Paris Hilton

That’s “It”?

Vanity Fair celebrates Itness, but why? In the grand capitalist scheme of things, an It Girl is a hood ornament.

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That's

She’s been plaguing you for a while, hasn’t she?

You can’t pick up a magazine lately without coming across another toad-licking hosanna to her “packed schedule,” her “individual” style, her three closets, her impossibly glamorous job and her “deeply spiritual” core. Did you know she’s rich beyond all comprehension? Did you know her parents were best friends with/lived next door to/toured with God Almighty Himself? He’s so sweet. That’s how she got her first part in a movie/board membership/column in Vogue! She’s not saying her parents’ connections didn’t help. She’s just saying she always knew she had it in her.

Who is this ravishing Prada-clad creature who has descended, shiny and whirring, clacking like a ravenous, scissor-legged locust onto the pages of every glossy, perfumed publication this side of Condi Nast? And why are we supposed to care? Vanity Fair can explain. The magazine’s September issue is dedicated almost entirely to this decade’s girly-fetish: the It Girl.

Coincidentally, the It Girl’s most important characteristic seems to be her affililiation with Condi Nast. Among VF’s “Its” are two Vogue contributors (Plum Sykes, Marina Rust), the daughter of a VF contributing editor (Patricia Herrera), and VF’s own fashion director (Elizabeth Salzman) and associate fashion editor (Patricia Herrera). Furthermore, as an eagle-eyed friend of mine pointed out, the full-page glamour shot of Vogue writer and Marshall Field scion Marina Rust was preceded by a 15-page Marshall Fields ad, a store that neither my friend nor I ever remembered seeing advertised in VF before.

Though the occasional girl rapper/Olympic swimmer/civil rights lawyer is sometimes tossed into the mix to make big-time magazine editors look democratic and inclusive, it seems the types of magazines that compile “It lists” have been neglecting disposable starlets in favor of power brats lately. The cool-girl-of-the-moment is once again, as she was at the turn of the last century, the “celebutante”: A superstar heiress, a “scandalous” party girl. Thanks to her father’s proclivity for trophy wives/models and her mother’s ironclad discipline/anorexic example, she is a personally trained beauty. And for a few years now she has been evicting from your consciousness the gutter icons more popular in contracting economies.

(Five, to be precise, since around the time of the demise of the Riot Grrrl and the big market boom.)

“It,” which was first used to circumspectly define the uninhibited sexiness of silent movie star Clara Bow, has now become shorthand for an “indescribable melange” of qualities, in the words of VF contributor Evgenia Peretz. But it’s really not that hard of a “melange” to describe: It’s just kind of ugly when you deconstruct it. Women who used their power, money and name recognition to stretch the boundaries of acceptable female behavior were revolutionary once. Women who use the despotic nepotism of the privileged classes to feed their voracious entitlement, self-obsession and exhibitionism are tools. Women who read more than one article about Aerin Lauder are suckers.

What ever happened to the Riot Grrrl “revolution,” anyway? Whatever happened to using fame as a platform to talk about social ills? The same thing that happens every time a few people get flush with money and everybody else becomes lost in the fantasy that they will soon join their ranks. The current obsession with dilettante debutantes just confirms that, in the grand capitalist scheme of things, a Riot Grrrl is nothing but a lagging market indicator (it’s cool to rail against money when nobody has any); the media is rarely anything more than a pliable and willing collaborator; and an It Girl is a hood ornament.

Of course, as the country’s main purveyor of fabulousness, VF can have its It and eat it, too. The magazine acknowledges the “silliness” of girls who “achieve status by doing nothing in particular” while running around with its snout up their skirts month after month. The advertisers of luxury goods that fill the glossy pages leading up to these fawning profiles (not to mention the pages of the New York Times), on the other hand, don’t find them silly at all. As a disdainful acquaintance of the depraved underage hotel heiresses, Paris and Nicky Hilton, notes in “Hip-Hop Debs,” a subtly horrified profile (accompanied by a photo spread showcasing Paris’ 19-year-old nipples), their job is to be in the right places and the right publications in the right clothes. There’s a reason designers loved |ber-It Girl Babe Paley, and her posture wasn’t it.

And in that same issue of VF, why is Gwyneth Paltrow all dressed up as if she’s about to star in a remake of “The Garden of the Finzi-Continis”? Because Prada, It couture house par excellence (among many other luxury labels), has been hawking the well-bred “I was an aristocrat in 1930s Italy” look for at least two seasons now. The It Girl is demure, ladylike, manicured and coifed. What more adorable way to promote the friendly face of fascism?

“Ever notice, that every ingenue mentioned in the tabloids is an It Girl?” groused a December 1999 Harper’s Bazaar, before going on to profile four ingenue starlets (Brittany Murphy, Clea DuVall, Natasha Lyonne and Marley Shelton). This was by way of introduction to its list of women who “set the tone and the trends for 2000, just like Alice Roosevelt Longworth did in the 1900s, when she fired a pistol in the middle of a party and made headlines around the world.” Bazaar’s list topper was Princess Alexandra Von Furstenberg.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth, Theodore Roosevelt’s eldest daughter, was a high-profile debutante during the Gilded Age, a darling of the press who had a pillow embroidered with the inscription “If you can’t say something good about someone, sit right here by me.” She campaigned against her cousin Franklin and her cruel imitation of hard-working, un-fabulous Eleanor was a favorite Republican party trick.

Princess Alexandra Von Furstenberg, the publicity hungriest of the three blond Miller sisters (duty-free heiresses who rose to fame upon marrying a gazillionaire, a prince and a gazillionaire prince practically on the same day), “helped relaunch mother-in-law Diane Von Furstenberg’s signature wrap dress” and confesses to being “a shopaholic.”

If there ever was such a thing as a Riot Grrrl revolution — that is, if it ever meant anything beyond selling records and green nail polish — then it was officially suppressed the day a surgically altered Courtney Love posed in Versace for VF, in a dress that would have made Eva Braun drool. But the sudden ubiquity of the “celebutante” has always been a harbinger of bad things, as any former flapper could tell you. Like other high-priced luxury items (including Gucci, Ralph Lauren and Chanel), It Girls become annoyingly visible during boom years, only to scurry back into hiding when the market collapses or the war breaks out.

Because if an It Girl knows anything it’s that nobody likes an heiress during a recession, and you can’t have a revolution without Marie Antoinette.

Carina Chocano writes about TV for Salon. She is the author of "Do You Love Me or Am I Just Paranoid?" (Villard).

Paris Hilton’s reality show may tank, but she won’t

"The World According to Paris" might be a failure for Oxygen and the heiress alike, but her "career" is fine

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Paris Hilton's reality show may tank, but she won'tParis Hilton catching flack on "The View."

People are taking a schadenfreudian delight in the apparent failure of Paris Hilton’s new reality show, “The World According to Paris.” Low ratings, bad press … the whole spectacle really does need to be put out of its misery. Personally I think it was a branding problem: while Oxygen may be fine for “Tori & Dean,” that’s a program predicated on the idea that Tori Spelling is a mother and wife first, star second. Paris and her unapologetic vapidity belong more in the E! family, along with the Kardashians, Kendra, and “Sex and the City” reruns.

But since I’m not in control of television programming (fingers crossed for next season!), Paris’ future isn’t in my hands. But it’s also not in the hands of her critics, who are gleefully calling Paris “passé,” and the bombing of her latest show the end of her career.

Which begs the question: what career? I’m not being rhetorical, since Paris Hilton’s brand image extends far beyond this one flop. Do you think people will stop buying Paris Hilton perfume because no one tuned in to see Brooke Mueller have an emotional breakdown last week? Do you think her clothing line will magically go away if her show does? Will paparazzi stop following her around? Will her books stop being ghostwritten? Will she no longer be an heiress? Will this even prevent her from getting another reality show in the future? I mean, if “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF” didn’t stop producers from making another show about Paris’ life, I really don’t see it happening next time around.

Paris doesn’t have a career, she has a brand. And a much bigger one than Snooki or the Teen Moms or most of the Kardashians (though she did ride the same sex tape train to fame as Kim). Her ability to get photographers to follow her around isn’t in question here, nor the number of Twitter followers she has, nor her family’s money. So what if Barbara Walters yelled at her on “The View”? Think about it this way: it would be weirder if Barbara hadn’t.

Paris is an irresponsible, vain rich girl who will never have to lift a finger in her life. That may not make for good television right now, when the country is more into Jersey girls and teenage pregnancy and bridalplasty, but as far as her “career” goes, you have to be of the mind that either she’ll still have it post-show, or she never had one in the first place. Both choices lead to the same conclusion: While losing a show might be a blow to Paris’ brand, it’s far from a fatal one. She’s already lost several other reality shows, hasn’t she?

The worse Paris acts, the more attention the media will pay to her. (See also: Lindsay, Britney, the Olsens.) She’s not going anywhere, unless she has a personality transplant and suddenly decides she hates the spotlight.

Sorry, everyone.

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Drew Grant is a staff writer for Salon. Follow her on Twitter at @videodrew.

Responding to Paris Hilton’s “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me”

Celebutante tells the world there's more to her than meets the eye ... if she could only figure out what it is

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Responding to Paris Hilton's Fun fact: Paris loves rats!!

Yesterday, celebrity of interest Paris Hilton told Us Weekly a bunch of random facts that most people “wouldn’t know about me.” As in: Did you know Paris Hilton likes to listen to Katy Perry? Now you do!

It’s a pretty incomprehensible list, as if Paris realized that most of the world knows everything interesting about her already, and had to scrape the bottom of the barrel (i.e., iTunes playlist) to come up with some data.

In case she wants to workshop it for a future article, I’ve printed her facts, along with some notes.

1. I love scrapbooking and creating albums as gifts for my friends and family.

More pictures of you and your friends hanging out isn’t a “gift,” it’s a “tabloid.”

2. I was born in NYC and grew up in a hotel.

I think you mean “as a hotel.”

3. I’m an amazing cook. I’m really great at making big breakfasts, but my specialty is lasagna.

Oh, it’s one of these things. “How much do you love eating, Paris?” “So much!”

4. I’ve played piano since I was 5.

So why didn’t you make a tape of that to get famous?

5. I have naturally curly hair.

Where?

6. Katy Perry’s music always puts me in a good mood and makes me want to dance.

This is just a declarative sentence.

7. I have pet rats.

8. I love applesauce.

I think it’s time for a parent-teacher conference with the Hiltons again.

9. My most prized possessions are the dresses my grandmother left me.

This is fine.

10. When I was little, my mom would punish me by unplugging my private phone.

I didn’t know that! That sounds terrible! What was it like growing up with Joan Crawford as a mom?

11. I’ve seen There’s Something About Mary countless times.

I believe it. But I also believe you don’t know what numbers mean. “I’ve seen ‘There’s Something About Mary’ BFFteen-times!”

12. My aunts [Kim and Kyle Richards] are on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and it’s one of my favorite shows!

Everyone knows this. That’s why they got on the show.

13. I was a high school cheerleader.

Didn’t know Paris went to high school, so this may be one of the only legitimate items on the list.

14. I own my own motorcycle team, and they just won their first race in France this week!

F*ck you.

15. I love Forever 21.

Me too! Ugh, but those lines for checkout take forever (21)! It’s like, why don’t they hire FEWER people to walk around aimlessly and add more people working at the fitting rooms and cashiers? Am I right, Paris? You get it.

16. I’m really good at skiing.

You’re rich and good at downhill sports? No. No way.

17. I was vegan for two years.

Fun fact: Cocaine is vegan.

18. I like to go fishing.

Was this during your vegan period?

19. Elizabeth Taylor was my great aunt.

Actually didn’t know this, so I’ll pass.

20. I have a race car license.

Are those not subject to the same DUI laws as regular licenses?

21. I love to draw. I’m always sketching designs for my handbag and footwear lines.

Seriously? You mean you just drew a picture of this and then someone made it? That’s insane.

22. I can play the violin.

See: piano.

23. I love to play practical jokes on people.

You should hang out with Brad Pitt and George Clooney.

24. I speak French but want to learn more languages.

If you speak French anything like you speak English, it’s not really an accomplishment.

25. I’m a daredevil and love to skydive!

I did not know that. This is very interesting and I feel like I know you much better now, like you are a very good friend or maybe even a BFF. Hey, since we’re BFFriends, do you mind if I borrow some countless dollars? I need it to go buy some rats for a practical race car joke. You get it.

 

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Drew Grant is a staff writer for Salon. Follow her on Twitter at @videodrew.

The five most bizarre moments of Paris Hilton’s interview with Lil Wayne

The heiress and the rapper discuss jail time, dreams and pet sharks

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The five most bizarre moments of Paris Hilton's interview with Lil WayneAsking the tough questions.

Whoever came up with the idea to have Paris Hilton talk to Lil Wayne for Interview magazine deserves an award. It’s fives pages of the most hilarious Q&A ever printed, in part because  Hilton can’t think of very good questions to ask besides “What’s your sign?” Then again, she and Wayne may have more in common than we think: They both are musicians, they’ve both felt the cold hard steel of prison bars, and they both like Amsterdam.

Hilton’s decision to do this piece may have been somewhat predicated on another interview, one recently unearthed by author Neil Strauss in his book “Everyone Loves You When You’re Dead.” During her time with Strauss back in 1999, Paris allegedly said, “I can’t stand black guys. I would never touch one,” moments after making out with Vin Diesel, who is half-black. (Paris’ people are now looking into suing Strauss.) And that’s not the first time these allegations have surfaced: in 2009, Darnell Riley “Six Degrees of Paris Hilton” also painted a pretty unflattering picture when he chronicled the socialite saying the N-word on camera.

Paris must have learned her lesson, because she is like, super nice to “Wayne,” despite apparently not knowing that much about him. Below, the five most surreal parts of this hard-hitting interview:


On nightlife

HILTON: What’s your favorite club in Miami?

WAYNE: My favorite club in Miami is a club called LIV. It’s in the Fontainebleau Hotel.

HILTON: Oh, I love that club.

WAYNE: Mm-hmm.

—-


On prison

HILTON: I had to do 24 nights in solitary. [Hilton was held in a separate cell as a safety precaution.]

WAYNE: Oh, so you know how it is.

HILTON: Yeah, I know how it is.

—-


More on prison

HILTON: How happy are you to have your freedom now?

WAYNE: Words cannot explain.

HILTON: Yeah, I know how you feel. [laughs] It’s the best feeling in the world when you come out.

—-


On dreams and Amsterdam

HILTON: I love Amsterdam! It’s so dope there. You can just ride a bike around. Do you ever dream? What are your dreams about?

WAYNE: I don’t dream a lot. But whenever I dream, I just dream about the day I just had or something like that. Mostly that’s what I dream about. I dream about that current day. Other than that, I don’t dream a lot.

—-


Pets! Twitter!

HILTON: Do you have any pets?

WAYNE: I like animals, but I only have a few pets. I have a bunch of fish, and I have two sharks. Those are my dudes.

HILTON: Wow. Sharks? Nice.

(DIMITRI) EHRLICH: How big are the sharks?

WAYNE: One is a little baby, so he’s about a foot or two, or something like that. Then the other one is a good two, two and a half feet, or almost three feet.

EHRLICH: So do you have a huge pool for them? Or do they stay in a tank?

WAYNE: They live in a crib. I have this little water thing. It’s like a little pond under the stairwell in my house. So they swim under there.

HILTON: That’s dope … Do you go on Twitter?

 

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Drew Grant is a staff writer for Salon. Follow her on Twitter at @videodrew.

Paris Hilton’s birthday cake stolen, nobody cares

Professional party crasher "Paz" stole the famed heiress' birthday cake last night and posted it on Facebook.

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Paris Hilton's birthday cake stolen, nobody caresThe purloined pastry.

Last night, Paris Hilton lost her birthday cake when an uninvited guest took it right out from under security’s nose. Someone alert the paper! Well actually, no one bothered even mentioning the story (it was doubtful the partygoers noticed…Paris had already blown out the candles) until the thief fessed up.

The whole ordeal is posted on “professional party-crasher” Paz’s Facebook, where he recounts waking to find himself next to a giant red cake. You have to give the kid some credit, he has balls. Sure, he may write like Tucker Max, but this is 20 times more interesting of a story than Tucker’s sexploits. But the gist of Paz’s night can be summed up as this: Paz crashes Paris’ birthday party, Paz gets ridiculously drunk, Paz decides to “rescue” the cake he estimates at $2,000.

I make for the front door as Kev makes for the valet. I summon some gumption and begin to walk purposefully back into the party.

I brush shoulders with the guy who resembles the head of security.

“Hey man,” I say to him with an air of I-know-what-I’m-doing. “The cake is in that room, right?”

“Yes, sir,” he acknowledges with a slight bow toward the rear of the house.

I take my cue and make a bullet for cake city.

In one fluid motion, I sidestep a confused waiter, seize the prize, and about face to the door.

I pass the security chief again on the way out.

I nod purposefully… he nods in return.

40 seconds later I’m in the front seat of a Nissan Maxima with 70 lbs. of awesome in my lap.

After news of the theft (apparently Paris didn’t notice or care enough to make noise about it that night or this morning) President and CEO Jared Gurfein of Viridian Spirits (and the guys behind the cake) sent out an “OFFICIAL STATEMENT REGARDING THE THEFT OF PARIS HILTON BIRTHDAY CAKE VALUED AT $3,200″:

“It is very unfortunate that someone stole the cake from Paris’s birthday party. We had the cake designed especially for Paris with Lucid in the batter and a beautiful representation of Lucid’s artwork on it, which she had requested to meet the Moulin Rouge theme of the party. We’re happy that Paris and her guests were able to enjoy a night of Lucid cocktails, including the Paris Lemonade / Paris frozen Lucid Sorbet – and only wish that the guests could have tried her delicious cake. As for Paz, feel free to connect with us on the Lucid Absinthe Facebook page, where we would love to hear your side of the story and thoughts on the cake!”

So that was basically an email just to clarify that the cake was more expensive than originally stated. And to pat on the back the guy who stole it! We bet if it had been Lindsay Lohan who had taken the cake, she’d be back in court right now.

 

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Drew Grant is a staff writer for Salon. Follow her on Twitter at @videodrew.

Paris Hilton to appear in new reality TV show

Project from Oxygen will follow the heiress and her friends, exposing more of the celebrity's private life

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Paris Hilton to appear in new reality TV showFILE - In this June 14, 2010 file photo, Paris Hilton arrives at the Activision E3 2010 Preview event in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles, file)(Credit: AP)

Celebrity heiress Paris Hilton’s life “outside the tabloids” will soon hit network television. Oxygen Media has announced “The New Untitled Paris Hilton Project,” a series that will focus on “Paris and four important women in her life, through all of their ups and downs, loves gained and lost, marriages, kids, divorce and more, revealing a lively group of dynamic individuals,” according to  the network.

The program will include her mother, Kathy Hilton, and Charlie Sheen’s estranged wife Brooke Mueller. More attention on Hilton’s private life with friends and family seems odd for someone who filed a lawsuit against the greeting card company Hallmark for invading her privacy with a likeness of her image and pleaded guilty recently to drug use. But the show is aimed at revealing Hilton’s more serious side while also providing a voyeuristic glimpse into her real life. And we thought the sex tape was voyeuristic enough!

 

 

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