Hank Hyena
Are witches stealing Zimbabwe penises?
A prostitute is accused of magically stealing a deadbeat client's privates, then returning them on payment.
Nov. 30, 1999
Sorcerers’ spells and voodoo hexes are dismissed as hocus-pocus in much of the world, but in Zimbabwe a juju curse is considered a plausible danger.
A suburban Harare, Zimbabwe, prostitute was recently accused of magically stealing her client’s penis and testicles after he failed to pay her $1.60 fornication fee, notes the Nov. 15 Herald Reporter. The married man excused himself after intercourse with her to use an outdoor toilet, but he never returned.
The next morning, the swindler entered another public lavatory at the Mbare Musica bus station, where he discovered that his sex organs had vanished! Dismayed by this dislocation, he began screaming and running around the crowded terminal, clutching his smooth crotch. Police officers dragged him to the local station, where he related his sad tale and displayed his empty groin as proof.
The vengeful hooker was summarily ushered in to explain the genitalia absence. She informed her interrogators that the lost apparatus would be returned the following day if the man apologized for his behavior and paid her for the sexual services that he had received, plus interest. Contritely, the man obeyed.
The next morning he joyously returned to the constabulary to confirm to the curious and concerned police that he had indeed woken up fully intact.
Belief in Zimbabwe black magic extends to all races, suggests an article in the Nov. 7 Africa News. Richard Wolton, a white farmer, hired seven n’angas (traditional healers) to banish from his property any witches who might be mysteriously killing his farm workers. The n’angas located an abundance of ominous objects that they claimed were used in nocturnal witchcraft activities. The confiscated juju junk included owls, snakes, goblins and a human penis.
Was the latter from another john who dared to stiff a prostitute?
Carnal goo
New products now being tested promise to alleviate female sexual dysfunction.
Imagine a gel that women layer on their pudenda that magically swells the area with lustful desire. Blood engorges the labia, the clitoris stiffens excitedly and lubrication (the historic task of foreplay) is swiftly unleashed by the moistening cream. A tiny dollop rubbed in softly and — shazam! — the female tingles, itching with passion.
Such a thing exists. Many over-the-counter sex creams that speed up women’s “libida” are already available, and two biopharmaceutical companies are aching to get their new love lotions approved by the Food and Drug Administration. Their medical and financial ambition is to garner the products massive Viagra-esque popularity with women.
Continue Reading CloseSexy penises
The circumcision decision could affect a baby's future sex life.
“He’ll never get a blow job!” pregnant Abigail fretted, “if we don’t circumcise him.”
“Fellatio,” her husband Kent conceded, “is man’s best friend. But why won’t my son get sucked if he’s whole?”
The Berkeley, Calif., baby shower had disintegrated into yet another debate about circumcision. Every well-wisher on the festive patio knew that neo-natal Zachary already owned 15 stuffed animals, nine Dr. Seuss books and enough green overalls to costume an elf army, but the parents — like so many others — hadn’t determined yet if the tot would be sporting a foreskin.
Continue Reading CloseThe quest for sweet semen
I learned how to transform funky spunk into delicious joy juice -- but ultimately decided not to.
“You’ve got funky-tasting spunk,” Samantha tells her bitter paramour on the Aug. 6 “Sex and the City” episode, as she refuses to fellate his foully spurting member. “Giving head [to you] is like a trip to the rotten-egg buffet.”
I winced watching this, because I am consumed with greedy but guilty desire when it comes to the issue of squirting inside the mouth and swallowing. I adore oral acceptance of my penile offering, but I’m cravenly apologetic asking for it, because I’m sure the texture and flavor are repulsive on my lover’s palate. Fear of Samanthas also inhibits me: My crotch loves a tongue-lashing but my ego doesn’t.
Continue Reading ClosePenis gourds: The rebel uniform
Indonesia's government sees the garb worn by Dani tribesmen as backward and an act of defiance.
Indonesia is a polyglot nation of 13,000 islands, 300 ethnic groups and 365 languages that has always been ruled by the heavy-handed, populous Javanese. East Timor’s recent wrenching escape from the iron grip of
Jakarta is only the most visible boil in this archipelago that festers with religious, economic and cultural strife. The next bloodbath could break out in the province of Irian Jaya, the western half of New Guinea, where recent settlers have zero in common with the Stone Age indigenous inhabitants.
Is there a connection between AIDS and circumcision?
Researchers claim decade-old evidence has been ignored.
Male circumcision could help diminish the HIV/AIDS pandemic in developing countries, but health professionals are reluctant to publicize this fact, according to an editorial in the Lancet by Daniel Halperin and Robert Bailey. The authors cite a study, published a decade ago, of 422 Kenyan men who habitually visited prostitutes. The research showed that the uncircumcised men had an 8.2 times greater risk of infection. Of 38 additional investigations, 27 from eight different countries found a similar association between uncut men and infection.
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