By any means necessary

Ellen wants kids; Monica's tired of starring in dirty jokes; Dustin Hoffman praises Susan Sarandon's breasts. Plus: Garfield's coming to the big screen; Ozzy Osbourne, family man.

Topics: Tom Cruise, Celebrity, Susan Sarandon,

If Anne Heche can do it …

Ellen DeGeneres says she wants to have “at least one child, if not more.”

“I want to be a parent one day,” DeGeneres tells her activist mother, Betty, in an interview posted on the Human Rights Campaign Foundation’s Web site. “I want to do that.”

As for the particulars, the out comedian admits she has yet to figure out “the best way to do that.”

Or the next best way.

- – - – - – - – - – - -

Jokes that really Lewinsky

“There’s a difference between a pleasant joke and a personal joke. The ones that take my last name and equate them to [a sex act] that a lot of people in the world do is a really cruel thing to do.”

Monica Lewinsky on how it sucks to be the butt of racy jokes, in the New York Post.

- – - – - – - – - – - -

She said, he said

Penelope Cruz may have toppled for Tom Cruise the moment she laid eyes on him on the “Vanilla Sky” set, but he didn’t feel that ting in the ding when he first met her.

“We were just colleagues who got on very well together,” Cruise recalled in an interview with the German magazine TV Movie.

Now, however, he finds her “irresistible.”

“Life is unbelievably fun with her,” he gushes. “I often think that it was fate that brought us together.”

Whatever.

- – - – - – - – - – - -

Dustin’s breast friend

“Susan is a magnificent-looking woman. She loves her t—, and she should! She loves her body and it’s catching. She’s a sensual being and she will be for the rest of her life.”

Dustin Hoffman on Susan Sarandon in More magazine.

She’s back

Look out, here comes another Mariah Carey movie.

“Wise Girls,” which just debuted at Sundance, may be coming soon to a theater near you. And Carey says if you don’t like the movie, a mafia thing in which she stars with Mira Sorvino, you can lump it.



“If I was gun-shy I’d be home hiding under the covers,” she tells People magazine. “I’m a fighter. I have been since I was a kid.”

Yes, that’s what Mira said.

- – - – - – - – - – - -

Juicy bits

One person’s old cartoon is another person’s movie premise: Garfield’s going Hollywood. According to the Hollywood Reporter, 20th Century Fox is planning to bring comic-page denizens Garfield and Odie to the big screen in a heartwarming story of interspecies sibling rivalry. Joel Cohen and Alec Sokolow, the fellas behind “Toy Story,” will write the script of the film, which will mix live action and computer animation. Purrrr-fect.

One person’s goth rocker is another person’s TV dad: Ozzy Osbourne’s turning sitcom star. Or “situation reality show” star in MTV lingo. The bat biter and his family — wife, Sharon, and two teenage kids, Kelly and Jack — are the subject of “The Osbournes,” a new weekly show debuting on MTV in March. Like latter-day Louds (call them the really louds), the Osbournes allowed MTV’s cameras to follow them 24/7 for six months. “There is good, bad and ugly in this film,” Osbourne recently mused in a press conference. “That’s reality, and I didn’t want to tidy up this stuff for this show.” He’s always been a man of principle.

- – - – - – - – - – - -

Miss something? Read yesterday’s Nothing Personal.

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • 1 of 13
  • Close
  • Fullscreen
  • Thumbnails
    Clare Barboza/Bloomsbury

    Uncommon Apples

    Api Étoile

    Like little stars.

    Clare Barboza/Bloomsbury

    Uncommon Apples

    Calville Blanc

    World's best pie apple. Essential for Tarte Tatin. Has five prominent ribs.

    Clare Barboza/Bloomsbury

    Uncommon Apples

    Chenango Strawberry

    So pretty. So early. So ephemeral. Tastes like strawberry candy (slightly).

    Clare Barboza/Bloomsbury

    Uncommon Apples

    Chestnut Crab

    My personal fave. Ultra-crisp. Graham cracker flavor. Should be famous. Isn't.

    Clare Barboza/Bloomsbury

    Uncommon Apples

    D'Arcy Spice

    High flavored with notes of blood orange and allspice. Very rare.

    Clare Barboza/Bloomsbury

    Uncommon Apples

    Esopus Spitzenberg

    Jefferson's favorite. The best all-purpose American apple.

    Clare Barboza/Bloomsbury

    Uncommon Apples

    Granite Beauty

    New Hampshire's native son has a grizzled appearance and a strangely addictive curry flavor. Very, very rare.

    Clare Barboza/Bloomsbury

    Uncommon Apples

    Hewes Crab

    Makes the best hard cider in America. Soon to be famous.

    Clare Barboza/Bloomsbury

    Uncommon Apples

    Hidden Rose

    Freak seedling found in an Oregon field in the '60s has pink flesh and a fragrant strawberry snap. Makes a killer rose cider.

    Clare Barboza/Bloomsbury

    Uncommon Apples

    Knobbed Russet

    Freak city.

    Clare Barboza/Bloomsbury

    Uncommon Apples

    Newtown Pippin

    Ben Franklin's favorite. Queen Victoria's favorite. Only apple native to NYC.

    Clare Barboza/Bloomsbury

    Uncommon Apples

    Pitmaston Pineapple

    Really does taste like pineapple.

  • Recent Slide Shows

Comments

0 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>