Movies
“Swimfan”
Smell the chlorine! "Fatal Attraction" goes poolside as swim champ is tormented by devil gal.
The first “Fatal Attraction” was vile enough. Do we really need the Tiger Beat version? “Swimfan” is such a blatant imitation of Adrian Lyne’s Reaganite thriller that the only thing you can be grateful for is that it’s far too clumsy to get people arguing about it or taking it seriously.
It is, however, just as misogynist. The patsy here is Ben (Jesse Bradford of “King of the Hill” and “Bring It On”), a champion high school swimmer and former juvenile delinquent (drugs, thievery, a stint in juvie). And the whore of Babylon is Madison (Erika Christensen, who played Michael Douglas’ addict daughter in “Traffic”). She’s the new girl in school who in short order seduces Ben and starts making his life a living hell.
One of the things that was so poisonous about “Fatal Attraction” was that it was slyly designed to appeal to both male and female gripes. Women could read it as if it were about the sexual callousness of men, and men could read it as their worst nightmares of clinging women. (Though by the time Glenn Close’s Alex cooked up that little girl’s bunny and sent good wife Anne Archer to the hospital, you’d have to be a fool to think the movie was on her side in any way.)
There’ll be no debate about who’s right in “Swimfan,” since it’s abundantly clear that Madison is wacko from jump street. She’s so obviously loony, so clearly setting Ben up that you wonder how he can be so dumb not to notice it. But Ben’s good, patient girlfriend (the drippy Shiri Appleby) is such a drag that there’s no particular suspense in waiting to find out if she learns the truth about her guy and Madison.
The movie flirts briefly with trying to make Ben look callous for treating his one-time fling with Madison as the casual sex it is. But the message here is the same as in “Fatal Attraction”: Women are such fragile little things on the surface and such shrews underneath that once you get your willie in them they’ll get their claws in you. It’s such a primitive view of women that to call it Victorian is to give it credit for being more modern than it is. “Swimfan” presents a world where it’s unthinkable that any woman could indulge in sex for pleasure.
It’s a pity that the filmmakers decided to make Madison a nut case instead of a bad girl trashing Ben’s life for the hell of it. Bradford is so dull in the role (something I wouldn’t have said about any of his previous performances) that you almost want to see him get it. (The reason you root for Sharon Stone instead of Michael Douglas in “Basic Instinct” is that she’s got it over him in looks, brains, wit and style.) And Christensen, with her apple cheeks, sultry glances and dirty little grin, has the look of a demon slut plotting to let all hell break loose. It’s a drag that she plays the role so narcotized and that her line readings are so flat. She never gets to live up to the chaotic potential promised by her flirty little curls and that wicked smile.
If there’s any way that “Swimfan” could have worked, it might have been as a horror-comedy about an inexperienced high-school boy who’s certain that he and his girlfriend are going to be together forever, and whose expectations are upset by the temptress in his path. In such a film, you’d make Ben a deserving dupe and put us on Madison’s side. But “Swimfan” is far too conventional for that.
The script (or what passes for it) by Charles Bohl and Phillip Schneider is so obvious that you can begin ticking off the ways in which Madison is going to wreak havoc. Ben works dispensing medicine in a hospital? Uh-oh. He has a police record? I’m way ahead of you. The movie isn’t so obvious, though, that the screenwriters have figured out explanations for how she pulls off some of her devilry. And there’s no reason why, in the movie’s downbeat final sequence, Ben is still paying the price for things that were clearly not his fault. Pretty much the only way this movie outfoxed me was that it doesn’t wind up making kibbles and bits out of the happy dog you see in the opening scenes. That’s fitting, because “Swimfan” can remind you why it’s often easier to like animals than people.
Charles Taylor is a columnist for the Newark Star-Ledger. More Charles Taylor.
Pick of the week: Haunting, gorgeous “Oslo, August 31st”
Pick of the week: "Oslo, August 31st" is a wrenching voyage of discovery in Norway's suddenly trendy capital
“Oslo, August 31st” is, as the title suggests, an evocation of one day in the Norwegian capital, as experienced by a troubled young man who’s facing the end of summer and the end of his youth. It’s a marvelously constructed personal journey, both wrenching and bittersweet, whose emotional ripple effects stay with you for days and weeks afterward. While much of international art cinema can seem overly talky or conceptually alien to American viewers, this second feature film from Norwegian director Joachim Trier is a dynamic, even breathtaking visual experience without much dialogue or any philosophical heavy lifting, following the bony, handsome, exceedingly vulnerable Anders (Anders Danielsen Lie) through coffee shops, nightclubs and bodies of water, en route to an ambiguous final destination.
Continue Reading Close“Moonrise Kingdom”: Wes Anderson’s mid-’60s love story
Bruce Willis and Ed Norton are at their best in the rapturous summer fantasy "Moonrise Kingdom"
Tilda Swinton, Bruce Willis and Edward Norton in "Moonrise Kingdom" All the details of Wes Anderson’s rapturous and hilarious mid-1960s New England summer romance “Moonrise Kingdom,” taken one at a time, are plausible. Indeed they are more than plausible; they’re perfect, from the fitted uniforms and yellow canvas tents of the troop of “Khaki Scouts” headed by cigarette-smoking Edward Norton to the achingly picturesque island home where the brood of children belonging to Bill Murray and Frances McDormand sit around listening to the Leonard Bernstein recording of “A Young Person’s Guide to the Orchestra.” (I’m not going to bother questioning whether that record existed in 1965; some production intern probably spent half a day tracking down its history.)
Continue Reading CloseMovie assailant punches a kid, becomes a folk hero
A 10-year-old gets punched in the face for being too noisy at "Titanic" -- and the Internet applauds the beating
(Credit: iStockphoto/IBushuev) It’s a general rule of thumb that a grown man doesn’t get a lot of support for knocking out a 10-year-old child’s teeth. But Yong Hyun Kim has won himself a few fans lately for doing just that.
Back on April 11, the 21-year-old Washington state man settled in with his girlfriend to enjoy “Titanic” in 3D — right in front of a boy known only in police documents as KJJ. What ensued led to a night in jail and a charge of second-degree assault.
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Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedub. More Mary Elizabeth Williams.
“The Intouchables”: Racial comedy, French style
"The Intouchables" is the biggest foreign-language film of all time. Some critics say it's also racist
A still from "The Intouchables" Here’s a startling news item: “The Intouchables,” a lively if largely predictable Parisian comedy about a wealthy quadriplegic and his ne’er-do-well immigrant caretaker, has become the biggest international success in the history of French cinema. Indeed, according to some sources — and these things are notoriously difficult to measure on a global and historical scale — “The Intouchables” is now the biggest non-Anglophone film of all time, with a worldwide gross approaching $300 million.
Continue Reading CloseMale grooming: The movie
From beard contests to ball cream, Morgan Spurlock's "Mansome" goofs through modern-day male narcissism
Jack Passion in "Mansome" American men are bewildered about their place in the cosmos, or so we have been told repeatedly over the last 20 years. They don’t know whether to thread their eyebrows or wield a welding torch, and end up trying to do both at once (which is inadvisable). As comedian Adam Carolla laments in a scene from Morgan Spurlock’s documentary “Mansome,” the old-time certainties of gender identity have melted away: Women are flying fighter jets and men work at the hair salon; there are no longer “chick jobs and guy jobs.”
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