Baseball
“You Rice-A-Roni-sucking dot-com bobo rube”
A New Yorker replies to King Kaufman's thoughts on a Subway Series.
Most of the time, it’s possible to ignore all the anti-New York sentiment flying around the provinces and chalk it up to a natural by-product of being at the top. It’s the same phenomenon as when a hotter-than-hot model walks into a restaurant: Most of the other women there either want to be her or want to kill her. Those who are secure enough in their identities don’t think twice about her, and can simply appreciate her beauty from an aesthetic point of view. But King Kaufman is one of the jealous bitches.
Putting aside the fact that most anti-New York sentiment has its shallow foundation in racism and xenophobia (I mean, John Rocker isn’t an aberration, simply a representative) it’s just really fucking old by this point. New Yorkers are a proud and boisterous lot because we’ve earned it. To live successfully in New York you have to be faster, smarter, funnier, prettier and more interesting. That’s WHY this city attracts the people it does from all over the world. I can literally lean over my balcony here in Queens, shout something about the Mets making it into the World Series, and have demands for me to shut the fuck up shouted back at me in Urdu, Korean, Farsi, Chinese, Greek, Italian, Russian and English. Can you do that, King?
The fact is, until the rest of the country comes to terms with the unique place New York occupies on the world stage, we’re going to have to listen to this endless bellyaching from every last bumfuck cowtown that claims it has the biggest and most impressive stalk of corn this side of wherever. That’s fine. But do we really have to be subjected to tired old tirades about “New Yawk” accents and “Fughettabahtit” (and it’s spelled “Fughettabowdit,” you Rice-A-Roni-sucking dot-com bobo rube) at a time when we’re all beside ourselves with anticipation and elation?
You know what, Kaufman, you bitchy little bitch? You’re just gonna hafta deal wit’ two fuckin’ weeks of braggadocio, Piazza and Jeter, before being able to forget that there’s a city three thousand miles away that your city has wanted to be from the get-go. Until then, you and your 284,999,999 comrades can choke on our “two weeks of subway self-absorption” AND my dick. It’s Subway Series time, baby! YEAH!
– John Giuffo
Queens, N.Y.
Guillen’s pro-Castro candor
The Miami Marlins' manager is lucky to get a suspension. Not so long ago, he might have received a car bomb.
A contrite Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen gestures at a news conference on Tuesday. (Credit: AP/Lynne Sladky) There’s not much reason to doubt that baseball manager Ozzie Guillen admires Fidel Castro. He said so five years ago in an interview with Men’s Journal. When asked to name the toughest man he knew, Guillen replied, “Fidel Castro. He’s a bull—- dictator and everybody’s against him, and he still survives, has power. Still has a country behind him. Everywhere he goes, they roll out the red carpet. I don’t admire his philosophy; I admire him.’’
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Jefferson Morley is a staff writer for Salon in Washington and author of the forthcoming book, Snow-Storm in August: Washington City, Francis Scott Key, and the Forgotten Race Riot of 1835 (Nan Talese/Doubleday). More Jefferson Morley.
The year of the baseball book
From a treatise on Yankee hating to a "people's history," a number of great books covered the national pastime
A simple and unsettling calculation reveals to me that this year marks the 40th anniversary of my coming to New England and setting up shop as a Red Sox fan. How innocent I was in that distant day: how little I understood the faces etched with pain, the haunted eyes, the lips that writhed in uttering “Yankees.” It did not take long to become afflicted by the same symptoms and, in my time here, certain Yankee-related events have been so traumatic that they are best designated by numerals alone: 1978 and 2003. The ALCS of 2004 (when the Red Sox came from a 0-3 game deficit to vanquish the evil ones) changed the region’s mental landscape — as, of course, did the subsequent World Championship(s). Since then, Yankee hating has become more of a pleasant pastime than a crippling mental and spiritual disorder.
Continue Reading CloseThe Marlins’ bizarre new look
The team's revamped logo involves a whimsical rainbow swoosh. The effect is anything but intimidating
So far the biggest story to come out of baseball’s early off-season isn’t some splashy free agent signing or the abrupt retirement of St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa, but that of the logo and uniform redesign of the Florida Marlins. The new look was officially announced on Friday, and if you haven’t seen them already, you might not believe your eyes. In fact, when some of the images of the new logo were leaked there was such shock and disbelief by the baseball world, most people assumed it was a farce, calling the look everything from “Hawaiian Shaved Ice” to “Push-up Pop” to “Rainbow Bright.”
Continue Reading CloseExonerating Bill Buckner
25 years after the Red Sox infielder's infamous World Series error, we look at what really happened that October
(Credit: AP) Bill Buckner’s error in the 1986 World Series – 25 years ago today, a day of infamy for Red Sox fans — is one of the two most famous plays in World Series history. (Willie Mays’ catch in the 1954 fall classic is the other.)
Like Mays’ over-the-shoulder catch, Buckner’s booboo is entrenched in American folklore. Jimmy Fallon’s Red Sox fanatic in “Fever Pitch,” distraught over breaking up with his girlfriend, watches Buckner’s play over and over on his VCR. During congressional hearings in 2008, U.S. Rep. John Yarmuth, D-Ky., called former Treasury Secretary John Snow, then-SEC chief Christopher Cox and former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan “three Bill Buckners.” On “Curb Your Enthusiasm” this season, Larry David loses a softball game when a ball rolls between his legs; his coach screams, “You Buckner-ed me!”
Continue Reading CloseAllen Barra's next book is "Mickey and Willie -- The Parallel Lives of Baseball's Golden Age," from Crown. More Allen Barra.
What baseball tells us about racism
Most home-plate umpires are white -- and they seem to be hurting the careers of minority pitchers
Despite recent odes to “post-racial” sensibilities, persistent racial wage and unemployment gaps show that prejudice is alive and well in America. Nonetheless, that truism is often angrily denied or willfully ignored in our society, in part, because prejudice is so much more difficult to recognize on a day-to-day basis. As opposed to the Jim Crow era of white hoods and lynch mobs, 21st century American bigotry is now more often an unseen crime of the subtle and the reflexive — and the crime scene tends to be the shadowy nuances of hiring decisions, performance evaluations and plausible deniability.
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David Sirota is a best-selling author of the new book "Back to Our Future: How the 1980s Explain the World We Live In Now." He hosts the morning show on AM760 in Colorado. E-mail him at ds@davidsirota.com, follow him on Twitter @davidsirota or visit his website at www.davidsirota.com. More David Sirota.
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