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Monday, Apr 13, 2009 10:35 AM UTC2009-04-13T10:35:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Giving the recession the finger

My job prospects were diminishing, the economy was convulsing, but I said "screw it" -- and took a vacation I couldn't afford.

Giving the recession the finger

As I was lying beneath a lustrous sun last week, with a top-shelf daiquiri in my hand, at a luxury resort that I couldn’t afford in good economic times, I thought to myself: So what if we’re on the brink of the next Great Depression? This was a good decision.

Days earlier, I’d been informed by my boss that my consulting job could likely end in June. My wife’s freelance opportunities were drying up as well. We’d downgraded our cat from Fancy Feast to Meow Mix. And if things were about to get really bad, as some economists have been predicting, we only had a short window of time before we’d have to renegotiate the lease on our glamorous, 350-square-foot Brooklyn, N.Y., studio.

There’d be plenty of time for boiling raccoon bones into soup broth, I rationalized, should a full-fledged depression hit, but for now I was going to enjoy my drink and watch the azure waves crest into gold. I was on a beach in the lovely town of Tulum, Mexico. And I was relaxed. This was my “last hurrah” vacation.

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Robert Lanham's writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Maxim, The Huffington Post, Radar, Nylon, Playboy and Time Out New York, among others. He is the author of the satirical anthropological studies "The Hipster Handbook," "Food Court Druids," and "The Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right." Lanham is the founder and editor of the trendsetting publication FREEwilliamsburg.comMore Robert Lanham

Wednesday, Feb 8, 2012 6:00 PM UTC2012-02-08T18:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Curious fliers want to know

What happens when air conditioning fails, engines won't start, planes get too heavy, and more

atp

 (Credit: Salon)

An old-timey, classic Q&A:

I routinely fly from Los Angeles to Beijing on United. It’s an all-daylight flight over Alaska and Russia. How can I find the approximate route the Air China flight takes on the same route? I’m flying that airline later in the month and would like to know what I’ll be seeing below.

Routings aren’t commonly airline-specific. The determining factors tend to be air traffic control constraints and weather (winds, storms, etc.). Routings tend to be somewhat consistent, but it can vary day to day, even for flights between the same two cities.

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Patrick Smith

Patrick Smith is an airline pilot.   More Patrick Smith

Friday, Feb 3, 2012 5:00 PM UTC2012-02-03T17:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Defeated by TSA

Sometimes you just can't win. Plus: OK, not all the airport bookstores are bad

A passenger holds her boarding pass and a transparent bag containing small plastic containers at a security checkpoint at Washington Reagan National Airport

 (Credit: Jason Reed / Reuters)

Thoughts running through my head at the TSA checkpoint …

All of these measures in place today — the liquids and gels rules, the pointy object confiscations, the multiple ID checks, the body-scanners and the pat-downs — would they have stopped the Sept. 11 attacks?

Of course not. The success of the 2001 attacks had nothing to do with box cutters. The hijackers’ critical tool was an intangible one: the element of surprise. That is, taking advantage of our understanding and expectations of a hijacking. What weapons they had in their bags was irrelevant. They could have used anything.

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Patrick Smith

Patrick Smith is an airline pilot.   More Patrick Smith

Tuesday, Jan 31, 2012 7:30 PM UTC2012-01-31T19:30:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Where are the books?

There's nothing like a good read to pass the time when flying. So let's get some proper bookstores at our airports

hudson_news_atp

 (Credit: DannyMcL / CC BY 3.0)

Reading on planes is a natural, am I right? The trick to getting through a long flight is distraction, distraction, distraction, and what better way to distract yourself than with a good book.

Why, then, is it so bloody hard to find a proper bookstore at an airport? Not all of us pre-load our reading material on a Kindle.

I was in Detroit the other day. The terminal at DTW is one of America’s best, and the mile-long concourse is jammed with retail shops. But do you think I could find a book in there? If I wanted a diamond bracelet, a $300 Tumi briefcase or a cup of gourmet coffee, on the other hand, no problem.  But a book?

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Patrick Smith

Patrick Smith is an airline pilot.   More Patrick Smith

Tuesday, Jan 24, 2012 9:25 PM UTC2012-01-24T21:25:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Escape to “hidden airport”

Find unexpected pleasures at a terminal near you. Plus, the best and worst airports

A tree-shaded hideaway at LaGuardia's Marine Air Terminal.

A tree-shaded hideaway at LaGuardia's Marine Air Terminal.  (Credit: Patrick Smith)

Frommer’s, the travel guide people, recently released its list of the world’s best and worst airport terminals.

JFK’s Terminal 3 (scheduled for replacement in 2013) was voted the worst, while the Hajj Terminal in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, was ranked best.

These things are subjective, and we all have our own criteria, but both lists leave me scratching my head.

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Patrick Smith

Patrick Smith is an airline pilot.   More Patrick Smith

Thursday, Dec 22, 2011 1:01 AM UTC2011-12-22T01:01:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Hand over the fork, sir!

TSA confiscations reach new levels of absurdity -- and the Hysteria Hall of Shame goes international

saber fork invert

 (Credit: Salon)

There are those moments when you look for the hidden camera.

A couple of weeks ago  I proposed my idea for the American Hysteria Hall of Shame, a ranking of our more laughable and self-defeating overreactions to perceived security threats over the past decade. Motto: “Malignantibus Parta! Timor vincit omnia!”

Safely assured of a top spot in the Hall, or so I thought, was the time I had a butter knife confiscated by overzealous TSA guards. I mean, what could be more ridiculous than taking a butter knife from a uniformed, on-duty pilot?

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Patrick Smith

Patrick Smith is an airline pilot.   More Patrick Smith

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