Celebrity sex advice

Poehler: Never say "nice buns"; Seinfeld fights terror with potty mouth; John Cusack reborn as high roller; Eminem posse rocks bar mitzvah.

Topics: Celebrity, Seinfeld,

If any of you have been thinking we haven’t heard nearly enough about celebrity sex lately, you’re in luck. In its upcoming issue, Glamour magazine gathers Beth Littleford of “Boston Public,” Janel Moloney of “The West Wing,” Amy Poehler of “Saturday Night Live” and Moon Unit Zappa to share their bedroom do’s and don’ts.

And?

Zappa says fellas won’t get any action from her “unless they start sexing me up earlier in the day in the form of listening to me, being nice to me, sharing with me their views on injustices in the world.”

Littleford says making love to her is like “waxing a car. Aim to please.” Moloney requests that guys “turn off the TV.” And Poehler warns prospective partners to watch their mouths: “Choose your words carefully. Never say, ‘Nice buns.’ Don’t say, ‘I’m on top of the world, Ma!’”

And as for all-night lovin’, Zappa’s none too keen on the concept. “I blame Sting,” she says. “His tantric-sex bullshit.”

Poor Sting. He’ll always be king of pain.

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Yadda, yadda, whoa there!

“Go. F***. Yourself.”

– What Jerry Seinfeld says he’d like the rebuilt World Trade Center to say in a message to the terrorists. (He thinks it should be three towers, each sporting one of the words.)

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Dicey advice

Speaking of orgasmic moments. John Cusack wants us all to know that there’s nothing more exciting than shootin’ the craps …

“I don’t enjoy gambling at all with cards, it just completely bores me even if I am winning every hand,” Cusack told tipster Baird Jones at the premiere party for “Serendipity.” “But when I have a hot hand with dice, that is my brand of heaven. The feeling is totally different. I almost can’t describe it.”

In fact, Cusack says, you might want to roll a few yourself to get the idea. “There are many people who think that gambling is not for them who would instantly change their mind if they caught a winning streak with dice,” he says.

Come on, snake eyes …



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Oys ‘n the hood

A new kind of gift rap: Eminem’s posse D12 reportedly made an appearance at a Detroit kid’s bar mitzvah the other day, signing autographs, T-shirts, albums and posters.

The visit was apparently arranged by Gary Weisman, father of bar mitzvah boy Ethan.

“It was way out there, but it was fun,” Weisman told the Oakland Press. “It met all my expectations. The D12 guys were fantastic. Everything was perfect.”

D12′s manager, Mark Hicks, said the band thought “it was a lot of fun. The kids were nice and just went wild when the guys walked in.”

No word on whether a rap version of Havanagilah is forthcoming.

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Miss something? Read yesterday’s Nothing Personal.

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