Mark Benjamin
My gay therapy session
To find out how "reparative therapy" works, I pretended to be gay. My licensed Christian therapist explained to me why homosexuality is a mental disorder, what the "Wizard of Oz principle" is, and why kids who can't "hit the ball or fire the gun" are more likely to be gay.
Barry Levy, a Christian counselor and licensed clinical social worker, is explaining to me what causes homosexuality. “Take the young boy who is more sensitive, more delicate, who doesn’t like rough-and-tumble, who is artistic,” he says. “He can’t hit the ball, fire the gun or shoot an arrow. There is a high correlation between poor eye-hand coordination and same-sex attraction.”
I am sitting in an overstuffed chair in Levy’s office in suburban Rockville, Md. The metal blinds are mostly shut. Tissues are at hand on a small coffee table. Levy is a middle-aged white man with a gentle voice. He wears a button-down Oxford shirt and pleated khakis hiked a bit too high. He stares at me serenely across the beige carpet, his legs crossed, giving me a warm smile.
I was referred to Levy by the conservative Christian group Focus on the Family, which claims on its Web site that homosexuality can be treated and prevented. “While the Bible clearly states that homosexuality runs contrary to God’s plan for relationships, those who struggle with homosexual feelings are still God’s children, in need of His forgiveness and healing,” the group states. Conservative Christians say curing gays comes from loving them. “Compassion — not bigotry — compels us to support the healing of homosexuals,” says the Family Research Council.
Levy practices what is called “reparative” or “conversion” therapy, which allegedly helps homosexuals become heterosexuals. The theory that homosexuality is a mental disorder that needs to be cured is the moral underpinning of the Christian right’s crusade against gay marriage, sodomy laws, gay adoption and sex ed curriculums in schools. While all major modern mental health professions say conversion therapy is baseless and potentially dangerous, I wanted to experience for myself what is going on behind counselors’ closed doors.
When I arrived in Levy’s office, I was asked to fill out roughly 15 pages of questions about myself and my family. Mostly the questions centered on how I got along with my folks. In a section about my problems, I wrote “possible homosexuality.” The fact is, I’m straight, I’m married to a woman, and I have a 3-year-old daughter and a son due in October. I wrote on the form that that I was married with a kid. But I lied and said I was also living a secret life, that I harbored homosexual urges.
According to the Bible, Levy says, homosexuality “is not consistent with the manufacturer’s desire. It is not what the body is for. It is not what procreation is for. It is not what life energy is for. I am going to draw you out of that because the people around you are into that.” To receive God in his holiness, Levy tells me, to experience the ultimate happiness for which God created men and women, a person needs to overcome any homosexual feelings.
Homosexuality, Levy asserts, is a mental disorder, a certifiable neurosis. “The psychoanalytic perspective has always considered homosexuality and same-sex attraction to be a neurosis. They still do and they still treat it.” (In fact, mental health associations do not consider homosexuality a neurosis and do not “treat” patients for it. Dr. Douglas Haldeman, president of the Association of Practicing Psychologists, a group affiliated with the American Psychological Association, says it is wrong to identify homosexuality as a neurosis. “There is no scientific evidence of that, and there is no mainstream mental health organization or profession that supports this ancient, discredited theory,” he says.)
Levy informs me that homosexuality is difficult to treat because it is about more than sexuality — it is about a way of life. “I want to make a distinction between same-sex attraction and being gay,” he says. “That is a whole ideology. It is a lifestyle. It becomes the locus, or organizing principle, of the identity of the human personality.” Reparative therapy focuses on getting gays and lesbians to stop talking or walking “gay.” One “ex-gay” program in Memphis, Tenn., Refuge, bars men from wearing jewelry, donning Calvin Klein clothes and listening to secular music.
The causes of homosexuality, Levy explains, are many, but childhood loneliness figures prominently. “When a child is neglected — if not abused, then neglected or isolated — loneliness is often experienced as genital tension,” Levy says. “When kids are understimulated, they play with themselves, and the source of greatest stimulation is obviously your genitals or your mouth.” I tell Levy I did not think I was a lonely kid. “There are more reasons,” he responds. “I got more.”
He suggests that I may lack confidence and am turning my admiration for bold and masculine men into sexual desire for them. “I call it the Wizard of Oz principle,” he says. “The lion wants courage so he can be the most courageous one on the journey. Some people call it the ‘cannibal compulsion.’ Cannibals will eat people, but only the enemies they admire. If their enemies are courageous, cannibals will eat their heart. If they are strong, they’ll eat their muscles. There is a compulsion to take into yourself the qualities you feel you’re lacking and someone else has. Eroticization is one of the ways to do that.”
He turns to a central theory of reparative therapy, which is that a son’s unrequited love for an emotionally unavailable father gets transferred into sexual desire for men. Homosexual feelings can arise, Levy says, “when a boy is not affirmed in his gender by the father, who might be mean, who might be cruel, who might be absent. Often, there is a highly conflicted relationship where the mother disparages the father. She misidentifies with the marriage and might even start to identify with the son.” Under those circumstances, Dr. Joe Nicolosi, president of the National Association for Research and Treatment of Homosexuality, later tells me, “temperamentally sensitive” boys become vulnerable to homosexuality.
Levy says reparative therapy is effective, but that a cure for homosexuality takes at least two years of weekly counseling. (My one hour cost Salon $140.) He says that if I stay in therapy, I will either turn straight or get “significant relief.”
The success or failure rate for changing gays is difficult to quantify. One study, often cited by conservative groups like Focus on the Family, shows incremental success from reparative therapy. But critics point out that the study was based solely on interviews with subjects arranged by ex-gay ministries; in fact, many of them worked at the ministries.
Levy tells me that reparative therapy can be a lonely business. “There are not a lot of us who do this work,” he says. “It is politically incorrect. And it is difficult.” He also admits that “not everybody who starts down this road gets cured. This is not a sure-fire cure. I wish I could tell you that it is, but it is not.” But he remains committed.
Homosexuality “is not just another flower in God’s garden,” Levy says. “This is something that happens to people that can be fixed. And if someone comes seeking relief from this suffering, we would be wrong not to offer them relief.”
The 10 most terrifying would-be congressmen
Slide show: One may have dry-fired a gun near his ex-wife, another may have gotten away with murder
The thing about wave elections is that you never know until the very end who will wash ashore.
That the Republicans will gain seats — probably a lot of seats — in next week’s midterms is not in dispute. But don’t be fooled by their claims of a looming mandate: They really haven’t done anything to deserve it. The GOP is simply benefiting from the same rule of politics that boosted Democrats in 2008 and 2006: When voters are angry, they take it out on the party that runs Washington.
Continue Reading Close“War on terror” psychologist gets giant no-bid contract
The Army has handed a $31 million deal to Dr. Martin Seligman, who once blasted academics for "forgetting 9/11"
Left: Marty Seligman. A Guantanamo detainee sits alone inside a fenced area during his daily outside period, at Guantanamo Bay U.S. Naval Base, Cuba.
The Army earlier this year steered a $31 million contract to a psychologist whose work formed the psychological underpinnings of the Bush administration’s torture program.
The Army awarded the “sole source” contract in February to the University of Pennsylvania for resilience training, or teaching soldiers to better cope with the psychological strain of multiple combat tours. The university’s Positive Psychology Center, directed by famed psychologist Martin Seligman, is conducting the resilience training.
Continue Reading Close“Everyone just wants to kill people at any cost”
What Adam Winfield, one of the U.S. soldiers accused of killing civilians in Afghanistan, told his father
Emma and Christopher Winfield hold a photograph of their son, 22-year-old U.S. Army Spc. Adam Winfield, at their home in Cape Coral, Fla., Friday, Sept. 3, 2010. Adam is accused of murdering civilians during his deployment to Afghanistan, a charge he and his family firmly refute. (AP Photo/Erik Kellar)(Credit: Erik Kellar) One of the five U.S. soldiers accused of murdering Afghan civilians in a grisly case now unfolding in Washington state sent Facebook messages to his father early this year in which he claimed to be mortified that his fellow soldiers had purposely killed a civilian. In the messages, Spc. Adam Winfield also indicated that the murder was an open secret among the members of his platoon, and that no one seemed to think it was a big deal.
Winfield wrote his father, Chris, on Feb. 14 about his concern that two members of his platoon had the previous month murdered “some innocent guy about my age just farming.” The correspondence from that day illustrates the young soldier’s horror at the murder, and also reveals a shocking indifference about the killing among the other troops in his platoon.
Continue Reading CloseWhat Islamophobia really threatens
Two new reports shine light on the crucial role American Muslims play in stopping terrorism in the United States
A young Muslim American woman holds the U.S. flag at the Islamic Center of America in Dearborn, Michigan on March 26. With the volume of Islamophobia on the rise in the United States, a recent report prepared for Congress and new law enforcement data are shining fresh light on the significant role American Muslims play in foiling terrorist plots, particularly those of the domestic “homegrown” variety.
The report from the Congressional Research Service, sent to Congress with little fanfare on September 20, contends that soon after 9-11, American Muslims “recognized the need to define themselves as distinctly American communities who, like all Americans, desire to help prevent another terrorist attack” and explores how federal, state and local law enforcement organizations responded by tapping into American Muslims’ language skills, contacts, information and cultural insights.
Continue Reading CloseSo, did Christine O’Donnell break the law?
And if she has spent campaign money illegally, will she pay any price for it?
FILE - In this Friday, Sept. 17, 2010 file photo, Delaware Republican Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell delivers remarks at Values Voter Summit in Washington. Comedian Bill Maher is digging up clips of Delaware GOP Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell's past appearances on his shows, including one in which she says she "dabbled in witchcraft." (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta, File)(Credit: Manuel Balce Ceneta) Christine O’Donnell has been accused twice recently of violating campaign finance laws. The Tea Party-backed GOP Senate candidate in Delaware has dismissed the allegations, characterizing the complaints as unwarranted, politically motivated smears.
A review of her campaign finance records filed with the Federal Elections Commission, interviews with attorneys familiar with campaign finance law, and a review of her own public statements suggests O’Donnell has almost certainly flouted the law. The attorneys agree, but say she is likely to face little penalty from the FEC.
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