The Hillary Clinton Nutcracker

A figurine of the presidential candidate comes with "stainless steel thighs" and can crack the toughest of nuts.

Topics: 2008 Elections, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Broadsheet, Tucker Carlson, Love and Sex,

The Hillary Clinton Nutcracker

At last, the perfect present for that special, female-fearing someone in your life! For only $19.95 you can remind your buddy to guard his balls around powerful women, thanks to the Hillary Nutcracker! This 8-inch plastic figurine of Hillary Clinton features flexible legs and “stainless steel thighs.” Place even the toughest of nuts between her thighs, squeeze and, voilà, you have yourself a “Hillary-cracked nut.”

What an awesomely vivid manifestation of extreme cultural anxiety over a woman becoming commander in chief!

Now, when I first read about the Hillary Nutcracker today in the New York Post, I thought: Where can I get one? I’m drawn to fun, kitschy renderings of female power and, after all, a “ball buster” can be defined as a man or woman who is tough and demanding. It’s also potentially ironic — a way to laugh at any man who would get his boxers in a bunch and feel his manhood wither at the thought of a woman running the country.



But, of course, those are the exact people causing the Hillary Nutcracker to, reportedly, fly off the shelves; it’s not because the general public is clamoring to celebrate a strong female figure. In reporting on the device, Tucker Carlson cheered, “That is so perfect! I have often said, when she comes on television, I involuntarily cross my legs.” The Hillary Nutcracker Web site even allows oh-so-delicate dudes to vote on which woman will be made into a nutcracker next: Rosie O’Donnell, Ann Coulter, Nancy Pelosi, Martha Stewart, Nancy Grace or Condoleezza Rice.

I certainly hope the Hillary Nutcracker, which has been lab-tested up to 500 cracks, provides some catharsis for Carlson and his ilk — it looks like they desperately need it.

Tracy Clark-Flory

Tracy Clark-Flory is a staff writer at Salon. Follow @tracyclarkflory on Twitter and Facebook.

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    Photos from the Happy Ending Salon

    On Wednesday, September 10th Amanda Stern partnered with Salon to relaunch The Happy Ending Music and Reading Series. We had the pleasure of hosting authors Leslie Jamison, Zadie Smith, and Matthew Thomas, artist Edwina White, and musician Emily Wells. Moleskine, Greenlight Bookstore, and Plymouth Gin were event partners.

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    On Wednesday, September 10th Amanda Stern partnered with Salon to relaunch The Happy Ending Music and Reading Series. We had the pleasure of hosting authors Leslie Jamison, Zadie Smith, and Matthew Thomas, artist Edwina White, and musician Emily Wells. Moleskine, Greenlight Bookstore, and Plymouth Gin were event partners.

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    On Wednesday, September 10th Amanda Stern partnered with Salon to relaunch The Happy Ending Music and Reading Series. We had the pleasure of hosting authors Leslie Jamison, Zadie Smith, and Matthew Thomas, artist Edwina White, and musician Emily Wells. Moleskine, Greenlight Bookstore, and Plymouth Gin were event partners.

    Photos from the Happy Ending Salon

    On Wednesday, September 10th Amanda Stern partnered with Salon to relaunch The Happy Ending Music and Reading Series. We had the pleasure of hosting authors Leslie Jamison, Zadie Smith, and Matthew Thomas, artist Edwina White, and musician Emily Wells. Moleskine, Greenlight Bookstore, and Plymouth Gin were event partners.

    Photos from the Happy Ending Salon

    On Wednesday, September 10th Amanda Stern partnered with Salon to relaunch The Happy Ending Music and Reading Series. We had the pleasure of hosting authors Leslie Jamison, Zadie Smith, and Matthew Thomas, artist Edwina White, and musician Emily Wells. Moleskine, Greenlight Bookstore, and Plymouth Gin were event partners.

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    On Wednesday, September 10th Amanda Stern partnered with Salon to relaunch The Happy Ending Music and Reading Series. We had the pleasure of hosting authors Leslie Jamison, Zadie Smith, and Matthew Thomas, artist Edwina White, and musician Emily Wells. Moleskine, Greenlight Bookstore, and Plymouth Gin were event partners.

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    On Wednesday, September 10th Amanda Stern partnered with Salon to relaunch The Happy Ending Music and Reading Series. We had the pleasure of hosting authors Leslie Jamison, Zadie Smith, and Matthew Thomas, artist Edwina White, and musician Emily Wells. Moleskine, Greenlight Bookstore, and Plymouth Gin were event partners.

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    On Wednesday, September 10th Amanda Stern partnered with Salon to relaunch The Happy Ending Music and Reading Series. We had the pleasure of hosting authors Leslie Jamison, Zadie Smith, and Matthew Thomas, artist Edwina White, and musician Emily Wells. Moleskine, Greenlight Bookstore, and Plymouth Gin were event partners.

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    On Wednesday, September 10th Amanda Stern partnered with Salon to relaunch The Happy Ending Music and Reading Series. We had the pleasure of hosting authors Leslie Jamison, Zadie Smith, and Matthew Thomas, artist Edwina White, and musician Emily Wells. Moleskine, Greenlight Bookstore, and Plymouth Gin were event partners.

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    On Wednesday, September 10th Amanda Stern partnered with Salon to relaunch The Happy Ending Music and Reading Series. We had the pleasure of hosting authors Leslie Jamison, Zadie Smith, and Matthew Thomas, artist Edwina White, and musician Emily Wells. Moleskine, Greenlight Bookstore, and Plymouth Gin were event partners.

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    On Wednesday, September 10th Amanda Stern partnered with Salon to relaunch The Happy Ending Music and Reading Series. We had the pleasure of hosting authors Leslie Jamison, Zadie Smith, and Matthew Thomas, artist Edwina White, and musician Emily Wells. Moleskine, Greenlight Bookstore, and Plymouth Gin were event partners.

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