2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
“Shortstop’s the best position they is,” sings Nuzzle front man Andrew Dalton, crummy grammar and all, on “Daedalus and Us.” It’s easy to believe in a band that quotes that line from Tobias Wolff’s short story “Bullet in the Brain.” And anyone who’s played even an inning of Little League baseball knows that short’s where the action is, the axis around which all other positions pivot. Shortstops manage the stunt of being hard-working and glamorous at the same time.
“San Lorenzo’s Blues,” the second record by the California four-piece Nuzzle, comes on as unexpectedly soft as a full-count change-up. The plaintive guitar plucks on the CD-opening “San Lorenzo’s Blues Pt. 1″ repeat at intervals on Parts 2, 3 and 4 of the song over the rest of the record, working as a kind of narrator on a walking tour of the album. Along the way, singer Dalton and the gang point out spots where some of the best pop music of the last 20 years was made. Call it rock ‘n’ roll Bloomsday: Here’s where the Meat Puppets bounced toward Bethlehem; and there’s where the Feelies rumbled stoically; that’s the place where R.E.M wrote songs that had fans twitching happily in their corduroy sport coats.
Nuzzle’s first full-length was so dense with growling guitars and Dalton’s one-
At the end of “Bullet in the Brain,” Wolff’s protagonist, who is just then experiencing the unpleasantness of the story’s title, has a vivid reminiscence. The character recalls playing baseball as a boy. There’s a Southerner, a stranger, in the pickup game of his memory. When teams are arranged, the new kid says he wants to play shortstop. “Short’s the best position they is,” he says. Wolff writes that his character, while dying, “is strangely roused, elated, by those final two words, their pure unexpectedness and their music.” Listeners of Nuzzle’s new disc will know just what he means.
Mac Montandon is a freelance writer in Portland, Ore.More Mac Montandon.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.