SNL offers help for bald babies everywhere
“Saturday Night Live” addresses the growing problem of male infantile baldness.
“Saturday Night Live” addresses the growing problem of male infantile baldness.
Lana Del Rey
Just one week ago, Lana Del Rey was pop music’s new It Girl, riding high on the hype from her “Hollywood sadcore” YouTube sensation “Video Games.” Her lushly pouty “Born to Die” was iTunes’ pick for single of the week. And, with almost zero live experience, she landed the plum spot as musical guest on “Saturday Night Live.” Then she got up and sang live on national television.
It took just moments for a scorching hot career to take an unexpected detour into the ditch of public scorn. Del Rey opened up her mouth and a collective “WTF?” went up across the land. Standing onstage with her glossy hair, dragon nails and slinky gown, she droned her way through “Video Games,” swaying awkwardly, fiddling with her hair, and rubbing her hands on her thighs in a manner that seemed more “I’m just wiping off the palm sweat” than “Come over and feel me up, Big Boy.” How bad was her performance? At one point she did a full 360 twirl. During a ballad.
As the horror unfolded in real time, the Twitterverse gaped in astonishment. Juliette Lewis dryly noted, “Wow watching this ‘singer’ on SNL is like watching a 12 yearold [sic] in their bedroom when theyre pretending to sing and perform #signofourtimes.” And though Lewis graciously later deleted the tweet, praising her “great haunting melodies!” others were not as generous. As Eliza Dushku asked, “Who…..is…..this wack-a-doodle chick performing on #SNL..? Whaaaa?”
In the aftermath, the horror did not subside; it seemed to take on a morning-after life of its own. Mediaite opined that “The level of excruciating badness was so palpable, it felt like a wake” and none other than slow-jam master Brian Williams sent a note to Gawker about “one of the worst outings in SNL history… booked on the strength of her TWO SONG web EP, the least-experienced musical guest in the show’s history,” in the hope of receiving a trademark Gawker “withering, detailed critique.”
How did no one see this coming? Del Rey told MTV last week that she was “a little nervous” about the gig. “You just hope it goes well and you don’t f*** it up,” she said, but promising “I’m sure it will be good.” And when she did a similarly catatonic performance on Jools Holland’s show in the U.K. last fall, the performance passed without notice. Anyway, with her distinctively David Lynch movie sound and the kind of looks that have landed her a modeling contract, you’d think she’d be money in the bank.
But putting a virtually untried performer on such an iconic platform was a move fraught with potential pitfalls. And for all her moody, Guess? jeans posturing, there seems an air about Del Rey of a woman who has not yet found her true voice. She is, after all, a self-proclaimed “gangsta Nancy Sinatra” — which is perhaps her way of warning us that she’s intentionally going for that naughty blond deer in the headlights effect. And just like Nancy — and Rebecca Black, for that matter — she owes a big career debt to her bigshot dad. Del Rey’s father, millionaire investor Rob Grant, helped with the marketing of her first album two years ago. Back then, she was still Lizzy Grant, the rich kid who grew up in upstate New York and went to boarding school in Connecticut. Months later, she had morphed into Lana, a mystery lady who “at one time lived in a New Jersey trailer park” and whose name sounds like a Mexican brand of cigarettes. The image, she explained, “came from a series of managers and lawyers over the last five years who wanted a name that they thought better fit the sound of the music.”
The former Elizabeth Grant will likely solider on. Both Ashlee Simpson and Ke$ha managed to bounce back from their disastrous “SNL” performances and, God help all our ears, live to sing another day. Del Rey has just been booked for a coveted spot at the South by Southwest festival, and “Video Games” is a respectable No. 44 on the iTunes singles chart. It’s far from the kind of post-national television debut bounce any artist would hope for, but it’s a better deal than most working singer-songwriters ever get. And if you saw the rest of the “SNL” episode, you know that Del Rey was far from the only cringe-worthy element of the show.
The week’s host, the ever-gracious Daniel Radcliffe, said this week that “It was unfortunate that people seemed to turn on her so quickly. I also think people are making it about things other than the performance.” But really it’s just the opposite. In an elegantly orchestral music video or on a well-produced track, Del Rey is all smolder and pouts. She can sing of being a “bad girl” and sell it. On live national television, she’s a still inexperienced girl, awkward and stiff and, frankly, boring. Her album will be released Jan. 30. Only then will we learn whether anybody’s really buying the woman who seemed to be the next big thing.
Andy Samberg as Rick Santorum (Credit: NBC screen shot)
After a week in which Mitt Romney’s “I like to fire people” gaffe caught fire and fellow Republican candidates denounced him as a vulture capitalist, his campaign must have winced when they tuned into “Saturday Night Live” and saw Jason Sudeikis, as the GOP front-runner, sitting in a South Carolina diner. Turned out it had nothing to worry about — on “SNL,” Romney was the same mildly robotic guy as ever, only now he also liked to fire his breakfast. When his waitress asked him how he liked his eggs, Sudeikis-as-Romney cracked, “laid off.”
But even that was funnier than the cold open the week before, following Rick Santorum’s near-victory in the Iowa caucus. Santorum lost to the monotoned Mormon by just eight votes, and his statements on the trail since his rise in the polls must have seemed like belated Christmas presents to comedy writers. Surely Andy Samberg, the goofiest cast member, would let his freak flag fly, right? Instead, Samberg spent five minutes setting up a joke about Santorum’s 100-day, 99-county Iowa campaign, pledging to visit every county in America to beg for votes, even braving the “heavily armed population” of Monroe County, Tenn., that inspired “Deliverance” and the “thousands of angry pillow biters and doughnut bumpers” of San Francisco county. Why? Get ready for the punch line: “This is about the country that has given so much to me and to which I want to give something in return,” says Samberg-Santorum, “so that maybe one day, long after I’m gone, my grandchildren can look me up on Google and find something, you know, different from what’s there now.”
Samberg’s Santorum would’ve gotten more meaningful laughs if he’d just turned up wearing a foamy mocha-latte mustache, promoting the chocolate-frothy caffeinator as his official campaign beverage. Even Jay Leno had sharper barbs (“He lost by only eight votes … You know what’s ironic? He could have won if he’d just gotten the gay vote”).
It’s been that kind of year on “Saturday Night Live.” The Republican presidential field is an embarrassment of crazy-train riches. But the writers have been lazily broad-stroking caricatures of the candidates, and the result has been surprisingly edgeless and increasingly lame sketches. There’s no bite to Sudeikis’ Romney, played as a mere socially inept square. Kenan Thompson’s Herman Cain was a clueless, oversexed black man with dumb luck and box loads of pizza metaphors. “Fences. Jesus. Papilloma. Eyeballs,” is the essence to Kristin Wiig’s Michele Bachmann — exact words borrowed from Wiig-Bachmann’s actual post-Iowa closing statement on the Jan. 7 “Weekend Update” (even the pith of “Weekend Update” anchor and “SNL” head writer Seth Meyers has dulled this year).
The “SNL” writers wrote off Newt and Ron Paul as viable candidates early in the game — surge be damned — so Bobby Moynihan has been left to grin idly in his Phil Donahue wig, when he could have, at the very least, seized an opportunity to spoof Gingrich’s amazing concession speech in Iowa, a study in aggressive passive-aggression, directed at Romney. Why wasn’t more made of Romney’s relationship to Jon Huntsman, a distant relative from a rival Mormon clan — where’s the “Big Love” sketch? At the very least, a “Romeo and Juliet” number with one of Huntsman’s daughters and one of the Romney boys. I’d even take a “Brady Bunch” skit. With each GOP contender flitting away — after Huntsman’s exit on Monday, we might never see two Republican Mormons running for president — so too goes another missed opportunity, the unrealized jokes piling up like stacks of yesterday’s newspapers.
Though “SNL” is not strictly a political-satire show like “The Daily Show” or “The Colbert Report” — two shows that have had no problem doing both smart and funny work in recent months — it does have a reputation for edgy political commentary, for shaping the national conversation. And while the “SNL” cast and creators often dismiss criticism of the show by suggesting that everyone believes the show’s heyday is when they were in high school, you don’t have to go back far to find a golden age of political comedy. During the 2008 election, the sketch-comedy show was even lauded for being a game-changer: Tina Fey’s entitled, ignorant Sarah Palin (“I can see Russia from my house”) was spot-on, and Amy Poehler perfectly evoked the rage and righteous indignation of her Hillary Clinton, and made viewers appreciate her plight for the White House, her resentment of Obama, her outright hatred for Palin. Neither required too much embellishment — that was the beauty of the sketches, and the performances — and as a result, our hunches about the various candidates were confirmed, through these laugh-out-loud depictions, during an election when so many Americans were sitting on the fence. And so these enter the pantheon of iconic “SNL” political impressions: Chevy Chase’s buffoonish and clumsy Gerald Ford, Dana Carvey’s catchphrase-obsessed George H.W. Bush, Phil Hartman’s white-trashy fast-food-bingeing womanizer Bill Clinton (and later, Darrell Hammond as a cool-headed smooth-talker through Whitewater and Monica), and Will Ferrell’s willfully ignorant playboy Dubya.
“SNL” has had an undeniable impact on the culture, on the way candidates are perceived, and as recently as the last election, it has proven how persuasive it can be — or, at least how it can nudge us in a direction we were considering. And edgy is best left to the professionals, the Stewarts and Colberts. To be fair, that’s not “SNL’s” aspiration or mandate. They just need to make viewers laugh. Because if viewers are laughing, it means they’re listening.
And this is where “SNL” is failing viewers right now, by resting on those laurels of 2008. They’re writing as if, in the words of Vanessa Bayer’s moderator in “Yet Another GOP Debate” sketch from October, “No one is watching, so the stakes are low.” As the race whittles down, and Republicans seem more and more likely to settle for Romney, pens need to sharpen — right now, it is too easy to watch “SNL” on DVR, with a finger on the fast-forward button, searching for a chuckle. Sudeikis is leaving at the end of the season: It’s an opportunity to have more fun with Romney (please let it be Taran Killam). And must we really endure another year of Fred Armisen’s Obama, as a too-calm, emasculated, disempowered world leader? It’s a dreadfully boring narrative thread.
But if these writers had a hard time making the present cast of GOP characters interesting, it’s hard to imagine that they’ll be inspired by the next 10 months of Romney and Obama. We expect Romney and Obama to be cautious candidates — but that’s hardly an excuse for such timid and uninspired satire.
Timerlake, Gaga, and Samberg have a 3-way.
Well, it was no “Captain Jack Sparrow,” but I’m sure many people were pleased to see Lonely Island/ “Saturday Night Live” star Andy Samberg hook up with his BFF-bro Justin Timberlake in this weekend’s season finale. After all, these are the guys who brought you “Dick in a Box“ and “Motherlover“: the former of which cemented Lonely Island’s place in the “SNL” pantheon, and the latter of which was actually funny.
Unfortunately, not even Lady Gaga’s presence could save the underwhelming reunion of J.T. and A.S. in “3-Way,” a song that wasn’t only musically boring (if Justin Timberlake and Gaga can’t get some interesting harmonies going in your song, there’s a problem), but about as tepid as a number about having sex with Lady Gaga could be.
Reprising their “Night at the Roxbury 2.0″ characters from previous songs, the manscaped Timberlake and Samberg give a halfhearted performance that only shines in a beginning sequence with Patricia Clarkson and Susan Sarandon (leftovers from “Motherlover”). The rest of the number they phone in, letting the costumes they stole from the set of “In Living Color” do most of the work. Gaga gets a couple of good cat howls in the background to make up for the lack of musical gusto, but even the song’s theme (a magic rule stating that it’s “not gay” to be freaking with another guy if there’s a chick in the middle) could have been stretched farther and funnier to make it a true Lonely Island digital short.
Ah well, I guess they can’t all be “On a Boat.”
This season, the hottest character on “Saturday Night Live” is Stefon, Bill Hader’s methed-up club promoter whose description of a good venue sounds like something out of a terrible fever dream. Hader’s done several of these bits for “Weekend Update” and they haven’t failed once, despite (or because of) the fact that the comedian can’t keep a straight face while naming off some of the more ridiculous perks of the new locale.
The great thing about Stefon is that the format is always the same, with different adjectives and nouns substituted each week (and often changed last-minte during the live taping, which is why Hader keeps cracking up). This formula hasn’t been lost on savvy audience members, and now there are not one, but two Stefon Mad Libs that you can play in the comfort of your very own home. Just put on your tightest, most sparkly shirt, comb your hair to one side, and practice saying “Yesyesyyesyes!” really fast to whatever question you’re asked. Okay? Go!
The first Mad Libs is from Liana Maeby over at Crushable, who provides you with the context surrounding your nouns and adjectives for more coherent results:
The Stefonerator works more like a traditional Mad Libs, where you put down your answers before seeing the rest of the script, so the results can be somewhat nonsensical. But isn’t that the point?
Here’s my Stefonalogue:
Seth: So, Stefon, if someone is coming to the city and wants to have the full New York experience, where should they go?
Stefon: If you’re looking for a wholesome vacation, look no further. New York’s hottest club is ding-dong.
2-year old pecking Yugoslavian club promoter Dirk Terrific is back with a club that answers the question, SHIATSU?????!?!?
This club has everything: anesthesiologists, twine, James Cameron, a daycare center, battleships…
Seth: ‘battleships’? What are those?
Stefon: Oh you know, it’s that thing where associate professors have tuxedos and they sweat on ketchup packets and they whittle with their little pretty molars…
Seth: Yeah, that’s definitely not a thing.
Stefon: No, it is.
Seth: Okay, Stefon, we were looking for some fun activities that a mom, a dad, a grandma, grandpa and some kids could enjoy…
you, instead, took us on a tour of a coked-up gay candyland.
Stefon: Accurate. That’s accurate.
Seth: But I know that you honestly want people to have a good time, so you know what? I think we’ll have you back!
Stefon: Yay Stefon!
Now it’s your turn!
A mystical quest to the Isle of Tortuga...
Lonely Island’s second album, “Turtleneck and Chain,” drops today, and I’m actually thinking about buying it. I’ve always been a fan of the “Saturday Night Live” trio, because who among us was able to watch “Jizz in My Pants” or “I’m on a Boat” without cracking up? But parody groups — whether done by Weird Al or sexy hipster Andy Samberg — are by definition a novelty act, and when Lonely Island’s “Incredibad” came out in 2009, I was content to just watch the videos the group had released.
This might change with “Turtleneck and Chain,” especially after this weekend’s mind-blowing performance with Michael Bolton for the “SNL” digital short “Jack Sparrow.” I’ve been singing this song nonstop for the past 48 hours straight. It’s some of the group’s best work, and I’m pretty sure it’s the best thing to happen to Michael Bolton’s name since “Office Space.” If you haven’t seen the video, you need to fix that immediately:
Note: This song is best watched on a continual loop after first viewing so that you’re able to get all the background interstitial dialogue. (Jorma, Andy and Aviva’s reactions are the best, even when they’re just shaking they’re head and going “What?” Although, again, Bolton wins with his pirate’s hat when he pops up singing, “Now back to the good part!”)
Despite pulling huge names like Beck, Snoop Dogg and Rihanna (“Shy Ronnie” runs a close second for best video these guys have come up with since their last album) for “Turtleneck,” there is a reason that “Jack Sparrow” premiered the weekend before the CD release. Bolton is far and away the best guest track in the lot, and he succeeds specifically because he’s not what Lonely Island fans think of as cool. Sure, Justin Timberlake singing “Dick in a Box” is funny, and Akon lending a verse to “I Just Had Sex” gives the song a much-needed shot in the arm, but “Jack Sparrow” works because it’s so far outside these guys’ comfort range. This really is a Michael Bolton song, carried entirely on the strength of his voice and not, like most of the other numbers on the album, by auto-tune. If the mashup of hip-hop and a Michael Bolton hook wasn’t funny enough by itself, the song’s numerous blockbuster references make it an instant classic.
And I’m not alone in feeling that way: The video has been viewed over 2.5 million times on YouTube since Saturday. Michael Bolton himself isn’t ruling out a tour with Samberg and company, telling Entertainment Weekly that he would gladly reprise the role of himself. One character Bolton doesn’t want to do again, though? Erin Brockovich in drag:
“I was terrified to look in the mirror. I tried to avoid it. I noticed when they were finishing me up as Erin that the crew started reacting in this really uncomfortable way. As I walked past, people were clearly uncomfortable. At one point I was breast-feeding the baby … With Erin, I just kind of wanted to get those clothes off and take a shower.”
Page 1 of 17 in Saturday Night Live
He was our eyes
Painting as Paris burned
Quick Hits: Yuja Wang plays live
How to solve the boomer retirement crisis
The science of rubbernecking
38 years of self-love
TV’s golden age of opening credits
Anthony Shadid yearned for home
When I was captured by Gadhafi’s forces
Rush Limbaugh, secret Democrat