Fiction
Must Read: “How to Sell”
Diamonds are a boy's best friend in this crackling novel of scams, sex and druggy escapades in the jewel trade.
"How To Sell" by Clancy Martin Clancy Martin’s crackling debut novel, “How to Sell,” is the story of Bobby Clark, a 16-year-old Canadian who bails on high school to work at a jewelry store in Texas with his older brother, Jim. The Fort Worth Deluxe Diamond Exchange (and the retail jewelry trade in general, at least as depicted in “How to Sell”) turns out to be extravagantly crooked, awash in bogus Rolexes, fake precious metal shares and kited watch orders. No sooner is Bobby off the plane from Calgary than Jim is feeding him bumps of coke out of a vial in the back of a Cadillac limo and inviting the boy to sleep with his head in his mistress’ lap.
So, a tale of corruption — except for the fact that Bobby starts out pretty bent to begin with; the first thing he tells us about himself is that he pawned his mother’s wedding ring because his girlfriend was thinking of leaving him and “I knew I could buy her back.” When Bobby gets kicked out of high school for stealing a case full of class rings he’s flabbergasted because the rings “aren’t even worth anything … You cannot expel me because of some fake rings.” The boy can hardly be called an innocent before Jim persuades him to move south with promises of Texan girls who “are all over Canadian guys. They love the foreign accent.”
Most of “How to Sell” is a bravura catalog of the scams and rackets that make up the luxury jewelry trade as the Clarks practice it, leavened by the occasional dash of fisticuffs or gunplay. (Martin, who ran a jewelry store with his brother before leaving the business to become a philosophy professor and writer, has admitted that the novel is significantly autobiographical.) Some attention is paid to the toll that systemic dishonesty takes on those who marinate in it, but soon enough we’re back to Russian mobsters and topless bars. “How to Sell” is like a James Ellroy novel for people (like Bobby, improbably enough) who read Spinoza’s “Ethics.”
In chiseled but never gratuitously terse prose, Martin dishes the inside dope on how marks — um, make that customers — can be artfully separated from their cash with a minimal outlay on the part of the jewelry dealer. We learn the importance of inflating appraisals for the discerning customer who wants to be “protected from the insurance industry if his wife’s new diamond studs are lost or stolen.” The finer points of pilfering from the cash drawer. How to change the date on a coin and then “age” it by blowing cigar smoke over it in a paper bag. The profit to be skimmed from sweeping up the gold shavings from the repair benches. The wiles jewelers use to cultivate “crows,” regular customers who are given good deals on their first couple of purchases and then rooked ever after. Also, “How to Sell” features lashings of gem-trade lingo: “It was an 18-karat yellow gold Rolex-style bracelet with found diamonds bezel-set on the small, outside links, and baguette-cut diamonds bar-set all the way up the center link.”
These intoxicating nuggets are threaded on the haphazard catastrophe of the brothers’ personal lives, the coke- and meth-fueled escapades, the series of disposable wives and girlfriends, the antics of their charming but schizophrenic father, who claims to be advised by a committee of “astral beings” and ends up sleeping in his car. Although Bobby finally manages to wed that elusive Canadian girlfriend, his marriage is a disaster, and even his spaniel-like devotion to Jim begins to falter when he becomes obsessed with an ex-co-worker turned call girl who may or may not be sleeping with his brother. The call girl explains that she prefers her new profession to the jewelry trade because now “I sleep well at night.”
The great problem Bobby faces as he tries to sort out his feelings for this woman are indeed rooted in his work. Not only is it his job to deceive people, but he sees daily evidence that the worth of something amounts to little more than what someone else can be persuaded to pay for it. “Outside of religion,” his first boss and mentor explains to him, “you simply won’t find a dadblamed thing that will stand up to the scrutiny of intrinsic value. Least of all the truth.” Or, as Jim puts it, “They have the free market down here.”
The stakes would feel higher if Bobby had started out with an inner compass, but his capacity for self-deceit seems well in place before he arrives in Texas. Apart from a few glimmers of conscience, he doesn’t often exhibit much of a soul to be saved. Although a novel suffers when its protagonist has no idea what he wants, Bobby’s dilemma strikes me as common enough. His is the confusion of a young man launched into the dead-heat competition of American enterprise, perhaps even equipped with some aptitude for “success,” but at heart entirely unsure as to what, exactly, the prize is meant to be.
Laura Miller is a senior writer for Salon. She is the author of "The Magician's Book: A Skeptic's Adventures in Narnia" and has a Web site, magiciansbook.com. More Laura Miller.
50 shades of Shutterstock
Slide show: Everyone's favorite light-bondage bestseller illustrated by inexplicable stock photography SLIDE SHOW
This week, for roughly the millionth time, E.L. James’ romance-bondage trilogy “50 Shades” nabs the No. 1, 2 and 3 spots on the New York Times bestseller lists. We don’t get it either. Every page of that book, which famously began as “Twilight” fan fiction, elicits a sigh of confusion and weird secondary embarrassment. The question is: Who would read this? (The answer is: Apparently everyone.) It’s the same baffled, helpless feeling we get when we sort through stock photos on a daily basis. Stock photos – which have been the subject of recent outstanding Internet satire – are used by this site, and many others, to illustrate our flood of content. Many are plain and simple, but a good portion are flat-out mind-blowing. Why did anyone think that photo was a good idea? It only made sense to join these forces. And so, we present to you passages from the most head-scratching bestseller of our time, illustrated with the assistance of inexplicable stock photography.
Megaphone by Natalie Bakopoulos
Miracles happen, even in an Athens crippled by a garbage strike, to a young mother unsure of her ability to love
(Credit: iStockphoto/caracterdesign) It’s the third week of the garbage strike and Athens has begun to smell. Bright-colored trash bags fill the curbs and alleyways, and we have learned to step over the rubbish and avoid the blocks that had become unnavigable. We know which stretches are particularly foul — a stretch along Mavili Square, or the entire top end of Monastiraki. Odos Athinas is a sea of trash, and Omonia is ghastly but we don’t go there anyway. May has gone from unseasonably cool to raging hot, and the garbage seems to be melting. In front of the museum it’s like yet another installation project. When I arrive each morning I want to wretch.
Continue Reading CloseNatalie Bakopoulos's first novel, "The Green Shore," will be published by Simon & Schuster in June 2012. Her work has appeared in Tin House, Ninth Letter, Granta Online, and The O. Henry Prize Stories 2010, and she is a contributing editor for the online journal Fiction Writers Review. More Natalie Bakopoulos.
Almost by Chris Pavone
She never thought of herself as ambitious, until motherhood and career collided in one horrifying hospital ride
(Credit: iStockphoto/caracterdesign) It’s just before dawn when Isabel puts the final page down on the fat stack of paper that sits on the rumpled bedspread, next to an overflowing crystal ashtray and a crumpled soft-pack of cigarettes. She’d tried Wellbutrin and Xanax; she’d used patches and gum. In the end, the only thing that made her quit smoking was being pregnant.
But then, after everything, she couldn’t help but start up again. At first it was just a single cigarette per day, or two. Then it became a few, and within months she was back to full-throttle. Over the past couple of years, she’s tried to quit a few times, but not seriously. She anticipates — she accepts — failure. Because she doesn’t want to quit, not really. She wants instead to try, and fail.
Continue Reading CloseMemorial Day fiction: Are we there yet?
Salon exclusive: At the start of the summer fiction season, new stories from Chris Pavone and Natalie Bakopoulos
(Credit: iStockphoto/caracterdesign) “Are we there yet?”
It’s a dreaded sentence. When it’s spoken by an anxious child from the back seat, it’s enough to make stressed-out parents wish they’d never taken a family vacation in the first place. And even if it’s delivered as a sing-songy punch line, from an impatient partner or spouse on a long road trip, it’s an irritating eye-roller of a joke.
So this Memorial Day weekend — the unofficial start of the summer vacation season, and therefore the summer fiction season — we asked two novelists to reclaim the sentence in a new and adult context. For our latest fiction project, there was only one simple rule: Each story had to include the line “Are we there yet?” in a fresh and surprising way.
Continue Reading CloseDavid Daley is the senior culture editor of Salon. More David Daley.
“Frankenstein” remixed
This masterful new adaptation of Mary Shelley's classic novel may be the best interactive fiction yet
Whatever interactive fiction is (and we’re still figuring that out) it suffers from all the problems of traditional fiction and then some. The vast majority of novels and short stories aren’t much good, but when a branching fiction — along the lines of the old “Choose Your Own Adventure” children’s books — fails to engage, the first impulse is to blame the form rather than the content. Let “Frankenstein,” just released by Inkle Studios and Profile Books, serve as a reproach to that reflex. The app is a creative, subtle and sensitive adaptation of Mary Shelley’s classic novella, and it has singlehandedly renewed this critic’s hopes for interactive fiction.
Laura Miller is a senior writer for Salon. She is the author of "The Magician's Book: A Skeptic's Adventures in Narnia" and has a Web site, magiciansbook.com. More Laura Miller.
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