Sally Field on f***ability

Prince Charles on bum rap in Britain; Spice Girl Mel C. on the joys of tailwind; Jennifer's dress and Puffy's suit. Plus: Dr. Laura -- going down in Canada.

Topics: Celebrity, Spice Girls, Jennifer Lopez,

Sally Field’s flashing her trademark insecurities again.

“I have never been beautiful in clichi terms,” the actress, who’s making her directorial debut with the film “Beautiful,” confesses in the upcoming issue of Us Weekly. “There are parts of me that I feel are beautiful, but they don’t have anything to do with my nose.”

Um … OK.

And while she admits that “being a movie star has a lot to do with your ‘f—ability quotient,” she says she’s not nearly as good at being a movie star as, say, Goldie Hawn. “Goldie is like a neon light and I am not.”

Now, now, Sally. We like you. We really like you.

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Bottoms up!

“There is a reluctance to talk about bowels and bottoms in Britain.”

Prince Charles, probing British mores at a bowel cancer awareness fundraiser.

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Don’t blame the dog!

Who let the spicy one? Blame Sporty Spice Mel C. The Spice Girl says she has a “problem with trumping,” which I’m told is British slang for cutting the cheese.

“I’m always f******,” she tells the U.K. Sun. (We presume the f-word the bare-breast-boasting tabloid is refusing to spell out in this case is “farting.”) “It doesn’t matter what I eat. I’m just always f******.”

And she’s not the least ashamed of what the paper dubs her “whiffy bum.” In fact, she’s quite proud of her own special girl power. “I don’t try to hide them,” she shares. “I do them quite openly.”

So much for that reluctance to talk about bowels and bottoms …

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A natural for “The Sopranos”?

“I am going to milk my five minutes of fame and try to get my one good foot in the door in Hollywood.”

Eddie McGee, sharing his hopes that his turn on “Big Brother” may give him a leg up in Hollywood.

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Juicy bits

Jennifer Lopez, vindicated? The wearer of that super-sheer Versace hanky/dress at the Grammys will be presented with the Versace Award at the 2000 VH1/Vogue Fashion Awards on Oct. 20. The award honors someone who embodies the late designer Gianni Versace’s “boundless energy, infinite creativity and fearlessness.” Fearlessness, shamelessness

Jennifer Lopez’s boyfriend, accused: Puff Daddy’s former driver, Wardel Fenderson, has slapped him with a $3 million lawsuit, claiming the rapper’s bodyguard, Anthony Jones, forced him to drive through red lights after the fateful nightclub shooting last year. Fenderson has also charged Puffy and Jones with offering him a diamond ring and a $50,000 bribe if he claimed the gun the police found in the getaway car was his. $50,000!? Puffy probably spends more than that on Jennifer’s dresses, but then they weigh less than a diamond ring …

Looks like it’s getting more and more difficult for Dr. Laura Schlessinger to go take on the day. Swamped by dismal ratings, reports of fake guests and speculation that it may be moved from its afternoon spot to the wee hours of the morning, Schlessinger’s syndicated TV show has been dropped by several Canadian stations. “Our audience has voted and unfortunately they’ve cast a nay ballot for Dr. Laura on television,” Roy Gardner, program vice-president for four stations owned by CanWest Global Communications. “Dr. Laura just isn’t delivering the viewers.” Time to bring out those nude photos.

Good news for those of you who’ve been dying to know what Bette Midler’s house looks like — all two of you. The set for her new show “Bette” — a bedroom, living room and kitchen — is a faithful recreation of the zaftig singer’s own home. “They took Polaroids,” Midler says in this Sunday’s New York Times Magazine. “It’s very odd. My husband thinks the set is not grand enough. He thinks people don’t want to see what my life really looks like, that they want the dream of how a star lives. But I say, if they’re looking at the set, I’m in deep trouble.”

“Weekend Update” update: Departing “Saturday Night Live” comedian Colin Quinn will be replaced behind the news desk by cast member Jimmy Fallon and the show’s head writer, Tina Fey. The duo will be the first “Weekend Update” co-anchors since Mary Gross and Brian Doyle-Murray in 1982 and Jane Curtin and Dan Aykroyd before them. At least that’s their story, and they’re sticking to it.

And speaking of late-night comedy alumni … Michael Richards’ new sitcom, “The Michael Richards Show,” is not exactly making an impressive Kramer-like entrance. NBC suits were reportedly so unimpressed with the private-dick show’s pilot, they decided to air the second episode first, on Oct. 24. The first episode won’t be shown until Halloween. Now that’s scary.

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Gotta have more? Read yesterday’s Nothing Personal.

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