SALON

Monday, Jan 22, 2001 3:42 PM UTC

Crouching fox

Madonna has Cindy Crawford quivering; Rick Rockwell can't take Duchovny's heat. Plus: Andrew Lloyd Webber's got an armadillo in his trousers!

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Topics: Celebrity, Britney Spears,

Cindy Crawford’s downstairs neighbor may be hopping mad about the “intimate noises” that have been emanating from the supermodel’s New York apartment for the last few months. (Toilet flushes, high heels …) But it’s not the angry chick downstairs who scares Crawford. It’s … Madonna.

The Material Girl “scares the shit out of me,” Crawford confessed to a group of TV critics last week while promoting her Women’s Entertainment network series “Fashion Flashback.”

It’s that whole “no-nonsense” thing, she later explained to TV Guide Online. “You just get the sense that Madonna is going to tell you what’s on her mind, if it’s good or bad,” she says. “If she didn’t like what you were wearing, or if she didn’t like something you said on Jay Leno the night before, she would tell you, and I don’t think our society is used to that kind of in-your-face confrontation.”

And while Crawford claims she admires Madonna for her scary candor, she admits that the one time she met the perennial popster, she cowered. “I was probably hiding in the corner,” she says.

Now if she could only hide a little more quietly, she wouldn’t have to fear her neighbor, either.

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Everybody diss now!

“Even people who should know better said some things that I could not believe. David Duchovny said, ‘Who wants to marry a broke girlfriend beater?’ … I really was disappointed in him. I don’t know that I could ever have respect for him after he said that.”

– Rick Rockwell, milker of “Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire?” fame, letting the air out of David Duchovny’s metaphorical tires on JennyJones.com.

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Juicy bits

That was fast! Less than six months after Christy Turlington and Ed Burns met at a charity event in the Hamptons, the two are engaged, Us Weekly reports. “They love each other very much, and their friends and families couldn’t be happier for them,” a friend of the couple gushed. Forget Heather Graham (and Lauren Holly and Maxine Bahns). Guess she’s the one after all.

That was fast, Part 2: Has Russell Crowe run from the arms of Meg Ryan directly into Peta Wilson’s embrace? Entertainment.com reports that the gladiator and the “Femme Nikita” star rang in the New Year together “under the stars.” Blame the bubbly?

Melanie Griffith has taken to seeing the glass half full. “As 2001 gets going so do I!” she gushed last week on her Web site. “This year is going to be a good one! I can feel it!” Even the public humiliation of her struggle with drug addiction can’t get her down. Says she, “Being embarrassed in front of the world does me some good.” If this is what she’s like off the happy pills …

Something we really didn’t need to know about Andrew Lloyd Webber: He’s got a honkin’ schlong. The cheesy composer’s ex-wife, singer Sarah Brightman, shared this special bit of info on a British TV show. When asked, “He’s not the prettiest boy in the playground, is he?” Brightman responded, “No comment — but he’s got the biggest willy.” Then again, as Webber himself might say, love changes everything.

Go away little game show? Disappointing news for Donny Osmond fans. “The Million Dollar Pyramid,” a revival of the old Dick Clark show that Osmond was to have hosted, has been put on hold for a year. “I think it would be so much fun, especially in the light of the fact that the whole genre of game shows has changed,” Osmond said during a press conference to promote an upcoming PBS special. “It’s not considered tacky anymore.” Because Lord knows he’d never do anything tacky.

Britney Spears has confirmed that she and Madonna will team up for a duet. “The duet with Madonna is going to happen,” Spears reportedly told members of the press in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. “Madonna is great. I grew up listening to her in my room … I was really happy when she said she admired me.” And not at all scared.

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Miss something? Read yesterday’s Nothing Personal.

More Amy Reiter.

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