Hank Hyena
Kiwi student crucifies penis
Gross-out contest winner horrifies New Zealand.
A Christchurch student who stapled his penis to a crucifix then set it on fire during a televised pub promotion — How far will you go? — did not breach the norms of good taste, according to a controversial ruling by a New Zealand television authority.
To demolish his pub rivals, Thomas Hendry stapled his staff to a crucifix 18 times with an industrial-strength stapler, then drenched it in cigarette lighter fluid and ignited it in a meat-cooking blaze.
Trader McKendry, the Christchurch tavern that sponsored the contest, gave Hendry a whopping jackpot of about U.S. $245 in cash and the same amount in a bar credit.
“The stunt was unusual and macabre,” the Broadcasting Standards Authority conceded, but the footage shown on state-owned television’s “Havoc 2000 Deluxe” show fell just short of breaking broadcasting boundaries.
The organ ordeal was videotaped in its excruciating entirety and subsequently broadcast by Television New Zealand (TVNZ) reports Agence France-Presse. Audiences were warned repeatedly that the upcoming footage was “graphic and disgusting,” but the cock-crippling clip was actually edited so extensively that it was difficult to comprehend the magnitude of the genital torture.
For months, TVNZ has been under fierce attack from Prime Minister Helen Clark who has accused the network of being shamelessly ratings-driven.
Two viewers did complain, but the decency watchdog defended itself by asserting that the pecker-pulverizing act was within the periphery of its good taste because the network edited some of the most explicit aspects of the stunt.
How much wounding can a poor weenie endure? Hendry evidently heals quickly because he’s already contemplating a repeat performance of his sausage-slaughtering ritual.
The next annihilation will be slightly less severe: Hendry concedes that he’ll use fewer staples and have a bucket of water ready to put out the flames quickly.
Carnal goo
New products now being tested promise to alleviate female sexual dysfunction.
Imagine a gel that women layer on their pudenda that magically swells the area with lustful desire. Blood engorges the labia, the clitoris stiffens excitedly and lubrication (the historic task of foreplay) is swiftly unleashed by the moistening cream. A tiny dollop rubbed in softly and — shazam! — the female tingles, itching with passion.
Such a thing exists. Many over-the-counter sex creams that speed up women’s “libida” are already available, and two biopharmaceutical companies are aching to get their new love lotions approved by the Food and Drug Administration. Their medical and financial ambition is to garner the products massive Viagra-esque popularity with women.
Continue Reading CloseSexy penises
The circumcision decision could affect a baby's future sex life.
“He’ll never get a blow job!” pregnant Abigail fretted, “if we don’t circumcise him.”
“Fellatio,” her husband Kent conceded, “is man’s best friend. But why won’t my son get sucked if he’s whole?”
The Berkeley, Calif., baby shower had disintegrated into yet another debate about circumcision. Every well-wisher on the festive patio knew that neo-natal Zachary already owned 15 stuffed animals, nine Dr. Seuss books and enough green overalls to costume an elf army, but the parents — like so many others — hadn’t determined yet if the tot would be sporting a foreskin.
Continue Reading CloseThe quest for sweet semen
I learned how to transform funky spunk into delicious joy juice -- but ultimately decided not to.
“You’ve got funky-tasting spunk,” Samantha tells her bitter paramour on the Aug. 6 “Sex and the City” episode, as she refuses to fellate his foully spurting member. “Giving head [to you] is like a trip to the rotten-egg buffet.”
I winced watching this, because I am consumed with greedy but guilty desire when it comes to the issue of squirting inside the mouth and swallowing. I adore oral acceptance of my penile offering, but I’m cravenly apologetic asking for it, because I’m sure the texture and flavor are repulsive on my lover’s palate. Fear of Samanthas also inhibits me: My crotch loves a tongue-lashing but my ego doesn’t.
Continue Reading ClosePenis gourds: The rebel uniform
Indonesia's government sees the garb worn by Dani tribesmen as backward and an act of defiance.
Indonesia is a polyglot nation of 13,000 islands, 300 ethnic groups and 365 languages that has always been ruled by the heavy-handed, populous Javanese. East Timor’s recent wrenching escape from the iron grip of
Jakarta is only the most visible boil in this archipelago that festers with religious, economic and cultural strife. The next bloodbath could break out in the province of Irian Jaya, the western half of New Guinea, where recent settlers have zero in common with the Stone Age indigenous inhabitants.
Is there a connection between AIDS and circumcision?
Researchers claim decade-old evidence has been ignored.
Male circumcision could help diminish the HIV/AIDS pandemic in developing countries, but health professionals are reluctant to publicize this fact, according to an editorial in the Lancet by Daniel Halperin and Robert Bailey. The authors cite a study, published a decade ago, of 422 Kenyan men who habitually visited prostitutes. The research showed that the uncircumcised men had an 8.2 times greater risk of infection. Of 38 additional investigations, 27 from eight different countries found a similar association between uncut men and infection.
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