Dan Quayle: Cyber guerrilla?

White House Web site hacked by spelling bee flunk-outs; Beverly Hills votes for "gaudiness and cruelty" and Al Gore said to be Russian spy.

Topics: Celebrity, Al Gore, Martha Stewart, White House,

One way to get your point across: Insert it on not one, not two, but
three U.S. government Web sites. And
then, just for extra snicks, mess with the minds behind the White
House’s official Web site, too.

That’s what a ballsy band of computer hackers protesting NATO’s
bumble-headed bombing of the Chinese
Embassy in Belgrade did earlier this week. The anti-NATO messages caused
the Energy Department, the
Interior Department and the National Park Service to pull their Web
sites offline Monday to rid them of the
unwanted bitter bits, one of which partially read (in suspiciously Quayle-esque prose) as follows:

“Protest U.S.A.’s Nazi action! Protest NATO’s brutal action! We are
Chinese hackers who take no cares about
politics. But we can not stand by watching our Chinese reporters been
killed which you might have know.
Whatever the purpose is, NATO led by U.S.A. must take absolute
responsibility …”

And while no one knows precisely whom to hold responsible for the pesky
postings on these sites or a
simultaneous hacking attempt that caused officials to shut down the
White House’s Web site on Monday night
(it’s now back up and looking as stately and impenetrable as ever), the
Washington Post reports that at least one
of the hacks has been traced back to China and the case is now in the trusty
hands of the FBI.

- – - – - – - – - – - -

Democratic style:
It’s a good thing

Martha Stewart is backing Al Gore. She always liked
elaborate, motionless centerpieces.”

– Los Angeles newsletter editor George Mair on marvelous
Martha’s tastefully discreet
presidential campaign contribution.

- – - – - – - – - – - -

The sweet spell of
success

Looks like Mr. Potatoehead is up to his old tricks again. The Sierra
Club recently sent all presidential hopefuls
invitations to a forum on the environment, scheduled for November 1999.
According to an Oakland, Calif.,
newsletter, event organizers were surprised to receive the following
response from spelling-bee champ
Dan Quayle: “I am considering attending your forum on the
enviroment in November …” Mr. Quayle,
sir, are you sure you didn’t mean environmente?



- – - – - – - – - – - -

Who’s the mystery
man who gave Willey the
willies?

Alleged Clinton gropee Kathleen Willey‘s moment basking in the
dubious afterglow of the White
House sex scandal is not over. In fact, she’s turning one section of her
oft-heard story into a bit of a
whodunnit. Appearing Tuesday night on CNBC’s “Hardball,” wily Willey
told host Chris
Matthews
that she knows the identity of the frightening fellow who
approached her two days before she
testified about her blush-inducing brush with Bill in the Oval Office.

At the time, the spooky stranger spoke of Willey’s missing cat and
slashed car tires — and then referred to her
impending testimony. “It was meant to scare me,” she said.

But, like certain other presidential gal-pals we could name, Willey may
be even more intimidated by Ken
Starr
‘s office. She refuses to publicly reveal the man’s identity,
saying only that Starr’s henchmen are
looking into the matter.

Gotta admit, despite Kathleen’s crafty attempt to extend her 15 minutes
even further, the suspense ain’t exactly
killin’ me …

- – - – - – - – - – - -

And you thought the
Cold War was over …

Nyet, it simply couldn’t be. And yet the idea is strangely compelling …

A source tells Nothing Personal that a man has been strolling the
streets of Chicago sporting half a sandwich
board sign (if he couldn’t get a whole one, it’s the damn commies’
fault) that reads as follows: “Al
Gore
has been assassinated and replaced by a Russian spy.” Could
that explain the veep’s uncanny
resemblance to dynamic, formaldehyde-enhanced Hero of the People Vladimir Lenin?

- – - – - – - – - – - -

The return of Robert
Bork?

“As president … I would have a litmus test for the Supreme Court. My
nominees would be pro-life,
pro-Constitution. I might even bring back Bork.”

– Presidential candidate, New Hampshire senator and self-described
“country music Republican” Bob
Smith
, outlining his platform.

- – - – - – - – - – - -

No animals have been harmed in the making of this coat — NOT!

From all the fur flying in Beverly Hills in recent weeks, visitors to
the star-packed city might have thought
they had landed in the courtroom with Jeffrey Katzenberg and
Michael Eisner. But the
town’s well-meaning wealthies have spoken, and they want freedom from
labels that might have seriously
bummed their fashion highs.

A proposal backed by high-profile animal rights activists including
Jack Lemmon, Larry
King
, Doris Day, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Angie
Dickinson
to
require fur coats to carry credit card-size labels listing eight
intensely repulsive ways the animals “may have
been killed” was overwhelmingly rejected on Tuesday by the town’s ritzy
residents.

“This product is made with fur from animals that may have been killed by
electrocution, gassing, neck
breaking, poisoning, clubbing, stomping or drowning, and may have been
trapped in steel-jaw, leg-hold traps,”
chirped the cheery labels, which would have been required unless the
seller could verify that the animal was
killed in a humane fashion. (Such as what, petted to death?)

And while folks like Wayne Pacelle, a spokesman for the Humane
Society, one of the many animal
rights groups that supported the measure, have been left out in the
cold, yelping that wearing fur in torrid and
sunny Beverly Hills is “gaudiness and cruelty at its absolute worst,”
some townies are simply bemoaning the
$60,000 it cost to bring the measure to a vote. Let’s see now, how many
label-free mink stoles would that buy
you?

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