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Wednesday, Mar 13, 2002 8:00 PM UTC2002-03-13T20:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Bill Hicks, the black-humored articulator of doubt

One of America's best and darkest comedians is eight years gone, but with a new biography and a new CD, his career shows no signs of stopping.

Bill Hicks, the black-humored articulator of doubt
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It’s October 1991, inside the brass-and-ferns Punch Line comedy club in San Francisco. The sound system is blasting Stevie Ray Vaughan at top volume. I’m here because a friend has pestered me for weeks about a comedian named Bill Hicks, whom I’ve never heard of. He’s performed in the city several previous nights, and I’ve finally made it down to see a show. I’m busy editing a satirical magazine called the Nose, and writing a similar column for SF Weekly. There’s funny all around me. I have plenty of friends who are cartoonists, writers, comedians. And the country is already full to bursting with comedy clubs and lame comics. So who the hell is Hicks?

He walks onstage wearing all black, thanks the crowd, and says it’s really great to be here, wherever he is. Pulling out a cigarette, he asks a guy in the front row how much he smokes. A pack and a half a day, the man answers. Hicks snorts. “You little puss — I go through two lighters a day.” He lights his cigarette, the flame adjusted to a ridiculous height, flaring like a blowtorch, and delivers a message for all the uptight, whining, prissy little nonsmokers: “Nonsmokers die … every day.” He pauses and exhales up to the ceiling. “Sleep tight.”

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Jack Boulware is a writer in San Francisco and author of "San Francisco Bizarro" and "Sex American Style."  More Jack Boulware

Thursday, Dec 22, 2011 1:00 AM UTC2011-12-22T01:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

The most insufferable Christmas song ever

Not "Last Christmas" or "Wonderful Christmas Time." It's the smug and egomaniacal "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

band aid

When “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” came out in 1984, I pretty much thought I was British. I dressed like the asexual keyboard player from the Cure, pretended to love everything Depeche Mode was singing about – because, you know, people are people – and pledged undying love for bands I read about in the obscure British magazines sold at Tower Records. (In fact, only since getting Spotify have I even heard an entire album by the Blue Nile and, it turns out they sound like every other band I pretended to like in the 1980s, except for Belouis Some, who were terrible on a whole other level.) So “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” combined all of the greatest things in my world:

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Thursday, Dec 22, 2011 1:00 AM UTC2011-12-22T01:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Crushed ego sends Newt to hospital

The GOP candidate collapsed in rage after being asked about whether he was too "unstable" to be president

newt ap breay

 (Credit: AP/Charlie Neibergall)

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This originally appeared on K.M. Breay's Open Salon blog.

Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich has been hospitalized after collapsing this morning outside of a diner in Davenport, Iowa. The former speaker had just left a sparsely attended “meet and greet” at Annie’s Coffee Shop when he was confronted by ABC news reporter Jake Tapper, who asked Mr. Gingrich to explain why so many of his former colleagues have said that he is too unstable to be president. Mr. Gingrich glared at Mr. Tapper for several seconds before cursing, stumbling backward and then crashing through a nearby display window, reportedly filled with ladies clothing.

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Tuesday, Dec 20, 2011 5:00 PM UTC2011-12-20T17:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

I knew Christopher Hitchens better than you

Every writer who had a drink with Hitch has now told his story. But even Rushdie and Amis didn't know him like this

Christopher Hitchens.

Christopher Hitchens.  (Credit: AP/Chad Rachman)

Christopher Hitchens and I were friends for 40 years, plus another five when we were enemies. He took ideas so seriously that if he disagreed with you on a matter that he deemed important, he’d literally throw you in a ditch. It was 1972, the height of our mutual virility. He and I went to a pub to celebrate his most recent intellectual victory over the establishment press. I intimated that sometimes women could be funny on purpose. Even back then, the thought enraged him. Hitchens threw a drink in my face, pressed a lit cigarette into my neck, and hit me over the head with a barstool. The next thing I knew, it was two days later and I was lying hogtied and naked beside the M5. Hitch had already severely damaged my reputation in a vicious essay in the Guardian. But that’s how he operated, and that’s why we loved him.

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Neal Pollack is the author of the literary satire "The Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature," among other works of fiction and nonfiction. His latest book, a historical novel called "Jewball," was published in October.   More Neal Pollack

Friday, Dec 16, 2011 1:00 AM UTC2011-12-16T01:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

W. is frequent, irritating presence at mall

Sources report that the 43rd president often challenges strangers to games of Pac-Man

Former president George W. Bush

Former President George W. Bush  (Credit: AP)

This originally appeared on K.M. Breay's Open Salon blog.

Every weekday at noon inside a North Dallas shopping mall, the 43rd president of the United States sits down at his usual table in the food court with two plates of magic fries, a jumbo Mello Yellow and a grande chimichanga with extra queso.  “When he first started showin’ up at the mall, people would always come over and ask for his autograph or whatever,” said Daryl Vanderveen, a 19-year-old cashier at Sbarro Pizza. “But now that he’s here so much nobody even looks up from their lunch.”

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Thursday, Dec 8, 2011 1:00 AM UTC2011-12-08T01:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

“A Modest Proposal” for our promiscuous age

A new novel takes a satirical look at how modern society handles sex and romance

lighteningRod_AF

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This article appears courtesy of The Barnes & Noble Review.

Like relationships, books can uncover knots in our psyches that might otherwise have remained obscured. Using myself as an example, I noticed that when speaking to friends about Helen DeWitt’s “Lightning Rods,” the word “fun” leaped to mind but slipped out bashfully through my lips. To what extent a streak of literary Puritanism burns within me, I cannot fully compass. Admittedly, “fun” is not a word that I’m used to deploying in a review. Yet, there is no denying that DeWitt’s third novel — an office satire about a plucky entrepreneur named Joe who transforms an erotic fantasy into the idea behind a multimillion-dollar company — is the most well executed literary sex comedy that I’ve come across in ages; just the thing to lighten a subway commute or add zest to a lunch break.

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