SALON

Thursday, Jan 20, 2000 5:00 PM UTC

A Fisch by any other name

My last name is Fisch. My husband's last name is Flynn. Our son's last name is Flysch. No, it's not a spelling error.

By

Topics: Coupling,

A Fisch by any other name

“Please advise which parent has the court-established financial responsibility for the health care expenses of this child.”

I recently received this notice from my insurance company. My partner and I are married; the court isn’t involved in establishing anything about how we share the responsibilities of caring for our child. We received this notice because our son does not share a last name with either one of us.

My last name is Fisch. My husband’s last name is Flynn. When our son was born, we gave him the last name Flysch. It’s not a spelling error, as the woman who fills out the birth certificates at the hospital assumed it was. It’s a combination name.

Our reasons for choosing a combination name are fairly simple.

I was unwilling to give up my last name when my partner and I got married. Fisch is who I am. It’s the name I work under, publish under and respond to. I suffered through years of being called “fish-sticks” and “fish-face,” and I’ve become used to constantly correcting the misspellings of my name.

I have to admit that the name “Flynn” was tempting. It’s such an easy name: Easy to spell, easy to pronounce. My husband’s childhood nickname was “Errol.” Innocuous.

Even so, I wasn’t willing to surrender that part of my identity.

But I didn’t want my husband to change his name, either. If it wasn’t right for me, why would it be right for him?

There was another reason Flynn would never work for me or my child. Names indicate something about where we come from — our heritage, our ethnicity. Flynn says Irish Catholic; I am, as the name Fisch suggests, Jewish. Since we had decided to raise Max as a Jew, the Irish Catholic name Flynn just didn’t seem right.

People sometimes ask us why we didn’t just hyphenate Max’s name. The answer is simple: We couldn’t see anyone going through life as a “Fisch-Flynn” or a “Flynn-Fisch.” Some names just don’t fit together. Plus there is the as-yet-unresolved problem as to what happens when two children whose names are already hyphenated marry and reproduce. The four-part last name?

So we combined our last names into Flysch. Our son, Max, is a combination of the two of us; it made sense that his name should reflect this fact.

Everyone in our lives has had their own way of coping with the new name. My parents accepted it as just one more weird quirk — on par with the fact that we sleep on a futon. My husband’s mother said, “Oh yes, combination names. That’s a Generation X thing to do. I hear about it all the time.” Max’s great-grandparents can’t quite figure out the spelling, so his first birthday cards were addressed rather oddly. And recently a cousin asked us if we had decided on a last name yet. But everyone has the odd rude relative.

Overall, my husband and I have been very happy with Max’s last name. Indeed, I would recommend the combination name highly to other couples — married or unmarried, gay or straight — who are considering the prospect of parenthood. Our son’s name turned out to be a relatively easy place to begin to modify the historic gender inequalities of child-rearing. Sure, it’s only a name, but it’s a start — a moveable tip on a much less malleable iceberg of tradition.

Incidentally, Max will never be alone in his last name, even if we decide not to have any more children. Flysch is our dog’s last name too.

Audrey Fisch

Audrey Fisch is a freelance writer and the coordinator of Women's Studies at New Jersey City University. More Audrey Fisch.

Next Article

You Might Also Like

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

Gripping photos: The people of the Turkey protests (slideshow)

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11
  • The protests take on a festive element as police forces move out of the park and square. Wearing a gas mask, this young man dances to traditional Turkish music in front of Taksim Square’s Ataturk Monument.

  • In Gezi Park since March 31st, this protester, originally caught off-guard by the Government’s teargas and water cannons, went out and bought a Russian army mask from WWII, preparing for what was to come.

  • This rambunctious boy seems to be enjoying the chaos. After taking this picture he threw a stone at the already destroyed building in the background.

  • Forming a line, the police face off directly with protesters in Taksim Square. After a while, they retreated and there was a general cheer – a back-and-forth dance that has been common since the beginning of this protest.

  • An elderly woman in Gezi Park reads the news. The tent community occupying the park was violently destroyed on June 16th.

  • Many different groups had set up booths to promote their cause in Taksim Square and Gezi Park. Standing in front of one, this man waves his flag while posing with conviction.

  • Many home-remedies are used to minimize the effects of tear gas. This woman has put a milky solution on her face, removing her mask after the tear gas dissipated. Before sunrise, the police came again for another round of teargasing.

  • People capitalize on the uprising -- selling flags, beer, gas masks, sky lanterns and spray paint to name just a few of the popular items.

  • On Monday morning, June 11, the police execute a strong offensive. Many plain-clothed police officers, like the ones seen here, clash with protesters in the side streets away from the main stand-off in Taksim.

  • The authorities seem to be most aggressive in the night, pushing protesters away from the square and park. After being teargassed this young woman catches her breath with other protesters on Siraselviler Street.

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11

Related Videos

More Related Stories

Comments

 0 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: "We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves": Growing up primate

Recommendations