Memoirs

Dark victory

Jim Knipfel has lost almost all his vision, suffered life-threatening seizures, attempted suicide and spent time in a mental hospital. He's also one of the driest, funniest memoirists working today.

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Dark victory

It’s always worth reading someone who can make ordinary events like walking down a dusky city street burst with mystery and menace, or become an amusing corollary for existential doubt. It’s that rare quality — the ability to ignite a reader’s interest in intensely personal reflections — that distinguishes the best personal memoirs, which are by definition subjective and run the risk of floundering amid their own locutions or delving into exaggeration, apologetics or self-pity.

Over the past couple of decades, the memoir has become a familiar staple of American literature. Almost every season one or two books from the lively “I’ve lived through this!” subcategory draw the sort of media attention that is, unfortunately, more of a testament to the author’s wily self-promotion or an unbelievable premise than to the quality of the book.

There’s a common cycle that most burgeoning literary genres go through, and the hyperpersonal memoir is no different. Since the late ’80s, a seemingly exponential number of writers have been gleefully violating tacit boundaries of taste as though punching through tissue paper, producing a motley catalog of risqué adventures and uncomfortable confessions. Many became underground sensations or the sources of literary gossip, but with the emergence of Oprah and her peers, a new level of fame was possible for the confessional memoirist. Combine that with a creative-writing industry churning out higher and higher numbers of self-conscious graduates every year, and a crush of authors emerged to publish their own stories, like prospectors converging upon a newly discovered gold find. Eventually the genre became so glutted with familiar-sounding stories that the entire genre ended up a limping parody of itself.

Of all the brands of reminiscence — pained childhood secrets, grimly determined autobiography, the faux-exquisite (and sadly, often exaggerated) reports of sexual excess — the frequently shrill drinking-drugs-disease-depression beacon is a popular destination. Part of this is because over the years a number of brilliantly wry and moving books have appeared, such as Fred Exley’s quasi-fictional “A Fan’s Notes,” Jim Carroll’s “Basketball Diaries,” Jerry Stahl’s “Permanent Midnight” and, more recently, titles such as Andrew Sheehan’s “Chasing the Hawk.” But these kinds of memoirs have increasingly become fodder for late-night TV hosts’ monologues, the province of sensationalists who traffic in stereotype and Silly Punctuation Gimmicks.

Among all these there’s Jim Knipfel, one of our most talented memoirists, who has just published the last book in what he terms “an accidental trilogy.” Knipfel is an oddity in that his unadorned writing understates the many horrific incidents he recounts. His first book, “Slackjaw,” chronicled his physical deterioration; then he took note of his mental breakdown and incarceration in a mental ward in “Quitting the Nairobi Trio.” Now he delves into his soul in “Ruining It for Everybody,” which begins with “Whenever I hear the word ‘spiritual’ I reach for my revolver.’” Knipfel’s books aren’t the type of easily summarized, life-affirming tales you find on talk shows, though his expert storytelling and sardonic humor make them compelling, sometimes exciting, reading.

Perhaps most impressively, Knipfel somehow avoids the self-pity he’d be within his rights to invoke: He has gradually lost most of his sight to retinitis pigmentosa, a rare eye disease that has left him with a view of the world “kind of like peering through two toilet paper tubes all the time.” He also suffered a lesion on his brain that caused seizures and bursts of uncontrollable rage and depression, which prompted numerous suicide attempts that led to intensive care and stays in mental institutions. Yet his books are suffused with such guileless, bracing honesty and such a finely tuned sense of humor that his tale ends up being tragic and funny and memorable all at once.

His previous work has received critical praise from such disparate sources as Thomas Pynchon, who called “Slackjaw” “an extraordinary emotional ride,” and Newsweek, which termed him “a master of making art out of illness.”

While Knipfel appreciates the recognition, it’s an uncomfortable predicament for him. Unlike many authors who double as carnival barkers, Knipfel is an intensely private man, a somewhat unusual paradox for a memoirist and a full-time columnist who has published over 850 columns in his journalism career. (He is currently a staff writer at the New York Press. About his employment, he says, “In general, I find myself a job and do what I do there until I’m asked to leave.”)

After taking this interviewer’s arm to navigate a dim restaurant that to him represented total darkness, Knipfel talked about his new book, his dislike of readings and the writing scene, and a favorite ’70s TV horror show that prompted him to become a journalist.

How is “Ruining It for Everybody” different from your previous two memoirs?

It’s the first thing I’ve written that has a happy ending. Also, I kind of look back at some of the things I was recounting in the first two and assess them with an older set of eyes, after having been through more experience, to kind of look back at these things that I had done that were less than pleasant and begin to reconsider how to deal with the world as I get older and my body continues to break down.

At heart, it’s really just another book about a bunch of stuff that happened, but it was later stuff that happened.

How long did it take you to write? It’s not your longest book, but you said it actually took the longest to complete.

The writing process can be very tedious one, and I’m not a big fan of publicity, to my publicist’s dismay. I find it remarkable that I can make a living telling a story like this, but the process has its ups and downs just like any job.

I prefer to write in marathon fashion. I take a week or two off and lock myself in my apartment and sit down in front of the machine for 10 hours a day. “Slackjaw” took two weeks to finish, 10 days for “Nairobi Trio.” But it didn’t work out that way this time. I finished “Ruining It for Everybody” in 1999 or 2000 but then I had to go through a number of different editors and I wrote a novel, “The Buzzing,” before it was finished.

My books are just about a bunch of stuff that happened. You look back and see them as independent incidents, but it takes a good editor to take what can be an incoherent mass of three or four dozen stories and see in them a larger theme that I would ignore or even deny myself. For example, my editor pointed out that “Slackjaw” was about moving toward blindness, which put the idea in my head and I began looking at the stories in a different way and trying to find something that flows and has a rhythm. Something indefinable.

The tone of “Ruining It for Everybody” seems much different from that of your previous two memoirs.

One of the things explored in the book is that I’m much calmer now than I used to be, and much less angry than I used to be. Of course, I can still be irked sometimes. I can be annoyed at times and frustrated. But I used to be riddled with this uncontrollable rage that came out in different ways. And it’s just not there anymore for a variety of reasons. It burned itself out of me and I fell into a little rut. I just don’t have that much to be pissed about.

But what distinguishes your memoirs from others is real, sometimes insurmountable crises. You suffer from retinitis pigmentosa [R.P.], you’ve had a serious brain lesion and seizures, you’ve attempted suicide and ended up in a mental ward.

I’ve heard that before, but I think a lot of things happen to a lot of people — a lot of things happen to most people. It’s a matter of looking at it the right way; I mean, you can do a 1,000-word story about something as simple as tripping on the curb — and I have. There really is a story in everybody. This morning I heard a fellow describing Ronald Reagan as a man who looked at the world in terms of anecdotes and narratives. You sort of have to do that, to make a life interesting. That’s how people are measured by others, by the stories we tell. You know, you talk to people in a bar and what do you do? You tell stories. It’s just a matter of looking at everything from the proper angle. I think everybody’s got it in them, I just happened to type ‘em out.

When did you find out you had R.P.?

I always had bad vision, like 20/100, that was completely unrelated to R.P. But the R.P. first appeared at 11 or 12, when I could no longer see in dim restaurants or see at night. I didn’t think there was anything strange about that — I thought no one could see like that. I thought other people could read menus or stroll down the street at night because there was a trick that no one had shared with me. It wasn’t until I was in my 20s — I think I was 23 or 24 — when I went in for a routine eye exam and the ophthalmologist told me what I had and told me that I was going to be blind in a few years.

It’s a congenital condition. At my grandmother’s funeral when I was about 12, my uncle came up to me and said, “You better start learning Braille now.” I already had bad vision, and considering the family history he already suspected. He gave me a head’s up long before any doctor did.

There’s not much I can do about it. There’s lots of research going on but nothing they can do now. There are lots of technological gizmos — chips in eyes and electronic cameras — but for people in their 70s or 80s. They’re also working on gene therapy where they could correct the genetic problem, but they would only be able to do that on the youngest of infants. Neither works for me, so I just deal. Losing sight like this is a gradual, slow process. I was told that I’d be blind at 35 and I’m 39 now, so I got a little more time on them, but I have no idea when I’ll go totally blind. One treatment is to take massive doses of vitamin A every day, which is supposed to slow the process while destroying your liver at the same time. So that’s what I’m doing.

What about the brain lesion?

The brain lesion happened when I received a very bad concussion in 1985. I was walking down the street with my friend Grinch and I walked into steel lamppost. The next morning I couldn’t move. After a battery of tests no one could say anything about what was wrong. Then in Philly I got an MRI and a doctor there pointed to a spot on my brain. I can’t do anything about it but take lots of Tegratol, which is an anti-convulsive.

In other memoirs, parents are often the only source of definable evil in the universe. But you write very warmly about yours. Have you always been close to them?

We didn’t have any of those teenage fights. The only things we ever argued about were religion and politics. They were a very Christian religious Republican family, German Lutherans, and I didn’t last very long with that. When I went off to school and got into trouble, burning buildings and breaking things, I still talked to them but I mostly stayed out of touch. I wasn’t going to call up and say, “Hey, a cop beat me today!” or “Guess what I stole this afternoon?” But after the suicide attempt, when they sat at my side in the intensive care unit, we’ve been exceptionally close.

One time I talked with Teller of Penn and Teller, who wrote some kind of biography of his parents. I was shocked that anyone else would admit that they liked their parents in this day and age. As to memoirs, you’d get the idea that we’re a nation of victims, and to many people their parents are the source. That’s been thick and heavy throughout the entire culture for the past 40 years. But not me. I had a great childhood.

Did the stories you told and heard during the not insignificant time you’ve spent in bars inspire the stories in your memoirs?

Most of them, yes. In fact, all of them. A lot of these stories that I tell, taken individually, are things that that I would tell to my girlfriend while the two of us were just talking and, you know, a story would come together. And if I have the chance I’ll try it out on a few people and if the story gets a good response I’ll write it down. A lot of these stories got their start from talking in bars.

Do you ever drink and write?

No, I do most of my writing as early as possible in the morning. I just work better that way. My brain starts to slow down around 3 in the afternoon. So I just cram in as much as I can in in seven and eight hours and then I stop. And then I start drinking.

What’s your favorite New York bar?

I never divulge that.

Probably a wise idea. You’ll have all these groupies all over you …

No, no — scary people.

Really?

Well, 99.99 percent of the people who come up and want to talk to me are great, but that teeny tiny percentage is totally insane, which I think you’ll find is true of anything in life. I’ve had guys follow me home or hang around in front of the office or hang around in front of my apartment. They’ve gotten bad over the years. Every new receptionist [at the New York Press] has instructions from me that if I don’t know them, I’m not expecting anyone.

People pop up on the street and try to talk to you?

Well, talking to me is fine, but a few would start following me and I can’t get rid of them. And a few of them are very, very creepy. Very disturbed people. It starts off innocently — they want to talk about a story or they want to talk about one of my books — but then, I don’t know, things start to get stranger and stranger. I’m not ever sure what it is that they want, other than to sap my energy. I’m an extraordinarily private person. The novels I write are basically about my private life, but when it comes to my private life I just want to be left alone. What I keep thinking is, Who am I? I mean, why don’t they bother someone worthwhile?

You’ve said that you don’t have much to do with literary events. How come?

Literary parties are the most miserable goddamn things in the world. I mean, I don’t like parties anyway, but literary parties are the most boring, dry affairs, with all these egos in one room. There was a rash of book parties that friends of mine had, so I told my publicist that I didn’t want a book party. He told me, “To be honest, we weren’t planning on one.” They preferred to spend the money on advertising or book copies. They throw book parties if they feel an author’s ego needs it, if their ego is fragile enough that it needs that type of boost. I guess my ego is fine. In fact, if they’d had a book party for one of my books, I wouldn’t have shown up.

Last time I went to a literary party, my girlfriend and I ended up getting into a fistfight with some little screwhead.

What? How did that happen?

Well, we were sitting at this party with some friends, and this youngster came up to us and he and his friend started hitting on this woman at our table in the most unimaginative, crude fashion imaginable. She eventually gets up and leaves, and after she’s gone this guy sits down in our booth. Morgan, my girlfriend, and I are trying to figure this out. We asked him in a variety of ways, not too subtly, that we’d like him to leave, that he acted like a jerk and scared this woman away and that he was not welcome at this particular booth. But he just sat there. We had a few drinks in us, and he was a very rude young man, and Morgan finally stood up at one point and slapped the free martini out of his hand. I mean, this had been going on for some time and we had tried to be very rational. Clearly he didn’t know the writer, he just saw the open bar. If you’re going to be a party crasher, know how to do it. This wasn’t how you do it.

So she slaps the martini glass out of his hand and he actually takes a swing at her. And that, I mean — that just isn’t done. So I listened to where his voice was and aimed a tad south and I ended up kneeling on his chest and I was choking him for a little while before we were broken apart. He threatened to call the police but he never did. I was kind of hoping he might. I’d love to hear the cop asking him, “So you were beat up by a blind man after you swung at a woman?”

That must have livened up the party. What about readings?

I’ve never been in a fistfight at a reading.

No, I mean, do you like them? The mood at most readings usually reminds me of attending some sort of family event.

I don’t attend very many. And I’ve never done that many. When I did, I used to puke beforehand, though I don’t do that anymore. They’re just basically unpleasant for me. When I’m trying to read aloud I blow up these pages as big as I possibly can but still usually after a page and a half everything goes dark and I have to start making things up. So it’s very difficult. And also I just don’t like the whole idea of performing.

So you’re not part of the whole New York writer scene?

No, no. Back in high school when I got into punk rock, even the punks rejected me and didn’t want me around. I’ve never been part of any scene. I know a few writers in town, but we don’t sit around and talk about writing. I tend to avoid the company of writers. I know some very, very nice ones, some really wonderful people. But for the most part, they’re just obnoxious horrible people. Especially in New York. There’s so much backbiting, so much one-upmanship. It’s a very ugly, very competitive business. They’re always going into print badmouthing other writers, badmouthing their contemporaries — I don’t do that. It’s tough enough to just get by, just to make it anyway. There’s no point in trying to build yourself up by gutting someone else.

I heard you on a radio show the other day — do you like radio? It seems like the sort of thing you must be used to, talking to people without seeing them.

As long as it’s not a call-in show. Those are nightmares. Those shows just kind of collapse around me. For “Slackjaw” I did this call-in show in Madison, Wis., and there was dead silence the first half of the show, and then there was call after call after call — mostly people telling cripple jokes. Then you had people calling in weeping over lost wives. It was a disaster. Even my dad called in. He was like, “Hi son, we’re going to see you in a few days, right?” He was just calling to check in and I said, “Dad, I’m on the radio,” and he said, “Yeah, I know, I’m listening to it.” The whole thing was a disaster, but what was funny was that a couple minutes after the show the producer came out and came right up to me and said, “That was the best show I’ve ever done.”

I was doing a call-in for my novel “The Buzzing” a while ago, which is about a fourth-rate newspaper reporter who ends up covering the kook beat. There’s a conspiratorial subtext to the story, so every conspiracy nut in Urbana, Ill., called in — I mean, they’re at home, they don’t have anything else to do, they’re conspiracy nuts. So on the show we’re talking about UFOs, we’re talking about Kennedy, we’re talking about AIDS, we’re talking about 9/11, every conspiracy in the world. And I’m just there trying to tell people about my novel.

I did one for this current book and I started getting calls because people heard that it’s a spiritual book. It isn’t, but the host read the back cover quote about the book being “Buddhism for Drunkards” …

Doesn’t the back cover also have the line “Whenever I hear the word ‘spiritual’ I reach for my revolver”?

Yeah, that’s on this book, too. So the host reads that and suddenly all these people call in asking questions about the soul. I tried to tell them, “I don’t know about that, it’s just a bunch of funny stories.” I mean, I don’t think it’s anything more than a metaphor we use to explain human behavior, but what do I know? Then another caller asks a complex question about Buddhism, and I’m like, “I don’t know …”

Have you read a lot of other people’s memoirs?

No, I don’t really. Nowadays because of the eyes I listen to a lot of books on tape and so mostly I listen to a lot of crap — thrillers and mysteries and horror novels. In general, the people who do the audiobooks tend to only go after those that they know will sell a bunch. So as a result you get the bestsellers.

There’s been an explosion in memoirs over the past 15 years. Everybody has a story to tell about some awful misery that they’ve been though, or a story of their life as a professional hockey player, or whatever. Lots of mountain climbers have written memoirs, it seems to me. I have not paid much attention to them but I know that they’re out there. I guess I took it as evidence of what an awful, whiny nation of navel-gazers we’ve become.

What do you think about people in their mid-20s writing memoirs? The type that tend to boil down to “I drank a lot, I did a lot of coke …”

Sure, and that’s certainly what I did. To be honest, I think putting out three memoirs before the age of 40, which is what I did, is insane, it’s asinine. But that’s just the way things turned out. There’s a quote from Thomas Pynchon’s book “V” where he says essentially you should never write a memoir until you’re absolutely certain when you’re going to die. Because if you write one before, who knows what magnificent things you can do during the rest of your life? Or if nothing else happens to you, how disappointing would that be?

Mostly the what I call “Oh my God, I have a horrible disease” memoirs are at a point where they’re very whiny and very victim-oriented and very self-centered. But on the other hand, sometimes when I’m riding on the train or walking down the street, if I feel particularly generous toward the world that day, I look around and think, All these people have got some sort of big story of their lives to tell. So we do all have stories. I just don’t think all of them should be published.

Are you able to read books at all, or can you only listen to them on tape?

Actually, I do carry a book and a magnifying glass with me at all times, and I can get through maybe a page or a page and a half at a time. The other day I just finished something that surprised me, an old novel by Stanislaw Lem called “The Investigation” about a guy trying to figure out a case involving revived corpses. It was brilliant, it surprised the hell out of me.

That sounds like that old TV show you like so much –

Yes, “Kolchak: The Night Stalker.” It was on for two seasons in 1973 and 1974. It’s about a rumpled, world-weary journalist in Chicago who every week uncovers evidence of monster activity in town and tries to simultaneously thwart the monsters and get the story past a perpetually skeptical editor. I liked it as a kid because it was scary and there wasn’t much else on then that was scary. The monsters attracted me. Now I look at it — I have a handful of tapes — and I see other things. The main character was one of the main inspirations for me to become a journalist.

Really?

Sure, I thought I’d be covering monster stories, though there isn’t much activity around here.

I would have thought New York would be the place to find them.

Well, there are plenty around here, but all of the human variety. The place to go for monsters is India or Russia. They have all sorts of sightings and encounters. We’re just about to get into the monkey-men season in India right now. Every summer the monkey men supposedly come back and there’s mass hysteria that travels from village to village and everyone becomes convinced that they’ve seen the monkey men, with different descriptions as to what they look like. Some even have different magic powers. The monkey men don’t hurt anyone but people do get hurt jumping off roofs trying to run away from them. Or they get trampled by a mob or get hurt by other people who think their neighbor is a monkey man.

There was a murderous Bigfoot in Russia a few months ago. Lots of UFO sightings there, too. Also — this took place in Iraq prior to the war — but I read off a Russian news wire that there were reports Saddam had contacted aliens and managed to combine alien DNA with scorpion DNA and breed giant scorpions that were guarding his palaces. We haven’t heard much about that since the troops moved in, but they’re probably still out there.

Most of my career decisions as a child were made for me by the movies. I wanted to be a seismologist after “Earthquake,” I wanted to be an ichthyologist after “Jaws.” I wanted to be a theoretical physicist after watching “Cosmos.” Those other things didn’t pan out, and after about six weeks at University of Chicago I found out I wasn’t cut out for theoretical physics. So I decided to take a much easier route and took philosophy instead.

This is an obnoxious question, but do you see yourself as part of any literary tradition?

There are a lot of authors I love, a lot of authors I have the greatest respect for. My library is filled with books that I go back to whenever I can. I think this is true for anybody: When a person starts writing, you have these authors that you love, so when you start out writing you imitate them. I was mimicking a whole slew of people in my 20s: Henry Miller, Norman Mailer, Hunter S. Thompson, Charles Bukowski. Whatever the other angry drunken white people were reading in those days.

In the late ’80s I got a job in Philly writing a column and I was being somebody different every week. Once a guy stopped me at a party and he could tell me exactly what I had been reading the week before from what I’d written in my column. He could tell me obscure things like “you were reading this essay from Norman Mailer last week” or “you were reading this section of this book.” He was just a guy who read a lot but it was astonishing and it actually put the fear of God into me. I didn’t realize it’d been that obvious but we rarely do until somebody points it out to us.

Have you gotten better at the publicity demands of your writing career?

I hate to say it’s become old hat, but I’m much more comfortable. I do much, much less publicity as time goes on. The first time I had a book come out, they sent me out on a 10-city tour. Putting a blind man on a plane to 10 cities he’s never been to before stuck me as cruel and funny. It was exhausting. Everything went fine but I never want to do something like that again.

It was like an ongoing episode of “This Is Your Life.” I didn’t think I knew anyone going into these towns, but I’d get to these readings and people from grade school and junior high school would pop up afterwards. People I hated. It was never people that I liked. I was like, “Ugh, why are you bothering me this way?” I had no idea they’d remember me. In Milwaukee a guy that used to beat the shit out of me in junior high school showed up afterwards. It turned out he was an ophthalmologist. Also a couple of creepy people came: One woman who found out where I was staying and left a 20-minute phone message that had nothing to do with me, it was just a long rambling message. I was glad I wasn’t there to pick up the phone.

Then at the end, when I thought I was finally going back home to Brooklyn, they sent me down to L.A. — and I hate L.A. — to talk to these two TV people about making “Slackjaw” into a television series, which was mortifying. So I went down there, and in describing how cutting-edge the show would be, one of the TV people said that it would be “like that ‘Ally McBeal’ show!” It was totally demoralizing.

Are you satisfied with what you’ve done or, like many writers, do you feel a frustrating lack of completion with anything you do?

I’ve never really been satisfied with any of the books I’ve done. I think back to them and cringe. If I could — but I wouldn’t want to at this point — I would completely rewrite them. I just don’t fret about them as much. I’d still redo it if I could, but my favorite is the second one ["Quitting the Nairobi Trio"]. It’s a singular story. I hate to use terms like “narrative arc,” but it’s one story and I wrote it straight through. I think it holds up.

Was it difficult writing about that — the suicide attempts? Some of it’s pretty grim material.

Actually, I thought it was pretty funny myself. No, it’s not difficult for me. I’ve been through it so many times and I’ve gone over it so many times with people that it wasn’t a big deal. I can’t explain why I [attempted suicide] so many times, and how I did such a horrible job of it.

That particular time, I was living in Minneapolis and one night I tried to hang myself, which I did badly and it didn’t work, and then I tried to O.D. by gobbling a double handful of pills and washing them down with a fifth of Scotch, which I did a little better and which almost worked. I was in my apartment at the time and I stumbled out into the hallway and made such a commotion that the cops came and they ended up beating me up. As suicide scenes go, I thought it was pretty funny.

After that you spent time in a mental hospital. You’ve obviously written about it, but what do you remember now when you think about your time there?

When I think of the hospital I think of my first night there. It sounds like fiction, but my very first night there I had a roommate and we never spoke to each other. He was a very nervous sort. I went to bed and I was awakened in the middle of the night by some maintenance guys in there swabbing big pools of blood off the bathroom floor. I asked them what happened and they said it was none of my business. There’s a huge pool of blood on the bathroom floor and it’s none of my business? If he’d had a twitch three synapses over, my roommate would have been cutting me up instead. The next morning the doctor wouldn’t give me my electric razor, fearing that I would try to do myself in with it.

But there wasn’t much violence there except for that — well, that’s not really right. There were other times, but nothing like that first night. Mostly, life there is boring and slow. You learn a lot about waiting. You wait for the breakfast cart or for a doctor to show up once every two weeks. Those are the things I remember.

What future writing plans do you have?

I’d like to do more novels. I had so much fun writing the first one. I’ve written a couple since “The Buzzing,” but they haven’t gone over very well with the publisher. I’d like to take a little — or a long — break from the memoir game, mostly because I’m kind of tired of talking about myself. At least I’ll have to wait until something else horrible and funny happens to me that I think I could get a book out of.

Sounds like you’re feeling pretty good.

When I look at myself now, every day is pretty much OK. I think part of it too is that — and I know writers who do this — I can’t pretend to still be so angry and still be pissed at everything anymore. You can never pull that off. It’s just sad. So I’m not going to pretend.

In a way, my eyesight is something I grew into. With anything, we take a look at what we have to work with. I don’t have eyesight, but I have plenty of other things. I work around the eyesight. Look at Ray Charles, he couldn’t see, but he could play the piano. We deal with what we’ve got, we make do. I go through bitter phases. There’s nothing noble about this; it’s like if I’d been left-handed or born an idiot, you deal with it. You do what you can.

For the most part, I sit in my apartment or I sit in my office and write my stories. My dealings with the publishing industry have been for the most part been very good. And I’ve been very lucky in that I’ve always had another project lined up to work on. I’ve always had something to do. I mean, it’s no way to make a living — you’re never going to make a ton of money except in very rare exceptions — but I get paid to write stupid stories. I’m happy with that. It’s a rare opportunity.

Christopher Dreher is a writer living in Plymouth, Massachusetts.

Is Nikki Haley’s book full of lies?

Supposed Romney running mate front-runner under fire for memoir distortions

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Is Nikki Haley's book full of lies?Nikki Haley (Credit: Reuters/Eric Thayer)

Hm. As Mitt Romney begins to seriously consider running mates, South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley again finds herself under fire. This time, the State newspaper has taken her to task for twisting the truth in her memoir, “Can’t Is Not an Option.” (That is for real the title of her memoir.)

Every politician’s memoir, especially if written while the author is still in office, is a series of self-serving half-truths. There’s really not much benefit to total and complete honesty, and most politicians are convinced enough of their own righteousness that they probably don’t even think of their omissions and distortions as dishonest. So, everyone Haley trashes in her book says she is lying. That is not that surprising!

Among the points of contention:

  • Haley omits examples of her own hypocrisy. She attacks lawmakers who don’t disclose their sources of income, then dismisses a controversy over her old “consulting” job with a firm seeking legislative favors as “character assassination.”
  • She attacks S.C. House Speaker Bobby Harrell (GOP) for opposing a reform bill she championed, including a supposed conversation in which he said something haughty and corrupt-sounding. (“We’ll decide what they need to see and what they don’t.”) Harrell says the conversation never happened (and that Haley cynically positioned herself as an “outsider” after spending time in the House leadership).
  • She writes that two of her opponents actually high-fived each other at a debate the day a second man accused Haley of carrying on an extramarital affair: “Then, just as the lights came down and the cameras started to roll, I looked over and saw the two men high-five under the table.” The men say that didn’t happen. Furthermore, you cannot “high-five” under a table.
  • She claims that a consultant took down her campaign website as part of a “dirty trick.” The “trick” was that the guy who built her site was working for a different gubernatorial candidate, and when she announced her candidacy for governor, he told her she’d have to move her site to a different server.
  • She accuses her Democratic opponent of running a campaign based on “character assassination and guilt by association.” Her opponent says his campaign was based on issues and her campaign engaged in character assassination. (This is the dumbest/most subjective example of a mistruth, obviously.)
  • Haley says the Legislative Black Caucus complained about a lack of diversity in her cabinet, but didn’t offer any qualified minority or female candidates for posts. The Legislative Black Caucus says they offered her a list of a dozen qualified people whom she did not appoint.

Haley is constantly playing the victim card — everyone who ever opposed her engaged in character assassination or worse — and highlighting her independence from the S.C. political establishment. Because she’s a politician. Even though she clearly made up some of the details and conversations in her memoir (under the table high-five!) none of it will kill her career. (It’s probably a bad idea to put quotation marks around words you’re putting in other people’s mouths, but every other S.C. pol is less famous than her, so their objections won’t matter.)

What may hurt her career, though, is trashing everyone else in her state. In attacking, often viciously, nearly everyone in the South Carolina legislative leadership in both parties and even her own lieutenant governor, Haley is not making it easy for herself to actually work with these people. Which suggests that maybe she has … grander ambitions than remaining governor of South Carolina.

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Alex Pareene

Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene

“Drop Dead Healthy”: A failed addition to “shtick lit”

In a book about one man's "quest for bodily perfection," the author doesn't even bother to try

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This article appears courtesy of The Barnes & Noble Review.

In “Memoir: A History,” Ben Yagoda defines “shtick lit” as “[b]ooks perpetrated by people who undertook an unusual project with the express purpose of writing about it.” He identifies “Walden” as the earliest example of the genre, which would seem to establish a respectable pedigree, but the word perpetrated leaves little doubt as to Yagoda’s opinion of more recent efforts. He can’t be alone in casting a skeptical eye on shtick-lit superstar A. J. Jacobs, the Esquire writer responsible for “The Know-It-All” (shtick: reading the “Encyclopaedia Britannica” in its entirety), “The Year of Living Biblically” (shtick: following every biblical injunction to the letter for 12 lushly bearded, annoying months), and now “Drop Dead Healthy,” evidently a reboot of Remar Sutton’s out-of-print “Body Worry.”

Barnes & Noble ReviewFull disclosure: I undertook the project of reading an A. J. Jacobs’ book with the express purpose of writing about it. My plan was to acknowledge, with a touch of self-deprecating humor, the unlikeliness of my enterprise: I know this seems like a crazy waste of time, guys, but just hear me out…. I’d suffer a few well-timed setbacks, and — this is de rigueur — get chastised by my wife for neglecting her, the kids or my household chores. (I’m not married, but if memoir can massage the truth, why can’t reviews of memoir?) I thought about failing to finish the book. In the end, I may not have made it to my goal of 375 pages, but I did learn a whole lot about the value of shtick lit. Would I do it all again? Probably not, but I’m still glad I made the effort

Well, I did finish the book, and I did learn a lot about the value of shtick lit. The truth is, despite the warnings of Yagoda and others whose opinions I trust, I was never reluctant to read Jacobs. I find autodidacticism and self-improvement fascinating, and greatly to be encouraged. When I took up Jacobs, my hope was to defend him and his beleaguered genre from the cynics, the ones who can’t believe that anyone acts in a spirit of genuine curiosity or enthusiasm. I’d point out, too, that nobody is forcing them to buy shtick lit; if they have a philosophical objection to bogus projects undertaken expressly to be written about, they should make themselves useful and campaign to abolish the college essay.

The cover photo of Jacobs mock-struggling to do a pull-up is a clue to the fatal flaw of this book. It is not going to be, as advertised, a “quest for bodily perfection.” It is going to be a litany of shortcomings, a chronicle of thwartings and chastenings. It will consist of Jacobs dipping his toes in a thousand different dietary and fitness fads and will read like a novelization of every health-scare story and dubious medical study that ever beckoned from a website sidebar or nagged you from your Facebook feed. And because Jacobs will flit from topic to topic, body part to body part, anxiety to anxiety, the reader will almost but not quite fail to notice that Jacobs isn’t accomplishing very much at all.

It’s not that I wasn’t expecting this. I’m familiar with the conventions of the genre. It just took seeing them at their most conventional to realize that they’re dragging the genre down. Paradoxically, Jacobs expended an astonishing amount of hard work to produce a book this lazy. In just two years, he learned to eat better, to lift weights, to reduce his exposure to environmental toxins, to run correctly, and so on. He shed 16 pounds, or eight pounds per year — a little more impressive than it sounds when you consider that he must have gained muscle weight in the process. He cut his fat in half. He wrote his entire book on a treadmill, walking over a thousand miles in the process.

His labors culminate in conclusions any fool could have seen coming: “I’ll incorporate much of what I learned” and “I’ll follow fitness expert Oscar Wilde’s advice: Be moderate in all things, including moderation.” It’s not even really fair to call these conclusions, since they probably appeared verbatim in his book proposal. You aren’t supposed to criticize an author for not having written a different book, but what if the book he’s written doesn’t need to exist? What if everyone already knows that health fads are zany and that moderation is good? A book trading on such modest insights had better be mind-bendingly funny. A quick test: Jacobs is sold on skin care when he sees two guys — “leather jackets, Harley tattoos” — at Penn Station, talking moisturizers. Do you find this a) funny, b) funny but implausible, or c) so Shoebox Greetings unfunny that it doesn’t matter if it happened or not?

Most of Jacobs’ humor is of the self-deprecating or auto-emasculating variety. “[A]s an experiment,” Jacobs writes, “I’ve been wearing my blue bike helmet as I run my errands.” Have you been, man? Is anyone laughing at this? Hack comedy is one thing, but what irks me is that someone gave Jacobs a great deal of money — he mentions his advance repeatedly — to challenge himself, and instead of doing that he’s screwing around with stuff like wearing a bike helmet in public. “Bodily perfection” implies that your 44-year-old carcass is going to scale Half Dome or complete Marine Corps boot camp. I don’t care that you ate a bushel of vegetables, tried on a CPAP, or submitted to the indignity of wearing Vibram FiveFingers sneakers. I’d like to see some results. As it stands, we don’t even get an “after” photo.

Jacobs’ crowning achievement is a modest triathlon: 11 minutes of swimming, 33 minutes of bicycling, and an unspecified amount of jogging, probably 3.1 miles. Here lies the problem with shtick lit: the pedestrian nature of its goals. When men get old and retire — when they become the target market for books making light of their Jacobs-like ineptitude — they tend to read a lot of biography. Why? Perhaps it’s because age, regret and self-criticism conspire to produce a craving for real achievement, or at least for stories about real achievement. Most of us have been half-assing it since the day we were born. Self-deprecation has become a reflex, a preemptive excuse — which is why books like Jacobs’ will climb the bestseller lists and, let’s be fair, actually entertain the average reader. Yet if shtick lit is ever to live up to its promise, it’ll have to abandon its jokesy “points for trying” mentality and start attempting the impossible in earnest.

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“The Patagonian Hare”: The man behind “Shoah”

In a new memoir, filmmaker, reporter and French Resistance fighter Claude Lanzmann reflects on his remarkable life

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Those Americans who are familiar with the name Claude Lanzmann most likely know him as the director of “Shoah,” his monumental 1985 documentary about the extermination of the European Jews in the Nazi gas chambers. As it turns out, though, the story of Lanzmann’s eventful life would have been well worth telling even if he had never come to direct “Shoah.” In addition to film director, Lanzmann’s roles have included those of journalist, editor, public intellectual, member of the French Resistance, long-term lover of Simone de Beauvoir and close friend of Jean-Paul Sartre, world traveler, political activist, ghostwriter for Jacques Cousteau — I could go on, but it’s a good deal more entertaining to hear Lanzmann himself go on, and thanks to the publication in English of his memoir, “The Patagonian Hare,” we now have the opportunity to do so.

Barnes & Noble ReviewThe book begins with a disturbing and at times grotesque meditation on executions, on the tendency of human beings to kill each other in the name of the law or some other abstraction. This dark reverie consumes the entire first chapter, providing an important early glimpse into the memoirist’s attitudes and preoccupations. (Capital punishment in general, and the guillotine in particular, have been “the abiding obsession of my life,” he announces in the book’s first sentence.) In what will prove to be a repeating pattern in Lanzmann’s life, the political concern becomes, or perhaps reveals itself always to have been, deeply personal. Reflecting on the executed murderer Eugene Wiedmann, he writes, “Wiedmann, Lanzmann — the identical endings of his name and mine seemed to portend for me some terrible fate. Indeed, as I write these words, even at my supposedly advanced age, there is no guarantee that it will not still be so.” He then recounts how, in conversation with Jean Genet, he once gave voice to his fear that he would die by the guillotine, to which Genet replied, “There’s still time.”

A certain dark humor is clearly intended here, but it would be a mistake to read this exchange as merely funny: the awareness that the death penalty is still practiced in much of the world seems to be a genuinely haunting fact for Lanzmann, and it is worth keeping in mind that as a teenager during World War II he took part in the French Resistance, an activity that carried a very real threat of being caught and put to death. (His father, too, was secretly involved in Resistance activities, and the scene in which they confess their involvement to each other is memorable and touching.)

Indeed, throughout this memoir, Lanzmann records his propensity both for engaging in dangerous behaviors — visiting political hot spots and war zones, flying in fighter jets, mountain climbing with de Beauvoir with inadequate equipment and preparation — and for barely escaping multiple varieties of accidental death even when he does not appear to be taking inordinate risks. He is nearly shot while attempting to interview a suspected murderer (the bullet “ripped through the shoulder pack in my anorak”). He is catapulted from a car and badly injured during a high-speed accident. Attempting to talk a policeman out of giving him a parking ticket, he walks through a plate glass window; a falling shard pierces an artery, putting him in the hospital for several weeks. In Israel in 1977, taking a break from his attempts to find funding that would allow him to continue shooting “Shoah,” he goes for a swim in the Mediterranean, is caught by its powerful currents, and very nearly drowns. (“Striking out rather than following the shoreline has always been my practice,” he remarks — an understatement, to be sure.)

It seems a bit of a miracle, indeed, that Lanzmann lived to write this book. Perhaps these near-encounters with death help explain the deep attachment he feels to life. “You must understand that I love life madly, love it all the more now that I am close to leaving it — so much so that I do not even believe what I have just said, which is a statistical proposition, a piece of pure rhetoric that finds no response in my flesh, in my bones.” Or perhaps it is this intense attachment that somehow explains why he has not died, despite his so often having stuck his neck out (to revert to the language of the guillotine).

After the war, as a student living in Paris, his involvement with the French Resistance finished, he found himself able to take less hazardous, more amusing risks. When his mother withdrew her financial support, he rented a priest’s garb and went door to door, collecting money allegedly for the Church — an endeavor that ended up costing him more for the costume rental than he managed to take in. He also tried his hand at stealing books, not to make money — he only stole philosophy books, and they were to read, not to sell — but to experiment, it seems, with the thrill of transgression. When, as was inevitable, he was apprehended — for stealing a copy of Jean Hyppolite’s “Genesis and Structure of the Phenomenology of Spirit” — his stepfather explained to their lawyer that the crime was to be attributed to Lanzmann’s “unwholesome passion for philosophy.” (For his part, the author of the stolen book was flattered rather than disturbed by the crime — “for a khâgne student to steal Genesis and Structure was the ultimate accolade, the equivalent of being a bestseller” — so much so that he wrote a letter asking the court to go easy on Lanzmann.)

The book’s depictions of leading European intellectuals of the postwar period are striking and incisive. Lanzmann describes how Sartre’s “Cornelian determination to be dependent on no one led him to extremes: I would watch him suffer for days with a vicious toothache, resulting in abscesses and gumboils, and still he carried on writing, claiming he could master the pain, since it was unthinkable that he should ask anyone — even a dentist — for help.” But Lanzmann also admired Sartre greatly and to some degree was in awe of him. One memorable incident finds him watching Sartre deploy his logical abilities and “metallic, authoritative voice” in order to seduce Lanzmann’s sister, the actress Évelyne Rey:

Sartre had everything it took to seduce Évelyne, complimenting her, his reasons articulate, cogent and neatly strung together. Watching this formidable thinking machine at work, the well-oiled gears and pistons revving until it was at full throttle, left you stunned with admiration, all the more so if the goal of his implacable, passionate logic was to flatter you. Sartre’s enemies mocked him for his ugliness, his squint, caricatured him as a toad, a gnome, some sordid, baleful creature. I found him handsome in a way, powerfully charming, I liked the extraordinary energy of his approach, his physical courage and, above all, that voice of tempered steel, the quintessence of irrefutable intelligence.

As for Lanzmann’s own romantic life, love at first sight seems to be its guiding principle. On meeting Judith Magre, who would later become his first wife, he was “immediately taken with this nervous, sylphlike girl of twenty, by her firm, slender body, her deep voice rich with every possible inflection … In the lift on the way down from my mother’s apartment to the ground floor, we fell into each other’s arms, never for a moment breaking our wordless, passionate embrace.” In North Korea, as part of the first Western delegation to that country, Lanzmann fell in love with the nurse who was assigned to give him daily injections, a love that would remain unconsummated and, perhaps in part for that very reason, would haunt him for many decades. In Israel in the early 1970s he met Angelika Schrobsdorff, a novelist and actress who would become his second wife: “in my rough and ready way, I swept her off her feet by the intensity and sincerity of the passion I felt for her from the moment I first set eyes on her. It was mutual love at first sight….”

And then, of course, there is Simone de Beauvoir. “Castor,” as her friends referred to her, was Lanzmann’s lover for five years and remained his close friend afterward. Along with Sartre she is one of the central figures in his life, but in this book, at least, she is more of an enigma than Sartre, more distant, more elusive. This may be due in part to the fact that Lanzmann says almost nothing about her intellectual work. We learn about their travels together, about her love for skiing, hiking, and outdoor activities, and a bit about her political activism and unconventional love life, but such singular works as “The Second Sex,” “The Ethics of Ambiguity” and “The Mandarins” go mostly unmentioned. What comes across most vividly is the combination of deep seriousness and powerful passions that formed the basis of her personality, allowing her to serve as a beacon of integrity and a source of emotional support for Lanzmann until her death in 1986:

During the twelve difficult years when I was making “Shoah,” I went to see her whenever I could, I needed to talk to her, to tell her of my uncertainties, my fears, my disappointments. I always came away from these evenings together if not serene, at least strengthened in my resolve. It was not so much what she knew and what she shared — how could she have known about the horrors I was discovering? It was I who told her about them — but the unique and intensely moving way she had of listening, serious, solemn, open, utterly trusting. She was transfigured by this act of listening, her face became pure humanity, as though her ability to focus on other people’s problems relieved her of her own fears, of the weariness of living that never truly left her after the death of Sartre.

“The Patagonian Hare” concludes with an account of the making of “Shoah,” about which film de Beauvoir would write, “I have never read nor seen anything that has so movingly and so grippingly conveyed the horror of the ‘final solution’; nor anything that has brought to light so much evidence of the hellish mechanics of it.” This nine-and-a-half-hour documentary about the grimmest of possible subjects was, unsurprisingly, difficult to find funding for, and difficult in other ways as well. Some subjects were reluctant to speak with him, some refused entirely, and some — particularly former Nazis who had worked in the extermination camps — had to be approached under false pretenses and filmed using the Paluche, a small camera that could be hidden in a handbag. Such equipment is routine these days, but at the time the Paluche was a real innovation, and an imperfect one. Lanzmann describes how, in an early attempt at using it, they made the mistake of hiding it under a pile of books and newspapers, causing it to overheat and begin to emit smoke during the interview, from which he and his assistant were forced to flee.

Readers who approach this book out of an interest in “Shoah” may be tempted to skip the first three-quarters and begin with the chapters that concern its filming, but “The Patagonian Hare” should be read in its entirety: it is the  account of an entirely fascinating life, related with great skill. Lanzmann’s decision not to adhere to a strictly chronological presentation but to follow his memory where it leads him, lends the book a refreshing informality, and his sense of humor and memory for anecdote prove consistently engaging. What comes through most clearly is the tremendous passion for life that underlies and informs everything: Lanzmann’s risk taking, his activism, his love affairs, his remarkable gifts as a storyteller. But then again, how could one fail to be passionately, even madly attached to life, when the life to which one is attached is as colorful, as vibrant, as rich as this?

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Recovery’s new poster boy

Bill Clegg's first addiction memoir shocked readers. We talk to him about his follow-up -- and his newfound fame

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Recovery's new poster boyBill Clegg (Credit: Brigitte Lacombe/Little, Brown & Co.)

Two years ago, Bill Clegg’s first memoir dropped like a bombshell on the New York media world. “Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man” chronicled the handsome and hugely successful book agent’s descent into a harrowing crack addiction that cost him his career, his boyfriend and his savings — and left him broke and in rehab. In one harrowing part of the book (excerpted in New York magazine) Clegg decides to blow off a first-class flight to Berlin after a week without sleep for a crack binge and sex with the cabbie driving him to his airport hotel. Staring at his pile of drugs, he wrote, “I wonder if somewhere in that pile is the crumb that will bring on a heart attack or stroke or seizure. The cardiac event that will deliver all this to an abrupt and welcome halt.”

In the years since the events of the first book, Clegg has rebuilt his career as an agent and become one of the best-known faces of addiction recovery. (He is also the rumored muse for “Left-handed,” a recent book of poetry by Jonathan Galassi, and the supposed inspiration for one of the lead characters in “Keep the Lights On,” Ira Sachs’ well-reviewed new film about a troubled gay relationship).

Now Clegg has written a follow-up, “Ninety Days,” a tumultuous chronicle of his early sobriety. The book begins with Clegg’s release from rehab and follows him as he struggles to keep clean for 90 days, a milestone for those in recovery. Over the following weeks, he tries to rebuild his shattered life — befriending other recovering addicts, searching for a new apartment and shuttling from meeting to meeting — but before long, he is once again drinking, smoking crack and having anonymous drug-fueled sex. Thus begins a dramatic series of relapses.

The book, which is written in straightforward, readable prose, is an often-vivid testament to the difficulties of overcoming addiction and the value of companionship. Despite occasional moments of cattiness (Clegg can be ungenerous in his description of other meeting attendees), Clegg comes across as a deeply troubled but a perceptive and sympathetic man, learning lessons about addiction in some very difficult ways.

Salon spoke to Clegg over the phone from Manhattan about the fallout from his first book, the unique appeal of recovery memoirs and why he won’t be writing another book.

It’s been a long time since the events of this book happened, and now you’re doing interviews and publicity about them. Does it feel strange to be rehashing all this stuff?

I wouldn’t say it’s strange, because one of the ways I’ve stayed sober is to stay very close to the things that happened, both when I was using and also in early recovery. I can’t talk enough about those early days of getting sober, because it’s the things I did and the lessons I learned — and the things suggested to me in those early days — that keep me sober today. The more comfortable I get and the more I forget it, the more vulnerable I am to relapse. And it’s pretty simple. Those experiences in those first 90 days are ones I never want to get away from and never want to forget.

Your first book was about your descent into drug addiction and alcoholism. This book is about your recovery. Why did you write it?

It came from a sense of not being finished when I completed the writing of “Portrait of an Addict.” During the three years it took to write that, I felt tethered to this live thing that needed my care and attention. I had this expectation that when I was done I would feel severed from that and I didn’t. So I just kind of didn’t stop writing. But I don’t feel connected to it, or any writing, at this point. I feel completely done.

In what sense?

Finishing this book, the process definitely stopped. I was reading the audio book a couple weeks ago and I hadn’t seen the text in a while. Reading from beginning to end, I almost couldn’t identify with the person who wrote the book. I identified with the person who lived the experiences, but I couldn’t really identify with somebody who would sit for six hours at a time and see that [book] to completion. I just don’t have it in me right now; it’s beyond my imagination that I’d be able to write anything longer than an email. Which is a relief, let me tell you. These books just sort of bullied their way into existence. I have a pretty busy day job as an agent, so I’m kind of amazed that they exist, these things.

What do you think is the overall message of this book?

I thought that once I got out of rehab that if I just stayed away from drugs and alcohol and followed a few simple suggestions there would be a clean narrative of getting sober, that there’d be a before and after that would be clearly defined. And that process for me was a lot messier than that. So if there’s a message in there, it’s that the only way that, in my experience, I’ve gotten sober and seen other people get sober is by asking for help and getting involved deeply in a community of addicts and alcoholics in recovery.

The first book was such a huge success. How did you deal with the sudden fame that came with it? The book included some pretty shocking scenes.

I guess I dealt with that in the same way I dealt with every difficult or wonderful thing, which is one day at a time. If I step back and regard any aspect of my life, whether that be my relationship with my family, or my job, or that publication, or this one, I will probably get overwhelmed and driven to my knees in exhaustion and despair. I was busy at that time doing my job so I just did everything that I always do but maybe with a little bit more desperation. I didn’t stop and look around and try and make meaning of any of it. I just kind of showed up to what I needed to show up to — whether it was an interview or working on the copy-edited manuscripts or whatever — and then moved on to the things that crowd my life.

Do you think your disclosures from “Portrait of an Addict” have changed the way people interact with you?

Because my collapse and the revelations of my alcoholism and drug addiction were so known to people in the book publishing world, it sort of mediated or affected every interaction I had professionally when I came back to work, whether that was with prospective new clients or colleagues. I think because that history was informing so many of my interactions and relationships, I got used to it as a kind of third person in the room. In terms of people outside the sphere of book publishing, it was challenging. I’m a self-conscious person by nature, and there were certainly uncomfortable moments.

Is there one big moment is “Ninety Days” that stands out to you as being particularly meaningful?

When I look back and try and locate some moment where a great shift occurred, it was the feeling [at one point during the recovery period covered in the book] when I was walking toward a place where I did drugs all the time. I was walking towards the door and thought of Polly (this woman I got sober with who is still very close to me) who was not sober at the time. She was, at that point in her recovery, pretty dire — like life or death. I felt like if I went in and got high and went down that rabbit hole, she might show up to a meeting and find out that I had relapsed and that that would keep her out of there.

My involvement in her recovery and connection to her was the thing that stopped me from walking through that door. Somehow the pull of my feeling of usefulness and responsibility to Polly was greater than my desire to use. That was the first time anything stood between me and a drink or a drug. And I turned around and walked away. Very soon after that, the obsession to use and to drink lifted, which was something that hadn’t happened in all of the time that I had tried to get sober.

To me that reminds me how important it is to stay connected to other people in recovery. To me recovery is sort of moving from the first-person singular to the first-person plural. For me as an addict, I can get very consumed with my own anxieties and worries and struggles and ambitions. And if I get too wrapped up in those thing and lift away from my usefulness to other addicts, I’m most vulnerable to relapsing.

In the book, you enter a lot of spaces in which people are meant to be anonymous. There must have been tension between describing the people and wanting to preserve their privacy.

I felt very comfortable talking about my experience getting sober without naming the program of recovery that I’m involved in. And in the instances where there are people in the program that I got sober with and who are still in my life, I spoke to them about the fact that I was going to describe our experience and went to lengths to protect their anonymity and their privacy and followed their lead in terms of what they were comfortable with and what they weren’t. The main point is to transcribe my struggle to get a toehold in sobriety and maintain it. I didn’t feel that the focus of the book is on anyone else’s recovery necessarily, outside a handful of relationships that I had and still have.

One person in the book about whom this question arises is the character of Asa, whom you describe extensively as he helps you during your early sobriety. I’m assuming you weren’t able to get his permission to write about him.

I didn’t think so. He was, he made it clear at a certain point that he didn’t want to have any contact with me because he was no longer sober. But I’m very happy to report that he’s come back into recovery and is sober. He knows that he is in the book, and that he is well masked. I went to great lengths to protect his privacy.

You’ve been the rumored “muse” of a few projects that have gotten coverage in the media in the last few months. How does it feel to be the subject of that kind of attention?

I don’t really have anything to say about that.

One of those projects, the film “Keep the Lights On,” recently got a distribution deal. Did you have any participation in that?

I guess I can’t really speak to any books or films that any other people wrote that I may or may not be connected to by speculation in magazines and elsewhere. It’s not my place.

Fair enough. Going back to your book, the most famous recovery memoir in recent years is the controversial “A Million Little Pieces,” by James Frey, which you allude to in the book. Did other recovery memoirs affect your way of thinking about this book?

You know I haven’t read, probably very consciously, other books of addicts and recovery — but particularly in the last seven years, when I’ve been involved in working on these two books. People I got sober with would use this phrase, “compare and despair.” I probably internalized that while getting sober and set out not to read other books about addiction and recovery when I was writing these. I would probably think they were better writers than me, or be affected by it so I just felt like in the writing of these books, I just had to follow my own instincts.

What do you think is the appeal of the addiction and recovery memoir for readers?

I think there are a lot of alcoholics and addicts in this world. And they touch a lot of people. It’s a disease that cuts through all class and age and race, and affects many, many people. I certainly myself felt very lost when I was first trying to get sober, and other people in my life felt incredibly lost. Both experiences are very isolating, so when reading an account of somebody getting sober — or in the case of David Sheff’s book “Beautiful Boy,” reading an account of a parent whose kid is an addict — I think identification is a powerful thing. It makes the struggle feel less singular, and it shows at least one particular path which one may choose to take or not take in any of those circumstances, whether you’re an addict yourself, or the father of an addict, or the daughter or son. I think people look to books to find answers, separate from addiction and alcoholism, they look to stories to illuminate their lives more clearly, to more clearly find their way.

I think there’s also the appeal of witnessing someone’s downfall and redemption.

Perhaps. People tend to make mistakes, and the reading of how someone may prevail against those mistakes may be encouraging to some people. If it is, that’s one use of those books.

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Thomas Rogers

Thomas Rogers is Salon's Arts Editor.

Men “experiment,” women “experience”

Jeanette Winterson talks about her new autobiographical novel and the gender assumptions we make about writers

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Men
This article appears courtesy of The Barnes & Noble Review.

In 1985, 25-year-old Jeanette Winterson published “Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit,” a semi-autobiographical novel about a girl named Jeanette, adopted and raised in northern industrial England by Pentecostals, whose plans to become a missionary are derailed when she falls in love with girls (prompting her parents to hold an exorcism) and goes off to Oxford and becomes a writer instead.

Barnes & Noble ReviewAlthough the rough outlines of Winterson’s biography follow more or less the same as those sketched above, she has always resisted the idea that “Oranges” should be taken as a literal account of her childhood. “I was trying to get away from the received idea that women always write about ‘experience’ — the compass of what they know — while men write wide and bold, the big canvas, the experiment with form,” she writes in her new book, “Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?,” released last year in England and published in the United States last week.

Over the past two decades, Winterson’s novels have been loaded with play, pose and experiment, roaming through and remixing ideas about history, genre, and gender. Her characters include a Venetian gambler with webbed feet in a romance with Napoleon’s cook (“The Passion”); a giant mother named Dogwoman (“Sexing the Cherry”; a lover with no identified name or gender (“Written on the Body”); and a scientist on a planet inhabited by dinosaurs (“The Stone Gods”).

Her new book, begun almost exactly 25 years after she began writing “Oranges,” revisits the same territory as her first — Winterson World, as she calls it. As in the first time around, the story is dominated by her adopted mother, a “flamboyant depressive: woman who kept a revolver in the drawer, and the bullets in a tin of Pledge. A woman who stayed up all night to avoid sleeping in the same bed as my father. A woman with…two sets of false teeth — matt for everyday, and a pearlised set for ‘best.’ ” This time, however, there is a parallel narrative in which adult Jeanette searches for her biological parents.

The book makes a forceful argument for the necessity of art and in all lives, not just for those — like Winterson — who will grow up to be working artists but also for those like her adoptive father, a factory worker who reads the Bible and Shakespeare, and her biological family, who live in public housing and discuss “The Tibetan Book of the Dead.”

I met Jeanette Winterson in late January at her hotel in Soho. She showed up in sneakers and workout clothes under a beautifully tailored wool coat — she had called to see if she might meet an hour later to fit in exercise — and we went to a local organic restaurant, where she ordered a lentil and sweet potato salad. An edited transcript of our exchange is followed by some “Outtakes”: pieces of the conversation that address a wider range of topics.

The Barnes & Noble Review: You are essentially revisiting the same material of your first book, published when you were 25, almost exactly 25 years later yet seen through a different lens, along with contrasting your adoptive family, the Wintersons, with your biological family, whom you meet late in life. Why did you have the impulse to do that?

Jeanette Winterson: I didn’t. I was dealing with the search for the biological mother and that necessarily prompted in me all sorts of questions and reconsiderations of life with Mrs. Winterson; life in Winterson World. The past is a negotiation; it’s not fixed. I was forced into another negotiation with the past. I thought, “Well, let me start writing through this again and see what comes out.” I was doing it for my own sake, and not for anyone else. The trouble is that after two weeks, I had written 15,000 words. When that happens, you realize there is this enormous pressure building up to do something. So I thought, “OK, I’m just going to carry on with this.”

BNR: So those two lines bring you up to basically sixteen, when you leave home to go to Oxford, then a quick jump to 25, letting us know you wrote “Oranges,” and another narrative starts when you search for your adoptive mother and begin this new book. Yet there is still a 25-year gap that both parallel narratives skip over.

JW: Yeah, I get myself to Oxford, and then I write “Oranges,” and then we arrive in 2008 and I’m going to kill myself and it’s all gone wrong. Each half was written at the same time; they were two parallel lines that eventually converged. I didn’t start at the beginning and end at the end. When do I ever do that? That’s the story I wanted to tell. The rest was irrelevant. I’m also interested in what you can do with form and shape. And I thought, “Why should I write this in a linear way? I never do. So why start now?” I thought, “If I want to miss out on twenty-five years, I can. ” Although it would have been an inefficient thing to do in a memoir, anyway.

BNR: Even the use of the word memoir is fairly loaded. You were very emphatic that “Oranges” was not a memoir but an autobiographical novel, with points of fact and points of fiction. Are you comfortable saying that this is the memoir?

JW: I don’t even call it that. I just say it’s a cover version.

BNR: I like that phrase. That’s pretty wonderful.

JW: I really think, well… Let’s not call this “sexism.” Let’s call it an “asymmetrical judgment” between men and women. If Henry Miller writes “Tropic of Cancer” and calls the hero “Henry Miller,” he’s still allowed to say these are novels, and none of the guys question it. Because a man is allowed to be bigger. A woman isn’t. She can only possibly talk about herself.

BNR: Meanwhile, Anaïs Nin is just writing “journals.”

JW: Journals, right, journals! If I want to use myself as a fictional character, why can’t I? Over the years, it’s been one of the most frustrating things. If you call yourself  “Jeanette” in the novel, then it’s all about you. And I’m thinking, No. This is a person I’ve invented. Why shouldn’t I? That’s what I mean by an asymmetrical judgment because Paul Auster, Henry Miller, Milan Kundera, any of those writers who quote themselves directly, Philip Roth, for God’s sake! We all say, “That’s so great! That’s so interesting!” But if you do that as a woman, it becomes confessional and autobiographical.

BNR: In the book you make the distinction between “experience,” which is what women writers are seen to have, versus “experiment,” which male writers do.

JW: It’s all just a way to make it small. If you are a woman, you’ve got to be a little one; you’ve got to be small. And if you’re not small, you’re a ball-breaker.

BNR: Was it at all problematic for you to decide to call this book a “memoir,” then? Doesn’t it seem to imply this is the real, factual truth?

JW: Well, I didn’t decide that. My publisher did. They have to stick some bloody label on it. It’s not my word and it never will be.

BNR: One of the most striking differences between the two books — “Oranges” and “Why Be Normal?” — is that the character “my mother” becomes “Mrs. Winterson.” Meanwhile, your adoptive father stays “my father.”

JW: I think I needed to operate at a distance, so it does shift from “my mother” to “Mrs. Winterson.” But she never called any of her friends by their first name. She didn’t let them call her by her first name. She very much was the lady of the house. She liked that formality and that dignity.

BNR: I assume that in your adult life, other people have called you “Ms. Winterson” from time to time.

JW: Yes [laughs].

BNR: So although referring to this same woman as “Mrs. Winterson” sounds more alienating than calling her “my mother,” it also seems like a way to subtly state the connection between the two of you. Sons often talk about the experience about growing into being Mr. So and So, like their fathers, though with patrilineal descent, that is rarer for women. It almost seemed to underline the closeness between the two of you as adult women.

JW: Yes, she’s an archetypal figure. The main model, the only one. She was a mother, and she’s also a character in her own drama. But it’s a sleight-of-hand. I think she comes off very well in this book. I think there’s compassion for her and warmth and the reader will end up feeling rather drawn to her. Even though she’s a monster.

BNR: She does come off as a monster in some ways. But she also comes off as being so important. There’s a way in which the two of you seem twinned in a way that in the end you never even seem to have with your bio-mom. She just looms so large over your life in a way that no one else seems to come close.

JW: She is. The person you grow up with is really important. This biology business, it doesn’t do it for me. And yes, she was the big-screen character in the small screen of our lives.

BNR: In the book, you connect her to the Dogwoman character, the gigantic, all-encompassing mother in your novel “Sexing the Cherry.” But in a way, she was the one who shrunk all of your lives down to the small-screen, too, right? She was very educated for her class. She seemed to be incredibly intelligent. There are so many ways in which the two of you seem like parallel characters. And yet, she seemed to limit herself: she married “down”; became a housewife; became a member of a very strict religion. It seems to go along with the stereotype you mention about the “Battleaxe” northern woman. These women are so huge, and yet their bigness is used to make them small.

JW: They have to know their place. And those women, those pre-feminist women, they did know their place. It might have made them depressed and miserable — it did — but they accepted it like a natural phenomenon, like gravity or something. It couldn’t change. It was as pointless to them to wish that things were different as it was to wish that you could walk three feet off the ground. Because you couldn’t. It was a law of nature that men were superior and that women had to know their place.

BNR: You talk about adoption as self-invention, and the idea that each adoption story introduces the possibility of a parallel life. There is a fabulous moment in the book when you find yourself sitting in the bar in your hometown, well dressed and inexplicably wearing a spray tan. One crucial question that you never did answer: Why in God’s name did you have a spray tan?

JW: I’m not telling you! As I said in the novel, “for reasons that remain unsaid!” I shall never confess!

BNR: So unfair! But you do have this striking moment when suddenly you have this image of what your life might have been like if you hadn’t grown up in Winterson World, left town, gone to Oxford, become a writer.

JW: It felt like a shadow passed across me, and I was like, “No!” It wasn’t like a game I was playing in my head, like “What if?” or “Let’s pretend.” It did feel like I was looking through this door, this other possibility, this whole world within the universe. Having met my bio-mom and my family, I know it would have gone wrong. It would have gone wrong because I would not have been educated. I’m sure of that. But I’m clever. And I wasn’t going to sit at home and do nothing, so I would have made something of myself. But there would have been more brutality than poetry in it. And that’s kind of scary.

BNR: So you think part of the poetry, then, comes from being born into an evangelical household? You talk a lot about the poetry of the Bible and the deep search for philosophical meaning that it brings into working-class lives, like the one you were born into.

JW: I think it gives you a language for poetry. My nature is intense, and I think loss pushes you towards a search for meaning and a search for language. Poetry is very good at dealing with all of that. I was looking for a way to deal with loss even though I didn’t call it loss. That’s why I talk about in the book about “lost loss.” When you can’t even get at it; you don’t even know it’s there. I think that yearning, that search for meaning came out of that. My intense and solitary nature pushed me towards a poetics because I was looking for complexity. I didn’t want the easy narrative. I really wanted to understand. And yes, my nature, fortunately met a situation that was going to nourish it, which sounds very odd, given what that situation was. I’m not going to go up and down and say it’s good to lock your kid in the coal hole, or out on the front step or to give them Bible readings morning, noon, and night. But it seems to have worked for me. It did give me something that I would not have gotten.

BNR: It seems you wouldn’t have had to struggle in such an epic, archetypal way. You wouldn’t have had to struggle against such strict religious rules, they wouldn’t have exorcised you for being gay, or likely even cared much, you wouldn’t have been labeled a sinner…

JW: And it seems the spiritual damage made a difference. In either family, I would have been poor; there was no material benefit either way. In my birth family, I think my focus would have been on, “I have to get out of here and make a better life.” There wouldn’t have been the spiritual overlay. At least being brought up in the church, it’s irrelevant, the money question. Nobody had any money and nobody cared about having any money, because our rewards were in heaven. And our riches were not of this earth. So that was not a suitable place to put your ambition. And so I didn’t. But I think that’s very interesting: the idea that it’s much more important to pursue meaning, to pursue the inner life. So what began as a connection with God became a connection with life itself, to which art, poetry are central, but money never being a consideration.

Going to Oxford, all of my friends went off and got really good jobs. I could have done that too. This was the eighties for God’s sake, and I had an Oxford degree. I could have gone anywhere. But I didn’t. Because money continued to be of no importance. I think that was very much the spiritual teaching I grew up with: This is not a worthy endeavor. Which was directly at odds with the zeitgeist of the eighties, which was all about money.

BNR: So what we are saying here is that in many ways, Mrs. Winterson did give you the roots of your story and a reason to create.

JW: She did. I’m really a big believer in just working with what’s there, with who you are and what you’ve got. And not putting happiness or success or achievement impossibly out of reach, which people do all the time. It’s good to have ambition. But you have to work with what you’ve got and be in that place. I’m a realist as well as an optimist.

BNR: As you point out, in both of your families, the search for meaning and art and discussion and answering the question “Why are we here?” was very important, even though both were very poor. Many politicians right now are telling us that books and poetry and education are “elitist” pursuits. But you point out there is still a deep need for self-reflection and inner life and art, no matter what your day job is.

JW: I think that’s right. I don’t want to see that go. Young people now — this was supposed to be the post-ideological generation. When the money was there, no one was going to care. And that might have worked. So the fact that the money has run out, now, and the whole thing has been laid bare in all its goriness and its corruption and unsustainability, I think that’s really good. This is going to radicalize another generation of young people. It’s not just going to be Islamic jihad or radical Christian fundamentalism, these are going to be kids who want to get political because they can change things that way, who will want to find a new system. I always have hope for the human race like that. They will respond to our times, and then alter them. I can’t believe that we won’t.

OUTTAKES

The following parts of our conversation wandered somewhat from our discussion of ”Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal?”

BNR: What is your writing schedule? Do you have an intense daily schedule? Or do you write in short bursts?

JW: No. I’m in my study every day. I think that’s important. I just go to work. You have to get up and go to work. I show up. It doesn’t mean I do anything useful all the time. Very often I don’t. But I divide my day. I try to keep the dreaming day in the morning. I get up straightaway. I pretend that I have to cycle to work. I don’t, because my studio is in my garden. But I get on my bike and I do a circuit and come back. So I have cycled to work. If I don’t cycle to work, it’s so fixed in my head, I can’t go to work.

BNR: You talk so much about poetry, both in your work, and even on your website, where you often post poems of the day. I can also see a poetic influence in the way your sentences scan: there is an intention to the rhythm; it is very spare; there are even many sentences that read almost as epigrams. Do you ever write poetry?

JW: No. But I read it all the time.

BNR: Do you think that the fact that you don’t actually write poetry helps you to keep it in a space that is purely inspirational in a way that prose isn’t?

JW: I was always clear that I wanted to have that intensity and that spareness for my prose. I didn’t want to strip it out completely to an artful, i.e, artless, conversational style. I wasn’t trying to do a Hemingway or Henry Miller or any of that stuff. I wanted to have something which used language in a way which had a certain artificiality to it, in that we don’t speak that way. We’re not that precise; we’re not that complex. But I wanted to feel as natural as possible. And I thought I could do that, using the prose. That’s always been what has interested me. To try to keep the complexity of language — the imagery, the symbolism, just the way the words work together, instead of trying to pull them apart, thinking how few can I get in there? That’s not it for me. I need to know that they can make a different kind of landscape. That’s what poetry does. So I thought, “Why can’t you have that in your prose? Why shouldn’t I work towards that?”

BNR: And you’ve never had the urge to start arranging any of your prose into verse or stanzas?

JW: No. It is rhythmic; it works well being read out loud. In that sense, I’ve achieved what I wanted. What it doesn’t do is a casualty of speed reading. You can’t read Jeanette Winterson just for the content. There’s no point. No point. You can’t read down the middle. I’ve built it. They aren’t very long books anyway. They are as short as they can be. You can’t make them shorter by reading them faster. That can be a problem, because we do surf. For me, the pleasure is actually in the language and in what develops through the language. That, to me, is what literature is. If we don’t want it to be language, then let’s go and do something else. But if we’re only looking for the story, we can get that in many different media now. There’s nothing wrong with that. But language has its own particular, specific idiosyncratic pleasures and challenges. It is language. So much as I’m using language, I really don’t want to be told by anyone that it’s elitist if you use it in a particular way, or that it gets in the way of just telling a story. Why can’t we just go from A to B in a straight line? That’s not interesting to me. I’ve been a critic of the realist novel for a long time. I think very often in fact TV and film can do that better. Docu-drama is also very good. We do have other mediums to take that burden away.

BNR: We are in a golden era as far as television is concerned. When I was growing up, it would never have occurred to me to think about writing for television, but right now it seems that’s where some of the very best writing is taking place.

JW: I agree with you. I just think that we need to let a book be what it is and not criticize it for being what it isn’t. It’s there to tell a story, yes, but it’s there to do many other things as well. That’s what literature is. There has to be a place for the craziest imagination or fantasy or the strange circularity of fiction. It doesn’t have to go in a straight line. My fights with the realist novel have always been, “Are you sure you want this to be a novel? Or could it really be something else? And are we losing language along the way if we are only reading for the story?”

BNR: You actually did adapt your first novel as a TV drama for the BBC. Did that give you a clear idea of the difference between drama and literature even when telling the same story?

JW: I like working for TV. You can do the dialogue and be very precise, and I like all of that. But it’s no good at interior dialogue or monologue. Interiority just does not work onscreen. It’s very hard to have those conversations with yourself and others that prose can do simultaneously, at the same time it’s allowing you to locate within yourself and the landscape. But that’s because it is essentially an introverted art form. And we’re in a very extroverted world at the moment, perhaps the most extroverted the world has ever been. Everything happens on the outside and its all about display. That puts the novel and poetry in a very curious position. It’s fighting for the inner life, the inner world, at a time when everything is pushing towards what’s outside.

BNR: You say that you are an introvert, but one of the things that is very striking about you is that you are very extroverted on the Internet, much more so than many literary writers. You write journalism regularly, you have a blog and a website. Do you have a theory as to why it works so well for you?

JW: The Internet is curious in a way in that it is the ultimate introvert activity because you sit alone, at your screen. It’s making people into sociopaths. They feel like they’ve got a million friends and they are all alone in their bedroom. How screwed up is that? I never use the Internet when I am working, because it is way too distracting. But I like the website. The world is as it is. We can work to change it. But we have to be in it. There’s no point in lamenting that we’d like it to be otherwise. We have to be both politically and personally active to change the things we dislike, but also to work energetically with what is there. I have a Twitter account. That’s fine. I’m here. But nobody will know if I’m just stomping up and down the pavement, being angry at the way the world is.

BNR: You have been a big supporter of the Occupy movement. In recent years, you have fashioned yourself as a public intellectual of sorts, writing and commenting on the news and world events. What do you think the role of writers and artists should be in politics?

JW: To do two things simultaneously: Everybody, regardless, has a duty to be active in our civic life, and to protest the things we don’t want, and to actively support the things that we do want. Writers can be at the forefront of that, saying: “This isn’t correct. We can challenge this intellectually.”

But I think a writer has a second job, which is to support and protect the inner world that we talked about earlier, the inner life, the imaginative life; to support what it means to be a human being, not just the kind of work you do, or which political party you support but who you are, and how we develop who we are. How we develop ourselves, how we become more, so we can have a satisfying life. That has social ramifications, whether we are a good friend, a good parent, a good member of the community, but it’s also about ourselves. Are we interested in ourselves? Do we have the tools for self-reflection? Do you have some Archimedean point where you can stand outside yourself and look in, and where you can stand outside and look at the world? That doesn’t come naturally. We need to learn tools for self-reflection. That happens through education, through reading, and writers have a real duty, I think, to promote all of that, to say life has an inside as well as an outside, so let’s put some energy there.

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Amy Benfer is a freelance writer in Brooklyn, N.Y.

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