SALON

Tuesday, May 27, 2008 6:56 PM UTC

How do you sell a pork chop to a woman?

Compare it to nail polish, of course.

By

Topics: Broadsheet, Love and Sex,

There’s something about advertising that I just love. I think it’s the challenge of figuring out how to take a product that is not that inherently interesting (toilet paper, plastic sandwich bags), and sell it to a specific group of people. How do you convince single mothers that Brawny paper towels are a better choice than Bounty? Why would men over 60 want Hot Pockets over Hungry Man? And I love the way that a good ad can make me believe in the impossible. Maybe Coca-Cola really can bring world peace. Perhaps, if I just drink enough Gatorade, I will turn into Michael Jordan. This is America — why the hell not?

So imagine my delight when Copyranter sent us this ad, aimed at selling more pork to women. Its title? “Pork & Nail Polish.”

Yes, that’s right. In case the connection between those two subjects is not immediately obvious to you, the words are positioned right next to four pieces of pork loin, cut at an angle and arranged in such a way that they resemble fingernails, albeit fleshy, pink ones that are garnished with hot pepper and a sprig of peppermint. Still confused?

“I must confess, I always keep a bottle of clear nail polish in my bag,” the copy starts. “It’s my estrogen equivalent of duct tape. I can fix just about anything with it — a run in my stockings, a chip in the windshield, that loose knob on my dresser. I even dip those small ribbon knots on my lingerie in nail polish to keep them from coming untied.”

OK — aside from the questionable choice of the phrase “estrogen equivalent of duct tape” in ad copy (and the assertion that clear nail polish is a good carpentry solution), I see what they’re going for. Nail polish: It’s not just for manicures anymore. Perhaps this is an ad for Sally Hansen?

Nope. It continues with what has become my new favorite non sequitur in American advertising: “Likewise, I always keep a pork tenderloin in my fridge or a pork roast in my freezer.”

Why?

“I can fix just about anything with it lickety-split, too.”

At first I thought the ad was suggesting that women dip their lingerie in bacon grease (works well with certain men) — but no, silly me, they’re talking about “fixing” dinner! “Asian Grilled Pork Tenderloin, Hawaiian Cobb Salad, Smoky Pork Tenderloin Tacos.” And then, the tag line: “The Other White Meat and clear nail polish. Two handy-dandy things I just can’t live without.”

I can’t say that thinking of the smell of nail polish really makes me want to eat a pork chop, but then again, I’ve never dipped my underpants in L’Oréal. Call me simplistic, but if this were my ad campaign, I’d propose a different slogan: “Bacon. Because it’s really fucking good.”

Catherine Price is a freelance journalist and author of "101 Places Not to See Before You Die". She also runs a legally themed clothing shop called Illegal Briefs. More Catherine Price.

Next Article

Related Stories

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

The week in 10 pics

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11
  • Lisa Montgomery embraces her nephew Thursday after a tornado tore apart her home in Cleburne, Texas. The twister killed six people and destroyed entire swaths of the North Texas town.
    Credit: AP/LM Otero

  • Jack McMahon, the defense attorney for abortion doctor Kermit Gosnell, speaks outside the Criminal Justice Center in Philadelphia Tuesday. His client was convicted of killing three babies in his clinic, and will serve multiple life sentences.
    Credit: AP/Matt Rourke

  • A photo taken Monday captures Vice President Joe Biden's response to a Milwaukee second-grader's innovative proposal to end America's epidemic of gun violence. This guy!
    Credit: AP/Jenny Aicher

  • Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., flanked by a grouper-eyed Michele Bachmann, addresses the IRS' admission that it targeted Tea Party groups in advance of the 2012 election. In an op-ed for CNN Thursday, the Kentucky senator slammed the president for his faux outrage.
    Credit: AP/Molly Riley

  • Ousted IRS chief Steven Miller is sworn in on Capitol Hill Friday. Miller testified before the House Ways and Means Committee on the extra scrutiny the agency gave conservative groups applying for tax-exempt status.
    Credit: AP/J. Scott Applewhite

  • Attorney General Eric Holder pauses as he testifies on Capitol Hill before the House Judiciary Committee Wednesday. Holder is under fire, among other things, for the Justice Department's gathering of phone records at the Associated Press.
    Credit: AP/Carolyn Kaster

  • O.J. Simpson sits during an evidentiary hearing at Clark County District Court in Las Vegas, Nev., Thursday. Simpson, who is currently serving a nine-to-33-year sentence in state prison for armed robbery and kidnapping, is using a writ of habeas corpus to seek a new trial.
    Credit: AP/Las Vegas Review-Journal/Jeff Scheid

  • Major Tom to ground control: On Sunday astronaut Chris Hadfield recorded the first music video from space, a cover of David Bowie's "Space Oddity."
    Credit: AP/NASA/Chris Hadfield

  • When it rains it pours. President Barack Obama speaks during a news conference Thursday with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan, inexplicably inspiring an #umbrellagate Twitter meme.
    Credit: AP/Jacquelyn Martin

  • A smoke plume rises high above a road block at the intersection of County A and Ross Road east of Solon Springs, Wis., Tuesday. No injuries were reported, but the the wildfire caused evacuations across northwestern Wisconsin.
    Credit: AP/The Duluth News-Tribune/Clint Austin

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11

Related Videos

Comments

 31 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

vote
Journalists file suit against Manning's trial secrecy: Plaintiffs including Glenn Greenwald and Julian Assange demand press, public access to trial and documents
150 points151 points | comment
vote
Kaitlyn Hunt refuses plea offer, will go to court over high school relationship - The 18-year-old rejected a deal that would have labeled her a sex offender and placed her under house arrest
129 points130 points | 91 comments
vote
Report: Nearly a quarter of Americans struggle to afford food
130 points131 points | 12 comments
vote
Kaitlyn Hunt refuses plea offer, will go to court over high school relationship - The 18-year-old rejected a deal that would have labeled her a sex offender and placed her under house arrest
115 points116 points | 33 comments
vote
Ted Cruz against the world - How the Junior Senator is igniting the GOP civil war
79 points80 points | 19 comments

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: Chekhov's story mirrors Russia's own

Recommendations