John McCain, R-Ariz.

David Foster Wallace: Ain't McCain grand?

A postmodern literary lion slobbers all over the former candidate in Rolling Stone.

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The writer 1 in the magazine 2 said the candidate 3 was a hero 4.

I don’t really know. I was wasn’t there and someone of my age, 39, grew up precisely at that time 5 when we began to actually question the motives, the actions, the deeds and the (in sum) point of the oh-so-sacred activities — the songs, the protests, the sit-ins, the riots, man — of the 1960s; and I even went to Berkeley where you were indoctrinated into the utter righteousness of the guys who were on the very real front lines of a battle with cops and sometimes worse (National Guard troops!) with shields and bayonets and tear gas and actual guns 6; but I seem to remember that amid all the protest over, the clamor about, the hatred for the war one thing that a lot of people felt strongly about (beyond the dislike of Nixon, or Johnson, the debate of whether or not there were dominos dropping in Southeast Asia, whether the protests at home might be the catalyst for something bigger, something new, politically, that might change everything and really, for the first time, put power into the hand of the people) was the feeling, again I would think felt by just about everyone against the war, that amid their comforts, their stability, the opportunities open to them to do whatever they wanted, be what they wanted, in the most luxurious place in the most luxurious country in the most luxurious time in the history of the world, that there was something somehow off in the fact there was concurrently going on the expenditure of extraordinary sums, vast sums, lots of money, on steel, on rubber, on circuitry, on computers, on radar, fuel dials, switches, rotors, cams, pistons, stabilizers, all sorts of complicated stuff like that, all in the service of “delivery” — as the word of the time went, as some Pentagon apparatchik might have put it — of bombs up the asses of Vietnamese civilians.

You could oppose the Vietnam War for a lot of reasons, in other words, but it’s hard to imagine that anyone didn’t feel a little bit sorry for the sons of bitches on the ground up whose asses this grand old American armament was going — the city folk and the villagers, the farmers and shop workers, the old and the young, the married and the unmarried, it didn’t matter — those who, think of the worst, those most fucked-over by American society and then multiply it one-hundred-fold in this backward place, maybe, at the worse, were living in filth, raising their kids in filth, a subsistence existence in a Third World country, caught (from our perspective at least) by the grip of social and geopolitical forces they probably had no inkling of, much less considered with any thoroughness. And if like me you basically believe that people everywhere always are and have been the same, that the human psyche, crafted and evolved over millions of years, just isn’t going to change much over a few millennia — that you can get an insight into the behavior in Rome, into the Han Dynasty, the Golden Horde, the Jews, the Muslims, the Germans — if you basically think of them as Americans: dumb Southerners, arrogant Northeasterners, vacuous Angelenos, whatever, most of them selfish, greedy, solipsistic by nature despite occasional internal urges and less frequent external and acted-upon ones toward fairness or equality or unselfishness; if, in other words, you figure that your typical Vietnamese crowd could be just as ugly in its xenophobia, nationalistic urges and its ability to be led into less than honorable behavior by demagogues as any American — you can turn it around and put yourself in their shoes and you really, in the end, can’t really blame the individual participants in a crowd in that country and at that time for feeling, against whatever best instincts they might have been possessed of, nothing really magnanimous toward (you wouldn’t, that is, have expected them to roll out the red carpet or have a testimonial dinner for, invite into their house or introduce to their daughters, say) the guy who’d just been trying to stick a bomb up the asses of them and their kids, even if the guy in question had a devil-may-care grin, was known for being something of a hellion and quite a ladies man to boot, indeed, to the point of being not really straight arrow enough to have followed in the footsteps of his dad and grandpop and made anything close to admiral but kinda likeable just the same, not to mention the fact that he’d taken the effort and the time and the consideration of sailing and flying the 12,000 miles or so necessary across the Pacific Ocean to do so, even if, in the event, he’d been hit by anti-aircraft fire, been ejected from his plane, breaking a few limbs in the process, and fallen into a lake and been captured.

So when the writer talks up how the candidate was, how he followed a “Code” and didn’t accept an early release from his five years as a POW because of adherence to this “Code,” and thereby should be supported by “Young People” for president, you don’t think, Wow, what a great and principled writer, standing up for heroism and “The Code,” you don’t think that at all, you think, instead, it seems weird, this many years on, to sort of morally erase the situation of the Vietnamese from the theory, and to sort of forget what remains one of the few generally conceded ideas of the war, that just about everyone got a bit fucked in the pursuit of it, as befitting something with such suspicious origins; twisted, surreal operations; leavings that still catch one or another of us in moral flypaper to this day; and the ability still to put into sharp relief the odd concept, like, if I may cite just one example, “The Code” the writer talks about, which seems something puny in this context; aren’t those odd little fillips of military procedure designed mostly to occupy the mind of the poor saps out there doing the shooting, giving them odd, quirky abstract concepts to bite into in their unholy position? Because, for instance, given the future candidate’s injuries — three broken limbs and a knife wound in the groin, all untreated medically — it’s hard to believe that “The Code” actually applied to him; I mean, is that how it worked, really, that if there are five POWs together, then the earliest captured has to be released first, even if one is injured, with three medically untreated broken limbs and a knife wound in the groin? And also, how do you refuse to let someone release you from POW camp? What if they just toss you out the door? Do you come back in?

It’s not so much that the writer has to agree with any of this — he’s a famous writer and he can write anything he wants, whatever he believes whatever he feels as an artist he needs to say — but what he actually does say raises all these questions and he never seems to notice or care or ponder them himself. I don’t know why he doesn’t. It could be that he hasn’t thought about it. It could be that it was inconvenient for his argument and he wanted to avoid it. It could be that he’d thought about it but had a ready rhetorical response, something that would simply demolish everything a cynic might say, but just didn’t want to muddy the issue, didn’t want to go through a long and ornate and possibly cruel refutation of the feelings of anyone who would think that, so why bother? It could have been any of those things but I think it was something else. 7

But first a step back. The writer isn’t alone — everyone thinks the candidate’s a hero, no one talks about the Vietnamese up whose asses the candidate was trying to shove a bomb that night — but the writer was writing in a special place, The Magazine, which has an interesting history, having been at one point a striking repository for interesting journalism, a lot of interesting political journalism. With a couple of other outlets, notably the New York Herald Tribune Sunday Magazine, which became New York, which is kind of a shell now but used to be a central repository for what came to be called “The New Journalism,” the magazine did a lot of writing like this, nothing more radical and controversial, at that time, than publishing the work of Hunter S. Thompson, the political reporter. Hunter S. Thomson — fuck-up, hellion, honest-to-god agent provocateur, imp and menace (he was also a liar and really not liked by many people) — did two things: Dogged Nixon through the 1972 elections and Watergate, and then latched on to Jimmy Carter four years later. His sympathetic coverage in 1976 of someone who to the then-still-potent grail of the youth vote (this was still just the third presidential election after 18-year-olds got the vote) might otherwise had seem a genteel Southern cracker at best may have played a role both in Carter’s capturing the Democratic nomination and then, a few months later, by a very narrow margin 8, the presidency.

In an issue dated June 3, 1976, the magazine published a cover story: “Jimmy Carter & the Great Leap of Faith: An Endorsement, with Fear and Loathing, by Dr. Hunter S. Thompson.” The riotous, 25,000-plus-word-long piece, amusing to this day, amid page after page of Thompson’s fencing with Secret Servicemen, with political aides, with Ted Kennedy, amid casual libels still potent today 9, presents a powerful portrait of Carter, based, as the author says in a rare burst both of self-disclosure and seeming honesty 10 on some two years of personal and professional experience watching the candidate. Thompson knew delegate counts, electoral history and campaign strategies; he was a reporter, doing the actual behind-the-scenes work of the beat man, talking to players, hearing what was up. As a by-product of all of this, in early 1974, he got wind of the campaign of a Southern Democratic governor not very well known to the rest of the country, and followed him for the next two years, culminating in the classic of political journalism that was called “Jimmy Carter & the Great Leap of Faith” and had a drawing of Carter with a Confederate flag wrapped over his shoulder on the cover and was called inside “Third-Rate Romance, Low-Rent Rendezvous” and was illustrated with a line drawing of Carter as a Cheshire cat, by all of which I mean to indicate — this would go without saying to those who grew up reading Thompson, but would not to those who didn’t — that Thompson in typical fashion spent a great deal more of the article detailing Carter’s faults than he does, at the end of a very long article, offering up, grudgingly, the almost careless opinion that he thought Carter might not be a bad president.

Compared to this, the writer’s article is two-day-old beer. (C’mon, you think, we’ve read this all before, the haggard, sleep-deprived journos, the monotony of life on the campaign trail, the hierarchy of the big-name reporters above the little-known ones, the jovial camaraderie that nonetheless develops …) And sometimes the writer comes off as a bit incredulous, as in one priceless, very long section in which the writer tells us that the networks news technicians — the sound and audio guys — know more about the campaign, and have a more sophisticated analysis of the campaign, than the news people 11, this variation on the old dependable of the common-sense-dispensing cabbie or barber having gone out with the fedora but in the writer’s hands and in the writer’s breathless, long-sentenced style continuing on here for a couple of columns, all in the service of detailing a purportedly sophisticated analysis of what the candidate should have done in South Carolina once his opponent 12 went negative on him, which “extraordinarily nuanced and sophisticated” assessment on the part of the tech guys’ being: If the candidate goes negative on his opponent in return, he’ll look bad. I’m not a famous author like the magazine writer but I think a lot of what the news tech guys were saying they’d heard from the political reporters they follow around all day.

But basically the writer was writing for dumb people — yeah, the tech guys really know what’s up, not like those TV people, stupid journalists! — and trying to get them to agree with him about how honest and sincere the candidate is, and how, perhaps, America’s Young People, understandably detached from the current political scene, might want to give him a chance, and how things have gotten so bad — yeah, Christ, time was when heroes could just be heroes! — that you can’t even tell whether to accept the seeming heroism of the candidate at face value, because he’s running for president and in varying degrees has to use sleazy techniques to forcefully represent himself as a non-sleazy politician, all to the end of trying to get the Young People he writes about to vote for the candidate, even speculating darkly that there are evil forces at work mitigating against just this eventuality and at one point he even asks a very important, very portentously phrased question 13, the real answer to which being something entirely different from the one he envisioned, to wit, that it’s possible that Young People don’t vote, don’t care about the process, feel apathetic (if indeed they do, because among many other journalistic failings of the article there’s actually no hard evidence in it that this is the case), not because evil people don’t want them to vote for the candidate but because they can sense in the mad homogenization of the media; in the pompousness of famous writers; in the contempt for their intelligence virtually palpable in an article that barely mentions the candidate’s positions on things like abortion and gun control among about 5,000 questionable Republican positions on things affecting the magazine’s readers; and in the intellectual vapidity that deems these issues (which are the things that matter, right, what the candidate stands for) less important that the image on which he based his campaign; that they can, in sum, sense in all of these issues what role in an arguably important event — a presidential election — has been taken by both the magazine and the writer 14. And one other thing as well 15.

1) David Foster Wallace, author of “The Broom of the System,” “Infinite Jest” and, more recently, “A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again,” a collection of journalism, acclaimed (“one of the big talents of his generation, a writer of virtuosic talents who can seemingly do anything,” as Michiko Kakutani put it in the NYT) and impossibly scruffy and hip, now the class author of choice for upscale general-interest magazines, known, perhaps most superficially, for his involuted, amusing style, with lots of long, breathless sentences, twisting and turning up hill and down dale where his whirling mind (as we’re supposed to understand) takes him; oddities like funny grammatical constructions, which constructions are illustrated here in this phrase; and the turning of conventional reporting on its head by the use of many devices, most famous among them many lengthy and discursive footnotes. This article is a parody of that technique, just as this sentence, with its deflating, post-modernist self-referentiality, is.

2) Rolling Stone, founded 1967, owned then as now by Jann Wenner, talent, impresario, genius but now, increasingly, vulgarian, star-fucking, too-rich pratt, circulation 1.2 million and change, a signal magazine, perhaps the signal American magazine of the mid part of the second half of the 20th century, having hitched its cart to pop culture’s wild ride during this time, and producing, along the way, arguably the era’s most riotous, honest, scintillating and irreverent melange of journalism in its widest sense — profiles, reporting, criticism, nonsense, most notoriously and justifiably, perhaps, for the writings of one Hunter S. Thompson, on whom more in a bit.

3) John McCain, born Aug. 29, 1936, Panama Canal Zone, son and grandson of admirals, U.S. Naval Academy, Annapolis, 1958, member of U.S. Navy 1958-81, a prisoner of war from 1967-1973, recipient of Silver Star and Bronze Star among other things, a beer distributor from 1981 to 1982, married to Cindy McCain, no less than seven kids, now a senator from Arizona, and recently a candidate, as noted above, for the Republican presidential nomination and as such the subject of the magazine article at hand.

4) As the article notes, the then Navy pilot was shot down over Hanoi, ejected himself from his plane, breaking three limbs in the process, fell into a lake in a park in the middle of the city, was dragged out by bystanders and beaten up on top of the injuries he already had, including being bayoneted in the groin; was imprisoned without medical care, then offered release (because he was an admiral’s son), which was refused, Wallace writes, because of “The Code” — something about prisoners having to be released in the order they were captured. Because he did this voluntarily, Wallace writes, McCain has “the moral authority to utter lines about causes beyond self-interest and to expect us … to believe he means them. It feels like we know, for a proven fact, that he’s capable of devotion to something other, more, than his own self interest.”

5) The punk era, 1976, say, to 1979 or 80, call it the disco age if you want but historically punk’s attitudinal dyspepsia really did mark the moment, such that Rolling Stone at the time had a great deal of trouble, didn’t really know how to deal — were the Ramones a joke? Nazis? Racists? — and didn’t they — didn’t someone say — that Rod Stewart, Peter Townsend, heck even Mick, were just old and in the way and hey, that’s just a little out of line, man, Mick was king of the world when you were a twinkle in your momma’s eye.

6) “James Rector was shot right up there, on the roof on the corner of Telegraph and Dwight, the helicopters came from that direction, dropping the gas low over Sproul, it even hit the student hospital!”

7) I will explain what that something else is in a minute. But first, a step back.

8) 40,828,929 for Carter to 39,148,940 for Ford. The Electoral College vote was close, too — 297-240. A switch of a few thousand votes in just a couple of states would have given the election to Ford.

9) Humphrey — “Here was this monster, this shameful electrified corpse — giggling and raving and flapping his hands at the camera like he’s just been elected president. He looked like three iguanas in a feeding frenzy.” Nixon: “Criminally insane and also president of the United States for five years.”

10) “I have known Carter for more than two years and I have probably spent more private, human time with him than any other journalist on the ’76 campaign trail.”

11) “Leaving aside their coolness and esprit de corps, be advised that Rolling Stone’s [as Wallace calls himself in the article] single-luckiest journalistic accident this week was his bumbling into hanging around with these camera and sound guys. This is because network news techs [I elide here one of those Wallaceian interpolations, parodied often in this very article] turn out to be way more acute and sensible political analysts than anybody you’ll read or see on TV.”

12) George W. Bush.

13) “These for the most part are not lines of thinking that the culture we’ve grown up in has encouraged Young Voters to pursue. Why do you think that is?”

14) That of a tool.

15) That maybe postmodern writing has come to this, an obsession with surfaces and a disregard for history to an extent that the past with its uncomfortable complexities and harrying nature doesn’t matter; that political positions don’t matter; and that the historical context for one’s actions doesn’t matter either, and since contrarily what does resonate in a culture so defined is the surface the image the appearance, perhaps the role of the writer is merely to reflect, even encourage, even take advantage of, this state of affairs.

Bill Wyman is the former arts editor of Salon and National Public Radio.

Will “Joe the Plumber” run for Congress?

And if so, how many minutes will it take for him to say something embarrassing to a reporter? Ten?

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Will

“Joe the Plumber,” a man named Sam who is not a plumber, may run for Congress. Joe, a briefly famous desperate attempt by the John McCain campaign to paint Barack Obama as an enemy of the working man, is mulling a run against Rep. Marcy Kaptur, D-Ohio, who’s been in the House since 1983. Joe told Yahoo’s “The Ticket” his thoughts on the potential campaign:

“I’m not ruling anything out,” Wurzelbacher told The Ticket in an interview Thursday. He added that he thought it was an “interesting idea” and that people have been asking him to run for office since he confronted Obama four years ago. He’s spent much of his time since then on the speaker’s circuit, he said, encouraging others to run for office.

“I like the idea of it — just regular Americans running. If a regular guy runs, right away the media’s going to attack him,” Wurzelbacher said. “What kind of education does he have? What does he know about this? My answer to that is, regular Americans aren’t experts, but dammit, look where the experts have gotten us. Maybe we need some regular guys in there. That’s what I’ve been doing the past two and a half years, just encouraging regular Americans to run. Tell the liberal media to go to hell and I don’t care what you guys say about me, I’m going to try to fix this country.”

Man, I hate it when people condescend to regular Americans! Especially when people like Joe the Plumber condescend to “regular Americans.” Regular Americans don’t have publicity agents, Joe!

The local Republican Party is begging Mr. The Plumber to enter the race, because while running against a 30-year veteran is usually a pointless task, a pseudo-celebrity candidate can at least make a game of it. Kaptur won with 60 percent of the vote in 2010 and 74 percent in 2008, though there’s a chance redistricting could make her vulnerable. (Kaptur also introduced a bill restoring Glass-Steagall! So basically I like her.)

Local Republicans say there’s about a 90 percent chance Joe will enter the race, at which point once again he will be asked questions on camera and he will say embarrassing things, like he did last time.

But as dumb and small-minded and tiresome as Joe the Plumber is, there’s no reason why he couldn’t be a congressman. Ben Quayle is!

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Alex Pareene

Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene

Whoops, no one told the right that their Libya talking point doesn’t work anymore

President Obama is far to weak to have accomplished what just actually happened in Tripoli

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Whoops, no one told the right that their Libya talking point doesn't work anymore

It’s obviously premature to celebrate “victory” in Libya when no one knows what will happen next, or how difficult and bloody the process of state-building will be. (And Gadhafi is not yet actually gone.) But the news is good, and Obama’s strategic approach to the conflict — allowing France and NATO to take the lead to minimize the chance that America was seen as leading another Iraq-style war of aggression — seems to have been the right one. (Strategically. Not necessarily legally.) As Steve Kornacki wrote this morning, this should be the end of the “Obama is too weak to lead” talking point from the right. It should be, but … it isn’t.

Today’s Wall Street Journal editorial page takes a break from excusing the criminality of the executives in charge of its parent company to deliver an official house reaction to the developments in Tripoli that starts off cautious and then just descends right back into the exact same lame arguments it’s been using for the last six months:

Having helped to midwife the rebel advances with air power, intelligence and weapons, NATO will have some influence with the rebels in the days ahead. The shame is how much faster Gadhafi might have been defeated, how many fewer people might have been killed, and how much more influence the U.S. might now have, if America had led more forcefully from the beginning.

Planning for this moment is precisely why we and many others had urged the State Department to engage with the rebels from the earliest days of the revolt, but the U.S. was slow to do so and only formally recognized the opposition Transitional National Council in mid-July. The hesitation gave Gadhafi hope that he could hold out and force a stalemate.

Libyans will determine their own future, but the U.S. has a stake in showing the world that NATO’s intervention, however belated and ill-executed, succeeded in its goals of removing a dictator, saving lives, and promoting a new Libyan government that respects its people and doesn’t sponsor global terrorism.

I’m not sure how long the editors of the Wall Street Journal think your average revolution lasts, but assuming Gadhafi’s hold on power is as weak as it appears today, I would argue — as a layman, of course — that NATO’s intervention seems neither “belated” nor “ill-executed.” (I mean, it seems well-executed, in the sense that it seems to have accomplished its goal?)

But it’s the line about America leading “more forcefully from the beginning” that the neocons and GOP hawks will continue to cling to no matter what actually happens in Libya. It’s the same argument BFF Sens. John McCain and Lindsey Graham used in their joint response to this weekend’s developments: “Americans can be proud of the role our country has played in helping to defeat Qaddafi, but we regret that this success was so long in coming due to the failure of the United States to employ the full weight of our airpower.”

All-out war! From day one! With the full force of American airpower! One definite way to make a civil war faster and less bloody is for a foreign country to enter it fully, right? (It tends to unite the populace, for one thing!) And conflicts are always less bloody when America drops more American bombs. That’s how we won Vietnam!

There’s no point in countering McCain and the Journal’s arguments with reason, of course, because these are not actually fact-based responses to news, they’re just rote recitations of Republican dogma: Obama weak! (Except domestically, where he is an autocrat.)

And this is the “respectable” Republican talking point. The line from the real nuts — I’m guessing something along the lines of “radical Obama allows Muslim Brotherhood to seize control in Libya” — will begin bubbling up from the sewers to talk radio and Fox News and Michele Bachmann’s campaign soon enough.

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Alex Pareene

Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene

McCain: Afghan drawdown ‘unnecessary risk’

John McCain, Joe Lieberman and Lindsay Graham express concern about withdrawal plans

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McCain: Afghan drawdown 'unnecessary risk'U.S. Senator John McCain, R-Ariz, speaks with other U.S. Senators Joe Lieberman, I-Conn, and Lindsay Graham, R-SC, unseen, during a press conference in Kabul, Afghanistan Sunday, July 3, 2011. Three U.S. Senators visiting Kabul on Sunday say they worry that President Barack Obama's planned withdrawal of 33,000 American troops by September 2012 could undermine Afghan morale, embolden the insurgency, and hamper efforts to defeat Taliban fighters in eastern Afghanistan. (AP Photo/Musadeq Sadeq)(Credit: AP)

Three U.S. senators visiting Kabul said Sunday they are worried that President Barack Obama’s planned withdrawal of 33,000 American troops by September 2012 could undermine Afghan morale, embolden the insurgency and hamper efforts to defeat Taliban fighters.

John McCain, Joe Lieberman and Lindsay Graham said they are heartened by the progress of Afghan security forces, but worry that Obama’s withdrawal plan could deplete American military strength before dealing a decisive blow to the Taliban, especially in eastern Afghanistan. That part of the country is a haven for the Afghan and Pakistani wings of the Taliban, and al-Qaida affiliates.

“I believe that the planned drawdown is an unnecessary risk,” McCain, a Republican from Arizona, who claimed that no military leader has spoken in favor of the timetable.

Lt. Gen. John R. Allen, a Marine general expected to carry out the president’s drawdown order, has said the schedule is a bit more aggressive than the military had anticipated. Allen has cautioned that successfully winding down the war will require new progress on a wide front, including more help from allies and less Afghan corruption.

McCain — during a stop at the Kabul headquarters of the foreign military contingent, called the International Security Assistance Force — said he’s concerned there may not be enough American troops for a move from southern Afghanistan to the east to “finish the job there.” There are currently about 90,000 U.S. troops in Afghanistan among a total international force of more than 132,000.

NATO has deployed the bulk of its forces to Helmand and Kandahar, two southern provinces where Afghan Taliban influence is strong, but international terrorist groups are less influential.

McCain said the drawdown will deprive NATO “to a significant degree” as it attempts to pacify eastern Afghanistan next summer.

Graham, a Republican from South Carolina, cited gains in Afghan security force recruitment and capability and said he was optimistic that native forces would soon be ready to take over security. But Graham also worried Obama’s withdrawal plan may reduce U.S. troop strength in Afghanistan too quickly.

“Withdrawal is what the enemy hopes to hear,” said Graham. “Our goal is to make sure that the enemy doesn’t hear withdrawal and the Afghan people don’t hear withdrawal.”

Lieberman, an independent from Connecticut, said it was important to reassure Afghans that they will continue to receive help long after the 2014 deadline for the withdrawal of U.S. combat troops.

“We’re certainly going to be here in great numbers until the end of 2014 and I hope as a result of a strategic long-term partnership with Afghanistan that we will have a military presence here and cooperation here with our Afghan partners for a long time after that,” said Lieberman.

The senators were skeptical about Western efforts to reach a negotiated peace with the Taliban’s leadership and suggested that political compromises with the insurgents could betray the Afghan people.

“I don’t think there will be serious negotiations with the Taliban until they are convinced that they cannot succeed in the attaining their goals through the force of arms on the battlefield,” said McCain, who lost to Obama in the 2008 presidential race.

Lieberman said that the Taliban would not seriously consider peace until coalition and Afghan forces “basically beat down and wear down the Taliban fighters and they lose their will increasingly and the leadership is isolated.” Lieberman called the idea that Afghan President Hamid Karzai, NATO leaders and insurgent commanders could talk out their differences at a peace conference “a dream, a fantasy.”

The senators’ harshest observations were reserved for Pakistan, home of many of the insurgent groups NATO forces are currently fighting in Afghanistan.

“There’s growing anger, it’s not just impatience, in the Congress of the United States toward Pakistan,” said Lieberman. “We want to have a good relationship with them but we’re tired of seeing them be both our allies and our enemies and supporting our enemies at the same time. They’ve got to decide to be our allies and we’ll be good allies to them, or we won’t.”

Shortly before the senators’ news conference in Kabul, an improvised bomb exploded on the other end of the capital, wounding three Afghan policemen, the Afghan Interior Ministry said. Insurgents have focused many of their attacks on Afghan security forces to undermine their development and NATO’s plans to transfer security operations to Afghan control.

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Puppet John McCain returns to “The Daily Show”

Jon Stewart grills the senator's cloth doppelganger about illegal immigrants' responsibility for wildfires

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Puppet John McCain returns to

Sen. John McCain made some controversial claims over the weekend about illegal immigrants’ responsibility for border-region wildfires. “[W]e are concerned particularly about areas down on the border where there is substantial evidence that some of these fires are caused by people who have crossed our border illegally,” McCain said at a news conference, suggesting that “the answer to that part of the problem” was to “get a secure border.” (The senator has since denied that he was referring specifically to Arizona’s devastating Wallow fire with his remarks.)

As Salon’s Justin Elliott has pointed out, McCain’s “substantial evidence” has been hard to confirm — and last night, Jon Stewart tried to clear things up by interviewing the politician’s cranky puppet counterpart.

See the full clip here:

The Daily Show – Aliens vs. Senator
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Stewart’s McCain puppet debuted in January with this appearance:

 

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Emma Mustich is a Salon contributor. Follow her on Twitter: @emustich.

What other American problems can we blame on immigrants?

Why stop with wildfires?

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What other American problems can we blame on immigrants?Sen John McCain. Right: The Monument Fire burns a hillside just south of Sierra Vista, Ariz. on Sunday, June 19, 2011.

John McCain said last Sunday that there is “substantial evidence” that illegal immigrants started “some of” the wildfires consuming hundreds of thousands of acres of land in the American Southwest. While “officials” and “people who know what they’re talking about” have not produced or even claimed to have any evidence that illegal immigrants specifically were responsible for starting any of the fires that have burned across Arizona this month, that has not stopped certain brave commentators from speaking truth to the massive political power that is Big Mexican Arson.

The Corner’s Mark Krikorian has the next best thing to “substantial evidence”: He has secondhand anecdotal evidence from a guy on a panel at his anti-immigration think tank:

This is an empirical question — some fires are caused by illegal aliens and drug smugglers (either campfires that got away from them or deliberate diversionary fires) and others are not. But the authorities are unwilling to discuss in public the possibility that a politically favored group (illegal aliens and smugglers) might have caused the fires — kind of like the unwillingness to identify the religious tradition that Europe’s rioting “youths” belong to.

Arizona reporter Leo Banks talked about this recently:

The thing that kills me about these fires is Border Patrol and Forest Service won’t discuss that they are started — that they are sometimes started — and we don’t have 100-percent probability on this but we can be 95-percent sure — that illegal aliens and smugglers start fires.

It’s an empirical question! And … there is still no evidence for it, but that’s because of a conspiracy of silence. Every single authority involved is merely protecting a “favored group” of … drug smugglers.

It’s not just wildfires, either. I have substantial evidence — based on some stuff I heard some guys say — that illegal immigrants are also behind most of the rest of our problems.

  • Unemployment: Immigrants stole all the jobs.
  • Rising sea levels: While no one will speak on the record about it, because of “political correctness,” most scientists and experts agree that the sea levels are rising because so many thousands of immigrants are swimming to America to sell drugs (the effect is akin to adding ice cubes to a glass).
  • Tornadoes: Immigrants are often “hopped up” on the illegal drugs they are sneaking in the country to sell. With enough of a “buzz,” meteorologists say (off the record), a couple dozen illegals could excitedly run in circles with enough speed and force to cause the deadly twisters that tore through the nation last month. 

We must build the danged fence before thousands more die.

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Alex Pareene

Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene

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