Football
NFL Week 1 picks
The season's here! And it can only get better after that dog of an opener Thursday night.
The good news about the 2008 NFL season is that it can only go uphill after Thursday night’s Rin Tin Tin impersonation by the New York Giants and Washington. In case you fell asleep in the second quarter, in which case you outlasted most of America, the Giants won 16-7.
Here are this column’s Week 1 picks, along with those of my kids, game-pickin’ 5-year-old Buster and coin-flippin’ 3-year-old Daisy, who automatically take all favorites of six points or more. The Panel o’ Experts enters its sixth smash year. Details of its membership next week, but the defending champions are Mark Schlereth of ESPN and Jeff Zillgitt of USA Today.
Winners in caps.
Sunday early games
CINCINNATI (7-9) at Baltimore (5-11)
OK, it might not go uphill right away. If you’re ready to count on a rookie quarterback winning his debut, take the Ravens.
Buster: Cincinnati
Daisy: Baltimore
N.Y. JETS (4-12) at Miami (1-15)
The rebuilding project starts here for both teams, with Brett Favre making his debut in green — or, wait, in Jets green — and Chad Pennington his debut out of Jets green. New York has taken a quick-fix approach that will pay dividends sooner than Miami’s long-view method, which figures to return the franchise to the NFL elite in a couple of years.
Kids: Miami
KANSAS CITY (4-12) at New England (16-0)
Another youth-based rebuilding project is going on in Kansas City. Take the long view, Chiefs kids. This is just one game. One miserable game. What the Heck Pick of the week. It almost has to be.
To review for newcomers, or for those of you who don’t commit nonsense to memory: The What the Heck™ Pick is a weekly game in which I pick a big underdog to lose. It’s not an Upset of the Week. I think the team I pick really is going to lose. I just pick them because, well, What the Heck.
The rules are the WTH™ team has to have a losing record — I use last year’s records the first two weeks — and be playing a team with a winning record, and I have to believe they’re going to lose. So Buffalo over Seattle, below, wouldn’t qualify because I think Buffalo is going to win.
The What the Heck™ Pick of the Week is available for sponsorship.
Kids: New England (15-point favorite)
Houston (8-8) at PITTSBURGH (10-6)
The Steelers’ power game should still be a little too much at home for the improving Texans.
Kids: Pittsburgh (6.5-point favorite)
JACKSONVILLE (11-5) at Tennessee (10-6)
If the Jaguars didn’t play in the smallest market south of Green Bay and in the same division as the Indianapolis Colts, they would be a hotter-than-Akon Super Bowl pick. I just found out who Akon is so I’m trying to look, as the kids say, groovy. If the Titans are anything like a 10-6 team this year, which I don’t think they are, this could be the game of the week.
Buster: Tennessee
Daisy: Jacksonville
DETROIT (7-9) at Atlanta (4-12)
The less said the bett–.
Buster: Detroit
Daisy: Atlanta
Seattle (10-6) at BUFFALO (7-9)
The Seahawks and Bills look like two fringy playoff teams, but moving in the opposite direction, the Seahawks down, the Bills up. The Seahawks get a leg-up from playing in the weakest division in the weaker conference. This could be one of those games that throws the difference between the NFC and AFC into relief.
Kids: Buffalo
Tampa Bay (9-7) at NEW ORLEANS (7-9)
Not quite the post-Katrina homecoming, this should still be an emotional afternoon in the Superdome. The Bucs sweeping the Saints last year decided who went to the playoffs at 9-7 and who stayed home at 7-9. Well, that and the Saints’ bizarre season-opening four-game losing streak. Neither will happen again.
Buster: New Orleans
Daisy: Tampa Bay
St. Louis (3-13) at PHILADELPHIA (8-8)
It’ll be interesting to see how much Donovan McNabb has left. I mean next week, in the Monday night game at Dallas. This one won’t tell us much unless what he has left is nothing.
Kids: Philadelphia (7.5-point favorite)
Sunday late games
Dallas (13-3) at CLEVELAND (10-6)
Another one that might be the game of the week. The Cowboys were on their way to the Super Bowl last year before they got tripped up in the first round of the playoffs by the eventual-champion Giants. They’re widely considered one of two leading contenders again, along with Green Bay. I’m not so sure, but I wouldn’t be shocked.
The Browns’ suddenly spectacular offense propelled them from 4-12 to the brink of the postseason last year. It says here they would have been the third best team in the NFC. If they can play any defense at all this year, they’ll … squeeze into the AFC playoffs. The Cowboys will be a pretty good test, one I think the Browns will pass if Derek Anderson, returning from a concussion, is OK.
Buster: Dallas
Daisy: Cleveland
Carolina (7-9) at SAN DIEGO (11-5)
A What the Heck™ candidate, only for some reason I’m not feeling terribly good about the Chargers. They went to the AFC Championship Game last year and gave the Patriots trouble without their three best offensive players, and they’re largely the same team this year, but somehow, I don’t know. They’ll still win an easy division and I think they’ll get a win here. But if my trick knee is right and there are problems, the still-rough Panthers will take advantage.
Kids: San Diego (9.5-point favorite)
ARIZONA (8-8) at San Francisco (5-11)
Kurt Warner gets the start against his old coach, Mike Martz, the new offensive coordinator in San Francisco. The Cardinals are once again a fashionable pick to win the NFC West, and while that pick is as dubious as usual, the 49ers don’t figure to stand in their way.
Buster: San Francisco
Daisy: Arizona
Sunday night game
Chicago (7-9) at INDIANAPOLIS (13-3)
The Colts are once again in the top group in the AFC unless Peyton Manning, who missed the entire practice-game season with a knee injury, isn’t fully recovered. He says he’s fine, and he even has favorite target Marvin Harrison back healthy. If the Bears defense is going to return to elite status, here’s a good first chance to show it.
Kids: Indianapolis (9.5-point favorite)
Monday night games
Minnesota (8-8) at GREEN BAY (13-3)
Yet another game of the week candidate. Great job, schedule-making person. The Packers dominated the NFC North last year but this year they face a transition from Favre to Aaron Rodgers while the Vikings are threatening to put it all together if only their young quarterback, Tarvaris Jackson, improves to the point of consistent competency. And they can knock down a pass or two on defense. So let’s have a look at ‘em right from the get-go on the national TV. I think the Vikings will overtake the Packers this year, but after a slow start.
Kids: Green Bay
DENVER (7-9) at Oakland (4-12)
The bad idea of a weeknight double-header wouldn’t be quite such a bad idea if the hapless Raiders weren’t involved. This column is a Raiders fan and even it will find it hard to force itself to watch this game. The TV people dig the Raiders-Broncos rivalry. Twenty-three skidoo.
Buster: Denver
Daisy: Oakland
Season record: 1-0
Last season: 158-98 regular season, 7-4 playoffs
What the Heck™ Picks: 3-13
Number of games I think are going to be “the game of the week” that turn out to be the “the game of the week,” on average, per year: 1
King Kaufman is a senior writer for Salon. You can e-mail him at king at salon dot com. Facebook / Twitter / Tumblr More King Kaufman.
Can Tebow find salvation?
Updated: After losing his job in Denver, evangelicals' favorite jock faces an uncertain future in New York.
Tim Tebow (Credit: Reuters/Rick WIlking) [UPDATED BELOW]
You don’t need to be an evangelical Christian to care about the future of Tim Tebow. I’m a lapsed atheist myself. But with the resurrection of quarterback Peyton Manning in Denver, I wonder most about the future of the spiritual scrambler, who led the Broncos to the playoffs last year.
The Broncos signing Manning to replace Tebow is a no-brainer. He may be diminished by age and injury, but he is also the best quarterback of our time, not because he is a brilliant coach’s puppet (Tom Brady) or an on-field, off-field brute (Ben Roethlisberger) but by virtue of a fierce work ethic and a concentrated intelligence that is contagious and inspirational. Whatever is left at age 35 of him will make the Broncos better.
Continue Reading CloseRobert Lipsyte is a former New York Times sports columnist. His new memoir, "An Accidental Sportswriter," has just been published. More Robert Lipsyte.
The Super Bowl is not a job creator
Despite what civic boosters say, hosting the big game provides few long-term benefits
(Credit: AP/Michael Conroy) Roger Goodell, the commissioner of the National Football League, argued on “60 Minutes” last Sunday that the NFL is one professional organization designed to appeal to the economic interests of the little guy: Its revenue-sharing model, he said, gives a fighting chance to squads from Green Bay and Buffalo as well as to those from large media markets like New York, Los Angeles and Boston.
On the eve of the Super Bowl, Goodell was touting the familiar idea that the sport’s biggest game is a boon to economic development. But with the cost of a ticket now averaging $3,982 and 30-second television spots selling for $3.5 million, the Super Bowl can appear to be more an occasion for ostentatious excess than an engine of development.
Continue Reading CloseAlexander Heffner is a freelance journalist whose writing has appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post, and Boston Globe. More Alexander Heffner.
Political lessons from this year’s Super Bowl
From jobs to health care, football's big game illustrates the factors that will dominate the 2012 election
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady (Credit: AP Photo/Elise Amendola) Most Americans won’t need a justification to watch Sunday’s game, but if you’re a Salon reader you might think, even in passing, that celebrating the holiest day of violence, consumerism and class warfare on your couch is a betrayal of your values or a waste of your time. You might even imagine that it would be better to take a hike, read a book or meditate.
Not this Sunday, buster. It’s an election season. You need to watch this game to fully understand how jobs, religion, leadership and healthcare dominate every American contest.
Continue Reading CloseRobert Lipsyte is a former New York Times sports columnist. His new memoir, "An Accidental Sportswriter," has just been published. More Robert Lipsyte.
Enjoy the game? For the true fan, it’s all about agony
The New York Giants are in the Super Bowl. But for one obsessive, the question is what time to take the Ativan
Ohio State football fans (Credit: AP) “The truth is,” Nick Hornby wrote in “Fever Pitch,” his book about his obsession with Arsenal and British football, “for alarmingly large chunks of an average day, I am a moron.”
That’s a wonderful sentence by one of my favorite writers, but if Hornby is only a moron for only large chunks of the average day, he is doing a lot better than I am. I can honestly report that for the last few months I have been an absolute idiot for all but very small portions of the day.
Continue Reading CloseTed Heller's latest novel, "Pocket Kings," will be published in March. He is also the author of the novels "Slab Rat" and "Funnymen." More Ted Heller.
Small blunders kill Super Bowl dreams
For fans of the 49ers and Ravens, the road to the big game is paved with pain
Kyle Williams loses it Just when it looked like the NFC and AFC championship games were going to last until the Super Bowl, two fatal blunders brought them to an abrupt close. The stunning conclusions to two of the most tense, evenly matched conference championship games in recent memory were a painful reminder that although football is a team game, one miscue by a single player can wipe out thousands of hours of collective blood, sweat and tears.
It will be a sad and lonely night for Baltimore Ravens’ kicker Billy Cundiff, whose shanked chip-shot 32-yarder gave the AFC championship to the New England Patriots. Kickers must have strong mental constitutions: in a sport where bonds between teammates are cemented in blood and pain, they are not always regarded as full-fledged comrades to begin with, and so when they screw up, it’s even harder for them to deal with. The mantra “short memory,” which defensive backs are constantly shouting at each other, applies in spades to kickers. Cundiff could use a tall glass of Milk of Amnesia.
Continue Reading CloseGary Kamiya is a Salon contributing writer. More Gary Kamiya.
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