Baseball
The All-Withdrawal team
Give me the guys who've pulled out and I can rule the World. Baseball Classic, that is.
It’s the thick of fantasy draft season and I’ve put a team together that could win any league. In fact, I think it could win the World Baseball Classic, which begins Thursday in Tokyo.
If only I could get my team to show up. Not likely: It’s the WBC All-Withdrawal team. Check out this retiring first string:
1B Albert Pujols
2B Placido Polanco
SS Rafael Furcal
3B Evan Longoria
OF Vernon Wells
OF Grady Sizemore
OF Ryan Ludwick
DH Aramis Ramirez
C Joe Mauer
SP Johan Santana, Carlos Zambrano, Francisco Liriano, Rich Harden, Scott Kazmir
RP Jonathan Papelbon, Joe Nathan, B.J. Ryan
I had to cheat a little. Furcal was never on the Dominican Republic roster and as far as I can tell wasn’t invited. Hanley Ramirez, Jose Reyes and Miguel Tejada — who withdrew! But then changed his mind and will play, darn it — are the Dominican shortstops. And Mauer didn’t withdraw from Team USA. He declined an invitation because he was recovering from surgery over the offseason.
You want me to leave ‘em off? I’ll leave ‘em off. I can catch and play short and this team would win. And I’m not in the best shape of my life and haven’t added 15 pounds of muscle, adopted a new diet or gotten Lasik surgery. It’s almost as if spring training hasn’t started for me.
The All-Withrawals are a little thin in the middle infield, I’ll admit. The only backup is Luis Cruz, who’s fighting for a roster spot with the Pittsburgh Pirates. But have you seen the pitching? When Scott Kazmir’s your fifth starter, you’ve got some twirlers.
I’ve also got Grant Balfour, Eddie Guardado and Eric Gagne in the bullpen, unless I want to use some pretty good starters who can’t make the rotation on this club: Yovani Gallardo, Jair Jurrjens and Fausto Carmona.
Aside from Cruz — he has to carry the drinks and sunflower seeds to the bullpen — my bench has Juan Rivera, Melky Cabrera and Adrian Beltre, who I think can maybe play a little shortstop in a pinch. Can Rivera catch, you think?
My guys are overwhelmingly from the Dominican Republic and the United States, though there are also representatives from Venezuela, Mexico, Canada, Australia and the Netherlands. They aren’t a bunch of unpatriotic louses or anything. That’s the owner. They’ve withdrawn for reasons that can be broken down into the following broad categories:
I wanted to play, or I said I did, but either my team forbade it, which they’re allowed to do if I spent enough time on the disabled list last year or had offseason surgery, or they requested rather forcefully that I sit out, or they demanded payment of an outrageous insurance premium if I played: Pujols, Beltre, Wells, Santana, Kazmir, Carmona, Balfour.
I’m injured, or I’m Carlos Zambrano and I was considering Lasik surgery when it was time to make a decision: Zambrano, Longoria, Sizemore, Nathan. Wells and Santana are also injured now, but they withdrew before they got hurt.
I made the decision not to play in the WBC because I’m trying to win a job or work on my game or I’m worried about playing serious games this early in the spring or I wasn’t going to play very much so I thought it’d be better to play in spring games than sit in tournament games or I don’t like my national team’s uniform or something: Lee, Polanco, Cruz, Ramirez, Rivera, Cabrera, Ludwick, Liriano, Gallardo, Jurrjens, Papelbon, Ryan, Guardado, Gagne.
No way I’m good enough to make Kaufman’s amazing WBC All-Withdrawal team, but my reason for not playing is so ludicrous there has to be a category to include me: Byung-Hyun Kim, Joel Pineiro.
Kim couldn’t find his passport. Pineiro, who rocked a 5.15 ERA for the St. Louis Cardinals last year, withdrew because he was insulted that Puerto Rico manager Jose Oquendo — a Cardinals coach — didn’t name him to the starting rotation.
That’s my kinda guy, but have you seen my pitching?
King Kaufman is a senior writer for Salon. You can e-mail him at king at salon dot com. Facebook / Twitter / Tumblr More King Kaufman.
Guillen’s pro-Castro candor
The Miami Marlins' manager is lucky to get a suspension. Not so long ago, he might have received a car bomb.
A contrite Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen gestures at a news conference on Tuesday. (Credit: AP/Lynne Sladky) There’s not much reason to doubt that baseball manager Ozzie Guillen admires Fidel Castro. He said so five years ago in an interview with Men’s Journal. When asked to name the toughest man he knew, Guillen replied, “Fidel Castro. He’s a bull—- dictator and everybody’s against him, and he still survives, has power. Still has a country behind him. Everywhere he goes, they roll out the red carpet. I don’t admire his philosophy; I admire him.’’
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Jefferson Morley is a staff writer for Salon in Washington and author of the forthcoming book, Snow-Storm in August: Washington City, Francis Scott Key, and the Forgotten Race Riot of 1835 (Nan Talese/Doubleday). More Jefferson Morley.
The year of the baseball book
From a treatise on Yankee hating to a "people's history," a number of great books covered the national pastime
A simple and unsettling calculation reveals to me that this year marks the 40th anniversary of my coming to New England and setting up shop as a Red Sox fan. How innocent I was in that distant day: how little I understood the faces etched with pain, the haunted eyes, the lips that writhed in uttering “Yankees.” It did not take long to become afflicted by the same symptoms and, in my time here, certain Yankee-related events have been so traumatic that they are best designated by numerals alone: 1978 and 2003. The ALCS of 2004 (when the Red Sox came from a 0-3 game deficit to vanquish the evil ones) changed the region’s mental landscape — as, of course, did the subsequent World Championship(s). Since then, Yankee hating has become more of a pleasant pastime than a crippling mental and spiritual disorder.
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The team's revamped logo involves a whimsical rainbow swoosh. The effect is anything but intimidating
So far the biggest story to come out of baseball’s early off-season isn’t some splashy free agent signing or the abrupt retirement of St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa, but that of the logo and uniform redesign of the Florida Marlins. The new look was officially announced on Friday, and if you haven’t seen them already, you might not believe your eyes. In fact, when some of the images of the new logo were leaked there was such shock and disbelief by the baseball world, most people assumed it was a farce, calling the look everything from “Hawaiian Shaved Ice” to “Push-up Pop” to “Rainbow Bright.”
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(Credit: AP) Bill Buckner’s error in the 1986 World Series – 25 years ago today, a day of infamy for Red Sox fans — is one of the two most famous plays in World Series history. (Willie Mays’ catch in the 1954 fall classic is the other.)
Like Mays’ over-the-shoulder catch, Buckner’s booboo is entrenched in American folklore. Jimmy Fallon’s Red Sox fanatic in “Fever Pitch,” distraught over breaking up with his girlfriend, watches Buckner’s play over and over on his VCR. During congressional hearings in 2008, U.S. Rep. John Yarmuth, D-Ky., called former Treasury Secretary John Snow, then-SEC chief Christopher Cox and former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan “three Bill Buckners.” On “Curb Your Enthusiasm” this season, Larry David loses a softball game when a ball rolls between his legs; his coach screams, “You Buckner-ed me!”
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Most home-plate umpires are white -- and they seem to be hurting the careers of minority pitchers
Despite recent odes to “post-racial” sensibilities, persistent racial wage and unemployment gaps show that prejudice is alive and well in America. Nonetheless, that truism is often angrily denied or willfully ignored in our society, in part, because prejudice is so much more difficult to recognize on a day-to-day basis. As opposed to the Jim Crow era of white hoods and lynch mobs, 21st century American bigotry is now more often an unseen crime of the subtle and the reflexive — and the crime scene tends to be the shadowy nuances of hiring decisions, performance evaluations and plausible deniability.
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David Sirota is a best-selling author of the new book "Back to Our Future: How the 1980s Explain the World We Live In Now." He hosts the morning show on AM760 in Colorado. E-mail him at ds@davidsirota.com, follow him on Twitter @davidsirota or visit his website at www.davidsirota.com. More David Sirota.
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