There’s no reality like Ozzy’s reality

Osbourne misses cameras, disses other rockers; Gere slums it in -- gasp! -- his own ratty threads. Plus: Celine sniffles about skinniness; and the Jolie-Thorntons cleared to bring home baby.

Topics: Celebrity,

MTV may be poised to pay the Osbournes $20 million to swear for the camera for two more seasons, but the network suits might have driven a harder bargain if they’d known about Ozzy Osbourne’s attachment to their film crew.

He missed ‘em when all the cameramen, grips and gaffers had packed up and left his family alone in the Beverly Hills manse.

“When they were there I just felt, These fucking guys, I can’t even scratch my balls without them filming,” Osbourne tells Blender magazine, “but after they left, I thought, It must have been just as bad, or even worse, for them having to film me scratching my balls.”

Then again, for all his empathy, the paterfamilias is convinced that MTV couldn’t have found another willing well-known family to bicker and mumble and mug onscreen.

“Nobody else would do it, would they?” he says. “It’d all be bullshit. They’d only show you what they wanted you to see. You’d get Sting in a fucking tutu walking around his medieval fucking mansion. We showed our real selves.”

As for other celebrities’ real selves, Osbourne’s not interested.

“Who wants to see Whitney Houston coming out of the house drugged out of her head?”

No, we’d much rather see Ozzy’s son, Jack, struggling to pick up a massive dog turd. We Americans are so discriminating …

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Hats off!

“I guess I can take a nothing day and suddenly make it seem all worthwhile.”

Mary Tyler Moore at the unveiling, on a chilly Minneapolis day, of the bronze statue commemorating her famous hat fling.

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Gere’s goodwill

Don’t go looking for Richard Gere’s “Unfaithful” costumes on eBay. The actor wore his own holey T-shirts in the film — and they’re are all long gone by now.

Director Adrian Lyne was trying to get Gere to look a little less snazzy for his role as a cuckolded New York businessman, and one day, he says, the actor showed up wearing one of his own crappy T’s.

“I asked if he had any more of those at home, and he did, so I asked him to start wearing his most comfortable old clothes instead of the costumes we’d originally picked out,” Lyne tells the Calgary Sun.

Much to the apparent chagrin of Gere’s wife, Carey Lowell.

“Carey wouldn’t let me wear those things around the house, and I was about to wear them in a movie,” Gere tells the paper.

After the film finished shooting, he says, “She wouldn’t let me bring them back home, so I gave them to a homeless shelter.”

An actor and a gentleman.

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Juicy bits

One more reason not to like Celine Dion: She’s complaining about being skinny. The Canadian singer has told Germany’s Bella magazine that she misses the 40 pounds she packed on while pregnant. “I was really fat, and I thought it was great. My body felt so warm and soft and comfortable,” Dion says. “I was really disappointed when it was all gone again.” Kinda like Ozzy and the scratch-filming camera crew, I guess …

It’s a boy with a U.S. visa! Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton have finally snagged clearance from the Immigration and Naturalization Service to bring their adopted Cambodian son, Maddox, into the country and call him their very own. “Maddox?” I’d say they’re off to a good start.

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Miss something? Read yesterday’s Nothing Personal.

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