Stalking, family-style

Mom takes kids to Mel Gibson's house -- and over his fence; Depp makes whoopee on the set. Plus: Kid Rock gropes Sheryl Crow in front of Gwyneth Paltrow!

Topics: Celebrity, Johnny Depp, Jennifer Lopez,

First lesson of Stalking Basics 101: Travel light. Do not — I repeat, do not — bring your kids and your dog.

Alas, no one seems to have told this to the woman who breached security on Mel Gibson’s estate last Sunday. The 49-year-old Greenwich, Conn., woman was nabbed by police after she, her two children and her pet pooch were caught on the grounds of the actor’s whopping Connecticut estate, the Associated Press reports. They had apparently hopped the fence to gain entry. (“Jump, Fido. Jump!”)

The woman told police she and her brood were there to research a historical society project.

Well, I guess Mel is getting kinda old.

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J.Lo: Big butt, cool head

“I am not so easily aroused. For me it takes quite a long time until the first kiss. It doesn’t always have to immediately get out of control and into sex.”

Jennifer Lopez, talking about sex in German women’s magazine Journal fuer die Frau and arousing our suspicion that something got lost in translation.

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Depp stuff

It seems Johnny Depp took that “Blow” stuff a little too seriously. Or should I say … not seriously enough?

“We were doing a close-up in this very emotional scene on one of our first days of shooting,” Depp’s “Blow” costar Penelope Cruz tells TV Guide Online. “Suddenly, I hear this, ‘Phhhhwwwww.’ I tried to ignore it and keep acting. Then, I hear a second one and I looked at the sound man thinking, ‘Maybe it’s him.’ Then, there was a third one and the whole crew broke up. They were dying because they could see I didn’t want to embarrass anybody by stopping the scene.”

Two words: whoopee cushion.

“I found out that Johnny has this fart machine, which is remote-controlled, and he had the control in his pocket and he was pressing it,” says Cruz. “I felt so foolish that I was just looking for somewhere to run and hide.”

Someone better tell her not to light up that exploding cigar.

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She gained two stones

“We padded, but honey, I was a 38C, I didn’t really need it … Those are my boobs. I have the bras to prove it. But they made sure they were prominent.”

Renée Zellweger on her v. prominent breasts in “Bridget Jones’s Diary,” on Mr. Showbiz.

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Juicy bits

Will the real Eminem influence please stand up? Andrew Dice Clay says he, not Donny Osmond, is the towheaded rapper’s true muse. “I always said when I came along that in about 10 years there’ll be somebody else that will break through, somebody I’ve influenced,” Clay tells New York Newsday. “I’m not saying I influenced Eminem, but it didn’t wind up being another comic. I loved watching the reaction of the media, turning this guy into a superstar. Basically, it’s the same material I do as a comic, but he puts a beat to it.” I dunno, Dice, sounds sorta shady.

All she wants to do is have some fun, publicly and with her very unappealing boyfriend. According to the New York Daily News, Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock indulged in some serious onstage PDA at the Cutting Room in New York on Saturday night. After the two performed heartfelt renditions of songs like “Sweet Home Alabama” and “Drift Away” — with Rock dressed in a bunny costume and Gwyneth Paltrow (!) singing occasional backup — Rock declared (in song) that, were he president “Sheryl would be my first lady.” Whereupon Crow hopped up on a table to dance — and Rock manhandled her leather-clad booty. Really, you two — in front of Gwyneth?

Sure, you could always get nosebleed seats to see Madonna on her just-announced tour. Or, if you’re really Material-minded, you could get close enough to smell her by bidding on her bra. A signed satin-and-lace bustier from the perpetual pop star’s early days is in the limelight among several rather intimate Madonna items being offered for sale on lelands.com this week. According to the catalog copy, the bustier comes complete with “perspiration and makeup stains.” And you were just wondering what to get your mom for Mother’s Day.

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Miss something? Read yesterday’s Nothing Personal.

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