2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
I am on record as being a huge sucker for pictures of politicians with infants, and I’ve had Yes We Can Hold Babies bookmarked for some time now. So when I saw the headline “Babies for Obama” on Feministing, I eagerly clicked on the video (which came highly recommended by Jessica’s ovaries), expecting more of the same. Instead, I got a bunch of Obama endorsements from barely verbal children. Watch for yourself.
Now, the video’s cute as hell. And since I am an Obama supporter, I get all mushy imagining these sprogs growing up to be lifelong Democrats who can’t remember an America that had never had a black president. The problem is, a bunch of babies saying what their parents told them to say is just that. And it’s arguably kind of creepy. As Sarah Hepola put it in an e-mail, “I know everyone else thinks it’s cuter than puppies and rainbows, but there’s something disturbing to me about children who have no agency parroting a political platform. Like, what if my parents were Hitler fans and there was videotape of me as an adorable toddler, cake on my face, talking about loving Hitler?”
I don’t know about Hitler, but I do know that in the first presidential election I can remember, 1980, 5-year-old me openly professed support for Reagan, in keeping with my parents’ decision (actual picture of young Kate Harding, at right). If a video of that existed today, it would certainly make me cringe a bit, but it would also make me laugh my ass off. More important, I can’t imagine that such a video could ever do the adult me harm, beyond possibly being played at my wedding someday — in which case, an entire room full of people would laugh their asses off.
The joke, of course, is that despite my parents’ best efforts at indoctrination, as soon as I developed a concept of the world beyond our suburban home, I became the flaming liberal you know and love. The Reagan propaganda really, really didn’t take. So I’m not too bothered by these little ones endorsing “Bwockobama,” or even by pictures and videos of knee-high McCain fans. They’ve got plenty of time to cultivate their own opinions before they’re old enough to vote — and everybody needs a good embarrassing kid video to play at the wedding.
Kate Harding is the co-author of "Lessons From the Fatosphere: Quit Dieting and Declare a Truce With Your Body" and has been a regular contributor to Salon's Broadsheet.More Kate Harding.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.