Finally! Brought to you by Samsung, the new E530 pink mobile phone “is a girl’s best friend, equipped with calorie counter, megapixel camera, shopping list … oh and it even tells the ladies when they’re ovulating!” Honestly, the E530 sounds more like a girl’s meddling aunt. Indeed, its built-in software called “Women’s Life” provides “everything from the things you might like to know (such as the fragrance that best suits your personality) to things you’d prefer to forget (like your percentage body fat).” Geez! Does the alarm go off when you eat cheese fries? Also, an ovulation predictor? Likely useless, unless you’re supposed to pee on it.
If you’d like to learn more, please enjoy this exhaustive review, which has clearly been run through the “Everything-Is-Illuminated”-a-Tron. (“The keypad gladdens even long-nailed ones.”)
When Samsung makes a lady phone that tracks stocks, mixes cocktails, closes the wage gap, alerts me when it’s time to wax my snowboard and emits an unpleasant high-pitched sound audible only to neocons, then it’ll get my money.