2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
One of the most basic rules about watching porn videos is to enjoy them at home. That’s why we have home entertainment systems. It’s easy, discreet and you can always rewind for the special magic moments that tickle your lizard brain.
But perhaps your VCR is on the fritz. Just when you’re all pumped up to enjoy some porn, your system can’t play it. What do you do? Ohio resident Gary Wysong simply brought a video into his local electronics store. And surprise of surprises, the fool was caught and arrested.
According to Associated Press reports, Wysong waltzed into the Meijer store in Middletown, Ohio, last week, sauntered into the electronics department and slipped a Tina Turner music video into a VCR. Turner’s image popped onto the screen of the display monitor. He watched the video, and when it was over he took the tape out of the VCR and continued cruising around the store. Sensing suspicious activity, the store’s security officers started to tail him.
Wysong then strolled back to the VCR and casually popped in a porn tape from his pocket, which he then watched for about five minutes. Security began to converge on Wysong’s little personal entertainment, but suddenly a 14-year-old boy spotted the porn images and backed up to get a better look. “Keep going,” the officers ordered to the boy, and then asked Wysong to remove the tape from the VCR.
Wysong refused to remove the tape and was arrested. He explained to officers that when he played the tape, he didn’t know what was on it. But a tape discovered in his pocket was marked “XXX Porno.” Charged with pandering obscenity, Wysong was jailed on $25,000 bond.
He is 39 years old.
Jack Boulware is a writer in San Francisco and author of "San Francisco Bizarro" and "Sex American Style."More Jack Boulware.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.