Like little stars.
Topics: Life News
While the rest of the world honored the second anniversary of 9/11 by cracking down on terrorism, the people responsible for the attacks zeroed in on the real problem facing the world, Barbie. That’s right, Saudi Arabian police declared Barbie “offensive to Islam” as well as a “Jewish” doll and banished her from the kingdom. Barbie was then whisked to the French Riviera in a private jet, where she was plied with cocaine and drinks, then raped all night by 2,000 Saudi princes.
Barbie, a Jewish doll? Oh, I guess there’s some evidence of that — it’s true when you put Ken on top of her she just lies there. But maybe that’s because Ken is gay, which probably doesn’t go over well in Mecca either. Guys, if you’re worried that Barbie is offensive, you have no idea how offensive to Islam we can be. We’ve got Christians, Jews, lesbians, pork chops, ass-less chaps, loud music — and that’s just at a restaurant in West Hollywood.
The truth is, the Saudis and the terrorists who extort their support at our expense, are all about the purity of the seventh century until it suits their needs. If the West is so tainted, why don’t you stop using our technology?
This week Osama bin Laden put out a new videotape. Guess who invented videotape? Not anybody named Abu. Same goes for satellite phones, computers, SUVs, and everything else the terrorists use to hatch their evil plans — they were all invented by the infidels. Their last new idea was something about stonings at night, when it’s cooler. I don’t know where Osama’s hiding, but I do know one place he’s never been — the patent office. So don’t claim you’re rejecting the West when you’re using our technology. Go back to homing pigeons and camels, and those big curved swords. Because if there’s anything more annoying than an evildoer, it’s a hypocritical evildoer.
Like little stars.
World's best pie apple. Essential for Tarte Tatin. Has five prominent ribs.
So pretty. So early. So ephemeral. Tastes like strawberry candy (slightly).
My personal fave. Ultra-crisp. Graham cracker flavor. Should be famous. Isn't.
High flavored with notes of blood orange and allspice. Very rare.
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New Hampshire's native son has a grizzled appearance and a strangely addictive curry flavor. Very, very rare.
Makes the best hard cider in America. Soon to be famous.
Freak seedling found in an Oregon field in the '60s has pink flesh and a fragrant strawberry snap. Makes a killer rose cider.
Ben Franklin's favorite. Queen Victoria's favorite. Only apple native to NYC.
Really does taste like pineapple.