2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Why can’t there be more strippers on the New York Times Op-Ed page? Broadsheet loved today’s article by Elisabeth Eaves, former Seattle peep-show employee and author of “Bare: The Naked Truth About Stripping,” about a lawsuit being brought by American Express against Scores customer Robert McCormick, a Missouri businessman who racked up $241,000 in charges on his corporate AmEx at the tony Manhattan strip joint. McCormick is refusing the pay the tab, however, because — surprise! — he was drunk at the time.
Eaves scoffs at the fact that this and other lawsuits have spurred the district attorney’s office to action: They’re now investigating allegations of overcharging at Scores. “You’ve got to be kidding,” she writes. “There’s no such thing as overcharging in this industry.” Eaves argues that going to a high-rent strip club and spending $3,000 on a bottle of Champagne is akin to owning a $13,000 Christian Dior handbag — “a passport to an exclusive club.” McCormick and “his colleagues probably went because being surrounded by fawning, semi-naked Champagne-flute-wielding women was for them a symbol of success.”
Sadly, Eaves’ own clients needed more than that flute of Champagne to feel successful. One of them — a man by the name of “Excalibur” — gave Eaves copies of his poetry to read. Part of her job, she says, was to make him feel like a “Knight of the Roundtable,” to take him seriously and show an interest in his work — acts for which she was paid handsomely. “What a stripper sells is not her ability to dance or take off her clothes,” she writes, “but her ability to suspend the customer’s disbelief. If she is doing her job right, his bald spot and his mortgage cease to exist.” Naturally, Eaves has “little sympathy” for the boorish businessmen who won’t pay their pole-dancing bills, and reminds them that the dancers who slithered across their laps “weren’t in it for kicks.”
Lori Leibovich is a contributing editor at Salon and the former editor of the Life section.More Lori Leibovich.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.