Murder is so hot right now, according to "America's Next Top Model."
Thanks to Feministing for tipping us off to what I was sure was a highly elaborate and well-executed joke dreamt up by an Internet trickster hoping to lampoon the fashion industry. But, no: this week’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model” actually featured a murder-themed photo shoot. The girls spent hours in hair and makeup: purple hand prints were painted onto one girl’s neck; cherry-red, gelatinous material, replicating blown out brain-mush, was coated in another’s hair; and one girl, a victim of organ theft, had deep, gaping holes simulated over her heart and intestines. We aren’t just talking pallid corpses wearing couture gowns — this is murder as high fashion.
The idea for the shoot itself is twisted, yes. But, then the show’s judges opened their mouths. Jael, shown strangled to death in bed wearing a black frilly number, is told: “The hands bother me in this photograph…” (Damnit, rigor mortis is just so unbecoming!) To Natasha, who posed as a drowning victim, a judge says: “She’s totally upped her game.” (Yes, before she only approached the lifelessness of a corpse!) Brittany, posed as a victim of electrocution with her glistening leg teetering over the edge of a bathtub, is told: “I love the leg.”
Oh, it gets better. Posed as a stabbing victim — her chest gushing blood all over an elegant white gown — Whitney is told: “It’s the first photograph that I’ve seen of you where you actually look like a fashion model.” Another judge adds: “I agree that this is a fashion shot, but you don’t look dead to me. You look like you’re dying.” Sarah, shown in a stairwell, her body covered in burgeoning black-and-blue marks is told: “The look on your face is just extraordinary. Very beautiful and dead…I think Sarah is the classic example of someone who isn’t typically pretty, but translates amazingly well on film.” (Or when dead.)
What’s the next photo shoot going to be? A skin-and-bones model splayed out on the runway where, after months of subsisting on lettuce and diet soda, her heart failed her? (Wait, they’ve already damn near done that.) There are so, so many inappropriate jokes to be made here. But, the judges make a joke of themselves — stirring our worst fears about the fashion industry and its taste for corpse-like models — so it’s hardly needed.
I shall simply leave you with this quote from ANTM judge and self-proclaimed catwalk guru Miss J: “You’re so used to moving, that when you’re dead, you’re just that: capital D-E-A-D, dead.”
More Related Stories
- Kaitlyn Hunt refuses plea offer, will go to court over high school relationship
- Cicada mating, by the numbers
- Catholic Church in market for more exorcists
- Report: Nearly a quarter of all Americans struggle to afford food
- Louie Gohmert: Women should be forced to carry nonviable pregnancies to term
- This is what Guy Fieri looks like as a balloon
- Boy Scouts to members: Just don't be a gay adult
- Anonymous rallies behind Kaitlyn Hunt
- Mistrial in penalty phase of Arias case
- My text blew up in my face
- Boy Scouts end ban on openly gay boys
- Mississippi could begin prosecuting women for miscarriages
- Teenage girl claims she was beaten up for looking like Taylor Swift
- Billionaire hedge funder: Babies, breast-feeding "kill" focus, keep women from succeeding
- "Bookless library" set to open in Texas
- Man arrested for sending Craigslist sex party to neighbor's house
- Greek yogurt, toxic waste hazard?
- Glenn Beck: CNN interview with atheist tornado survivor was a setup!
- Incoming BBC news director on journalism gender gap: "We can do better"
- Illegal construction, shoddy materials at fault in Bangladesh factory disaster
- Pope Francis: Atheists are all right!
Featured Slide Shows
The week in 10 picsclose X
- 1 of 11
Lisa Montgomery embraces her nephew Thursday after a tornado tore apart her home in Cleburne, Texas. The twister killed six people and destroyed entire swaths of the North Texas town.
Credit: AP/LM Otero
Jack McMahon, the defense attorney for abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell, speaks outside the Criminal Justice Center in Philadelphia Tuesday. His client was convicted of killing three babies in his clinic, and will serve multiple life sentences.
Credit: AP/Matt Rourke
A photo taken Monday captures Vice President Joe Biden's response to a Milwaukee second-grader's innovative proposal to end America's epidemic of gun violence. This guy!
Credit: AP/Jenny Aicher
Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., flanked by a grouper-eyed Michele Bachmann, addresses the IRS' admission that it targeted Tea Party groups in advance of the 2012 election. In an op-ed for CNN Thursday, the Kentucky senator slammed the president for his faux outrage.
Credit: AP/Molly Riley
Ousted IRS chief Steven Miller is sworn in on Capitol Hill Friday. Miller testified before the House Ways and Means Committee on the extra scrutiny the agency gave conservative groups applying for tax-exempt status.
Credit: AP/J. Scott Applewhite
Attorney General Eric Holder pauses as he testifies on Capitol Hill before the House Judiciary Committee Wednesday. Holder is under fire, among other things, for the Justice Department's gathering of phone records at the Associated Press.
Credit: AP/Carolyn Kaster
O.J. Simpson sits during an evidentiary hearing at Clark County District Court in Las Vegas, Nev., Thursday. Simpson, who is currently serving a nine-to-33-year sentence in state prison for armed robbery and kidnapping, is using a writ of habeas corpus to seek a new trial.
Credit: AP/Las Vegas Review-Journal/Jeff Scheid
Major Tom to ground control: On Sunday astronaut Chris Hadfield recorded the first music video from space, a cover of David Bowie's "Space Oddity."
Credit: AP/NASA/Chris Hadfield
When it rains it pours. President Barack Obama speaks during a news conference Thursday with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, inexplicably inspiring an #umbrellagate Twitter meme.
Credit: AP/Jacquelyn Martin
A smoke plume rises high above a road block at the intersection of County A and Ross Road east of Solon Springs, Wis., Tuesday. No injuries were reported, but the the wildfire caused evacuations across northwestern Wisconsin.
Credit: AP/The Duluth News-Tribune/Clint Austin
Recent Slide Shows
- 1 of 11