Bush’s acceptance speech, by the numbers:

Mentions of Vietnam: 2

References to sex: 2

Mentions of illegal drugs: 3

Mentions of prescription drugs: 1

Times he named John McCain: 1

Times he named Dick Cheney: 1

Expressions of support for programs Cheney voted against as a congressman: 1

Mentions of abortion: 2

Mentions of the homeless: 2

Mentions of Mary Cheney: 0

References to race or tolerance: 8

Uses of the word “kids,” “child” or “children”: 18

Compliments of President Clinton: 4

Implicit references to the Lewinsky affair: 3

Expressions of his ability to work with Democrats: 2

Slams against Al Gore, not including those against the administration: 9

Mentions of George Washington: 1

Mentions of Thomas Jefferson: 1

Mentions of Abraham Lincoln: 1

Mentions of Franklin Roosevelt: 1

Mentions of Harry S. Truman: 1

Mentions of Ronald Reagan: 2

Mentions of his father: 4

Mentions of his mother: 1

Mentions of his mother’s hair: 1

(With apologies to Harper’s Magazine)