SALON

Thursday, May 30, 2002 7:00 PM UTC

In praise of “soccer”

It's time for America to discover the knees, thighs and invention of the men who play the most erotic game in the world.

By

Topics: Football, Sex, Peyton Manning, World Cup, Love and Sex,

In praise of

Let me leave young women aside for a moment. I will come to them. But what I want to say first is that this is that moment at which the world comes to a proper celebration of something men were made to do, something that is intensely physical yet profoundly imaginative, something made out of muscle, speed, grace and the soul. I am talking about the World Cup, about soccer, about football.

I know, that name is not quite allowed in this country because it is supposed to be kept under lock and key for that other game — not a bad game, even if it compels men to be too large and replaces the real adventures of the mind with the huddles, the jargon and the militaristic submersion of identity in “planning.”

So American football is a fine thing. Still, America could do itself good all over the world by saying, Well, yes, after all, we all know what football is, football is the game made by Stanley Matthews, Ferenc Puskas, Pele, Maradona and Zidane, football is the world’s passion and festival, one of the greatest forms of play ever invented (and a turn-on). Therefore, “our” “football” needs a new name — let’s call it “gridiron” or “attack” or whatever you like. “Soccer” is such a stupid name. How many of the children playing all over the U.S. today actually know why it is called “soccer”? How many readers of this piece know? (For the answer, see below.) Give us back the real meaning of “football.”

And, no matter that the games are likely to appear on our television at unearthly hours that do a lot to destroy the other rhythms of life — you should attend to this great contest. And its rhythm. Football is a game played on a pitch at least 100 yards by 60, played at extraordinary pace, in which most of the players are likely to be driven from end to end, back and forth, while still finding the time to control, touch, deflect and guide a ball that bounces to the moods of ground, wind and altitude.

Time and again, in football, you will see young men — at the limits of their physical capacity — do astonishingly inventive things with the rhythm, the direction and the winning of this very simple game. In its essence, it should be played without lulls or stoppages. Only then can change of pace and direction prove so decisive. It is trite to say that football is like dance. Dance, after all, has no equivalent to danger, contact, collision and courage. And dance is choreographed. The design is meant to be carried out to perfection, whereas in football the perfection will always emerge from spontaneity, accident and momentary impulse.

How sexy is football? As sexy as any performance where young men, trained all their lives in skills and execution, still discover in an instant the unexpected, the reversal, the purely personal option within a team’s plan. You will hear that some nations — the Latin teams, say — are more naturally adept at this than others. Not so. Some of the greatest of players have been European, and northern European at that — consider Cruyff, Law, Best, Beckenbauer and so many others. Some of the most turgid, paranoid and overrehearsed football ever played has come from Italian teams. Still, there is always the passionate example of Brazil, the savage moodiness of Argentina, the exuberance of African teams and who knows what dark horse this time?

Football does not take root in the U.S., so they say, and there are all the old reasons — not enough goals, not enough opportunities for commercial breaks, an absence of melodramatic violence, too much stress on the mind. Well, maybe America can and will live with those crushing definitions of itself.

Or maybe it will observe something that is American in origin yet still not figured out in many football-crazy nations: that it is a terrific game for women. For if we have discovered something feminine in the game, then surely the world is helped in enjoying the way men move. In that glimpse of America’s insecure maleness, there lies a way in which our culture of might really moves ahead. But that would depend on more ordinary Americans discovering the intensely sexual, intellectual allure of the game. Every four years you get a new chance to abandon helmets, padding and the war cries of the Marines — and show us your legs, your knees, your thighs, your invention.

*The game is called soccer because as it developed in Britain, it acquired a Football Association (an organizing structure) to distinguish it from rugby. The “soccer” comes from the “soc” in association. Which is not really a proper way to name a great game.

David Thomson is the author of "A Biographical Dictionary of Film" (new edition just published), "Rosebud: The Story of Orson Welles" and "In Nevada." More David Thomson.

Next Article

Related Stories

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

The week in 10 pics

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11
  • Lisa Montgomery embraces her nephew Thursday after a tornado tore apart her home in Cleburne, Texas. The twister killed six people and destroyed entire swaths of the North Texas town.
    Credit: AP/LM Otero

  • Jack McMahon, the defense attorney for abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell, speaks outside the Criminal Justice Center in Philadelphia Tuesday. His client was convicted of killing three babies in his clinic, and will serve multiple life sentences.
    Credit: AP/Matt Rourke

  • A photo taken Monday captures Vice President Joe Biden's response to a Milwaukee second-grader's innovative proposal to end America's epidemic of gun violence. This guy!
    Credit: AP/Jenny Aicher

  • Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., flanked by a grouper-eyed Michele Bachmann, addresses the IRS' admission that it targeted Tea Party groups in advance of the 2012 election. In an op-ed for CNN Thursday, the Kentucky senator slammed the president for his faux outrage.
    Credit: AP/Molly Riley

  • Ousted IRS chief Steven Miller is sworn in on Capitol Hill Friday. Miller testified before the House Ways and Means Committee on the extra scrutiny the agency gave conservative groups applying for tax-exempt status.
    Credit: AP/J. Scott Applewhite

  • Attorney General Eric Holder pauses as he testifies on Capitol Hill before the House Judiciary Committee Wednesday. Holder is under fire, among other things, for the Justice Department's gathering of phone records at the Associated Press.
    Credit: AP/Carolyn Kaster

  • O.J. Simpson sits during an evidentiary hearing at Clark County District Court in Las Vegas, Nev., Thursday. Simpson, who is currently serving a nine-to-33-year sentence in state prison for armed robbery and kidnapping, is using a writ of habeas corpus to seek a new trial.
    Credit: AP/Las Vegas Review-Journal/Jeff Scheid

  • Major Tom to ground control: On Sunday astronaut Chris Hadfield recorded the first music video from space, a cover of David Bowie's "Space Oddity."
    Credit: AP/NASA/Chris Hadfield

  • When it rains it pours. President Barack Obama speaks during a news conference Thursday with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, inexplicably inspiring an #umbrellagate Twitter meme.
    Credit: AP/Jacquelyn Martin

  • A smoke plume rises high above a road block at the intersection of County A and Ross Road east of Solon Springs, Wis., Tuesday. No injuries were reported, but the the wildfire caused evacuations across northwestern Wisconsin.
    Credit: AP/The Duluth News-Tribune/Clint Austin

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11

Related Videos

Comments

 0 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

vote
Journalists file suit against Manning's trial secrecy: Plaintiffs including Glenn Greenwald and Julian Assange demand press, public access to trial and documents
170 points171 points | comment
vote
Kaitlyn Hunt refuses plea offer, will go to court over high school relationship - The 18-year-old rejected a deal that would have labeled her a sex offender and placed her under house arrest
163 points164 points | 90 comments
vote
Kaitlyn Hunt refuses plea offer, will go to court over high school relationship - The 18-year-old rejected a deal that would have labeled her a sex offender and placed her under house arrest
155 points156 points | 99 comments
vote
Report: Nearly a quarter of Americans struggle to afford food
138 points139 points | 13 comments
vote
Ted Cruz against the world - How the Junior Senator is igniting the GOP civil war
80 points81 points | 21 comments

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: Chekhov's story mirrors Russia's own

Recommendations