You can't really blame Russell Crowe for skipping the after-Oscars party scene after the Academy denied him another statuette.
True, other Academy disappointees like Nicole Kidman, Renie Zellweger and Paul McCartney managed to smile through their pain and whoop it up with their fellow A-list pals, but Crowe is not exactly known for his ability to sublimate his uglier emotions.
"Russell loves a party but he wasn't in the mood after hearing the result," a source told the U.K. Sun. "He just went back to his suite at the Bel Air hotel with his girlfriend Danielle Spencer."
And while it's highly doubtful that Crowe spent his time away from the Hollywood hustle and bustle introspecting and blaming his own post-Bafta award tantrum for the Academy's disinclination to reward him with a little gold guy, his post-Bafta tantrumee, TV producer Malcolm Gerrie, blames himself.
"Our bust-up was probably the turning point," Gerrie told the Sun, of the Academy's ultimate move in favor of Denzel Washington. "I'd hope it didn't affect the voting, but the Oscars committee is a conservative organization and I know it didn't help him."
What one little nontelevised poem can do.
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Hawke squawk
That bruise on Ethan Hawke's cheek was neither evidence of a backstage scuffle with Will Smith, as rumor would have it, nor the result of one of Uma Thurman's buoyant-looking boobs popping out of her dress and wonking him right in the kisser, as a friend of mine speculated.
In fact, it wasn't even a bruise, the New York Post reports, but rather a lipstick smudge bestowed upon him off-screen by Denzel Washington's wife, Pauletta.
Perhaps she should blot next time.
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Peter's not fonda Gwyneth's posture
Is Peter Fonda bucking to be the next Joan Rivers?
"I don't understand these guys who go to this type of affair, which is very serious in our industry, and they wear open-neck shirts and leather jackets," Fonda griped to the World Entertainment News Network after the Oscars. "When I'm doing the business of show business I want to look good."
And, like Rivers before him, Fonda's not pulling any punches when it comes to naming names.
"Sam Jackson's a stylish guy but I didn't like that Edgar Allan Poe-style coat," the veteran actor opined.
And as for Gwyneth Paltrow, Fonda faults the actress herself for that saggy-chested look of hers.
"Why didn't Gwyneth stand up straight?" he asked.
Just call him "Easy Snider."
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Mama.Lo's grabby hands
"My mother opened it the minute it arrived and I havent seen it since."
-- Jennifer Lopez on the instant disappearance of her $20,000 Oscar goodie bag.
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Exorcise this
Proof that it's not only the actors who are a bit daft: Linda Blair, of "Exorcist" fame, says fans of that film say the darnedest things.
"For years after 'The Exorcist,' fans would come up to me and ask me to swivel my head around in a circle," the actress, who has just written a book about the joys of eschewing meat, "Going Vegan," tells celebrity researcher Baird Jones. "The best I could answer was, 'You must be joking.' But from their blank looks back I could tell they weren't."
Of course, they weren't all that bile-spittingly dumb.
"Sometimes," she says, "the more sophisticated ones would ask me, 'However did you get your head to swing around like that?'"
Practice.
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