Football
In praise of “soccer”
It's time for America to discover the knees, thighs and invention of the men who play the most erotic game in the world.
Let me leave young women aside for a moment. I will come to them. But what I want to say first is that this is that moment at which the world comes to a proper celebration of something men were made to do, something that is intensely physical yet profoundly imaginative, something made out of muscle, speed, grace and the soul. I am talking about the World Cup, about soccer, about football.
I know, that name is not quite allowed in this country because it is supposed to be kept under lock and key for that other game — not a bad game, even if it compels men to be too large and replaces the real adventures of the mind with the huddles, the jargon and the militaristic submersion of identity in “planning.”
So American football is a fine thing. Still, America could do itself good all over the world by saying, Well, yes, after all, we all know what football is, football is the game made by Stanley Matthews, Ferenc Puskas, Pele, Maradona and Zidane, football is the world’s passion and festival, one of the greatest forms of play ever invented (and a turn-on). Therefore, “our” “football” needs a new name — let’s call it “gridiron” or “attack” or whatever you like. “Soccer” is such a stupid name. How many of the children playing all over the U.S. today actually know why it is called “soccer”? How many readers of this piece know? (For the answer, see below.) Give us back the real meaning of “football.”
And, no matter that the games are likely to appear on our television at unearthly hours that do a lot to destroy the other rhythms of life — you should attend to this great contest. And its rhythm. Football is a game played on a pitch at least 100 yards by 60, played at extraordinary pace, in which most of the players are likely to be driven from end to end, back and forth, while still finding the time to control, touch, deflect and guide a ball that bounces to the moods of ground, wind and altitude.
Time and again, in football, you will see young men — at the limits of their physical capacity — do astonishingly inventive things with the rhythm, the direction and the winning of this very simple game. In its essence, it should be played without lulls or stoppages. Only then can change of pace and direction prove so decisive. It is trite to say that football is like dance. Dance, after all, has no equivalent to danger, contact, collision and courage. And dance is choreographed. The design is meant to be carried out to perfection, whereas in football the perfection will always emerge from spontaneity, accident and momentary impulse.
How sexy is football? As sexy as any performance where young men, trained all their lives in skills and execution, still discover in an instant the unexpected, the reversal, the purely personal option within a team’s plan. You will hear that some nations — the Latin teams, say — are more naturally adept at this than others. Not so. Some of the greatest of players have been European, and northern European at that — consider Cruyff, Law, Best, Beckenbauer and so many others. Some of the most turgid, paranoid and overrehearsed football ever played has come from Italian teams. Still, there is always the passionate example of Brazil, the savage moodiness of Argentina, the exuberance of African teams and who knows what dark horse this time?
Football does not take root in the U.S., so they say, and there are all the old reasons — not enough goals, not enough opportunities for commercial breaks, an absence of melodramatic violence, too much stress on the mind. Well, maybe America can and will live with those crushing definitions of itself.
Or maybe it will observe something that is American in origin yet still not figured out in many football-crazy nations: that it is a terrific game for women. For if we have discovered something feminine in the game, then surely the world is helped in enjoying the way men move. In that glimpse of America’s insecure maleness, there lies a way in which our culture of might really moves ahead. But that would depend on more ordinary Americans discovering the intensely sexual, intellectual allure of the game. Every four years you get a new chance to abandon helmets, padding and the war cries of the Marines — and show us your legs, your knees, your thighs, your invention.
*The game is called soccer because as it developed in Britain, it acquired a Football Association (an organizing structure) to distinguish it from rugby. The “soccer” comes from the “soc” in association. Which is not really a proper way to name a great game.
David Thomson is the author of "A Biographical Dictionary of Film" (new edition just published), "Rosebud: The Story of Orson Welles" and "In Nevada." More David Thomson.
Can Tebow find salvation?
Updated: After losing his job in Denver, evangelicals' favorite jock faces an uncertain future in New York.
Tim Tebow (Credit: Reuters/Rick WIlking) [UPDATED BELOW]
You don’t need to be an evangelical Christian to care about the future of Tim Tebow. I’m a lapsed atheist myself. But with the resurrection of quarterback Peyton Manning in Denver, I wonder most about the future of the spiritual scrambler, who led the Broncos to the playoffs last year.
The Broncos signing Manning to replace Tebow is a no-brainer. He may be diminished by age and injury, but he is also the best quarterback of our time, not because he is a brilliant coach’s puppet (Tom Brady) or an on-field, off-field brute (Ben Roethlisberger) but by virtue of a fierce work ethic and a concentrated intelligence that is contagious and inspirational. Whatever is left at age 35 of him will make the Broncos better.
Continue Reading CloseRobert Lipsyte is a former New York Times sports columnist. His new memoir, "An Accidental Sportswriter," has just been published. More Robert Lipsyte.
The Super Bowl is not a job creator
Despite what civic boosters say, hosting the big game provides few long-term benefits
(Credit: AP/Michael Conroy) Roger Goodell, the commissioner of the National Football League, argued on “60 Minutes” last Sunday that the NFL is one professional organization designed to appeal to the economic interests of the little guy: Its revenue-sharing model, he said, gives a fighting chance to squads from Green Bay and Buffalo as well as to those from large media markets like New York, Los Angeles and Boston.
On the eve of the Super Bowl, Goodell was touting the familiar idea that the sport’s biggest game is a boon to economic development. But with the cost of a ticket now averaging $3,982 and 30-second television spots selling for $3.5 million, the Super Bowl can appear to be more an occasion for ostentatious excess than an engine of development.
Continue Reading CloseAlexander Heffner is a freelance journalist whose writing has appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post, and Boston Globe. More Alexander Heffner.
Political lessons from this year’s Super Bowl
From jobs to health care, football's big game illustrates the factors that will dominate the 2012 election
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (Credit: AP Photo/Elise Amendola) Most Americans won’t need a justification to watch Sunday’s game, but if you’re a Salon reader you might think, even in passing, that celebrating the holiest day of violence, consumerism and class warfare on your couch is a betrayal of your values or a waste of your time. You might even imagine that it would be better to take a hike, read a book or meditate.
Not this Sunday, buster. It’s an election season. You need to watch this game to fully understand how jobs, religion, leadership and healthcare dominate every American contest.
Continue Reading CloseRobert Lipsyte is a former New York Times sports columnist. His new memoir, "An Accidental Sportswriter," has just been published. More Robert Lipsyte.
Enjoy the game? For the true fan, it’s all about agony
The New York Giants are in the Super Bowl. But for one obsessive, the question is what time to take the Ativan
Ohio State football fans (Credit: AP) “The truth is,” Nick Hornby wrote in “Fever Pitch,” his book about his obsession with Arsenal and British football, “for alarmingly large chunks of an average day, I am a moron.”
That’s a wonderful sentence by one of my favorite writers, but if Hornby is only a moron for only large chunks of the average day, he is doing a lot better than I am. I can honestly report that for the last few months I have been an absolute idiot for all but very small portions of the day.
Continue Reading CloseTed Heller's latest novel, "Pocket Kings," will be published in March. He is also the author of the novels "Slab Rat" and "Funnymen." More Ted Heller.
Small blunders kill Super Bowl dreams
For fans of the 49ers and Ravens, the road to the big game is paved with pain
Kyle Williams loses it Just when it looked like the NFC and AFC championship games were going to last until the Super Bowl, two fatal blunders brought them to an abrupt close. The stunning conclusions to two of the most tense, evenly matched conference championship games in recent memory were a painful reminder that although football is a team game, one miscue by a single player can wipe out thousands of hours of collective blood, sweat and tears.
It will be a sad and lonely night for Baltimore Ravens’ kicker Billy Cundiff, whose shanked chip-shot 32-yarder gave the AFC championship to the New England Patriots. Kickers must have strong mental constitutions: in a sport where bonds between teammates are cemented in blood and pain, they are not always regarded as full-fledged comrades to begin with, and so when they screw up, it’s even harder for them to deal with. The mantra “short memory,” which defensive backs are constantly shouting at each other, applies in spades to kickers. Cundiff could use a tall glass of Milk of Amnesia.
Continue Reading CloseGary Kamiya is a Salon contributing writer. More Gary Kamiya.
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