Stephen Lemons
Attack of the flesh-eating bananas!
Latest Web hoax slanders America's most beloved fruit.
In a rumor sure to wreak chaos at the Chimp Channel, an e-mail passed along by thousands of credulous netizens has spread the false report that several shipments of Costa Rican bananas to the United States have been infected by the bacteria that cause necrotizing fasciitis, otherwise known as the “flesh-eating” disease.
According to the erroneous e-mail, signed by a nonexistent “Manheim Research Institute,” necrotizing fasciitis has “decimated the monkey population in Costa Rica.” Anonymous researchers at the “MRI” state that “the disease has been able to graft itself to the skin of fruits in the region,” most notably the banana.
Talk about “Bedtime for Bonzo” — something like this could spell the end for the Animal Planet channel. Jane Goodall could be forced into early retirement. And what will the knuckle draggers in George W. Bush’s campaign staff eat?
(OK, OK. That last bit’s unfair — to the primates.)
Necrotizing fasciitis is caused when certain forms of streptococcus bacteria infect the skin through a cut or a scratch. They attack the subcutaneous (soft) tissue and spread very quickly, leaving dead tissue in their wake. Left untreated, an infection can lead to amputation or death.
The e-mail says the federal government hasn’t issued a banana alert for fear of causing a panic. (That’s a job for others.) So the e-mail advises everyone to lay off the banana daiquiris and Jell-O pudding pops for two or three weeks, until the scare passes.
If you come down with a fever and a skin infection after noshing on a ‘naner, you’re supposed to get to an M.D. pronto. If you’re more than an hour from a medical center, the e-mail advises, “burn the flesh ahead of the infected area to help slow the spread of the infection.” Ouch!
Sure, that may look like a mosquito bite on your arm. But just in case, a bottle of lighter fluid and a box of matches will clean that sucker right up.
Before you fire up your Bunsen burner, check it out: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in Atlanta says the report is a bunch of hooey that has been going around the Web since January.
“Theoretically, it’s possible,” explains Chuck Fallis, a CDC spokesman. “But, to our knowledge, the so-called flesh-eating bacteria have not been transmitted via banana.”
Seems the usual route of transmission for flesh-eating bacteria is person to person, not banana to person or banana to monkey.
The CDC hasn’t been keeping tabs on how many phone calls it has received on the topic, but it does have a banana-rama hot line set up at (404) 371-5375. And its Web site includes information debunking the rumor.
Fallis says the CDC recorded about 800 cases of necrotizing fasciitis in 1998: “That sounds like a lot, until you compare it to several million cases of strep throat each year.”
Tim Debus, vice president of the International Banana Association, denounces the hoax as a case of Internet terrorism comparable to hacker attacks on popular Web sites. “When we first heard about it in January, it sounded too unbelievable to be believable,” says Debus. “But when you’re talking about a food product, people will err on the side of caution.” Go figure.
Debus says his trade organization doesn’t have figures indicating whether the prank has affected sales, but he reports that his office has gotten hundreds of inquiries about it in the past three months. And the e-mail is still showing up in people’s mailboxes. No one seems to know where the rumor started.
He says it’s a particularly insidious rumor considering the fact that Americans consume upward of 28 pounds of bananas per capita in a given year and that 98 percent of all U.S. households have purchased bananas in the past month. I guess America’s the original “Banana Republic.”
For David Mikkelson, who runs the respected Urban Legends Reference Pages with his wife, Barbara, it’s a typical Internet hoax. Among other popular ones out there: tampons are made with asbestos; KFC has been raising genetically altered chickens; and antiperspirants cause breast cancer.
“A common facet of these rumors is that people are willing to believe the most outrageous things about governments and large corporations,” says Mikkelson. “We always distrust the big guys, as if the little guys could never do this.”
Mikkelson’s fave involves the baby formula Enfalac. According to this particular hoax, when mixed with a drug found in dog food, it can cause a toddler’s stomach to explode. Supposedly, a child ate some dog food by accident after ingesting Enfalac, and blammo, baby go boom!
Of course, there’s no truth to it. But the more outrageous the story, the more difficult it is to forget.
Technically, most hoaxes and medical scares are not urban legends, as urban legends involve narratives that happen to “a friend of a friend,” but the Mikkelsons include them on their Web site anyway.
They must be doing something right; even the CDC’s Web site refers readers to Snopes.com for more info. But Mikkelson’s somewhat skeptical about the positive effects of debunking rumors. “When people read a newspaper story debunking a rumor about flesh-eating diseases and bananas, what they remember is ‘flesh-eating disease’ and ‘bananas,’” says Mikkelson. “They don’t remember that the story was telling them it wasn’t true.”
Damn. It’s enough to drive you bananas.
Peter Bogdanovich
The director of "The Cat's Meow" discusses the truth about "Citizen Kane," the philanderings of Charlie Chaplin and the lies Hollywood tells us about death and dying.
Sneering at Peter Bogdanovich’s name has been an art form in some circles for so long that when you meet the man, you expect the insufferable popinjay whom writers still have a field day skewering. This is the man who, according to the Los Angeles Times, sported $323 blue leather clogs in court just prior to filing bankruptcy in 1997. The man who married (and later divorced) his lover Dorothy Stratten’s half-sister Louise several years after Stratten was brutally murdered by her jealous husband. The man who stole Truffaut’s shtick by going from film scribe to filmmaker, and so on.
Continue Reading CloseThrough clowning
You can laugh, but the mummified clown at the California Institute of Abnormalarts appears to be serious business.
If Federico Fellini and Salvador Dalí had ever collaborated on a funeral service, it might have resembled what the California Institute of Abnormalarts in the North Hollywood section of Los Angeles did a few weeks back. There on a chilly February evening, about 60 mourners, curiosity seekers and full-fledged freaks had gathered for coffee, cake and a clown corpse hermetically sealed in a glass box and displayed onstage in a moldy coffin. According to the Byzantine prayer cards handed out at the entrance, these were the earthly remains of one Achile Chatouilleu, an American circus performer who died in 1912, asking that his body be forever on display in the clown attire and makeup he wore in life.
Continue Reading CloseHitler’s clairvoyant
A new biography tells the bizarre tale of the Jewish psychic who met with the future F
In the weeks leading up to Adolf Hitler’s appointment as Reichschancellor on Jan. 30, 1933, there was nothing inevitable about the Austrian corporal’s ascension to power. Results of the 1932 November Reichstag elections were disappointing for his National Socialist Party, with the Nazis suffering losses in the German parliament while retaining about a third of the seats there.
Nazi coffers had been drained dry by the campaign. Hitler had endured significant defections from his movement and threatened suicide. Some Nazis began to wonder if he had the right stuff to be their Führer.
Continue Reading CloseLove motel
Chas Ray Krider's photos unlock the noir sexuality of the quintessential American motor inn.
At the Bambi Motel in Columbus, Ohio, an alluring, nearly naked redhead lies sprawled on the floor of one of the lodging’s dimly lit, slightly raffish rooms. She’s on her back, dressed only in diaphanous white panties and black Mary Janes, and her eyes appear closed. She could be dead, sleeping or simply posing for an erotic photograph. The viewer alone determines if this is a crime scene torn from the pages of a Jim Thompson novella or something a tad less sinister.
There are other rooms, other assignations and situations. On a wine-colored couch, circa 1960, a topless brunet in mules and sheer dark knickers is involved in various spiderlike contortions. Who is she doing this for and why, one wonders? More puzzling are the chambers where a touch of the surreal is introduced: like the backside of a woman decked out in vintage garters and high heels, severed from its upper half by the folds of a dull gold curtain falling over a vermilion rug. Perhaps the head and arms of this inviting posterior are hidden by the hanging fabric. Or maybe the rest of her has vanished into some parallel Lynchean universe.
Continue Reading CloseA serial killer analyzes serial killing
The 1960s "Moors Murderer," Ian Brady, still haunts the British psyche. His recently published book shows why.
Ian Brady’s darkly handsome visage is forever floating to the surface of Great Britain’s collective psyche, a sleek, brooding specter of malevolence and sadism that the tabloids and the broadsheets simply cannot leave alone. The most iconic image in Brady’s portfolio of infamy was snapped in 1966 as he was being tried for three of his five murders of Manchester children and teens during a two-year killing spree. Sitting in the back of a police car on his way to court, the stylish, Scottish-born sociopath exudes an imperious nihilism as foreboding as it is seductive.
Continue Reading ClosePage 1 of 11 in Stephen Lemons