Rory skips the family dinner for a date with Dean on a rerun of Gilmore Girls (8 p.m., WB). On a rerun of Will & Grace (9 p.m., NBC), Will is exasperated by his sportscaster boyfriend’s wish to stay in the closet. Grissom investigates an apparent vehicular manslaughter that wasn’t on a rerun of CSI (9 p.m., CBS). On a rerun of ER (10 p.m., NBC), two old dudes (Tom Poston, Tom Bosley) duke it out, and Weaver and Legaspi want to be more than friends.
Sports
U.S. Open Golf (noon, 5 p.m., 8 p.m., ESPN; 3 p.m., NBC)
Baseball: College World Series (3 p.m., ESPN2) Reds at White Sox (7 p.m., Fox Family)
Talk
Rosie O’Donnell (syndicated) Tom Brokaw, Meredith Edwards David Letterman (CBS) Blink 182 Jay Leno (NBC) Martin Short, Missy Elliott with Nelly Furtado Politically Incorrect (ABC) Joe Rogan, Mark Cuban Conan O’Brien (NBC) Craig Bierko, Steve Earle Craig Kilborn (CBS) Jimmy Kimmel
Charlie Sheen’s recent behavior has been erratic, confusing, some would say frightening. And Jimmy Kimmel wants to help make the sitcom star’s interviews a little more palatable. That’s why the late night host set the sounds of a Charlie Sheen media bonanza to the more familiar and comfortable confines of a Peanuts cartoon, as part of his ongoing Kimmel Kartoon segment.
Jimmy Kimmel was all over Best Picture winner “The King’s Speech” during his show last night. The ABC late night host unveiled a spoof of the film, presented as a trailer for a new, Americanized version of the Oscar champion. It was titled, “The President’s Speech,” and featured former President George W. Bush and boxer Mike Tyson.
There isn’t much that this send-up doesn’t have. The 43rd President of the United States struggles to utter a coherent sentence during interviews and speeches, and brings in the “stupendously loquacious” former boxing champ — who paints oil portraits of unicorns in his free time — to clear up his vocal disability. This movie is not yet rated, but totally awesome.
Late-night host Jimmy Kimmel has been setting the sounds of “Jersey Shore” against a classic “Peanuts” backdrop for some months now. But it’s never been more relevant than last week’s pressure cooker of an episode.
For those of you not acquainted with the trials and tribulations of Ronnie and Sammi Sweetheart, it suffices to say that stuff got ugly. The “Jersey Shore” couple broke up (again), which on its own wouldn’t exactly be notable. It was the shrieking, flailing and mattress-flinging that struck a nerve.
Enter “Jimmy Kimmel Live.” Somehow, transporting the histrionic dialogue out of the realm of Ed Hardy, duck phones and bronzer and into Charles Schulz’s imagined world makes it a little less cringe-worthy. And as an added bonus, we took the liberty of culling some other great Kimmel mashups below.
The Bill O’Reilly-Barack Obama interview meets “The Smurfs,” with Bill O. as Gargamel
“Maury Povitch” meets “Frosty the Snowman”
“Hell’s Kitchen” meets “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving”
Shots were fired, angry accusations flew, risky stands were taken, and gigantic egos were bruised — but did anyone really win the late night wars? Since waging a valiant crusade against NBC and Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien finally retreated to TBS, comforted by the rabid devotion of Team Coco members nationwide. But even as his ratings remain impressive, he’s faced with one recurring question: How many self-deprecating basic cable jokes does it take to mask the defeat inherent in trading in a lifelong dream of hosting “The Tonight Show” for a spot in television’s hinterlands? Meanwhile, Jay Leno continues to play the clueless country uncle who came home from the state fair with a shiny new Corvette he won at the ring toss, gamely telling his ultra-sophisticated fat jokes and terrorist jokes and ugly-sister jokes on a set about as stylish and edgy as the lobby of the Cheesecake Factory. Snickering on the sidelines, as always, is David Letterman, who delighted at playing the bemused onlooker in this bloody conflict, but still never emerged as the clear ratings winner of the lot. Although he must’ve taken some real satisfaction in demonstrating just how much pain and anguish NBC could’ve spared itself by awarding him “The Tonight Show” gig almost two decades ago, Letterman has been doing the same incredulous snark routine for so long now (without many variations or imaginative twists), that not even an awkward admission of infidelity could shake us out of our indifference.
While the old familiar faces of late night don’t do much more than make us chuckle ourselves to sleep at night, one man has been calmly and quietly upping his game: Jimmy Kimmel. Despite his distance from the action, it was Kimmel who took some of the most direct shots at Leno during the late night wars. In addition to imitating Leno on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” and then appearing on Leno’s show and insulting him to his face, Kimmel has been more outspoken than Conan himself about Leno’s sneaky strategy to take back “The Tonight Show” (although Bill Carter’s new book, “The War for Late Night,” seems to suggest that Leno wasn’t quite so calculating as Kimmel and others seem to assume). When asked in an interview with GQ this month what he learned from the late night dust-up, Kimmel replied: “The lesson is, it pays to be sneaky. I think that’s the main thing I learned. That, and don’t trust Jay Leno.”
It’s this frank talk that sets Jimmy Kimmel apart from his peers. Throw in the sharpest and funniest opening monologue on late night, an incredible knack for improv, and liberal use of off-kilter gimmicks and skits, and it’s no wonder that Kimmel has risen to the rank of late night king. Whether he’s launching a multitiered attack on Facebook idiocy with his National Unfriend Day, finding creative new ways to insult Matt Damon, or shooting an entire episode during a power outage using only his webcam, Kimmel has always had that combination of swagger and imagination that separates the good talk show hosts from the great ones. Like Johnny Carson and Letterman in his heyday, Kimmel has the bluster and the quick wit to make every moment watching him on the air feel dynamic and exciting.
That’s no small feat, of course, but it’s what real late night heroism demands. Kimmel tackles pop culture with more sharp wit and weirdo flair than any of the other late night hosts, whether he’s addressing the new Spider-Man musical (“I’ve been working on a superhero show myself, it’s called ‘Aquaman on Ice.’ Aquaman on skates, trying desperately to speak to his friends who are trapped under the layer of ice. That’s a musical!”), rumors that Snoop Dogg will play at Prince William’s bachelor party (“I’m excited for His Highness, and by His Highness, I mean both of them”), airline security pat-downs (“We freak out if a TSA agent touches us on the outside of our pants, but Black Friday, we will hump each other’s heads to get at Walmart to save 8 bucks on a PSP”), or even the plans to have Lindsay Lohan appear on “Dancing With the Stars” (“I would love to see her vomit on Len Goodman”).
When he’s interviewing guests, Kimmel is arguably better on his feet and more ready with unexpected quips than any other host. On a recent episode when Ben Affleck waxed sympathetic about hard economic times in America, Kimmel soon hinted that no one wants to hear a megastar fake emotion for the little people.
Affleck: I don’t think there’s anybody in the United States that hasn’t been affected (by the recession) in some way or another.
Kimmel: Oprah hasn’t been affected at all.
On another recent episode, Kimmel took an otherwise bland interview with Kate Bosworth and livened it up. (And let’s face it, the real test of good late-night hosting lies in finding some way to spice up interviews with dull, self-involved young actors and actresses. In addition to Kimmel, only Letterman and Craig Ferguson manage it with any regularity.)
Bosworth: (on her Korean co-star) He literally is the Brad Pitt of Korea. It’s pretty wild.
Kimmel: Really? ‘Cause I was told I was the Brad Pitt of Korea. That’s disappointing. I feel like I was lied to. (pause) He’s the Brad Pitt of Korea. And so does that mean he adopts a whole bunch of white kids, or how does that work?
He even managed to save an interview with Paris Hilton from the bowels of hell:
Hilton: (on her current boyfriend) Right now, I’m just so happy. He’s my best friend.
Kimmel: Wait a minute, now. I saw a television show in which you picked a best friend and he wasn’t it. Are you telling me that was not your real BFF?
Later, when Hilton called her new perfume “my tenth fragrance,” Kimmel countered, “That seems like too many fragrances to me.”
This is where the fans of Jimmy Fallon, who have been rallying lately to crown their contagiously giddy leader the supreme ruler of late night, really must admit defeat. While Fallon’s antics try our patience in all the right ways (Zach Galifianakis’ recent appearance, followed by a skit the very finest flavor of stupid, marked a recent high point), Fallon is a pretty bland interviewer, sometimes resembling Chris Farley’s guffawing yes-man talk show host of “SNL” legend. Nonetheless, Fallon is undoubtedly in the groove lately, with such sure-footed oddball gimmicks and quirky enthusiasm that it makes you wonder if “The Chris Farley Show” itself wouldn’t have morphed into something deliciously strange, if given enough time. And let’s face it, anyone who makes Helen Mirren play beer pong deserves at least an honorable mention, if not an Emmy.
While he might be the best Neil Young impersonator on late night (or anywhere else), Fallon has none of the subtle snideness that made Carson, Letterman and now Kimmel masters of the craft. Sure, the kind folks down at the local elementary school’s bake sale might find such a tone distasteful, but the rest of us, who’ve been marinating in a toxic mix of “The Love Boat,” People magazine and celebreality shows for years now, need a healthy dollop of scorn to make the celebrity promotional appearance go down a little more smoothly.
Fans of Craig Ferguson will point out that he shares the requisite doubting tone in his interviews, and also scores very high for sheer courage of conviction. And it’s true that to watch half a second of Ferguson’s show is to love him, from his googly-eyed knowing looks to his perverse but genius rambling asides. His self-effacing charms make his perhaps the most unpredictable and unruly of the late night shows. However enchantingly strange Ferguson’s monologues and interviews may be, they just don’t stack up to Kimmel’s.
And like Letterman, Kimmel carries the torch of bemoaning his network overlords, lamenting the dumb stuff ABC makes him promote. The imbedded advertising — Bud Light signs on the stage, Old Navy promotions at the start of the show, constant appearances by “Dancing With the Stars” contestants — isn’t all that easy to ignore, but Kimmel makes the best of it. He’s taken to calling himself “the three-headed dog the stars must pass on their way to no-dancing hell,” and after that show’s big finale, he told his audience, “I tell you something, I had a good morning. I woke up this morning, and for about three minutes, couldn’t remember who won “Dancing With the Stars” this year. It felt great, it really did.”
But Kimmel should wake up feeling great every morning. After all, who would’ve thought that this guy would be the big winner of the late night debacle of 2010? When you flip from Conan to Leno to Letterman, or stay up for Carson Daly or Fallon or Ferguson, even though you might appreciate Ferguson’s bizarro self-deprecating digressions or Fallon’s raw enthusiasm, Kimmel is the only host who will make you laugh out loud more than a few times per episode. He’s got the sharpest monologue, the most interesting digressions and skits, and the best interviewing skills. Now that the dust has cleared, “The Tonight Show” doesn’t look like a prize worth squabbling over, because, with or without the Cheesecake Factory backdrop, Jimmy Kimmel is the new Johnny Carson.
Gods of late night comedy and off key singing; you have been too good to us this week. On Monday, you bestowed the odd little bonbon of Will Ferrell and boxer Manny Pacquiao dueting to the John Lennon classic “Imagine” on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.” Why, aside from the fact that Ferrell has a new movie to promote, did this happen, you ask. Why was Ferrell in a white suit? What does he have to do with Manny Pacquiao? And why did the whole bit employ every screen wipe in the big book of TV screen wipes? Because any way you serve it, two men singing about harmony with zero regard for the musical meaning of the word is awesome, that’s why.
Of course, that feel-good sentiment was appropriate for the world we lived in on Monday. By the day after the election, a different mood was prevailing in the land. And who but William Shatner should usher it in? Appearing on George Lopez, the star of the most almost-obscenely-named sitcom on television, “$#*! My Dad Says,” announced, “We’re talking about words you can’t say? I’m going to say it!” He then proceeded to do a bleeped out, quintessentially Shatner version of a song that was surely in the hearts of many Americans that night – Cee Lo Green’s infectious, bitter, and incredibly foulmouthed anthem “Fuck You.” (In deference to his sitcom, he did change a scatological lyric to “Ain’t that some stuff?”)
In much the same way that non-singer Jimmy Fallon stole the show when he and Justin Timberlake took a tour through the history of rap back in September — and brought down the house with his Snoop Dogg — there’s something about the combination of a late night, a funny man or two, and a shameless willingness to belt one out in a voice that generally belongs strictly in the shower. San Francisco Giant Brian Wilson is scheduled for Leno Thursday night. And sure, he closed out the World freaking Series, but a Beach Boys tribute chorus or two of “I Get Around” would really rock our worlds.