechanical failures, and this is a great example of how, as a result, a passenger’s perception of the problem — in this case, “a broken air conditioner” — isn’t nearly the whole story.
Planes are not air-conditioned in the manner of your car or home; there is no air conditioner, per se. The machinery used to heat and cool the cabin is something known in pilot parlance as a “pack” (an acronym for pneumatic air cycle kit). Normally there are two packs, located in the belly of the aircraft. They are supplied by bleed air from the engines, adjusting temperature by means of a compressor, turbine and air-to-air heat exchanger; there is no coolant gas (i.e., Freon). These same packs are also responsible for pressurization, which is where the complications described above enter the picture.
A single functioning pack is adequate to maintain both adequate pressure and temperature. Thus if one fails, a flight can still be dispatched safely. However, you’ve lost your redundancy; if the remaining pack were to fail, pressurization and temperature control would be lost entirely. So, single-pack operation entails some important restrictions — namely a lower-than-normal altitude and the need to stay within a certain distance to a diversion airport at all times. The exact rules vary from plane to plane, but a typical example is having to remain below 35,000 feet and within 60 minutes’ flying time of a suitable landing spot (transoceanic flights are likely to be forbidden outright). Usually this increases both flying time and fuel burn. In this case, a flight from Puerto Rico to New York that was originally planned to be mostly over water now required a longer inland routing at a more fuel-thirsty altitude.
I was once on a flight from Chicago to Atlanta and we had to make an emergency landing in Nashville due to something that made it necessary to fly only as high as 10,000 feet. Due to such a low altitude, we were told, we would burn too much gas and could not reach Atlanta nonstop. Were they telling us the truth and how serious was the situation?
This sounds perfectly legitimate to me. See the previous question. Every so often a plane will be altitude-restricted due to this or that mechanical issue — perhaps something pressurization-related. This will increase fuel burn to the point where an interim stop is required. (Remember that you need enough fuel not only to reach your destination, but enough to reach at least one alternate airport, plus a substantial buffer on top of that.) This malfunction might be something that happens en route, or the flight might be planned that way from the start.
About a year ago I was working a flight from South America to the United States. Over the Caribbean, a pressurization malfunction dictated a prompt descent. Efforts to troubleshoot the problem failed, and so we had to stay low. Together with our dispatchers we ran some calculations, and sure enough, it would have been impossible to complete the flight without violating legal fuel parameters. And so we wound up diverting to Puerto Rico.
You speak of an “emergency landing.” Passengers have a habit for referring to any diversion or precautionary landing as an “emergency,” when most are in fact precautionary or even routine. Declaration of an emergency is reserved for situations that are a lot more urgent — such as when there is a risk of injury or damage to the airplane, when the extent of a problem is not fully known, and/or or when priority air traffic control handling is required. Knock on wood: I’ve made several diverts and one or two precautionary landings, but never an emergency landing.
My mother was on a flight that couldn’t take off because an engine wouldn’t start. They were towed back to the gate and had to have the engine started with the help of an external cart of some sort. Could you explain what causes an engine to fail to start, how the external is used, and why it’s safe to fly in this condition?
That “the engine would not start” doesn’t sound right. That’s not telling me much. Starting a jet engine is a multi-step process and the malfunction could involve any of several components — not all of which are ultimately responsible for the continued running of the engine. Again, an airplane is not a car, and a jet engine does not start, stop or run the way a piston engine does.
Jet engines are started using compressed air, which is normally supplied either by the APU (the small auxiliary turbine in the back) or another, already running engine. This air spins the engine’s compressors to a certain minimum RPM, at which point fuel is introduced. Combustion then accelerates the compressors and turbines to “idle” speed, and the starter (air valve) is shut off.
It sounds to me like there was a problem with the APU generating adequate duct pressure to get the compressors spinning to the necessary RPM. Why this may have been happening I can’t say. There are different possibilities (duct problem, valve problem, unusually high elevation …). And so, an external air machine — sometimes referred to as an “air cart” or “huffer cart” — needed to be hooked up instead. In fact, before the advent of APUs (the Boeing 727 was the first jetliner to have one), jet engines were always started this way.
Once up and turning, jet engines don’t shut off or “stall” the way the engines in cars sometimes do. However, if for whatever reason an engine failure occurred later in flight and was to be restarted, this air problem no longer applies. You can use the APU, the other engine or the speed of the airplane — the airflow itself pushing into the engine — to turn the compressors to the required RPM.
More on the weirdness of jet engines here and here.
I was on a Southwest flight from Chicago to Portland, Ore. We were at 35,000 feet and the air was very choppy. The captain came on and apologized. He told us that although it was much smoother at 37,000 feet, we were “too heavy” to climb that high and would have to ride out the bumps for a while. Really? Why would another 2,000 feet make that much difference?
For fuel economy, if not a smoother ride, higher is always better, but planes can climb only as high as their weight allows. As you climb, the air thins. Engine output is reduced, and the wing cannot support as much airplane as it can down low. A given cruise altitude must account for both high-speed and low-speed stalls, in both smooth and turbulent conditions. Over the course of a flight, climb capabilities improve as fuel is burned away. The allowable altitude at any given time isn’t something you ballpark; there are specific maximum altitudes based on very specific weights, and they must be adhered to. The difference between 35,000 and 37,000 can be fairly significant.
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Don’t believe me? You can always “Ask the Pilot.” This guy, I mean. Introducing my latest imitator.
Defeated by TSA
Sometimes you just can't win. Plus: OK, not all the airport bookstores are bad
(Credit: Jason Reed / Reuters)
Thoughts running through my head at the TSA checkpoint …
All of these measures in place today — the liquids and gels rules, the pointy object confiscations, the multiple ID checks, the body-scanners and the pat-downs — would they have stopped the Sept. 11 attacks?
Of course not. The success of the 2001 attacks had nothing to do with box cutters. The hijackers’ critical tool was an intangible one: the element of surprise. That is, taking advantage of our understanding and expectations of a hijacking. What weapons they had in their bags was irrelevant. They could have used anything.
For that matter, would any of these measures have prevented the terrorist bombing of Pan Am 103? How about the bombings of Air India 182 or UTA 772?
Again the answer is no. It was bombs in the lower holds that got those planes.
I don’t know about you, but when I’m on a plane I worry a lot more about what’s going on below deck — in checked luggage and cargo — than I do about passengers and their carry-ons. The Transportation Security Administration tells us that all checked bags are scanned nowadays for explosives, and that’s about the most valuable thing the agency does for us. I just hope agents do it with as much over-the-top scrutiny as they use to paw through carry-ons looking for forks and toothpaste.
I’m traveling off-duty, just a regular old passenger. Approaching the body scanner, I “opt out,” as I always do. I’ll be taken aside for a thorough pat-down.
I don’t opt out because of worries about radiation. I do it because I find it appalling that passengers are effectively asked to pose naked in order to board an airplane. And because the scanners are strategically ineffective. I don’t “believe in them,” you might say. I mean, think about it: You’ve got a scanner at one checkpoint, but no scanner at the one right next to it; scanners at some terminals, but not at others. Are terrorists really that stupid? And what about overseas? If somebody is going to sneak something deadly through a checkpoint, it is far, far, far more likely to happen at an airport in Asia, Africa, South America or the Middle East, than in Peoria, Wichita or Cleveland.
Is this one of those “follow the money” situations? Are these machines really in the interest of safety? Is that what this is about? Or is it about the corporations who stand to make billions of dollars in their design and deployment? Why not explosives-sniffing dogs instead? Are they not just as effective, and cheaper and friendlier to boot? Or is that the problem?
I’m chatting with the TSA guard about this while he frisks me. He shrugs. “A lot of waste in government,” he says.
“Bag check!” A woman’s voice, loud.
Oh great. Off to the side, the X-ray machine has detected an extremely dangerous 6-ounce bottle of aloe vera gel in my roll-aboard.
“Is this your bag, sir?”
“Um, er, ah, yes.”
She sticks a gloved hand inside and pulls out the tube. The look she gives me — it’s a scolding sort of glare with an unmistakable glint of satisfaction.
“But … but it’s only half-full.”
“I don’t have a scale to weigh liquids, sir.”
“Why do you need a scale? You can just look at it. It’s a 6-once tube and obviously it’s only half-full.”
She doesn’t look. “Sorry. You cannot bring this through.”
“But …”
Plop. She throws my aloe into a waste barrel.
Aha! But in tossing it away like that, hasn’t she just admitted that the container is harmless? After all, if it was something potentially dangerous, you wouldn’t just fling it into the garbage.
Are TSA screeners looking for bombs, or are they looking for innocent liquids? I’m reminded of those tests I’d heard about, when, supposedly, water bottles were attached to mock-up bombs and sent through the X-ray machines. Screeners found the bottles, while the bombs went sailing through. “An Easter egg hunt for minor banned items,” in the words of former TSA chief Kip Hawley, from his upcoming book, “Permanent Emergency.”
“Look,” I say. ” Since you’re throwing that tube away, you’re telling me that you know it’s nothing harmful.”
Perturbed stare.
“So, like … can I have it back?”
She stares at me, clearly annoyed and unable to tell if I’m kidding or not.
I am kidding, of course. My gel is gone for good; another $4.65 into the TSA hole. But am I not correct at the same time? I’ve lost my property, but I feel that I’ve made a useful point and can walk away having established the upper hand. Yeah. I’m proud of my snappy little assessment: so tight, so logical and righteous! Take that, TSA!
And it’s exactly at this moment, the screener’s eyes still fixed on me, that my cellphone goes slipping out of my hand. I drop it; catch it; drop it and catch it again. My arms are wiggling and flailing in a ridiculous little dance until finally the phone flies completely away from me. It goes clattering off a stack of gray bins and slides pathetically onto the floor — directly at the screener’s feet.
She picks up the phone and hands it to me. “Good day, sir.”
I skulk away feeling like the biggest goofball in the world.
And maybe this was a kind of divine intervention, a dose of humiliation engineered to shut me up and kick me on my way. A lesson summed up in two easy words: lost cause.
If the TSA’s tactical flaws are ever going to be fixed, it certainly won’t be me who gets it done. I spend too much time writing about it, and too much time worrying about it.
—————
GO-AROUNDS
Re: Airport bookstores, or lack thereof
As various emailers pointed out, not every airport bookshop is a glorified magazine stand. There are still some good retails options in U.S. terminals. Renaissance Books at Milwaukee, for example, got several kudos from readers. There’s Powell’s still at Portland’s PDX, I’m told. I can personally vouch for a place called BookLink (formerly a Borders franchise) at terminal A in Boston. Even JFK’s Terminal 3, for all its demerits, has a decent bookstore just inside the east-side security checkpoint, abeam gates 4 and 5.
And the following letter is from a vice president of Hudson Booksellers, one of the companies mentioned in my story:
Having been a buyer for airport bookstores for over 15 years, I have witnessed the amazing growth and diversification of airport bookselling, as well as the recent downturn, largely due to the e-book effect. Blending customer expectation with personal passion is the essence of our selection process. Yet, so frequently when we see Hudson in print, including in your article, we are pigeonholed as corporate peddlers of “airport books.” Clearly our message and product isn’t getting through the way we’d like.
Airport bookstores are in competition against many other product categories. For the last 15 years my team and I have been turning over every stone in trying to meet the challenge of bringing the best books to the most readers. One of your reader comments mentioned — incredulously — discovering Roberto Bolaño at the airport in San Francisco. But that type of thing honestly happens every day at Hudson. We’ve sold hundreds of Bolaño’s novels, which are part of our core bookstore selection. You mention Gary Shteyngart, another personal favorite, who we have been promoting since “The Russian Debutante’s Handbook.” We went all out with “Absurdistan” and sold over 26,000 copies the year it came out, which I believe was more than 25 percent of all copies sold. We have many great locations with a locally curated assortment that I would put up against Powell’s or Compass, etc. — in Denver, Chicago, Pittsburgh, Newark, Raleigh.
I am also surprised at your statement about your own book, “Ask the Pilot.” We have carried your book since it came out in 2004, selling over 1,000 copies in one LAX store alone — thousands more over the years — and we are still carrying it in a few locations.
Sara Hinckley
Vice President of Book Purchasing & Promotions
Hudson Booksellers
Author’s note: In retrospect, I ought to have been a little more gracious in my references to Hudson. Indeed, many of the chain’s airport outlets are full-fledged bookstores with a very good selection, and the chain did stock and sell many copies of my book when it was new. (Though, honestly, the thing is so out-of-date at this point that I’m pleased when I don’t find it for sale.)
Where are the books?
There's nothing like a good read to pass the time when flying. So let's get some proper bookstores at our airports
Reading on planes is a natural, am I right? The trick to getting through a long flight is distraction, distraction, distraction, and what better way to distract yourself than with a good book.
Why, then, is it so bloody hard to find a proper bookstore at an airport? Not all of us pre-load our reading material on a Kindle.
I was in Detroit the other day. The terminal at DTW is one of America’s best, and the mile-long concourse is jammed with retail shops. But do you think I could find a book in there? If I wanted a diamond bracelet, a $300 Tumi briefcase or a cup of gourmet coffee, on the other hand, no problem. But a book?
Sure, there are places selling books — there are lots of places selling books — provided you’re interested in one of a tiny sample of titles. There was something vaguely North Korean about walking the length of the concourse and seeing the exact same hardcovers, over and over and over and over — Steve Jobs staring out at me every 20 steps or so from the shelves of any of 50 different shops, all utterly indistinguishable from one another.
Not long ago almost every major airport had a proper bookseller. Nowadays they are harder and harder to find. Usually, what passes as a bookstore is really just a newsstand. The vast majority of these outlets are owned and controlled by one of two companies: Hudson Group and an Atlanta-based company called Paradies Shops Inc. Both conduct business under numerous sub-brands that hawk a very thin selection of bestsellers, business books, thrillers and pop-culture trash.
The terminal guide at DTW told me there was something called Heritage Books — two of them, in fact, one at either end of the hall. That got my hopes up. Maybe I’d score a copy of Gary Shteyngart’s new novel.
As they say, good luck with that. Turns out that Heritage is just one of those Paradies Dba franchises.
They did stock a copy of Jonathan Franzen’s novel “Freedom” (yet not “The Corrections,” which was much better), and obviously no retailer can get by without a token Malcolm Gladwell or two, a gesture to the “sophisticated” reader who is seeking something headier than “American Sniper,” or the latest Suze Orman guide to success, or one of two — two! — books by Chelsea Handler.
I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
On the bright side, though, am I correct in observing that America’s fascination with Sudoku has begun to taper off?
Lingering resentment, yes. Several years ago I nearly had a nervous breakdown trying to get Paradies and Hudson to stock my own lousy little book, “Ask the Pilot — Everything You Need to Know About Air Travel.” I was stupid enough to think that the airport, of all places, might be a good selling point for a book exclusively about air travel. I’ll never make that mistake again. It was carefully explained to me that, no, it matters not what your book is about, captive audience be damned. What matters is getting on the company’s shortlist of airport-worthy bestsellers, or having your publisher pay for an airport promotion. Hudson carried “Ask the Pilot” briefly, into the fall of 2004, after which it disappeared from airports forever.
All of airport retailing, though, seems to suffer from a kind of dementia. This is something I explore in my famous essay, “What’s the Matter With Airports?” Enough already with the jewelry, the souvenir sweat shirts, the remote-control helicopters and the high-end luggage.
(The fixation with luggage is particularly strange to me. Who in the world buys luggage * after * they get to the airport? No wonder these places are always empty.)
How about something practical instead? Like a halfway decent bookstore.
But I digress.
Getting back to the positive…
Thanks to the many readers who contributed to my “Hidden Airport” collection. The idea, for those of you who missed it, is to highlight spots of unexpected pleasantness at U.S. airports. I showcased two: the garden adjacent to the Marine Air Terminal at New York’s LaGuardia, and the connector walkway between terminals B and C at Boston-Logan.
Several of you wrote in with pictures and descriptions of other little-knows oases. For example, the SFO Aviation Museum and Library at San Francisco International. But my favorite so far, I think, is the sculpture garden at the Greenville-Spartanburg (GSP) airport in South Carolina. You can view it here in this interactive panorama put together by reader John Riley.
Escape to “hidden airport”
Find unexpected pleasures at a terminal near you. Plus, the best and worst airports
A tree-shaded hideaway at LaGuardia's Marine Air Terminal. (Credit: Patrick Smith)
Frommer’s, the travel guide people, recently released its list of the world’s best and worst airport terminals.
JFK’s Terminal 3 (scheduled for replacement in 2013) was voted the worst, while the Hajj Terminal in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, was ranked best.
These things are subjective, and we all have our own criteria, but both lists leave me scratching my head.
As to the worsts, they’ve obviously never been to the arrivals hall at Dakar (or, from what I’ve been told by several emailers, to N’djili Airport in Kinshasa, Congo). The best list, too, is a little strange. I’m unsure how fair it was including the Hajj terminal — a building that is open only six weeks each year and visited almost exclusively by pilgrims. Seoul’s Incheon airport is a well-deserved inclusion, but conspicuously absent is Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi. BKK ought to be there on aesthetic merits alone — its central terminal is one of the most stunning buildings I’ve ever seen.
I’m also disappointed to see JFK’s Terminal 5, the much overhyped home of JetBlue, rated near the top. As I’ve opined before, this building has to be one of the most disappointing airport projects of the last three decades. It’s certainly one of the ugliest. The airside view — the exterior as seen from the runways and taxiways — is criminally hideous. It looks like the back of a shopping mall; all that’s missing are some pallets and dumpsters. (Which is fitting, I suppose, given how the ongoing trend in airport design is to make terminals and malls utterly indistinguishable from each other.) On the inside … wow, hey, a food court. And although the terminal is only a few years old, already it’s overcrowded.
With scattered exceptions, U.S. airports don’t have a whole lot going for them. Putting aside aesthetics, cleanliness and a lack of public transport options, another thing that doesn’t help, and which you don’t hear about much, is that American airports simply do not recognize the “in transit” concept. All passengers arriving from overseas, even if they’re merely transiting to a third country, are forced to clear customs and immigration, recheck their luggage, pass through TSA screening, etc. It’s an enormous hassle that you don’t find in most places overseas. Compare it to Singapore, Dubai, Frankfurt, Amsterdam and so on, where transit passengers walk from one gate to the next with a minimum of fuss.
Here’s how this hurts us: Flying from Australia to Europe, for instance, a traveler has the option of flying westbound, via Asia (namely Singapore, Bangkok, Kuala Lumpur or Hong Kong) or the Middle East (Dubai, Qatar), or eastbound via the U.S. West Coast (Los Angeles or San Francisco). Even though the distance and flying times are about the same, almost everybody will opt for the westbound option. The airports are spotless and packed with amenities, while the connection is painless and efficient.
Change planes at LAX or SFO, on the other hand, and you’d have to stand in at least three different lines, be photographed and fingerprinted, collect and recheck your bags, endure the TSA rigmarole, and so on, just to change planes. Few passengers will choose this option, and I suspect it costs our airlines many millions annually in lost revenue. Indeed, this is part of what has made carriers like Emirates, Singapore Airlines and others so successful.
But now …
So that you don’t accuse me of harping on the negative, allow me to introduce a new feature. I’m calling it “Hidden Airport.” The idea is to highlight little-known spots of unexpected pleasantness at U.S. airports. It can be a place for some peace and quiet, an unusually good restaurant, etc. It should be somewhere out of the ordinary and relatively unknown — an escape spot.
I’ll start things off with two:
1. I’ve already written at length about the Marine Air Terminal at LaGuardia Airport in New York City. This historic art deco building, in a far southwest corner of LGA, adjacent to the Delta Shuttle, is one of the most special places in all of commercial aviation — the launching point for the Pan Am flying boats that made the first-ever transatlantic and round-the-world flights. Inside the cathedral-like rotunda is the 240-foot “Flight” mural by James Brooks, as well as Rocco Manniello’s Yankee Clipper restaurant — a good greasy-spoon place that is one of the few remaining non-chain airport restaurants. What few people know about, however, is the cozy garden just outside. Facing the building, it’s to the right of the main entryway, set back from the street. It’s a quiet, tree-shaded hideaway amid grass, flowers and shrubs. There’s even … well, I guess sculpture is the best description. Grab a sandwich from the Yankee Clipper and enjoy it on one of the wooden benches.
Getting there: Take the A Loop inter-terminal bus to the Marine Air Terminal. The spot is best appreciated in the warmer months, of course. Like the Marine Air rotunda it is outside of the TSA checkpoint, so you’ll need some time.
2. The connector walkway between Terminals B and C at Logan International Airport in Boston. This isn’t one of the newer, elevated walkways with the inlaid sea life mosaics, cool as they are, but rather the old, main-level passageway between gates used by AirTran and Virgin America. Massport has installed a series of whimsically painted rocking chairs that face floor-to-ceiling windows with a view of the runways. There’s relatively little foot traffic and, best of all, no public address speakers. It’s a quiet, sunny location to read, send some text messages or otherwise relax.
Getting there: From terminal C, walk toward B. From B, walk toward C. Stay on the main level; don’t take the stairways into the elevated walkways.
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Do you have questions for Salon’s aviation expert? Contact Patrick Smith through his website and look for answers in a future column.
Page 1 of 121 in Air Travel
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