2008 Elections
What you missed while watching the Red Sox win
Republicans debate in Florida, with lapel pins! Hippie drugs! Interns in the Oval Office!
0 minutes. Fox News anchor Brit Hume, his American flag lapel pin in place, opens the latest Republican debate by boasting that it will be “seen and heard” on Fox News Channel, Fox News Radio and FoxNews.com. He does not mention that almost no one will be watching or listening, especially in New Hampshire, because right now the Fox Network is broadcasting Game 7 of the American League Championship Series between the Boston Red Sox and Cleveland Indians. Fox has effectively stolen its own audience from itself.
1 minute. Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace is not wearing his American flag lapel pin, and therefore cannot be trusted. He is a troublemaker. A bad seed. He wants to start a fight. He tells former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani that former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson thinks he is a softy — “soft on abortion,” “soft on gun control,” and a lousy conservative. Giuliani, who is wearing his pin, does not take the bait. He just talks about his accomplishments in New York.
3 minutes. America-hater Wallace tries again. This time he tells former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney that Thompson thinks he ran to the left of Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-Mass., in a 1994 Senate race. Romney has not put enough product in his hair, so a strand hangs down over his forehead, which makes him look younger, like a boy — a bad boy who is not wearing his lapel pin. Nonetheless, Romney dodges the question and declines to go negative.
4 minutes. Enemy-of-freedom Wallace turns to Thompson, who is wearing his lapel pin. The tall man goes ballistic on Giuliani. “Mayor Giuliani believes in federal funding for abortion. He believes in sanctuary cities. He’s for gun control. He supported Mario Cuomo, a liberal Democrat, against a Republican who was running for governor,” Thompson says. This calls into confusion the meaning of the lapel pin. Wallace, who is not wearing his pin, and Thompson, who is, are working together to cause trouble. How is this possible? Maybe the lapel pin does not mean what it is supposed to mean. Maybe it means nothing at all.
5 minutes. All hell breaks loose. Giuliani, with pin, finally decides to attack Thompson, for standing with Democrats on tort reform “over and over again.” Thompson says Giuliani “went to court, filed suit himself to overturn our abolition of sanctuary cities.” Giuliani says Thompson “has never had executive responsibility.”
8 minutes. Arizona Sen. John McCain joins the melee, attacking both Giuliani and Romney. “I wasn’t a mayor for a short period of time. I wasn’t a governor for a short period of time. For 20-some years, including leading the largest squadron in the United States Navy, I led,” he says. “I didn’t manage for profit, I led for patriotism.”
10 minutes. Romney has fixed his hair, and like Samson, suddenly seems more powerful. But he will not counterattack. “Senator McCain is an American hero,” Romney says. “And I respect his service.”
11 minutes. McCain tries again. “Governor Romney, you’ve been spending the last year trying to fool people about your record. I don’t want you to start fooling them about mine,” the American hero says. Again Romney lets his full head of hair speak for itself.
16 minutes. Talk has turned to gay marriage, and Giuliani is boasting about how much he likes the straight kind. “I did 210 weddings when I was mayor of New York City. So I have experience doing this. They were all men and women, I hope.” Even Republicans like cross-dressing humor, and the Orlando, Fla., crowd laughs. Giuliani smiles. “You got to give me a little slack here. It was New York City, you know?”
18 minutes. Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee finally gets a question, and makes the most of it. “I’m kind of glad I wasn’t in on the first few minutes because it was all about these guys fighting each other,” he says. “I’m not interested in fighting these guys. What I’m interested in is fighting for the American people.” The crowd is cheering. Huckabee is not wearing a lapel pin. The lapel pin doesn’t mean a damn thing.
26 to 35 minutes. The candidates talk about healthcare. They are all against whatever Hillary Clinton is for. But beyond that there is confusion about what kind of mandates, tax credits, prevention requirements should be included. Texas Rep. Ron Paul says poor people don’t have good healthcare because America is spending money “running a world empire.” Huckabee tells a joke about old hippie baby boomers, who are about to realize they can get free drugs from Medicare. “Just wait until what that’s going to cost,” he says. More laughter.
40 minutes. The first commercial break. Over on the Fox Network, it’s still the bottom of the first, Manny Ramirez singles to left center, scoring Dustin Pedroia from second. One to nothing, Red Sox.
44 minutes. We’re back. The newly departed chairman of the Republican National Committee, Sen. Mel Martinez of Florida, can be seen rushing back to his seat, perhaps from a potty break. Wallace introduces the Hillary Clinton round. He begins by telling Romney that Fox has a poll that shows Hillary Clinton would whoop his ass by 12 points if the election were held today. “Is Hillary Clinton fit to be commander in chief?” he asks. The crowd screams, “No!” in unison.
45 minutes. Romney rides the Hillary hatred. “She hasn’t run a corner store. She hasn’t run a state. She hasn’t run a city. She has never run anything. And the idea that she could learn to be president, you know, as an internship, just doesn’t make any sense,” he says. Wow. This is a low blow. Romney has just evoked the image of an intern in the Oval Office while discussing Hillary Clinton. He might as well just pull out a blue dress and dribble some salad dressing on the stage.
48 minutes. Wallace says that McCain is running closest to Clinton in the Fox poll, losing by only three points. This gives McCain a chance to go after Clinton. “In case you missed it, a few days ago, Senator Clinton tried to spend $1 million on the Woodstock Concert Museum. Now, my friends, I wasn’t there. I’m sure it was a cultural and pharmaceutical event,” McCain says, before pausing a beat. “I was tied up at the time,” he says. The whole place goes berserk. Most of the candidates onstage applaud former prisoner of war McCain. The entire crowd comes to its feet. Comedy springs from tragedy, and McCain has a deep well to draw from.
55 minutes. Paul finally gets a chance to rant against the war in Iraq. He does it by attacking Clinton for being too much like the Republicans. “Sen. Clinton has nothing new to offer,” he says. “She’s endorsing the same policy. She said that the troops would be there for another five years, continue to build this embassy that’s going to be bigger than the Vatican.” This is totally confusing to the Republican audience, which responds with boos.
60 minutes. Back in Boston, in the bottom of the second, shortstop Julio Lugo grounds into a double play, scoring Jason Varitek from third. Two to nothing, Red Sox.
69 minutes. Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo finally gets a chance to bring up immigration, this time in the context of a discussion of Social Security. It should also be noted that California Rep. Duncan Hunter is standing onstage, and sometimes he says stuff.
70 minutes. Second commercial break. Sox pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka is up against Casey Blake, who hits it through the middle for the Indians’ first hit of the night. Then Blake takes second on a wild pitch. Two out in the top of the third. The debate will be on again soon. It’s hard to change the channel back. Really hard. But democracy matters. There is a job to be done. Somebody has got to do it.
73 to 80 minutes. Questions are about Russia and Turkey. McCain said he sees the KGB when he looks into Vladimir Putin’s eyes. Hunter says he wants to put missile defense missiles on a boat in the Black Sea. Thompson says the PKK, a Kurdish group battling the Turks near the Iraq border, are terrorists. Both Thompson and Tancredo agree that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is wrong to allow votes on a bill to condemn the Turkish genocide of Armenians nearly 100 years ago. Paul talks apocalyptic. “The war is spreading, the war is likely to go into Iran, nobody’s willing to take anything off the table,” he says.
85 minutes. Mike Lowell hits a sacrifice fly, scoring Kevin Youkilis from third. In the bottom of the third, three to nothing, Red Sox.
87 minutes. Thompson is asked if he is lazy. The crowd boos. “It’s OK,” says Thompson. “Let me answer.” Then he rattles off his résumé, starting with his first marriage and child at the age of 17, his time as a lawyer, a U.S. attorney, a Watergate counsel, his two Senate victories, and his work as an advisor to the Bush administration. “If a man can do all that and be lazy, I recommend it to everybody,” he says.
90 minutes. It’s over. Say what you will about the Fox News Channel, but at least they limit their debates to 90 minutes. It’s the top of the fourth at Fenway, three to nothing, but the Indians have a runner in scoring position. It’s anybody’s game, even though most of America thinks they already know who will win.
Michael Scherer is Salon's Washington correspondent. Read his other articles here. More Michael Scherer.
Nicolle Wallace’s Palin lesson: Make better stunt Veep picks
A running mate should be prepared, and maybe not about to be indicted (according to rumors)
Nicolle Wallace (Credit: ABC) “Game Change” is a movie about how longtime Republican Party communications hack Nicolle Wallace and longtime Republican Party campaign hack Steve Schmidt actually have souls, and brains, and hence feel quite bad for accidentally being responsible for the creation of Sarah Palin, national monster. (Neither felt any qualms about working to get the most irresponsible warmonger currently serving in the Senate elected president, but Sarah Palin was nuts!)
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Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene More Alex Pareene.
Sarah Palin’s Hollywood ending
HBO's "Game Change" presents Palin as simply a bumbling Tina Fey -- and misses the real story of the 2008 campaign
Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin in HBO's "Game Change" (Credit: HBO Films) HBO’s “Game Change,” airing this Saturday, is not actually an adaption of the book “Game Change,” by Mark Halperin and John Heilemann. It is “Sarah Palin Goes Rogue,” the movie, with a couple of anecdotes borrowed from the notoriously gossipy account of the 2008 election as a whole. (Or, arguably, it’s an adaptation of Scott Conroy and Shushannah Walshe’s “Sarah From Alaska.”)
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Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene More Alex Pareene.
Baseless Condi Rice speculation making a comeback
Updated: To celebrate its return, a brief history of this variety of pundit fantasy writing
Condoleezza Rice (Credit: Reuters) [UPDATED BELOW] Joseph Curl, former White House correspondent for the Washington Times, is bringing me back to the good old days of 2006 in his latest opinion column for the conservative paper. It’s a breathless report that Condoleezza Rice will seek the vice presidency, and it’s a classic of the genre.
Any amateur can speculate that Chris Christie will enter the presidential race, or posit a Mike Bloomberg third-party run, or imagine Hillary Clinton launching a primary challenge against Barack Obama. After all, those three have actually won elections and expressed political ambitions. It takes a real pro to decide to build buzz around someone who not only hasn’t ever run for anything, but who’s never expressed a desire to run for anything.
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Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene More Alex Pareene.
Breitbart shock: Obama was in same place at same time as New Black Panthers
Right-wingers once again try to connect the president to a fringe group of laughable conservative boogeymen
Members of the New Black Panther Party, including, Divine Allah, left, arrive for funeral services for 13-year-old shooting victim, Tamrah Leonard, at the Friendship Baptist Church in Trenton, N.J., Saturday, June 13, 2009. (Credit: AP/Mike Derer) Andrew Breitbart’s loud, dumb BigGovernment site has a loud, dumb story about how Barack Obama “appeared and marched with the New Black Panther Party in 2007.” The occasion was the 42nd anniversary of the march from Selma, Alabama, and in addition to Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Al Sharpton were also there, along with dozens of civil rights era luminaries and thousands of other people because it was a massive annual celebration and not actually an Obama campaign event.
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Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene More Alex Pareene.
Palins give free publicity to book bashing Palins
Joe McGinniss' "The Rogue" gets a big marketing boost from its subject's classic (and predictable) overreaction
Sarah Palin Here, according to the National Enquirer, are the shocking revelations in Joe McGinniss’ new book about Sarah Palin, “The Rogue”:
- She has done drugs.
- She had sex with a basketball player before she married Todd.
- She is mean and petty.
- She is a bad mother.
- She had an affair after she married Todd.
There is also, obviously, some stuff about Trig’s birth, but I have not yet read the book, so I couldn’t tell you how far down the rabbit hole that goes.
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Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene More Alex Pareene.
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