Virginia
Anti-wankers want to ban book in Virginia high schools
Robert Cormier's "The Chocolate War" talks about masturbation, but one self-satisfied student wants it pulled.
Nov. 9, 1999
Masturbation would have a firm grip on first prize if there were a contest for “What We All Do But Don’t Want To Talk About.” Despite 1990 Kinsey data revealing that 94 percent of men and 70 percent of women pleasure themselves privately to orgasm, our onanism remains taboo.
Virginia students and parents are stiffly protesting references to willie-wanking in “The Chocolate War,” the award-winning 1974 novel by Robert Cormier. A Nov. 7 article in the (Hampton Roads) Daily News reports that freshman Chris Malpass lightly fingered through the assigned book’s filthy sections, but refused to carefully study it. Instead, he wants the book banned from all four York County high schools. “The teachers shouldn’t be pushing it,” he insists.
His mother, Rita Milpass, has filed a formal complaint demanding that the book be jerked off the school’s approved reading list, due to its sexual content, profanity and violence. To pump-up her protest, she submitted a petition signed by 225 residents, primarily fellow church members at Bethel Baptist Church.
One of the self-stroking passages the Milpasses find objectionable is the pragmatic hands-on advice, listed below:
“If you’re going to masturbate in a toilet, at least lock your door,” Archie taunted.
“The Chocolate War” is 1999′s sixth most-challenged book in American schools, according to the American Library Association. This ranking implies that it is more controversial than two gay-friendly books: “Heather Has Two Mommies” (No. 7) and “Daddy’s Roommate” (No. 8), but far less scandalous than the top-ranked “Alice” series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, which examines a middle-school girl’s encounters with sex and relationships.
Masturbation controversy has also spewed into the presidential campaign, with wooden Al Gore’s hiring of Naomi Wolf as an advisor. Wolf’s advocacy of masturbation as a means of postponing sex in adolescents will undoubtedly inspire phlegm from the same constituency as the “don’t touch your privates” Virginians.
Hank Hyena is a former columnist for SF Gate, and a frequent contributor to Salon. More Hank Hyena.
Va. Tech locks down after officer, 1 other killed
Initial reports indicate that shooting occurred following a traffic stop
Virginia Tech campus (Credit: Wikimedia/Epicv27) BLACKSBURG, Va. (AP) — Virginia Tech officials said a police officer and another person were shot and killed on the school’s campus Thursday and the university locked down the campus, where 33 people died in 2007 in the deadliest mass shooting in modern U.S. history.
The gunman remained on the loose. A news release from the school said the police officer had pulled someone over for a traffic stop and was shot and killed.
Witnesses told police the shooter ran toward a parking lot on campus. A second person was found dead in that parking lot.
Continue Reading CloseThe worst states to be female
Ohio, Virginia, Kansas and South Dakota are leading the conservative war on women's health
A pro-choice activist protesting in front of the U.S. Supreme Court in Washington November 30, 2005(Credit: Reuters) Every day, it becomes a little bit harder for women to get the healthcare they need in America, particularly if that healthcare has anything to do with sexual and reproductive health.
The “war on women” began almost the moment that 2011′s new class of legislators took their oaths of office, and it’s still going on as we speak. Anti-choice groups have successfully created blueprint legislation for waiting periods, parental consent laws, mandatory ultrasounds and targeted regulations of clinics. These kinds of laws have been passed in statehouse after statehouse.
Police scour Va. Tech campus after gunman reported
Children say they saw a man with what might have been a gun this morning, though no further sightings were reported
<p>Virginia Tech was locked down Thursday after three children attending a summer camp said they saw a man holding what looked like a gun on the campus where a 2007 massacre left 33 people dead.</p>
<p>The university issued an alert on its website at 9:37 a.m. telling students and employees to stay inside and lock their doors. Text and phone messages were sent to more than 45,000 subscribed to the school’s alert system, along with an email sent to the entire campus, said school spokesman Mark Owczarski. The school’s outdoor sirens also sounded, he said.</p>
Continue Reading CloseWeird Al’s “Perform This Way” hits YouTube
The Lady Gaga spoof that almost didn't happen is more disturbing than you would guess
Weird Al performs this way. For a whole day back in April, it looked like Lady Gaga wasn’t going to sign off on Weird Al doing a parody of “Born This Way.” Luckily she ended up changing her mind, so America’s No. 1 non-Internet-related musical satirist could create “Perform This Way,” a highly disturbing video in which Weird Al — a grown man — has his face CGI’d onto a young woman’s body while he/she/it prances in a number of disturbing outfits.
It might not sound that scary, but it really is.
Sometimes you really just have to let videos speak for themselves, even if they are monstrous and horrifying and are going to give you nightmares for like, a week.
Drew Grant is a staff writer for Salon. Follow her on Twitter at @videodrew. More Drew Grant.
“Mandatory gay adoption” rules fail in Virginia
Right-wing culture warriors win a victory
The orginal seal of the state of Virginia Back at the beginning of the month, I wrote about Virginia’s “mandatory gay adoption” fight. Some proposed new regulations for licensed adoption agencies were just muddling, ignored, through the public review process, of interest to no one besides adoption agencies in Virginia, until some right-wing culture warriors noted that the new regulatory language prohibited “discrimination based on race, color, gender, national origin, age, religion, political beliefs, sexual orientation, disability, or family status.”
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Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene More Alex Pareene.
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