2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Sabrina the Teenage Witch (8 p.m. Fri., WB) opens its sixth season. What is she, like, 40 by now? WB also unveils the sitcoms Maybe It’s Me (8:30 p.m. Fri., WB), about a teenage girl who is embarrassed by her family, and Reba (9 p.m. Fri., WB), starring Reba McEntire about a single mom who is embarrassed by her family. Grace has a love-hate thing going with her creative writing teacher (Eric Stoltz) on Once & Again (10 p.m. Fri., ABC). Seann William Scott hosts Saturday Night Live (11:30 p.m. Sat., NBC), with music from Sum 41. American Masters (9 p.m. Sun., PBS, check local listings) has a new profile of movie mogul Samuel L. Goldwyn, narrated by Dustin Hoffman. Behind the Music (9 p.m. Sun., VH1) finally does the Sean “Puff Daddy/P. Diddy” Combs story. On Alias (9 p.m. Sun., ABC), Sydney plays both sides of the fence, hopefully losing the orange “Run Lola Run” hair in the process. Larry is accused of being a self-hating Jew on Curb Your Enthusiasm (10:40 p.m. Sun., HBO).
Prince William: A King in the Making (8 p.m. Fri., A&E) is a special “Biography” devoted to the dreamy future monarch. Sigh! He’s even cuter than Justin Timberlake! Ellen DeGeneres hosts the Emmy Awards (8 p.m. Sun., CBS), which will reportedly be a muted affair. Tuxes and gowns are banned in favor of dressy business attire. How this is supposed to whup terrorism is beyond me. Walter Cronkite will open the show with some comforting words, the awards will be presented in split screen ceremonies from L.A. and New York and “The West Wing” will take home awards it wasn’t even nominated for. Nick at Nite welcomes “Cheers” to the lineup with a weeklong Everybody Knows Your Name Marathon (9 p.m. Sun., Nickelodeon). The five-part series Say It Loud! A Celebration of Black Music in America (10 p.m. Sun., VH1) chronicles the evolution of African-American music, beginning with an overview of black music as a means of political expression.
Phillies at Reds (7 p.m. Fri., ESPN2)
Marlins at Braves (7:30 p.m. Fri., TBS)
Astros at Cardinals (8 p.m. Fri., ESPN; 1 p.m. Sat., Fox)
Dodgers at Giants (11 p.m. Fri., ESPN; 4 p.m. Sat., Fox)
Patriots at Dolphins, Chargers at Browns, Bengals at Steelers or Titans at Ravens (1 p.m. Sun., CBS)
Bears at Falcons, Vikings at Saints, Redskins at Giants or Cardinals at Eagles (1 p.m. Sun., Fox)
Chiefs at Broncos, Jets at Bills or Jaguars at Seahawks (4 p.m. Sun., CBS)
Packers at Bucaneers or Cowboys at Raiders (4 p.m. Sun., Fox)
Panthers at 49ers (8:30 p.m. Sun., ESPN)
Rosie O’Donnell (syndicated) Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg
David Letterman (CBS) Joshua Jackson, Tiki Barber
Jay Leno (NBC) Michael Douglas, Jessica Alba
Politically Incorrect (ABC) Bob Costas, Majandra Delfino
Conan O’Brien (NBC) Leelee Sobieski, John Leguizamo
All times Eastern unless noted.
Joyce Millman is a writer living in the Bay Area.More Joyce Millman.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.