Like many celebrities who died young, Joan of Arc has remained a vital presence in pop culture, forever fixed in our minds at age 19. Since she was burned at the stake in 1431, Joan has been endlessly rehabilitated and recycled: by historians, by the Catholic Church (which finally got around to canonizing her in 1920) and by writers from Shakespeare to Twain to Shaw.
Over the centuries, fictionalized versions of Joan’s story have tended to reflect the eras in which they were written. Shakespeare’s Joan, in “Henry VI: Part I,” was overshadowed by the play’s England-first jingoism. In Shaw’s “Saint Joan” she was a modern woman, a reaction against the melodramatic heroines who dominated 19th century theater. And thanks to CBS, we now have a Joan of Arc for the end of the millennium. She arrives in miniseries form on Sunday and Tuesday nights, with 16-year-old Leelee Sobieski, a dead ringer for a young Helen Hunt, in the title role. (The cast also includes Peter O’Toole, Olympia Dukakis, Shirley MacLaine and Neil Patrick Harris, better known to TV viewers as Doogie Howser.) As with earlier versions, this one is more interesting for what it says about our culture than what it says about Joan’s.
A few telltale signs of our time:
We can’t get enough of angels. Sweet and always upbeat, solidly Christian but not overbearingly so, angels are the perfect ambassadors of American religion. It’s no coincidence that CBS, the network that has scored huge ratings with the sugarcoated series “Touched by an Angel,” is behind this current version of Joan. In “Saint Joan,” Shaw’s heroine rather bluntly announces that she’s been holding regular conversations with Catholic saints; it’s up to the audience to decide if they actually descend upon her from the heavens. Here, we get the full supernatural treatment, complete with winged, ethereal angels, parting clouds and choirboy vocals. Joan’s most important and dangerous religious legacy — as a Protestant avant la lettre, she wanted to bypass the all-powerful Church and talk directly to God — is pushed to the periphery.
We lap up violence, especially if it’s softened by historical distance and lots of horses. In the wake of Littleton, America may be reexamining its love affair with guns, but who’s going to complain about lances, crossbows and battering rams?
Teen angst is where it’s at. In the eyes of most biographers, Joan’s most striking feature was her unnatural wisdom — she was a brilliant military strategist stuck in a girl’s body. But this Joan is a teenager through and through: She argues tearfully with her parents and develops crushes on cute boys. After hearing Joan describe her vision of St. Michael — “He was tall, with long, dark hair and big, warm blue eyes” — I thought maybe I’d accidentally switched over to “Dawson’s Creek.”
It’s hardly surprising that this period piece is overlong and generally lifeless. What is surprising is that hidden under all that armor is such a clear picture of contemporary America. Like it or not, this Joan is one of us.
“A Few Minutes With Andy Rooney” debuted on “60 Minutes” in 1978, and in the 33 subsequent years, the segment’s namesake gained a reputation for being television’s most curmudgeonly broadcaster. But in his final scheduled on-air comment Sunday evening, Rooney betrayed the sentimentality of someone less surly than he’s been reputed to be: ”I’ve done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I’ve complained about, I can’t complain about my life. [...] All this time, I’ve been paid to say what’s on my mind on television. You don’t get any lucker than that.”
Apparently it’s going to take more than the threat of assassination to wipe the smile from of Dave Letterman’s face.
The “Late Show” host returned to work Monday night. It was his first broadcast since the news surfaced last week that a would-be jihadi had called for his death on an Internet message board. No stranger to controversy, Letterman seemed nonplussed by the threat. The comedian deftly illustrated that point by enumerating all the individuals and parties who openly hate him — a list that includes most humans and animals.
As if CBS’ new “Two and a Half Men” naked promo wasn’t enough to convince audiences that next season is going to be for adults only (“No kids allowed! Sorry, Angus T. Jones!”), today’s plot leak regarding a certain character’s certain demise in a certain type of “meat explosion” should do the trick. (Sorry, I didn’t want anyone to get upset over spoilers.)
Here’s the spoiler alert: CBS went all out in its fantasy killing of Charlie Sheen’s dopplegänger, Charlie Harper.
According to TMZ’s taping attendee, the plot lays out how Rose (played by Melanie Lynskey) — the neighbor who had been doggedly pursuing Harper, and whom Harper brought to Paris last season — married Harper while in the City of Lights, but later caught him cheating on her in the shower.
According to TMZ’s, Rose speaks at Charlie’s funeral, telling everyone that while she and her spouse were waiting in a Paris subway station the day after the shower incident, Charlie “slipped” onto the tracks, in front of an oncoming train, resulting in a “meat explosion.”
I’m guessing this is the result of some contest over at Warner Bros. to see who could come up with literally the grossest way to kill off a character played by a guy who is suing them. I’m almost surprised that these other suggestions didn’t make the cut for appropriately described death scenes for the family sitcom.
1. Charlie Harper visits Universal Studios on a whim, where a comedy of errors has him entering what he believes to be Eli Roth’s “Hostel”-themed amusement park maze, but in reality turns out to be an actual torture dungeon belonging to a rich, Slovakian sadist.
2. Death by autoerotic asphyxiation while simultaneously looking at child pornography and kicking a sad orphan puppy.
3. Jon Cryer finally snaps after one too many gay jokes and beats Charlie to death with his own well-polished shoe.
In this photo provided by CBS News, U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner talks about the debt crisis on CBS's "Face the Nation" in Washington Sunday, July 10, 2011. Geithner said Sunday that the Obama administration wants to seek "the biggest deal possible" on debt reduction. His comments followed word from GOP congressional leaders Sunday that the White House's $4 trillion package was off the table. (AP Photo/CBS News, Chris Usher) (Credit: AP)
Appearing on CBS’ “Face the Nation” Sunday, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner spoke out against lawmakers like Michele Bachmann who have claimed the administration is using scare tactics to over-hype the debt crisis.
“On Aug. 2., we’re left running on fumes,” Geithner told host Bob Schieffer. “We have no capacity to borrow… We have to act; Congress has to act ahead of that point. If they don’t act, then we face catastrophic damage to the American economy.”
Geithner expressed confidence that a deal would be reached ahead of the Aug. 2. deadline, but noted that whether or not the deal would be good for the economy was a different matter. He told Schieffer that the Obama administration faced a difficult task in trying to broker the “biggest deal possible.”
1. PETA pets of the day: Kristen Wiig and Russell Brand were named Sexiest Vegetarians of 2011 by the animal activist group. Now how long until they try to convince the stars to pose naked?
5. Sitcom death of the day: How are the writers planning to get rid of Charlie Sheen’s character on “Two and a Half Men”? Here’s a hint: It involves Chuck Lorre’s fantasy scenario.
The (Condensed) Grammy Award Broadcast 
Farewell to Record Stores 
A match made on Craigslist adult services 
Can’t see the forest for the wood 
The things I carry 
When I lost the ability to type 
Pop art, the beaded edition 
The beautiful banality of high school 
The unemployed meet MacArthur’s tanks 
Demi’s last night out 
One day you’re in 
Pitch and catch 
