Meow! Jagged little problem

Silverstone on Morrisette: "Maybe she thought I was a stalker"; Britney's dad pulls gun on teens! Plus: Will Anna Nicole Smith be skinny-dipping in your living room?

Topics: Celebrity, The Bachelor, Britney Spears,

Alanis Morissette, you oughta know, Alicia Silverstone is really, really mad at you.

She’s been pissed for years that you never answered the fan mail she sent you.

“I have a mutual friend with Alanis Morissette so I wrote her a letter basically telling her how much I loved her music, mentioning our mutual friend in the letter,” Silverstone told celebrity researcher Baird Jones this week at the premiere party for the new M. Night Shyamalan flick “Signs.” “This was long after ‘Clueless’ had come out so I am sure that she knew who I was.”

The actress says she was shocked and appalled never to have heard back from the singer — and has apparently spent many long hours trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

“She could have written me or called me,” she points out, concluding, somewhat bitterly, that Morissette “must have just lumped me in with her fans.”

Then again, “Maybe she thought I was a stalker or that I have violent tendencies,” Silverstone wonders. “I certainly hope not. I was just trying to show my appreciation.”

But now she’s ready to show the musician something else.

“When I see her,” Silverstone warns, “I am going to give her a hard time.”

Watch out, Alanis … jagged little pill headed your way.

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Kids say the darnedest things

“I’ve had 5-year-old girls come up to me repeating lines from the film I can only hope they don’t actually understand.”

Verne Troyer, who plays Mini-Me in the Austin Powers flicks, sharing fears that he’s been party to the poisoning of American mini-minds, in the Calgary Sun.

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The boob tube

Anna Nicole Smith, naked?

It’s nothing the world hasn’t seen before, but whether the world is ready to see it on the zaftig widow’s new “reality” TV show is something the suits at E! are not too sure about.

Racy shots of Smith in various states of undress — skinny-dipping, for instance — are reportedly already in the can, but in the interest of good taste, they may never make it onto the tube.



“She’s very open, very uncensored in her real life,” executive producer Jeff Shore tells the New York Post.

However, he cautions, “It’s not just a question of: If she flashes us it’ll go into the show. I wish it were that simple.”

I bet he does.

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Ground control to major bummer

“I don’t think we, as a species, actually evolve at all. I think we’re as cruel and as awful as we were 10,000 years ago.”

David Bowie disputing the theory of evolution, in the Toronto Sun.

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Juicy bits

More quality television is headed your way: ABC, in its infinite wisdom, has seen fit to sic a six-part, behind-the-scenes special on the making of “The Bachelor,” that curiously controversial reality dating show. The host? Original bachelor Alex Michel, of course. It’s airing in August, which sounds like a great time to take a vacation from your TV.

“Dumb and Dumber” … and now dumbest? New Line Cinema is putting together a prequel to lowbrow laff-fest “Dumb and Dumber.” According to Variety, the new movie will focus on the characters during their wacky high school years and will not feature either Jim Carrey or Jeff Daniels, both of whom starred in the original flick. Well, that seems fittingly dumb.

Not a good week for Britney Spears — and her father’s not helping matters much. According to the New Orleans Times-Picayune, four teenagers who visited Jamie Spears at the house Britney grew up in — in which he now, having separated from Britney’s mother, lives alone — in hopes of having a brush with fame and maybe getting a signed poster out of the deal, were not exactly greeted warmly by Mr. Spears. Instead, he unleashed a pack of snarling dogs on them and brandished a shiny revolver in their direction. “I had never seen a gun pulled in anger before,” one of the girls told the paper. “And I never thought that if it happened to me it would be Britney Spears’ dad.” Indeed.

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Miss something? Read yesterday’s Nothing Personal.

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