Between cute and ho-bag

Hewitt wants new image, denies Baldwin affair; Johnny Rotten likes his image just fine; "That's Incredible" host reveals "nipple memo." Plus: Portman disses "Star Wars" nerds!

Topics: Celebrity, Bruce Springsteen,

Whatever you do, don’t call Jennifer Love Hewitt “cute” or use the phrase “girl next door” in reference to her. She’s had it up to here with that kind of talk.

Once, just once, the actress tells FHM magazine, she’d like to hear herself described as “something other than ‘Oh, she’s so cute.’”

“There’s got to be another quality in there somewhere that I have,” Hewitt tells the magazine.

Then again, she guesses, things could be worse. “I’d rather be the girl next door than hear, ‘Oh, there’s the ho-bag.’”

And while we’re on the subject of “ho-bags,” there’s something else she’d like to get off her chest.

She never got it on with Alec Baldwin, despite rampant rumors to the contrary after his divorce from Kim Basinger.

“I didn’t date him. It was just an unfortunate thing,” she explains. “I was doing a film with him, ‘The Devil and Daniel Webster,’ when he found out he and his wife were splitsville. I came from a divorced family, so he asked me, ‘How do I be a good dad and have my daughter forgive me?’ I go out to dinner with him and it gets twisted into ‘we’re dating,’ which is uncool.”

And not at all cute.

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God save her …

“I’ve always wanted to get into her knickers.”

– Sex Pistol John “Johnny Rotten” Lydon on the Queen of England, on

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Crazy talk

Oh boy. Here’s one for the typecasting files: Anne Heche is reportedly deep in talks to step into the lead role in the Broadway production of David Auburn’s play “Proof.”

According to the New York Post, Heche would take over the role currently being played by Jennifer Jason Leigh on Broadway (and Gwyneth Paltrow in London), the possibly schizophrenic, definitely odd daughter of a dead-but-not-gone math genius.

Mary-Louise Parker, who originated the role, won a Tony Award for it. But it’s hard to imagine anyone who’d bring more … um … life experience to the role than Heche.

Right, Celestia?

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Paltry Paltrow

“She always looks too clean. Give or take the odd little outburst, she sounds too clean, too.”

– London Times theater critic Benedict Nightingale on the “rather limited range” Gwyneth Paltrow displays in the London production of “Proof.”

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That’s incredibly intrusive

It’s been 20 years since “That’s Incredible” filled the airwaves with wacky human high jinks and bizarre feats, but the ’80s show’s host, Cathy Lee Crosby, still has her panties in a twist about a memo she once received from the honchos at ABC.

When the show first aired, Crosby, who will host the “That’s Incredible” reunion on May 21, tells Wireless Flash News, she was sent what she’s come to refer to as “the nipple memo,” informing her that it would be “acceptable” if she went braless during her appearances on the show.

She declined, tossing off her own memo saying, “I would prefer to choose my own underwear.”

Call it “the nip-it-in-the-bud memo.”

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Juicy bits

A group of New Jersey activists who tried to get Bruce Springsteen to run for U.S. Senate apparently took his “Born to Run” refrain way too seriously. The Boss says that, even if the group were to gather enough signatures to nominate him for office, he wouldn’t go anywhere near the stump or the Senate. “If nominated, I will not run. If elected, I will not serve,” he said on his Web site. So much for those rock ‘n’ roll filibuster fantasies.

Harsh toke for all those “Star Wars” nerds lusting for Natalie Portman. The woman who plays Padme Amidala doesn’t share your interests one little bit. She’s never been into “Star Wars.” “It really wasn’t my thing. It still isn’t my thing, the whole science-fiction action thing,” Portman told the press. “I prefer simpler, character-based movies.” That sound you hear is the simultaneous wilting of countless plastic light sabers …

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Miss something? Read yesterday’s Nothing Personal.

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