Jane Austen

There’s something about Jane

Why imitators and sequel writers can't leave Austen alone -- and why they should.

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There's something about Jane

The heroine of Nicole Bokat’s first novel, “Redeeming Eve,” has a cat named Mr. Knightly. That tells you all you need to know, right? Cat owner: single woman. Named after a Jane Austen hero: single woman with misplaced romantic delusions about how her life will turn out.

The premise of the book is rather clever: to pursue the Austen-obsessed heroine beyond the marriage that so conveniently closes the classic novelist’s six completed works. “Austen never looked at life after her heroine’s marriage,” Bokat writes, “the swelling of Elizabeth Bennet’s belly, the agony of childbirth, the potential that Mr. Darcy could lose his fortune.”

Eve, Bokat’s heroine, is a New York grad student writing a dissertation titled “Emma’s Entitlement: Jane Austen’s Feminist Models.” The finished project is rejected by her advisor, which prompts a major crisis of identity. Eve then leaves her mild-mannered husband, infant daughter and overbearing Jewish mother for an indefinite sojourn in England. By the end, her husband forgives her and her dissertation is awarded a book contract.

But Bokat’s attempt to update Austen fails miserably, and here’s why: Austen’s characters do not value accomplishment. They value sense and kindness. Elizabeth Bennet does not play piano particularly well, Emma Woodhouse is reluctant to apply herself to her drawing and Catherine Morland has no abilities whatsoever. But to Bokat’s heroine, accomplishment is everything.

The problem, for any reader attracted to “Redeeming Eve” for its investigation of Austenian themes, is that the ambitious Eve resembles a combination of fretful, pseudo-intellectual Mary Bennet (the plain, piano-playing sister from “Pride and Prejudice”) and self-involved Isabella Thorpe (who spurns a loving fianci for someone more glamorous in “Northanger Abbey”) more than she does any of Austen’s forthright heroines. It’s also that the subject of Eve’s monograph is tried, true and hackneyed.

“Austen’s heroines are more powerful feminist models than many of the female characters in twentieth-century literature who reveal a disturbing propensity for masochism,” she says, purportedly demonstrating her originality but in fact recycling an idea that has been an accepted interpretation since the emergence of feminist literary criticism. (Full disclosure, possibly indicating sour grapes: I got my doctorate from the school on which Eve’s is probably modeled, and wrote papers on both “Emma” and “Sense and Sensibility” when I was there.)

“Redeeming Eve” is worth examining, however, if only because it is the most recent of many attempts to capitalize on Austen’s continuing appeal. The half-dozen films of recent years are only high-profile versions of a quieter literary Austen-mania. Not only do both of Helen Fielding’s bestselling “Bridget Jones” books steal plotlines (one from “Pride and Prejudice,” the other from “Persuasion”), but noted fantasy writer Joan Aiken has written “Jane Fairfax,” “Emma Watson” and “Mansfield Revisited” — all sequels to Austen’s originals. Stephanie Barron has made Austen a sleuth, penning five mysteries with the author as the heroine, and Julia Barrett has written two sequels, “Presumption: An Entertainment” (to “P&P”) and “The Third Sister” (to “S&S”).

This summer, Barrett steps even more boldly into the footsteps of genius by completing Austen’s last work of fiction, the never-finished “Sanditon.” Though her book is a massive failure as well, it too illustrates the modern passion for Austen — and how fundamentally even the most ardent fans can misunderstand her.

Bokat’s heroine says that Austen’s novels “are the perfect wish fulfillment fantasy.” That is, they offer the romantics among us the thrill of seeing stoic heroes like Mr. Darcy and Captain Wentworth converted into ardent masses of jelly. The secret of Austen’s staying power is her precise modulation of character identification: In all of her novels a single female personality suffers agonies of misunderstanding with the almost unreachable hero, and yet Austen’s omniscient narrator inevitably gives us a few brief peeks into the mind of the desired object.

For example, in Mr. Darcy’s breast “there was a tolerable powerful feeling towards [Elizabeth], which soon procured her pardon, and directed all his anger against another.” And in “Northanger Abbey,” Henry Tilney finds Catherine Morland’s lack of education charming: “She was heartily ashamed of her ignorance — a misplaced shame,” the narrator informs us. “Where people wish to attach, they should always be ignorant. To come with a well informed mind, is to come with an inability of administering to the vanity of others, which a sensible person would always wish to avoid.” Catherine agrees with everything Henry says so earnestly “that he [becomes] perfectly satisfied of her having a great deal of natural taste.”

Austen’s brief excursion into the man’s point of view hints that the happy ending we demand is forthcoming, teasing us with it so we turn the pages all the faster. It assures us of the softening of the hero’s heart. It’s a formula, it works beautifully and it is indeed part of the novels’ enduring charm. But right before her death, Austen started off in a new direction, apparently breaking with the romantic paradigm. She began composition of “Sanditon” in January 1817. In July of that year, she died of Addison’s disease, and the subject of health is her explicit topic in the unfinished novel, less a love story or a novel of manners than an investigation of the economic and medical issues at stake in the oceanside developments that offered the “sea cure” to 19th century invalids.

Reading Barrett’s completion of “Sanditon,” titled “Charlotte,” the Austen fan feels disoriented. There is no indication in the new book of where Austen’s text ends and Barrett’s begins; nor does the short explanatory note tell whether Barrett has trifled with Austen’s prose at all or left it intact. Therefore, every sentence is suspect. Is it the work of a literary genius or a hack imitator?

For example, Austen’s previous descriptions of her heroines are absolutely precise, full of affection and criticism simultaneously: “No one who had ever seen Catherine Morland in her infancy would have supposed her born to be an heroine,” she wrote in “Northanger Abbey.” “Her situation in life, the character of her father and mother, her own person and disposition, were all equally against her.” Here, readers see Catherine’s fantasy life juxtaposed with her own ordinariness and can sense her buried frustration, her youth and her naiveti. What, then, are we to make of the following description: “Their invitation was to Miss Charlotte Heywood, a very pleasing young woman of two and twenty, the eldest of the daughters at home, and the one who under her mother’s directions had been particularly useful and obliging to them”? Too simple, too bland, too neutral to ever be Austen!

But it is. Minimal research proves “Charlotte” faithful to Austen’s text until Page 74, when Barrett’s begins. One reason it is hard to tell the difference is that the first third of “Sanditon” is not the Jane Austen we know and love: It is something more ambitious in its social scope. Charlotte, the ostensible protagonist, doesn’t appear until the end of Chapter 2, and the narrative is concerned with none of the exquisite social embarrassment Austen’s heroines so often suffer. Instead it deals with the emerging hierarchies of a community that is just forming itself in a newly booming town, and with the folly of hypochondria. It is harder to articulate why Barrett fails, because Austen was trying something new.

I shall try, however. Following Austen’s lead, but certainly in a most misguided manner, Barrett diverges wildly from the romance novel formula. She gives us at least eight different personalities to identify with, characters in bathing suits (!!) and a plot involving spice smuggling and some lowlife types down by the shore. The minute feminine dramas of the drawing room are abandoned for manly concerns of commerce. There is no impediment, either, to Charlotte’s marrying the designated hero, Sydney Parker. Indeed, he must simply overcome his rather apathetic nature and her heart is his. He loves her. She loves him. There’s no problem whatsoever — so who cares?

In addition to their other failings, neither Bennett nor Bokat provides anything like Austen’s scathing social critique. They do deliver the happy ending that seems to symbolize Austen to some readers. But mass market romance novels abound — they’re a dollar a dozen at any used-book store. People continue to read Austen in particular not just because she delivers the wish fulfillment fantasy but because she delivers it in a package that subverts many of its qualities. She is knowing, scathing, even caustic.

Smart readers can suck up the jelly of Mr. Darcy’s love without failing to note that Elizabeth dates her affection for him back to the moment when she first visited the enormous grounds of his beautiful house, Pemberley. We can drink in Henry Tilney’s fondness for Catherine and still congratulate ourselves on our worldliness, for the narrator reminds us that “though to the larger and more trifling part of the [male] sex, imbecility in females is a great enhancement of their personal charms, there is a portion of them too reasonable and too well informed themselves, to desire anything more in woman than ignorance.”

Modern readers are, I think, starved for this precise combination of satisfying romance and socially astute wit. The bitterness of the latter allows us to guiltlessly enjoy the honey of the former, which would choke us if swallowed pure. Austen’s enduring appeal is not costume-drama elegance, and it is not romance alone. It is woman-centered comedy that criticizes the follies of humanity.

Our most observant female novelists hardly ever attempt humor. Possibly because they’re still fighting for respect in a world populated by the Big Male Novelists Who Get Taught in Graduate School, they concentrate on serious topics like slavery (Toni Morrison), philosophy (Iris Murdoch), apartheid (Nadine Gordimer) or the darkness of the human soul (Joyce Carol Oates). And readers like me continue to make bestsellers out of lackluster romantic comedies by authors like Melissa Bank, Carrie Fisher and Laura Zigman. We buy books with heroines who name their cats Mr. Knightly, and slap down cash for feeble sequels by Austen imitators. We are desperate for that female voice raised loud in irritation, ironic and teasing, but still full of hope for the lovelorn. No one but blunderers like Bokat and Barrett even tries.

Jane Austen gave us that voice, that critique and that happy ending, too. It is a truth universally acknowledged. And we will love her forever for it.

Emily Jenkins is the author of "Tongue First," "Five Creatures," and a forthcoming novel: "Mister Posterior and the Genius Child."

Sold: The ultimate Jane Austen accessory

Updated: A rare, unfinished manuscript commands $1.6 million in London

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Sold: The ultimate Jane Austen accessory

[UPDATED BELOW]

There are Jane Austen fans and Jane Austen fans. Enough die-hards fall into the latter category to fuel a lively trade in Austen-themed knickknacks, costumes and accessories — but it’s unlikely that many Jane-lovers will be able to trump Thursday’s major Austen acquisition.

Sotheby’s has sold a partial manuscript of Austen’s unfinished 1804 work “The Watsons” in London for $1.6 million. The AP says the auction house has confirmed that “it is the only major manuscript by the author still in private hands” — but the name of the buyer (person or institution) hasn’t been made public. (The rest of the “Watsons” manuscript, which resides at the Morgan Library in New York, can be seen here.)

Heartfelt though their feelings for the late English prose-smith might be, few run-of-the mill fans can afford to splurge on an original manuscript (not that they’ll get many opportunities). Here are some more modest — and, in certain cases, eccentric — options:

UPDATE: The “Watsons” manuscript was acquired by Oxford University’s Bodleian Library.

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Emma Mustich is a Salon contributor. Follow her on Twitter: @emustich.

V. S. Naipaul says women can’t write

The prizewinner slams Jane Austen and claims men are better novelists. It would be funny if it weren't so sad

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V. S. Naipaul says women can't writeV.S. Naipaul

How banal life would be without the feud-picking, egomaniacal literary blowhard. Imagine if we had to rely solely on Alain de Botton’s novels, without the pleasure of his “I will hate you till the day I die and wish you nothing but ill will in every career move you make” rants to his critics. Consider a world with only John Fowles’ novels, and no boasts that “I think I understand Nabokov better than any other of his readers … I am psychologically of the same tribe.”  Contemplate the tragedy that would have been Norman Mailer as a publicity-shy recluse. And then there’s V.S. Naipaul – Booker Prize winner, Nobel Prize winner, Paul Theroux feuder, and, mostly recently, Jane Austen disser.

In an interview with the Royal Geographic Society on Tuesday Naipaul replied, “I don’t think so” when asked if he considered any woman writer his literary match. He further said, of Jane Austen, that he “couldn’t possibly share her sentimental ambitions, her sentimental sense of the world,” elaborating that women writers are “quite different … I read a piece of writing and within a paragraph or two I know whether it is by a woman or not. I think [it is] unequal to me.” 

Poor Jane Austen. She’s had to bear such an astonishing amount of the weight of the female canon all these centuries — and now some Nobel Prize winner comes along and craps all over her accomplishments anyway. And Naipaul didn’t stop there, adding, “My publisher, who was so good as a taster and editor, when she became a writer, lo and behold, it was all this feminine tosh. I don’t mean this in any unkind way.” Ladies, if you’re suffering from feminine tosh, talk to your doctor.

Naipaul’s dude-centric braggadocio would be flat out hilarious if it hadn’t provoked the inevitable soft-pedaled sexist observations of why there’s never been a female Shakespeare or Tolstoy or fill-in-the-blank, including Melanie McDonagh’s halfhearted observation in the Evening Standard that “pound for pound, women writers don’t match men in size and weight.”

Let’s forget for a minute the millennia of restrictions that made a life of letters impossible for almost all women throughout history. Ignore the questions of whether women have had equal opportunity to write important books, and get right to the heart of Naipaul’s assertion — that they’re incapable of doing it. Because what he’s really getting at is a persistent attitude that runs rampant not just in the arts but in business, in sports, and anywhere men and women congregate: that the feminine is automatically unimportant and inferior, that “size and weight,” so to speak, are the only criteria worth measuring.

Edith Wharton and Willa Cather and, for that matter, the brilliant J.K. Rowling did not write like dudes. The Brontë sisters didn’t either, although their alter egos Currer, Ellis and Acton Bell sure pulled the wool over a few eyes in their time — even if they couldn’t have fooled a lady-sniffing genius like Naipaul. The female experience in the world is unique from that of the male. Yet plenty of people, not just gasbag old men giving interviews to the Royal Geographic Society, believe different is lesser, that merit is synonymous with masculinity. That to think or run or react or write like a girl is insufficient.

The wisest observers of human nature are the ones who can illuminate without bias.  They’re the ones who can opine that “Your feelings may be the strongest but … ours are the most tender” without assuming that strength automatically has a greater value than tenderness.  And to write them off would be to miss out on the genius of a Jane Austen, an author who knew that when it comes to men and women, “I will not allow books to prove anything.”

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Mary Elizabeth Williams

Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedub.

Does reading great books make you a better person?

A critic says Jane Austen taught him to be a more decent man, but the world is full of well-read jerks

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Does reading great books make you a better person?Detail from the cover of "A Jane Austen Education" by William Deresiewicz

Seeing a favorite critic expound at length on a favorite author is an undersung form of literary pleasure — as close as you can get to reading two great writers at the same time. William Deresiewicz’s “A Jane Austen Education: How Six Novels Taught Me About Love, Friendship and the Things That Really Matter” certainly achieves that effect for this particular reader. Like Austen, Deresiewicz is lucid, principled and knows how to think as well as how to feel, without ever sacrificing one to the other. He understands that most of us want more than just an exquisite aesthetic experience from a novel. His reviews are gratifying even when you feel inclined to quarrel with them, and (unlike a surprising number of esteemed critics) he has a sense of humor.

But I am going to quarrel, just a little, and not because “A Jane Austen Education” isn’t a delightful and enlightening book. It is both of those things. Furthermore, Austen’s reputation is sinking, quicksand-style, into that of a purveyor of romantic wish-fulfillment and empire-waist nostalgia; Deresiewicz offers it a gallant hand up. His book is a reminder of why she has long been regarded as among the greatest novelists of the English language, even by those who do not swoon for Colin Firth. The legendary prime minister Benjamin Disraeli (a man of the world if there ever was one), when asked if he found the time to read novels, replied that indeed he did: “All six of them, every year.”

Deresiewicz would surely agree with Disraeli’s prescription. In “A Jane Austen Education” he explains how his long engagement with “all six of them” helped convert him from a surly, preening grad student — “about as dumb, in all human things, as any 26-year-old has a right to be” and grandiosely convinced that anything other than “complex, difficult, sophisticated” modernist fiction was beneath him — into a decent, civilized man.

It began when a professor forced him to read “Emma.” Balky at first, Deresiewicz was soon thunderstruck by the revelation that Austen had “not been writing about everyday things because she couldn’t think of anything else to talk about. She had been writing about them because she wanted to show how important they really are.”

Each chapter in this fusion of memoir and literary criticism reflects on how one Austen novel helped Deresiewicz reach a fuller understanding of some important aspect of life: common courtesy, learning, the importance of character over charm, social status, friendship and love. He makes a good case; Austen is a profoundly moral novelist and surely meant her readers to glean some insights on how best to live from reading her books. I do not doubt that Deresiewicz improved a lot while reading them. It’s the causal relationship between the two phenomena that I doubt.

Does reading great literature make you a better person? I’ve not seen much evidence for this common belief. Some of the best-read people I know are thoroughgoing jerks, and some of the kindest and noblest verge on the illiterate — which is admittedly an anecdotal argument, but then, when it comes to this topic, what isn’t?

There’s a theory, vaguely associated with evolutionary psychology, maintaining that fiction builds empathy, and therefore morality, by inviting us into the minds, hearts and experiences of others. This is what the British children’s book author Michael Morpurgo implied recently in the Observer newspaper, when he claimed that “developing in young children a love of poems and stories” might someday render the human-rights organization Amnesty International obsolete.

While I’m all for cultivating such tastes in children, I also don’t think the love of stories has to be taught. Most children are keenly interested in stories in all their forms. (Reading is a different matter.) They always have been. Yet there has always been a need for groups like Amnesty and it seems probable there always will be, no matter how many stories we pump into our youth.

Isn’t it just as likely that many people who are already empathetic and moral will be drawn to literature because they’re curious about and interested in how others think and feel? Of course, not everyone with a literary appetite is so motivated. Quite a few, like the youthful Deresiewicz, are driven by intellectual vanity. Perhaps Deresiewicz seized on Austen precisely because he was ready to become less self-involved and her novels spoke to this shift in his taste. If they had been forced on his (presumably even dumber) 22-year-old self, would they have had the same salutary effect, or would he just have dug in his heels and sneered?

So while I thoroughly enjoyed “A Jane Austen Education,” I didn’t entirely buy it. Its narrative seemed constrained by the very American (and fairly puritanical) notion that culture proves its worth by demonstrating that it leads to self-improvement. This approach, at its worst, can make literature seem like some dull but nutritious foodstuff that must be dutifully chewed and swallowed, however little pleasure it may give. That’s not why I read Jane Austen — it’s not even why I read “A Jane Austen Education” — and I suspect it’s not why Deresiewicz reads her, either. Something tells me that he has gotten a lot more out of those six novels than life lessons, and I’d like to read about that, too.

Further reading

William Deresiewicz’ website, where you can find links to his reviews and essays

Michael Morpurgo on children, literature and human rights in the Observer

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Laura Miller

Laura Miller is a senior writer for Salon. She is the author of "The Magician's Book: A Skeptic's Adventures in Narnia" and has a Web site, magiciansbook.com.

Which literary character is a Facebook addict?

From Sherlock Holmes to Jane Austen: How classic fiction figures would have adapted to the digital age

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Which literary character is a Facebook addict?

In the BBC’s clever new reboot of the Sherlock Holmes stories, the great detective plies his trade in the present day. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s creation is so utterly identified with late Victorian London as to make this seem almost unimaginable, but the miniseries’ creators have imagined it — specifically which aspects of 21st-century life Holmes would wholeheartedly embrace. He likes to text.

It makes sense; Holmes — played as a chilly yet frisky über-nerd by the wondrously named Benedict Cumberbatch — would naturally prefer to issue his opinions and summons without having to suffer the responses of average “idiots.” In the first episode of “Sherlock,” a beleaguered Inspector Lestrade, in the midst of a press conference about a rash of suspicious deaths, receives a barrage of one-word texts from the detective: “WRONG,” “WRONG” and “WRONG.” A moment later, the whole press corps starts getting them, too.

When it comes to integrating new technologies into familiar fictional forms, we’ve mostly seen one of three things: forgettably gimmicky novels told entirely in e-mails; hysteria about the demonic properties of the Internet; or complaints about how cellphones and GPS have ruined a handful of reliable thriller and horror tricks. It’s a lot harder these days to believably strand the hero or heroine in some remote, sinister locale, cut off from any opportunity to summon help.

But there’s no reason to assume that the devices that have transformed our daily lives must inevitably scuttle our storytelling. Some things never change. (The Dr. Watson of “Sherlock,” for example, is still recovering from a bullet wound, and he still got it in Afghanistan.) People are still people and Sherlock Holmes will certainly always be Sherlock Holmes. Which raises the question of how some of literature’s other great characters might have taken advantage of the digital age.

The ill-fated matchmaking and meddling of Jane Austen’s Emma Woodhouse, for example, was seamlessly updated to include cellphones in the 1995 movie “Clueless.” Of course, an Emma transposed to 2010 would have a field day with Facebook, nudging acquaintances to friend each other and forming little groups like “People Who Have Heard Quite Enough in Praise of Jane Fairfax,” to the dismay of Mr. Knightley. Can anyone doubt that if Holden Caulfield were around today he’d have a blog? He practically invented the blog, five decades before the things existed! As for James Joyce’s Stephen Dedalus: He’d have a Tumblr.

Would it necessarily detract from “Moby-Dick” if Ahab implanted a GPS chip in the white whale, and couldn’t Iago have spread doubt and suspicion even more insidiously as an anonymous Internet commenter? Scarlett O’Hara could have bypassed that loveless marriage to Frank Kennedy and financed the restoration of Tara by using the project as the premise for a reality TV show. That would be just like her — and the dress made out of old curtains would still play.

Josef K. would get trapped in voice-mail hell while trying to get out from under a robo-signed mortgage. Jay Gatsby and Becky Sharp would live in dread of a shrewdly executed Google search. Fagin would graduate from picking pockets to identity theft. And as for Jeeves, it’s no coincidence that an Internet search engine was once named after him; I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a secret, time-warping connection to the Web all along.

What about it, Salon readers: Which new technologies would feature in an updating of your favorite classic books? Post your responses in the comments thread.

Referenced in this article:

Website for “Masterpiece Mystery: Sherlock”

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Laura Miller

Laura Miller is a senior writer for Salon. She is the author of "The Magician's Book: A Skeptic's Adventures in Narnia" and has a Web site, magiciansbook.com.

The Jane Austen mash-ups we’d really love to see

Ask not what zombies can do for Austen, but what she can do for the zombies

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The Jane Austen mash-ups we'd really love to see

On Sunday, we learned of the latest literary mash-up, “Jane Austen’s Fight Club,” via Mashable. Unlike the trailers for the bestselling “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” or the less-successful sequels “Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters” and “Mansfield Park and Mummies,” this entry doesn’t even represent a dead-tree product; there’s no book, just a video in which the female characters from “Pride and Prejudice” act out scenes from the Chuck Palahniuk novel/David Fincher movie in Regency costume.

It’s pretty funny, but a remark from Mashable’s Brenna Ehrlich got some of us at the Salon offices thinking: “We imagine,” Ehrlich wrote, “a whole lot more boys would have been OK with reading ‘Pride and Prejudice’ had Lizzy [sic] busted out with a roundhouse once in a while.” Maybe so, but we couldn’t help noticing that the vast majority of the Austen mash-ups involve injecting some action element from contemporary pop culture into Austen’s stories in order to make the novels more interesting. This seems to work for quite a few readers, but those of us who find Austen’s books sufficiently interesting on their own are left to wonder when the favor will be returned. We’ve been shown what zombies and monsters and bare-knuckle brawlers can do for Jane — when do we get to see what Jane can do for them?

As someone who has seen nearly every horror film released in the 1980s (What can I say? It was a golden age) and a goodly chunk of the ones that followed, I regard my zombie-movie-buff credentials as secure. Still, the form has gotten a bit tired: the shuffling, semi-decomposed hordes of the undead, the moaning and pawing, the obsession with brains. A good bit of the appeal of Danny Boyle’s fine “28 Days Later” was simply that the zombies in it are fast. When a variation that small can be touted as a thrilling innovation, you know a genre has gotten a bit, um, moribund.

Then take “Fight Club.” It’s a media property founded on the premise that men getting together to beat each other up represents meaningful resistance to a culture whose entertainments consist largely of depictions of men beating each other up. As social commentary goes, that’s pretty rudimentary, but compared to the mind-set behind the average action movie, it’s Thorstein Veblen. Surely action movies, as well as horror films, could benefit from an injection of Austenian wit, social satire, moral insight and depth of characterization? Because, let’s face it: Too much of popular entertainment relies on fight scenes to gin up “excitement,” and the dirty little secret is that, for a lot of us, the never-ending parade of fisticuffs, martial arts and car chases gets pretty dull.

Granted, we have a Jane Austen problem. Austen, like Jesus, is most misunderstood and misrepresented by those who claim to love her best. Somehow, a writer regarded by previous generations as among the greatest novelists of all time, widely read by both men and women, has lately been cast in the role of the grandmother of chick lit. Nostalgic fetishists of tea sets, balls, empire-waist gowns and Colin Firth choose to see the milieu of Austen’s novels as a theme park for genteel romance instead of as the unforgiving shark pond it actually was. Pop culture can only take advantage of what Austen has to offer when it realizes what’s actually there.

Still, we found it hard to imagine a better Austen mash-up — one in which an Austen character steps into an action movie scenario, for example, to liven things up. The best prototype I could come up with was sadly dated: Stella Gibbons’ brilliant comic novel of 1932, “Cold Comfort Farm.” Made into a film starring Kate Beckinsale in 1995, this is that rare thing, a satire so good it has survived the thing it satirizes. Gibbons mocked the brooding, rural gothic novels of her time by casting brisk, sensible Flora Poste (who maintains that she shares with her idol, Austen, an inability to “endure messes”) among the gloomy, mad and oversexed Starkadders of Cold Comfort Farm. She soon whips them all into shape.

There have been some nascent efforts on YouTube. One spoof splices the soundtrack of a trailer for “Pride and Prejudice” onto the trailer for “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.” Unfortunately, it uses the awful, pandering 2005 version of “Pride and Prejudice” starring (shudder) Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Bennet. Also, “Clones” is so boring you could graft a recording of the Wichita city council meeting onto it and make it better.

So we throw a challenge out there, to Salon readers and Internet visionaries beyond: What would Emma Woodhouse have to say to John McClane (“Die Hard”) and what could Lizzie Bennet teach Jack Ryan (“Patriot Games”)? Blog your suggestions on Open Salon, just make sure to tag your posts “Austen mash-up.”

Referenced in this article:

Mashable item about “Jane Austen’s Fight Club”

“Jane Austen’s Fight Club” trailer

“Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” trailer

“Pride and Prejudice and Star Wars” trailer

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Laura Miller

Laura Miller is a senior writer for Salon. She is the author of "The Magician's Book: A Skeptic's Adventures in Narnia" and has a Web site, magiciansbook.com.

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