Project Runway

Tim walks in rocking the leather blazer he’s been wearing all season. He is shocked by Seth Aaron’s 24 looks (only 10 are required), says rather coolly to Emilio, “Haven’t we seen this before?” and reminds Mila to rough up her styling a little bit.

We proceed to model casting, where the designers are forced to watch legions of leggy girls with amazing cheekbones parade in front of them. Mila wants an edgy mix of rocker/Hollywood/New York. Emilio wants multicultural, because the world is multicultural. Seth Aaron is merely looking for the “right vibe.” There is no fighting, and one can assume that the models are successfully cast.

They then proceed to the makeup room. I’m not saying the name of it. You all know what it’s called. Mila wants dirty and gritty eyes for her girls. Emilio wants an uptown New York girl look. Seth Aaron wants a really bold, dark eye.

They then proceed to the “insert shameless plug here” hair studio, where Mila is happy with her model’s rock ‘n’ roll hairstyle, which doesn’t really look much different from Mila’s real hair. Mila is her own muse, apparently. The other two do variations on soft, sophisticated ponytails.

The Lifetime Moment of the Show comes next. Emilio, rather graciously for a change, thanks everyone who believed in him. Seth Aaron cries and thanks his family.

They are off to bed, then quickly woken at 2:40 a.m. by the alarm clock. They walk up the dark, slushy streets to the tents at Bryant Park. They stand on the runway and stare. I get the chills. Then Seth Aaron lays down and pretends to make snow angels on the runway. If a model trips in that spot there will surely be hell to pay.

The backstage mayhem begins. It’s edited to seem rather controlled, actually. That is, until Mila realizes that she is missing three of her models and Emilio is missing one. They probably stopped for some food. They never show up, and Tim has to call in the alternates. Tim seems very composed, but he gives away a bit of anxiety by repeating everything three times. “Go, go, go.” “Hurry, hurry, hurry.”

It’s time for the show to begin, and Heidi appears on the runway. She introduces Michael Kors, Nina Garci, and Faith Hill as the judges. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Faith Hill a country singer? Oh, but I forgot. Country singers are known for their tasteful sartorial choices.

Seth Aaron starts the show with a collection inspired by 1940s German and Russian military looks. I like it already. He sends his signature strong-shouldered jackets and lots of red and black that manages to not look tacky. Most surprisingly, he sends an amazing, flowy T-backed tunic that is a complete departure for him, yet fits perfectly in his collection. He also sends a bright purple dress that looks like a crumpled up piece of plastic wrap.

Mila sends a lot of black and white looks, still very ’60s inspired, but she does a better job styling and her models don’t look dated. There are lots of tunics and leggings, and the gorgeous paillette dress that we saw last week.

Emilio calls his collection “Color Me Bad,” although I hear “Color Me Badd,” that horrid band from 1991. Which actually is appropriate, because Mila is right: his clothes are right out of 1994. Even Raven-Symoné (who?) thinks he’s doing a ’90s flashback; she approves. He uses every jewel tone under the sun, and a not-at-all-egotistical abstract print that spells out “E. SOSA.” Subtle.

A bunch of semi-celebrities are interviewed about which collection they liked the best. Of course, the answers are mixed. But the best part of this is that Ping is back. And she has gray hair, which according to a recent New York Times article, is very trendy now.

After the show, the designers are greeted quite politely by the judges, and the critiques start. Seth Aaron is first. Michael loves the collection and compliments Seth Aaron’s ability to craft clothes and to put on a show with “kaboom and pow.” He is happy that the clothes look more luxurious. Nina says it’s a very editorial collection, but filled with clothes people can wear. No one likes the purple dress, though.

Emilio is inspired by classic American sportswear. He is also well received by the judges. They like the sophistication and Faith Hill LOVES the print. Nina says it is a quiet and sophisticated collection, but she wishes there were a better transition between all the tailored pieces and the final gown that Emilio sent. Michael says it is more of a line than a collection and that it is the most commercial.

Mila was inspired by shadows and the layers and texture they produce. Heidi loves it and compliments the more modern styling. Michael Kors congratulates her for making it contemporary then sends me running to Google when he says, “You kicked out the girl in the cage doing the frug.” Michael cements my undying love for him when he tells Mila that when she plays with shine, “It turns me on. It’s a little nasty in a good way.”

It is a very difficult choice for the judges. Mila is great at mixing textiles, but her collection wasn’t surprising. Seth’s collection is luxurious and has great hanger appeal, but the judges worry that his clothes can get too overwrought. Emilio was thinking more about business than a show-stopping collection.

Mila is the first to be auf’ed. Then there is the interminable pause before SETH AARON is declared the winner. Emilio is clearly miffed, though he hugs Seth Aaron.

This season we met Ping. We saw Ricky do trashy clothes. We saw Anthony leave and come back and leave again. We saw Maya leave. We saw drama, we saw cheesy commercials on Lifetime, and we saw clothes.

The producers are currently casting for season eight. I’ll be watching.

The show starts off with quite a bit of braggadocio. Mila claims her “point of view is better” than Jay’s. Emilio is “going to Bryant Park, bitches” with yet another show-stopper. It would be nice to see a bird poop on him. Or for him to trip. Something mildly humiliating. Seth Aaron says something that gets so bleeped out that I can’t even understand what it is. Fuck yeah, Seth Aaron.

Fast forward three months, and we see Tim on his rounds. First stop: Vancouver, WA to visit Seth Aaron and his rather ordinary-looking wife and children. No black nail polish or faux-hawks to be found.

Seth Aaron has a rack full of tough-looking jackets and coats that are black or leather or both. They’re spectacular. (Surely you’ve figured out my bias for non-pretty things by now). He has also been very prolific. Tim is stunned by the sheer number of pieces and he claims that people will be on their feet after the collection is shown, but… he doesn’t think Seth Aaron will win. There is no surprise in the collection. Seth Aaron swears some more then decides he can re-conceptualize. 

After telling SA to start over, Tim plays Pictionary with the kids and guesses “fallopian tubes” for one of the drawings (it was a stethoscope). He then jumps on the trampoline and shows us that he has absolutely no coordination. I don’t like seeing him fall on his ass. So vulnerable that way.

The next stop: Emilio in New York. Tim meets Emilio’s brothers and we are given a (quite cool) little history lesson about what the South Bronx was like in the ’70s and ’80s. Emilio was influenced by the graffiti and the birth of hip hop. His unfinished collection is a hodge-podge of jewel tones and something hideous that he calls “spray-painted brocade.” Tim hates everything and tells Emilio not to waste his time. Emilio tells the cameras that Tim never wore women’s clothes so he has no idea what women want to wear. Tim is quite irate by the end of the conversation and tells Emilio that the collection lacks sophistication and looks old. SNAP! Emilio remains cocky.

Mila in Los Angeles is next. Her entire home is filled with black and white patterned accessories and wall art. Good Lord, she even has a dalmation. I notice the spots are not exactly even though. Her collection is mostly black and white. Wait, there’s also aubergine. Tim tells her it looks conservative and matronly. Mila is shocked but takes it pretty well. She discusses Jay with us, the audience, and says, “I don’t want to lose to that little [bleep].” A lovely dinner with her parents and supportive boyfriend follows. There are no pictures of the female reproductive system. 

The last Tim visit is with Jay in San Francisco. Jay has been inspired by Japanese samurai and geisha. There are lots of appendages sticking out of his garments. Tim warns Jay to edit it because it runs the risk of looking like a student collection. The absolute kiss of death, apparently. Jay then says something adorable about a cuckoo Chanel girl. I want to be one.

Dinner with Jay’s family is next. Jay’s mother is tickled to meet Tim (“I only see you on TV”) and his dad looks thoroughly confused during the whole thing. Jay says his dad has no idea what Fashion Week is.  

Fast forward again: it’s Fashion Week! Mila and Jay enter the hotel room and awkwardness abounds. However, they have their Lifetime moment, forge a bond and stop hating on each other.

Seth Aaron arrives wearing a fedora and plucked brows. Everyone discusses the Westin hotel Heavenly Bed (TM). Tim arrives and bestows two-cheek fashion kisses. Everyone heads to the workroom, and Mila and Jay are informed that they 1)have to share a table and 2) have to present their three representative pieces on the runway in three hours. Jay’s shin guards won’t zip and Mila is worried about the lack of color in her collection. They both end that segment by sobbing uncontrollably. 

So do I, after the commercial break that follows. A toilet paper commercial bragging that their product doesn’t leave pieces left behind. Is this a problem for a lot of people? Then comes the ad for “Deadly Honeymoon,” wherein some screwed up shit happens on a cruise ship. This is rounded off by a trailer for a movie starring Jennifer Lopez looking impossibly hip and thin. 

Finally it is time for the runway. Heidi isn’t pregnant anymore. Mila shows an asymmetric collared coat, a striped tunic/coat hybrid, and a rather gorgeous paillette mini dress. All black and white, of course.

Jay shows a zippered purple mini dress, a silver top with slim pants and the famous shin guards, and a jacket with a huge collar. We get to see some longer judging, which is a treat.

Heidi really likes Mila’s pieces and says they’re simple with a twist. Michael has never really been a big Mila fan and still isn’t. He thinks it could have been edgier and doesn’t look modern. Nina is concerned about her narrow point of view and wonders what will happen if Mila has to do six collections per year.

Heidi thinks Jay took his collection up a notch. Michael loves the trousers and the “gaiters”/shin guards. He quips pointedly (at Mila, I’m assuming), “There is nothing that is retro about this collection.” Nina likes the impeccable tailoring and that the pieces are innovative. She’s worried about over-embellishment and Jay’s ability to edit.

The designers are sent backstage while the judges deliberate. Michael gets into quite a tizzy with Heidi. He thinks it is better to start with something that is over-designed and rework it, because that’s what designers do. He then babbles in Yiddish. Nina is surprisingly non-committal about her choice. 

The designers return. It is down to the question of who is ready to show a collection. Mila will be going to Bryant Park, and Jay and his fabulous scarves are going back home to San Francisco.

Next week is the season finale, where a winner will be declared. And I will finally get some sleep on Thursday nights.

Anthony is a bit concerned about which type of tent it’s going to be, because he doesn’t think his Gucci driving loafers are going to be able to handle any rugged terrain. Luckily, it’s the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey circus tent. 

The designers are standing in the tent in front of the ring, a lot of spotlights start blazing and Tim prances down the blue circus runway grinning from ear to ear. Their challenge this week is to create a high-end look inspired by the circus. For inspiration, the designers receive a private show.

There is a creepy shouting ringleader, clowns putting large rings down their pants, a girl swinging on a rope, a man running on a large metal wheel, and eight shirtless men doing acrobatics. Jay notices these buff acrobats, too. It isn’t just me. Tim issues them all a warning about not making it too costumey.

The designers go to Mood fabrics one last time. Emilio, stealing Mila’s signature palette, wants to do black and white and mix stripes and polka dots. Mila is inspired by the ringleader. Anthony liked the girl in the blue and sliver outfit who was swinging on the rope. Jay is combining the ringleader with the clowns and Anthony gets a warning from Tim that he’d best step it up a notch. 

Back in the workroom, Tim announces that this will be a two-day challenge. There is much rejoicing by all. For some unfathomable reason, Emilio keeps saying, “Come hard or go home.”

Mila is just disgusted with Emilio’s cocky behavior. He is muttering things about wanting people to pee on themselves because they’re so excited by his gown and that he wants it to be the judges’ favorite look of the season. Mila is going to give herself cataracts with all the eye-rolling she is doing.

Tim comes in and announces that he is going to “engage everyone.” Seth Aaron is making a long coat with boning, a tie and a top hat. Emilo smirks and Tim is skeptical. Emilio is doing a staggering gown of black and white, but Tim asks him rather menacingly, “Where’s the color?” Mila smirks and rolls her eyes. Or else they’re stuck that way from all the previous eye-rolling. 

Anthony is concerned about pumping up the volume. Tim attempts to be supportive by using the words “viscera” and “contrivances” in a sentence. Anthony confesses he needs a dictionary. Mila is doing something black and white with a chevron pattern. (I feel like I type that same sentence about her designs every week.)

Jay is doing some bad-ass (his words, not mine) pants and a military-meets-Michael Jackson-meets-Brit redcoat jacket. Tim and Jay also talk about bitches for a bit, but it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Jay’s design. Or Mila.  

Anthony changes his design and doesn’t seem to have a clear idea about what he wants to do. Jay gets “Lifetime Moment of the Show “#1 by mentioning that his family really believes in him and he’s going to push himself for a change. Seth Aaron doesn’t like Mila’s “shiny-shiny.” Emilio adds some color to his dress. Jay is mocked for his Michael Jackson coat. 

The designers head back to the Atlas apartments after day one is complete and talk about how nervous they all are. Mila thinks Anthony and Jay should be eliminated, and Jay thinks Mila should be eliminated. He even admits that he dislikes her as a person.

Cynthia Rowley is the guest judge this week. She has been a designer since the 1980s; she has collaborated with Target, done home furnishings and is designing new uniforms for United Airlines. She’s not quite the mega-watt fashion personality that one would expect for the penultimate challenge. 

Here are the highlights from the runway:

• Jay pulls off the bad-ass pants. They are slouchy and cool, and the red bandleader jacket is actually much more subtle than it originally appeared.
• Mila combines fuchsia pants with a chartreuse top and tops it off with a shiny jacket covered with black and white stripes.
• Anthony sends a frumpy blue dress that sags at the waist and has stiff, ear-grazing shoulder ruffles.
• Emilio sends a back and white dress with cranberry accents that is short in the front with a long train. It really is quite gorgeous. 
• Seth Aaron sends red leather pants and a very large and not-subtle black and white jacket with yellow accents.

Heidi, Cynthia and Nina like Seth Aaron’s outfit despite it being a bit costumey. Michael Kors asks about the “crazy crotch” and suggests a man might be able to fill the pants out better. 

Anthony babbles nervously about his dress, and Michael calls it a snooze. He then takes a closer looks at the dress and rushes the runway to feel the fabric. He is absolutely appalled that it is polyester crepe de chine. Heidi cannot believe Anthony spent $300 on polyester. The final nail in the coffin is the “she looks like a big blue condom” comment.

Jay’s outfit is pronounced “beautifully made” but somewhat boring.

Michael Kors is a Mila fan and thinks her outfit is dramatic and not costume-like at all. He doesn’t mention a word about the fuchsia/chartreuse combination. Nina remains unconvinced and isn’t crazy about the look. Cynthia declares that she hates the fuchsia. Oh, but look. She’s wearing a fuchsia dress. It’s all a joke.

Heidi then asks the designers, in true reality show style, who they think should accompany them to New York Fashion Week. Seth Aaron would take Emilio and Jay. Jay would take Seth Aaron and, in Lifetime Moment of the Week #2, Anthony, because he wants to share it with him. There are tears, and I’m left wondering if there was an off-camera romance that wasn’t seen by the viewers. Mila would take Emilio and Seth Aaron. Anthony, using the word “viscera,” would take Emilio and Jay.

And the results are…

Emilio is pronounced sophisticated, and Michael Kors did indeed dub his gown the favorite look of the season. He’s in. Setha Aaron is exciting and innovative, and he is also in. 

Anthony, while he has talent, doesn’t yet have the skills, and he’s out. Mila and Jay both had problems this week, but the judges don’t send either of them home. It’s a tie, and they will both design collections. On the strength of those collections, one will be chosen to go to Bryant Park. Poor, poor Anthony. Tim still thinks that Anthony should be happy. After all, he got to make dresses for Heidi and Jessica Alba.  

So will it be Mila or Jay who goes to Bryant Park? Stay tuned for next week, when Tim will visit everyone at home and generally make a nuisance of himself.  

The contestants go to meet Heidi, who tells them they will be designing a celebrity look for someone who is notoriously picky and opinionated. With this vague warning, the designers gamely move into the workroom, where Tim will have more details. With horror-movie music playing in the background, Tim tells everyone that the challenge is to design a red carpet look for a celebrity. Are you ready to meet her? Yes! Who is it? Is it Angelina? Cameron Diaz? Kate Gosselin? The door opens… Oh. It’s Heidi.

Yes, once again, the designers will be creating a look for Heidi to wear, this time on the red carpet. One can only wonder what sort of dire financial straits she and husband Seal are in since she is constantly using “Project Runway” as a source for garments. She admonishes them, “I want to be on the best dressed, not the worst dressed list.”

With that warning, the designers begin sketching and mumbling to themselves. Jonathan thinks he needs to be in opposite world for the judges to like him, because he was convinced his dress last week was stunning. So he decides to make something really ugly and is sure this will cause the judges to like it. Mila doesn’t do red carpet. She just doesn’t. Emilio is designing something not subtle that will be sure to impress the paparazzi. Maya mysteriously walks out of the workroom. The camera pans to her empty work station at least three times during the sketching. (No longer subtle foreshadowing.)

Tim walks in with a shy Maya and says that she would like to make an announcement. She is leaving the show. She just got out of school, can’t perform on command, isn’t ready and needs to figure out what her point of view is. In the words of Seth Aaron, “Are you bleeping crazy??” Everyone is shocked, and Emilio is particularly supportive when he says the decision is a cop out and quitters are never winners. In an interview, Seth Aaron tells us all off, swearing at us and saying we don’t understand the pressure of being on “Project Runway,” so don’t judge Maya.

Everyone takes an uneventful trip to Mood fabrics, and then Tim comes into the workroom again to say that of course they can’t continue with only five designers, so the show is bringing a designer back. “Here she is!” In walks Anthony, in all his aqua-shirted glory. Yay! The designers get back to work, and Anthony is sent to Mood alone.

Tim comes into the workroom yet again and cannot believe just how busy he is this week. He needs a private chat with Seth Aaron. It seems that Valeria, his model, was offered a job with Donna Karan, so he is going to need to work with a new model. Seth Aaron admirably takes it all in stride and adjusts his dress dummy to the new shape.

Tim returns to the workroom a few hours later with Heidi in tow. Everyone is flustered and not really eager to show her their dresses yet. She tells Seth Aaron that his needs “a little bit more somewhere.” She likes Anthony’s black and white gown. She tells Jay, “We don’t want to look bigger than we are.” She questions the placement of the cups on his bustier, then proceeds to give Jay a look at her no-doubt ample bosom so he can see what proper cup placement looks like. Unfortunately, the cameras do not get a close-up of that particular moment. Mila’s dress is not too simple, but perhaps others’ are better. Jonathan is using coral curtains. We see lots of shots of the half-naked models being fitted. Between this and Heidi’s bosom inspection, is Lifetime trying to attract more male viewers?

The sleepy designers are back in the apartment. Poor Anthony only gets two hours of sleep. Mila is happy to see that so many of the other designers’ dresses are ugly, which can only help her case. Emilio, whose cockiness I have grown to downright dislike, is snarking that Seth Aaron’s dress is neither Heidi nor red carpet. Jonathan is making his dress for the third time in an attempt to get rid of the curtains. After much complaining about the time crunch, everyone is finally ready for the runway.

The guest judge this week is Jessica Alba, looking unnaturally blonde. I scoff at first, but she  have a lot of experience wearing red carpet gowns, so this is probably a good judge choice.

Here are the highlights from the runway:

• Jay sends a short, dove-gray bustier dress with an exaggerated ruffled hemline. He says, “I guess I like big butts.” Cue Sir Mix-a-Lot.
• Mila’s is a short black dress with gold accents. The model looks like she is about to have a wardrobe malfunction at any minute; the bustline is in danger.
• Anthony’s dress is black and white and flowy.
• Seth Aaron sends a black studded dress that looks more like a long undergarmet than a red carpet gown. 
• Jonathan sends a too-short, poorly draped, stretched out Spanx dress down the runway. Uh-oh. 
• Emilio sends down an impeccably tailored and elegant sparkly gown.

The judges are fairly unanimous in what they like and hate this week. Seth Aaron’s is deemed too boring and lacking sex appeal or the potential for “glorious cleavage.” Everyone loves Anthony’s gown, especially Jessica Alba. Mila’s is too simple and, yes, poorly fitting at the bust. They gush over Emilio’s gown. Nina keeps saying that the fabric could have looked cheap, it really could have. (I suspect she is tired of his cockiness and wanted to take him down a peg, too. Alas, not tonight.) Jay’s dress is fine from the waist up, but they all hate the butt-enhancing qualities of the exaggerated ruffles. Jonathan’s looks like it was put together in two hours, makes the model look waxy and plastic-y and puts her at risk for butt-cheek exposure.

After the usual deliberation, Heidi announces that tonight there is not a winner; there are two winners! Emilio and Anthony both win, and Jessica asks if she can wear Anthony’s dress on the red carpet. Everyone swoons. Jonathan and Jay are in the bottom two, and Jonathan is voted off.

Next week is the last show before the final three designers are chosen to go to Bryant Park. Any predictions for winners? I have an idea, but I’ll keep it to myself for now.