Hank Hyena
Does Helena Bonham-Carter's fake orgasm rival Meg Ryan's?
When it comes to canned moans, audiences love variety.
Nov. 16, 1999
Do great orgasms last longer than Oscars? American actress Meg Ryan and
British thespian Helena Bonham-Carter have never nabbed Academy Awards, but
they’ll both be immortally cherished for their caterwauling, cinematic
climaxes.
Ryan’s charm and humor etched itself intimately into public memory when
she launched loose with a wholesome, cheerful and (of course) perky orgasm
in her hit film “When Harry Met Sally.” Her buoyant-blond persona was
exuberantly expressed in this sweet, artificial sexual surrender that’s
been touted ever since as the Ultimate On-screen O. Actresses since then
have wailed but failed to top Meg’s moaning masterpiece.
Comparisons are unfair, though, when the challenger screams in a decidedly
different tone. In “Fight Club,” Helena Bonham-Carter delivers a Gothic,
angst-ridden medley of grunts, gasps and shrieks that are wondrously
uninhibited and thoroughly un-Ryanesque. Both stars are passionate, but
Bonham-Carter produces decibels of pain and nihilism, rather than nice and
(of course) perky.
Different roles obviously demand distinct vocalizations. In “Fight Club”
the normally cherubic Helena plays a “psychotic sex machine,” notes the
Toronto Sun, which praised her “purely physical, unfettered, animalistic
encounters” with co-star Brad Pitt, “that put the primal scream back into
orgasm.”
Filming skin-scenes with buff-Brad was not as steamy as the shrieks
indicate. “Brad had white dots all over his body … so the computer had
data to reproduce [us],” Bonham-Carter informed the Mirror in an
interview Sunday. “We assumed different positions … surrounded by white lights
and a still camera that took photos. On the count of three we had to, ah,
orgasm,” she shyly concludes.
Loud lovers who think they climax as convincingly as Meg or Helena can
exhibit their ecstasy publicly now, notes an article Sunday in the
Independent (London). SuperClubs, the Caribbean resort populated by
international swinging singles, offers a Hedonism II “Be Wicked for a Week”
vacation with an abundance of sexy get-aquainted games, like the “Fake
Orgasm Contest.” An informal clapometer determines the best erotic
communicator of the universal language of lust.
Carnal goo
New products now being tested promise to alleviate female sexual dysfunction.
Imagine a gel that women layer on their pudenda that magically swells the area with lustful desire. Blood engorges the labia, the clitoris stiffens excitedly and lubrication (the historic task of foreplay) is swiftly unleashed by the moistening cream. A tiny dollop rubbed in softly and — shazam! — the female tingles, itching with passion.
Such a thing exists. Many over-the-counter sex creams that speed up women’s “libida” are already available, and two biopharmaceutical companies are aching to get their new love lotions approved by the Food and Drug Administration. Their medical and financial ambition is to garner the products massive Viagra-esque popularity with women.
Continue Reading CloseSexy penises
The circumcision decision could affect a baby's future sex life.
“He’ll never get a blow job!” pregnant Abigail fretted, “if we don’t circumcise him.”
“Fellatio,” her husband Kent conceded, “is man’s best friend. But why won’t my son get sucked if he’s whole?”
The Berkeley, Calif., baby shower had disintegrated into yet another debate about circumcision. Every well-wisher on the festive patio knew that neo-natal Zachary already owned 15 stuffed animals, nine Dr. Seuss books and enough green overalls to costume an elf army, but the parents — like so many others — hadn’t determined yet if the tot would be sporting a foreskin.
Continue Reading CloseThe quest for sweet semen
I learned how to transform funky spunk into delicious joy juice -- but ultimately decided not to.
“You’ve got funky-tasting spunk,” Samantha tells her bitter paramour on the Aug. 6 “Sex and the City” episode, as she refuses to fellate his foully spurting member. “Giving head [to you] is like a trip to the rotten-egg buffet.”
I winced watching this, because I am consumed with greedy but guilty desire when it comes to the issue of squirting inside the mouth and swallowing. I adore oral acceptance of my penile offering, but I’m cravenly apologetic asking for it, because I’m sure the texture and flavor are repulsive on my lover’s palate. Fear of Samanthas also inhibits me: My crotch loves a tongue-lashing but my ego doesn’t.
Continue Reading ClosePenis gourds: The rebel uniform
Indonesia's government sees the garb worn by Dani tribesmen as backward and an act of defiance.
Indonesia is a polyglot nation of 13,000 islands, 300 ethnic groups and 365 languages that has always been ruled by the heavy-handed, populous Javanese. East Timor’s recent wrenching escape from the iron grip of
Jakarta is only the most visible boil in this archipelago that festers with religious, economic and cultural strife. The next bloodbath could break out in the province of Irian Jaya, the western half of New Guinea, where recent settlers have zero in common with the Stone Age indigenous inhabitants.
Is there a connection between AIDS and circumcision?
Researchers claim decade-old evidence has been ignored.
Male circumcision could help diminish the HIV/AIDS pandemic in developing countries, but health professionals are reluctant to publicize this fact, according to an editorial in the Lancet by Daniel Halperin and Robert Bailey. The authors cite a study, published a decade ago, of 422 Kenyan men who habitually visited prostitutes. The research showed that the uncircumcised men had an 8.2 times greater risk of infection. Of 38 additional investigations, 27 from eight different countries found a similar association between uncut men and infection.
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