Hasta la vista?

Ah-nuld's accused of major sleaziness; did Russell Crowe come between Tom and Nicole? Plus: Alec Baldwin's back in the saddle, post-Kim.

Topics: Tom Cruise, Celebrity, Arnold Schwarzenegger,

Politics, as usual?

Just as Arnold Schwarzenegger sets to rambling on yet again about his plans to run for governor of California — “If [Gov. Gray] Davis goes on the way he is then eventually there will be a vacuum in a year and I could” make a run, he tells the Los Angeles Times — he’s getting the sort of press treatment that can terminate a political career.

Yep, thanks to Premiere magazine, which has seen fit to publish rumors that have been swirling around Schwarzenegger for months, Arnold’s got his own sex scandal.

In an upcoming article headlined “Arnold the Barbarian,” the magazine alleges that Schwarzenegger has caused pain in his marriage. Lots of it.

One journalist claims to have seen Schwarzenegger “making out” with his “Total Recall” costar, Rachel Ticotin. A former employee says he pawed Linda Hamilton while her then-boyfriend, “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” director James Cameron, looked the other away. And two witnesses say they watched horrified as the brawny actor accosted a female crew member working on “T2,” “put his hands inside her blouse” and sent her crying to a nearby trailer.

But feeling up a crew member may not have been Schwarzenegger’s most shocking transgression on the “T2″ set. According to the magazine, the actor was fond of humiliating his dresser. “Sit, you ugly dog,” he’d reportedly bark. And the man would be required to drop to his knees.

Doesn’t sound like old Ah-nuld’s governor material, does it? President, maybe …

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Hold the pastry!

“There are no pies this time. No pies of any flavor.”

Jason Biggs, he of the famous pie-porking scene in “American Pie,” on what you have to look forward to in “American Pie 2.”

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As the Crowe flies

About that Russell Crowe factor in the Cruise/Kidman split? I may have spoken too soon.

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U.K. Sun showbiz editor Dominic Mohan points out that Nicole Kidman was nowhere to be found at the London premiere of “Mission: Impossible 2″ last year. Tom Cruise’s publicist claimed that a prior commitment in Australia kept her from attending.

In her stead as Cruise’s “date”? None other than Mr. Crowe.

Coincidence?

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Puffy trial soundbite

“I heard ‘bam, bam’ and saw the bright flash from the muzzle of both guns.”

– Shooting victim Natania Reuben, testifying that she saw both Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs and Jamal “Shyne” Barrow fire guns during a fracas at Club New York in December 1999 before she herself was hit.

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Baldwin’s rebound

Has Alec Baldwin rebounded from Kim Basinger already?

At the New York premiere for “Hannibal” Monday night, the aging and increasingly puffy Baldwin made the scene with the young and unceasingly pointy Jennifer Love Hewitt on his arm. And not only did the unlikely duo arrive together, they also slipped out together — early.

Then again, Baldwin and Love Hewitt, who are starring together in “The Devil and Daniel Webster,” weren’t the only ones to beat a premature retreat. The movie was so violent and the screams in the audience so shrill, many premiere attendees busted a move mid-movie. And writer Christina Valhouli tells me she saw at least one attendee hurling in the bathroom onaccounta all the blood.

Hardier partiers who managed to tough it out included Chloe Sevigny and her skeevy-chic boyfriend, “Princess” Marie-Chantal of Greece (whose date was, apparently, her cellphone), Pia Getty, Lauren Bacall, Donald Trump and Melanie Knauss, Julian Schnabel and wife Olatz, Juliana Marguiles, James Woods and his jailbait girlfriend, and newly sidekicked Regis Philbin.

Let’s toast their intestinal fortitude with a nice glass of Chianti.

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Miss something? Read yesterday’s Nothing Personal.

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