2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Yes, we realize we should really stop paying Ann Coulter any mind. Yes, we realize she’s only looking for attention at this point, and yes, it does make us feel vaguely dirty to give it to her. But her latest column was just so over-the-top awful that we couldn’t help ourselves.
Titled “If at First You Don’t Appease — Cry, Cry Again,” the column is all over the place: from Iraq to pot-smoking hippies and — of course — Bill Clinton. But it starts with a discussion of Darfur, Sudan.
“These people can’t even wrap up genocide,” Coulter writes. “We’ve been hearing about this slaughter in Darfur forever — and they still haven’t finished. The aggressors are moving like termites across that country. It’s like genocide by committee. Who’s running this holocaust in Darfur, FEMA?”
Now that’s compassion.
But Coulter’s not done yet; first, she has to celebrate Passover in her own special way.
“On this week, let us remember the message of Passover is that freedom doesn’t come easy,” Coulter says. “Moses had to grab Jews by the scruff of their necks and drag them to the desert for 40 years to get a generation capable of living in freedom — and even then the Jews were complaining about it being too drafty … Once free, they complained about the food … Even in the desert, the Jews would not stop with the golden calves. God nearly let the whole lot of them perish in the desert, he was so angry about their idolatrous ways. Only when he had a new generation, born in freedom, that didn’t complain about the food, did he lead them to the promised land.”
And somehow, this all leads Coulter to the conclusion that “if you want a shorter rebuilding process, then we’re going to have to wage less humane wars. The enemy — as well as innocent civilians — must be bombed into quivering terror.”
Alex Koppelman is a staff writer for Salon.More Alex Koppelman.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.